Author's Notes: This plot was originally the idea of my dad, Paver83, but I helped him to expand on the idea so much that it is our brainchild. Yes, he knows that I wrote it and approved this oneshot before posting. Please keep a few things in mind whilst reading. One, I know very little about the D.C. universe(s), so I apologize in advance for any character mangling. (Personally, I don't think I did too bad.) Second, this was written for a class assignment a few years ago, so any oddities could be due to requirements. On a different note, an amusing quote (I believe from our good friend Anonymous) goes along with this story: "I may not believe in reincarnation, but it is an excellent friend for an author."
Disclaimer: I do not own either Kim Possible or D.C. Comics.
A Public Newsflash
Today, we mourn the tragic endings of those who saved our planet ten days ago. Famed teen hero Kim Possible, and Shego, former hero and recent villainous, have been confirmed dead after saving the world from the deadly Lorwardian invasion. Of the two men who assisted them, unstable genius Drew Lipsky, or Dr. Drakken, will spend the rest of his life in an institution with severe mental handicaps from massive head injuries. The search for Ron Stoppable's body continues without any success. Several world governments have decreed honors for all four heroes, and full pardons for any and all crimes committed. We salute these brave men and women, who gave the rest of their lives for our safety and the protection of our world.
Approximately nine months later on a suspiciously familiar planet, in a galaxy far, far away…
Gotham City Hospital's Maternity Ward
"Come on Babs; come on, just a few more pushes!"
"Dick, shut up!"
After several more tension-filled minutes, a collective sigh of relief passed through the room as little Kimberly Thelma-Ann Grayson lustily cried her aggravation to the world. Barbara gazed at the newborn held lovingly in her arms and smiled at her husband. "Well, Dick, I think we did well. It was completely worth it."
"I'm glad you're happy, love. And I'm ecstatic with the results," answered Dick softly. "She's going to be gorgeous when she grows up. She's already got her mama's hair."
Barbara sighed happily before a thought occurred to her. "When are Bruce and Dinah arriving to meet their new goddaughter?" she asked.
Dick shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure, but I know they'll get here eventually," answered the hero confidently.
Barbara nodded, and the new family simply relaxed and enjoyed the happy moment.
Elsewhere in Gotham, in a Fortified Hideout
"You! You! You wretched piece of scum, you did this to me!"
"Ms. Quinn! If you don't let go, your baby isn't going to have a father!" Dr. Leslie Thompkins batted ineffectually at the enraged villainous, hoping to save the Joker from asphyxiation.
"Fine." A solid 'thunk!' indicated that Harley had indeed dropped her burden. Staggering to his feet, the Joker resolutely held his girlfriend's hand; surprisingly, he continued to whisper encouragement around his bruised voice box.
The doctor took a deep breath, before soothingly continuing, "Okay Harley, you're almost done. I just need you to really push one more time when the next contraction hits."
Panting, the unhappy blonde waited grimly and screamed to wake the dead when it hit. Thankfully, this proved to be the end, and the beaming doctor carefully placed the wailing infant into her mother's arms. "Congratulations, it's a girl."
Harley blinked in shock at the bundle in her arms, before tentatively smiling. "How can something that tiny hurt so much," she asked in awe, "and how can I not care at all?"
The Joker gave a rusty chuckle before offering, "I believe it is a talent of babies." Staring at the two females, he reached out a finger to stroke his daughter's cheek.
Harley squirmed slightly to look at him. "You are going to keep your promise to always be here for us, right?" she inquired anxiously.
"Harley, I solemnly swear to always be here for the both of you," Joker intoned. "I'm serious enough that I am going to never kill again, except in a life or death situation. That alone should keep me out of jail most of the time."
His girlfriend's eyes instantly flooded with tears. "Oh, Pudding, thank you, thank you so much! That was probably the best thing you could have said to me!" she sobbed, and leaned back into his embrace.
As Dr. Thompkins watched from the sidelines, he bent over and pecked his sidekick on the lips. "You did an amazing job Harley," he whispered softly, "and you would not believe how proud and happy I am at this moment. I love you both," the super-villain continued, voice cracking, "and I never want to hurt you."
The good doctor smiled from her place on the sidelines putting things away. Although she would never have believed it, responsibility and a family appeared to have a steadying effect on the fearsome Joker. She sighed, her mind drifting. I've been gone almost twenty-four hours. I don't regret it, but Bruce will probably be panicking by now, she mused sympathetically.
A voice interrupted her internal monologue. "I know Pam is gonna be her godmother, but have you figured out who you want the godfather to be?" queried Harley curiously.
At the question, a purely evil grin lit the Joker's face. "Not only have I decided who her godfather will be, my dear, but I have finished a way to inform him of the fact!" cackled the delighted lunatic.
Watching the new mother ineffectually interrogate the cheery madman, Dr. Thompkins felt a tension headache flare. With a reaction like that, he's either going to be a fantastic choice or a positively lousy one, she thought cynically.
Batman scowled as he perused the information. When informed of Dr. Thompkins' abduction, the visit to his new goddaughter had been cut short. Over the past hour, information had trickled to him with clues to her whereabouts. Unfortunately, with this pattern, odds of this not being a trap are slim to none, groused the caped crusader. As of that moment, all hints pointed to an abandoned warehouse close to where several villains enjoyed inhabiting, most notably the Joker.
Arriving at the warehouse, Batman skulked in the shadows, hoping to avoid direct confrontation until he found the doctor. "Ah, Batsy, how good of you to come!" sang out the obnoxious voice of the mad clown.
Batman spun to find his foe standing in the center of the room. "Where is Dr. Thompkins?" growled the bat.
Joker clucked his tongue and scolded, "Now Batsy, do you honestly think that anyone in Gotham would be suicidal enough to allow any harm come to our beloved doctor? I have no idea where she is at the moment, but perhaps she is at home in bed," he offered faux-thoughtfully.
Barely suppressing a snarl of rage, Batman lunged for his infuriating foe. To his dismay, he saw the Joker push a big red button. A massive load hit his head and shoulders, and his world blacked.
Fortunately, his world only darkened from being buried alive in something. Clawing his way to the surface of the pile, he breathed deeply as he attempted to identify what had enveloped him. Confusion set in as he opened one of the several hundred cards that the now-vanished Joker had dumped on top of him.
Congratulations! You are now the proud godfather of
Delilah Shay Quin
born today at eight pounds, twelve ounces.
Thanks ever so much for saying yes, Bats. We know you'll do great!
P.S. – Her godmother is Poison Ivy.
With a look of askance, Batman raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Apparently, this is a sign that I need a vacation," he groused aloud, for once uncaring if anyone spotted his break in character. Tucking the card into a pocket, the dark knight departed to continue his search for Dr. Thompkins.
"Master Bruce, I believe we have found our missing doctor," stated the calm voice of Alfred.
Ensconced in the Batmobile, Batman leaped at his butler's words. "Where is she?"
"Try going to her house."
Bruce Wayne peered at the lights through the window in shock. The clown had been right? Jogging up to the door, he knocked politely.
The door swung open, and Leslie Thompkins smiled at him. "Bruce! How nice to see you! Come in!"
Obediently, Gotham City's wealthiest resident stepped inside the house. Following her into the kitchen, he asked his question without preamble. "Where on earth were you today? We've been worried sick!"
Dr. Thompkins calmly wandered over to her counter and chose an item resting there. "I have spent a good part of the last twenty-four hours delivering a baby and teaching the new mother how to care for it," she responded and held the box out to him. "I would ask if you would like a cigar, but if you said yes then I would have to yell at you."
Wheels grinding in his head, Bruce tentatively inquired, "Exactly who were the lucky parents?"
With a raised eyebrow, she confidently answered, "Harley Quinn and the Joker."
Bruce stared at her in horror. "You mean it wasn't a joke? I wondered why he had disappeared so fast, but I thought it was just a convoluted scheme!" he managed to choke out, and handed her the card he was still carrying with him.
Appraisingly, she read the card and then smiled gaily at him. "So Batman is the mystery godfather! I had wondered about that, he wouldn't tell me who." Chuckling, she handed the card back before imparting her wisdom upon him. "Well Bruce, it appears that you have managed to obtain two goddaughters in the space of one day! I'm impressed."
Rapidly flicking through various options, Bruce Wayne, one of the wealthiest persons in the world and the terrifying Batman to boot, dropped his head to the table surface with a sickening 'crack.' While Dr. Thompkins' laughter still rang in his ears, he sent a plea to God. May I be able to get through this with no one dying, being injured, or any of my new goddaughter's family discovering my identity. So help me God! Amen.
Author's Notes: Poor, Bruce! It's okay; he'll do a great job. Just for the record, I do not think that the Joker was out of character. From what I've been told, the event that finally sent him careening over the edge was his wife and child dying.
As I know virtually nothing of D.C., this will probably remain a oneshot. However, if anyone is inspired to write a story along these lines, please credit us and let me know so that I/we can read it.
If anyone is curious, I do have some more background info that Dad and I came up with. 1.) Harley's baby's nick-name will become "Shego," because once she starts moving, the adults all start yelling "There she-goes!" 2.) Her last name is not Quinzel or whatever Joker's is for protection purposes. On her birth certificate, her parent's names are Jack and Hailey Quin. 3.) The kids do not remember their past lives. 4.) While Shego does have her unusual looks, she does not have her green glow. At least, not at first. 5.) Kim and Shego meet at their private school in kindergarten. Neither of them tolerates bullies, and both of them excel at acrobatic sports, specifically gymnastics. 6.) Joker truly does calm down and stop murdering people. 7.) Finally, I put this under the D.C. category because of personal preference and one particular fact: shortly after this oneshot happens, friends and family are baffled when Clark Kent and Lois Lane give birth to a bouncy, brilliant little boy with bright blond hair.