A/N: OH BOY, here's my angsty fic! Rewritten with realism! Thanks for all the input I got on the earlier version, particular gratitude towards 'Suave Jiraiya'. your PMs really helped me out!
Hopefully this doesn't dissapoint. PREPARE FOR FEELS OVERLOAD.
Perfectly Imperfect Love: Chapter 1 - Heartbreak
This couldn't take any longer.
He wanted this to be over with. He wanted to go home, eat a tub of icecream, and cry himself to sleep like the emotional bitch he was.
But Naruto Uzumaki wouldn't. He had to stick to his guns. Never give up, never back down, don't run away. His nindo was his life.
The words rang in his head, repeating like a mantra. The words shattered his heart, yet the smile she was gracing him with taped the broken pieces together like a child would fix a toy. Broken. That's what he was.
He has a sinking feeling, ever since the war began and ended two years ago, that this would happen. Sakura Haruno would never choose him. Not him, never him. That night...I guess it really was nothing to her.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Their lips connected, and Naruto forced himself to look away. He could already feel the tears welling up in his dull, cerulean orbs. But he wouldn't let them fall.
This was her wedding day. The beginning of her own happiness. And, selfishly, the end of his own.
"Speech, speech, speech!" The crowd called to him. Oh that's right. I'm the fucking best man.
"Staple your sack together, kit. You can do this. Then we can go to the training grounds, miles away from this damn village, and blow each other up. How does that sound?"Kurama said from within his mind. Their mental link was strong, and it was because of their bond as comrades and friends that they could maintain it. Though Naruto still wasn't fond with the brunt cursing and terminology the demon fox had picked up over the years.
Alright, Kurama. But don't think you're going easy on me. I feel like dying right now.
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
Naruto shakily walked up to the microphone, avoiding everyone's gazes. A few knew of his true feelings, and they felt a pang of hopelessness in their hearts, mirrored by Naruto's own.
He was wearing a dark blue tuxedo that complimented his eyes; his hair, now longer, drooped onto his forehead, caressing his eyebrows.
He cleared his throat, and began the speech. His voice cracked a few times as he went over their genin days, he just about burst into tears when he talked about Sakura's feelings towards the Uchiha even then, and after skipping over the war and Sasuke's betrayal, talked about their relationship. The relationship he should have had- No. I was never in the picture.
After finishing with a ramen analogy, and how even in the coldest of bowls you can still find the delicious flavor, he stepped back. No one but the Nara genius, Shikamaru, noticed his clenched fists and the small trails of blood leaking from his palms.
The guests erupted into applause, and he got a few claps on the backs from his fellow groomsmen. He got a smirk from Sasuke, and Sakura smiled warmly at him. He forced, forced a grin onto his face, because damn it, he wasn't going to ruin her day because he was feeling a little heart broken.
Sasuke was wearing a formal pitch black suit and tie, and it had the Uchiha emblem on the back. Sakura was donned in a tight fitting, light pink wedding dress that hugged her body and accented it perfectly.
"More like your heart has been vaporized. Don't you hate people who lie to themselves, kit? I can feel your negative emotions. It's feels EXACTLY like dying."The Kyuubi remarked slyly. Naruto gave him the mental equivalent of a glare, and shut him out for the time being as he sat down near the punch bowls, next to Kakashi and Yamato.
An hour later, and a few cups of sake later, the reception was in full swing. The music was loud, the crowd was happy, and Naruto couldn't feel any more miserable for himself. I'm pathetic. Fucking pathetic.
"Aren't you going to ask her to dance?" His first sensei asked. Yamato gave him a sad look. The blonde frowned. No, I'm not going to ask her to dance, because if I do, I won't want to let go.
Naruto shrugged. "'Dunno where she is." He lamely replied.
"I'm right here, idiot." A feminine voice sounded from behind him, and he felt his heart leap into his chest. He looked behind, and sighed when he saw her. She's beautiful...
"Well? You gonna ask, or what?" Sakura said, smiling and holding her hips. He groaned inwardly, cracked a smile. All of his previous resistance was shattered when he saw her lips quirk upwards in happiness.
"May I have this dance, Sakura-chan?" He asked, and when he saw her eyes light up, he smiled genuinely, but only just.
He stood up, grabbed her hand, and led her to the middle of the room. His mind then caught up with his actions.
She flung her arms around his neck, while he reluctantly placed his hands on her hips. Her wonderful, shapely hip- NO!
He wondered briefly if this would hurt him in the end. Probably.
She rested her head on his shoulder, causing him to stiffen further. Why, of all times, is she choosing to be close to me after she's married? Kami hates me. I have no other explanation.
She sighed in delight. "I'm so happy. Thank you, Naruto. For everything..." She trailed off.
He grimaced. Many people were watching the two dance. He caught the eye of Yamato, who gave him another sad, knowing smile. The Mokuton user understood well.
"Yeah. I'm happy too." He lied. She looked up at him, and sighed after catching his lie. It was going to break her heart to do this, but it had to be done. This is neccessary...for both of us.
"Naruto...I know how you still feel about me." She stated, and his breath hitched in his throat. He froze, and felt a tight ball of dreadful feelings built up within him. Oh no...no no no...
"But...I want to spend some time apart. Us, I mean. We shouldn't...hang out anymore. I don't want to break your heart..." She said sadly, as if they were breaking up.
As they swayed uncomfortably, Naruto's thoughts drifted to his most painful memory of him and Sakura, rivaled only by her confession in the Land of Iron.
Right after the war, when Naruto almost died, Sakura's emotions got control over her actions. She was scared for Naruto's life. She felt so desperate, so alone that she kissed him in the medical tent. All protocol was thrown out of the window, and Naruto was too shocked to do anything.
It led to the two sharing each others bodies. It was a blur; it was desperate sex. It was both of their first times, and it was clumsy, unbearably awkward, yet passionate at the same time.
As he made love to the girl of his dreams, the girl he had loved for so long, any thoughts of doubt or questions were abolished. It was only until they both reached the mountainous peak and climaxed, and when she accidentally called Sasuke's name instead of his, the world fell apart. She used him; pretended he was the Uchiha. Their friendship was broken, and his heart was fractured, as if someone had stuck a million kunai into it.
After that, the awkwardness between the two was intense. He made a silent vow to himself to never speak of the event, in an effort to salvage what remained of their shaky and tattered relationship. They were never quite the same after that; that night was forgotten, yet lingered in their minds every time they met up.
He scoffed uncharacteristically. "Too late for that." He muttered, dropping his hands to his sides. Sakura did the same, and stared at him, wide-eyed.
"Naruto, I'm sorry...I really am. I love Sasuke-kun. We're married. I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I care for you too, you know..."
He laughed bitterly. The jealousy was overpowering the heartbreak, and for once in his selfless, miserable life, he felt like being selfish and making her see. This was a long time in the making. He thought angrily.
"Yeah, right. You've never given a shit about me. I was your tool to get Sasuke. I suppose you cared about me when you begged me to get him back for you? I guess you cared for me, when you used my feelings against me in the Land of Iron to deal with him yourself? Or when you automatically jumped into his arms when I finally brought him back-" He knew the palm that connected with his cheek was coming. He didn't even flinched when she slapped him.
She had tears in her eyes, and her bottom lip was quivering. "Y-you...how can you e-even say that? Of course I care. You're...you're just jealous." She accused.
"I'm not going to lie to myself and say I'm not. You're right. I'm jealous. For some fucking reason, I'm in love with you, and I'm jealous that you've married the guy who doesn't even deserve you." He admitted, glaring into her teary jade eyes. She gasped when he said he was in love with her; hearing the words shocked her.
"N-naruto...stop being an idiot!" She said angrily, yet had a begging tone in her voice.
"So that night, after the war...that meant nothing to you?" He asked quietly, and her eyes widened. Oh no...
"Of course it didn't. You just used me once more. But, I still loved you. Even when you said his name, I still loved you." He stated darkly before she could reply.
"T-that was a one-time thing! We both weren't even thinking! It was a mistake!" She said, tears falling down her cheeks.
"Exactly. A mistake...that's all everything is. Just one big mistake."
He sighed. "And look at me now. I made you cry on your fucking wedding day. Another mistake I've made. Well, I hope you enjoy your life with Sasuke. Name one of the kids after me, ne? Goodbye, Sakura...-san." He said, scowling, before walking away and leaving her there. She sniffed as she watched one of her most important people finally walk out of her life, after years of abuse and anguish. God...I'm so sorry, Naruto...
Every step he took he felt the guilt weighing him down. He felt her gaze on his back. I shouldn't have snapped like that...I just ruined her happiness. Something I swore never to do. God damn it. I can't do anything right.
Thankfully, the conversation was quiet enough and the music was loud enough that not many heard what was said, or knew that she slapped him. He slumped down back in his chair at the 'singles' table. Rock Lee, Kiba Inuzuka, Chouji Akimichi and Sai.
Shikamaru was in a 'relationship' with the Kazekage's sister, Temari. The two were out on the floor, dancing. Or rather, she was dancing, he was merely shuffling his feet around lazily.
Kiba looked at him sadly. He was one of the few who observed the whole thing. "You alright, dude?"
Naruto nodded numbly, staring at his lap. "Girls are heartbreakers." Kiba muttered, leaning back.
The blonde glanced at Kiba, who was watching Hinata dance with Neji. He felt bad for Kiba. He knew the pain he felt from the very beginning. If he could find anyone to relate to, it was the Inuzuka.
Kiba was in love with Hinata, who in turn was in love with Naruto. After the war, Kiba had confessed his love to the Hyuuga Heiress, who had to politely reject him. Soon after, Naruto did the same with her. The timing couldn't have been worse.
Though, Kiba never held it against him; just as Naruto couldn't hate Sasuke. Sakura was happy now.
He looked at Kiba, and then to the other men around the table, who were chatting. Noticing his gaze, they looked at him.
The blonde's eyes flickered to the open bar.
"Want to get drunk?"
This was a mistake.
"DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!" The crowd roared as he and Kiba were in a drinking contest. Naruto took five shots, and beating Kiba, shotgunned a beer.
He belched loudly, half drunk, and the guests erupted into laughter. He giggled, and high fived Kiba.
"You shuck Kiba..!" He slurred, his eyes unfocused. The Kyuubi deep inside the blonde sighed. The damn brat got drunk. Fantastic. I hope he knows that I can't heal intoxication without him going into Bijuu mode...which will cause him to blow up half of this god forsaken village.
Kiba fell over and passed out. Shino, who was observing, sighed and picked him up to bring him home.
Naruto stumbled away, before he set eyes on a certain table on the other side of the room; Tsunade, Sakura, Sasuke and Iruka were there, all chatting amongst themselves, until the old academy teacher spotted the blonde.
He waved enthusiastically at him. "Naruto! Over here! Let's have a chaaa...is he drunk?" Iruka asked, eyes wide.
Sasuke smirked, while Sakura frowned. She felt both angry and guilty; she felt as though she had a part to play in Naruto's current state. She didn't know whether she was mad at him or herself for their earlier chaotic conversation, which she was keeping to herself.
The blonde barely made his way over. He giggled madly. "Heeeey, Iruka-senshei!~" He sang.
"Oh good god, the dobe is drunk..." Sasuke said, palming his face. Tsunade glared at her fellow blonde. That brat thinks he can get drunk, at a wedding, without telling me?
"Y'know, Kiba really sucks at drinking. I'm not even drunk ye-WHOA!" He yelled. Lee, now completely hammered, had fallen back out of his chair from a single sip of sake, causing Naruto to trip over the intoxicated Green Beast of Konoha.
The Kyuubi vessel fell face-first into Tsunade's still wide-open cleavage. Everyone at the table gawked at the two blondes.
"Sho shoft..." Naruto muttered, not realizing how much trouble he was in. Tsunade gently put her glass down, and cracked her knuckles.
"Oh boy..." Iruka said quietly. Sasuke shielded his eyes.
Sakura felt her eyes well up again. All I can do is cause him pain...look at him...he's drunk, and about to get killed by Tsunade-shishou...
"You damned BRAT!" The Hokage yelled, picking up Naruto by the scruff of his neck and punching him in the face.
He flew across the room, but was caught by Kakashi who observed the whole thing. Naruto was now unconscious, and the copy-nin frowned at him. Naruto...you've handled so much...can you handle this?
After saying his goodbyes, he left, carrying Naruto on his back.
Sakura watched her two teammates leave.
Naruto cracked his eyes open, and immediately regretted the decision. He felt as though his eyes were on fire, and someone was smashing a brick into his skull. He noticed he was donned only in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.
He sat up, groaning in pain. Fucking hangovers...what happened?
He looked around, and noted he was in Kakashi's apartment. What the hell am I doing here?
He looked to the side table and saw two notes, a glass of water, and some aspirin. He took the pills and downed the water, sighing in relief of his quenched thirst, then read the first note.
There's food in the fridge. Tsunade-sama said you have a week off. Try to...not wallow in your own misery, kay? :)
-Kakashi, your wonderful teacher
It was then yesterday came back to him. Sasuke and Sakura-chan's wedding...I got drunk. Fuck!
He sighed and picked up the other note, freezing when he recognized the hand writing. He remembered his and his pink-haired love's conversation yesterday, and bracing himself for the pain, opened the letter.
I'm sorry. For everything.
That night we shared...it did mean something to me. I don't want you to think I just used you...after...what happened during it, I felt guilty. So guilty, it consumed me.
But now I'm married to Sasuke-kun...and we love each other. Our honeymoon is tommorow.
Perhaps when I return...we can talk about everything, and finally get some closure for us.
I don't think we can remain friends, though.
Once again, I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I hope you can forgive me.
Tears fell from his eyes, splattering the page. I don't think we can remain friends...are you joking?
He wasn't ready for Sakura to leave his life. Not yet. He needed her to become Hokage, just as he needed all of his precious people. Even if not as a lover, he still wanted her friendship. I fucked up. Big time.
Naruto clenched his fists, crumpling the note. "God damnit..." He muttered, his resolve and his dreams shattering.
He couldn't help the cry of anguish that escaped his lips as his buried and forgotten emotions washed over him.
She was gone. Out of his grasp forever. She was Sasuke's now. They're probably off fucking in some fancy hotel...
He slammed his face into the pillow and screamed, letting out all of his emotions.
She was never his. Always Sasuke's, forever Sasuke's. Even after all the shit he pulls, she still loves him...and I'm just forgotten like a used toy.
He sat there, crying for what seemed like hours. His mask had fallen; he allowed himself to be selfish for once in his life and just think of him, and only him.
Naruto thought of her and everything he loved about her. It made him feel even worse. Her short, shoulder-length pink hair; her critical, yet gentle viridian eyes. Her body was nothing short of amazing.
Her personality was his favorite feature; determined, passionate and hot-headed, though still maintaining caution.
He tilted his head out of his pillow, gasping for air. His eyes were numb, and he sniffed loudly, muttering curse words under his breath.
Naruto already felt exhausted mentally. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the pain. His sage training helped when he needed to focus on something.
Right now he was focusing on not going insane from the mixture of jealousy, sadness and heartbreak welling up in his gut.
A few short minutes later, he fell into a dream filled sleep; images of Sakura yelling at him, going on dates with her, laughing together, training together and being with eachother clouded his mind.
Kurama frowned, and realized one thing. He needs to get over her.
how was it this time? Hopefully moar angsty. I kind of rushed the end of it...I have an outline of every chapter done (well most of em anyways.), and endings always screw me up.
Next chapter: Forgetting Sakura Haruno (if you get the movie reference, +5 internets for you.)
I'd appreciate any tips/advice! this is my first time writing actual drama and romance (apart from my other miserable escapades in this genre), so hopefully I can improve on that.
review plox. and have a fantastic day!