Disclaimer: I don't own anything, expect the idea of the connecting/connection.
AN: Thank-you to those who read the Music Meme I posted a few days ago… This is another CrossxAllen fic. Please review, its likely to make me upload things faster!
With the POV's, they won't actually be written in first person… I have only put POV there so that people don't get confused when it switches. Sorry if this way confuses anyone!
If you see any *, look at the bottom AN for an explanation~
There was a reason Allen Walker was looking for his Master, Marshall Marian Cross. And it wasn't because the Marshall was his teacher either. It was something that he had never told anyone. It was the reason Timcanpy had stayed with him, and not his with owner.
Allen Walker was in love with Marshall Marian Cross.
There was a reason that Marshall Cross was running away from the people looking for him. It wasn't because he was protecting them, or searching for Innocence either. It was something that he had never told anyone. It was the reason Timcanpy wasn't with him, and with someone else.
Marshall Marian Cross was in love with Allen Walker.
Timcanpy sighed as he replied memories of his Old Master interacting with his Young Master. He finally understood. He had spent the last few months trying to work out why his Old Master had sent him to stay with his Young Master, and why Young Master looked so sad when he looked at the Golden Golem.
Young Master and Old Master were in love with each other.
The golem had finally worked it out! But now, he had to work out why they were so far apart from each other. Could it be that they didn't know how the other felt? Could they… Were they actually that stupid? This explained why Young Master why searching for Old Master. But it didn't explain why Old Master didn't want to be found. The golem landed on the soft silver hair of his Young Master before settling down and thinking of a plan that would make everyone happy.
Allen… Allen… Allen! Cross woke from the dream with a shudder, the name still ringing around in his head. It was all he could think of… And all he could dream of too. The Marshall couldn't remember exactly when his feelings for Allen changed, when Allen went from "idiot apprentice" to the person he fell in love with. It was around the time that he stopped chasing women.
Cross knew that if ever spoke of his feelings towards Allen, then the boy… No, the young man would leave him and it would all be over… No! He wouldn't allow that to happen. He would do everything in his power to keep Allen close to him in anyway he could. If that meant running from him, then so be it. He would not lose Allen Walker.
I love you, Allen Walker. Please, stay safe. Stay away. Keep him safe, Timcanpy.
Cross… Where are you? Why do you keep running? Why wont you wait for me?! Why don't you want me?! Allen couldn't help the tears that rolled his down his face as the thoughts went round and round in his head. He felt Timcanpy land on his shoulder, and he reached his hand up to pat the golem. Cross's golem. He knew that the golem was only trying to give him comfort since everyone else was asleep. He didn't remember exactly when his feelings for his Master changed, when Cross went from "Master/Sir" to the person that he couldn't stop thinking about. It was around the time that Cross had stopped chasing women around.
Allen sighed, knowing that he would have to keep his feelings to himself. Because if Master ever found out how he felt, then he would leave, and Allen would be left alone. If that meant pretending to hate the man, so be it. Anything to be close to him.
I love you, Marian Cross. Come back. Be safe. Don't leave me. Wait for me, Master.
Allen's shoulder is warm, and his short silver-white hair is soft against me, but it was the tears silently running down the pale face that hurt him the most. The golem knew that he was thinking about Old Master again, and it was confirmed when all he received was a pat on the head. He sighed again, worrying about what the separation was doing to Young Master. This was the 9th time that he had found Young Master like this while searching for Old Master. It scared the golem to see Young Master like this.
He thought of Old Master for a moment. Would I still be able to connect* with Old Master after all this time apart? Would it work with so much distance between us? It was worth a try. The golden golem looked at Young Master once again before closing his eyes and going stiff and still on the shoulder he was occupying, trying with all his might to connect with Old Master the way he had been taught.
Cross's body became stiff as a board when he felt the familiar tug on his mind. He opened himself up to the connection, knowing that is was Timcanpy from the feel and the memories. He waited a minute before he heard the voice/thoughts of Timcanpy. He smiled when he heard the golem's thoughts.
Old Master! It worked! It really worked!
Yes, Tim, I told you it would… Now, what do you want? You wouldn't have contacted me unless something was really wrong. … Something IS wrong, right?
Yes, Old Master. It concerns Young Master.
Cross stilled even further. Something was wrong with Allen?!
What's wrong with the idiot apprentice?
Young Master isn't the same!He cries all the time! He watched the memory that Tim was thinking of – waking up to find Allen awake and crying, the golem then sitting on his shoulder before trying this. The Marshall felt his heart twist at seeing the one he loved hurting so much that he was crying.
I don't know what you want me to do, Tim, I'm not there.
Then maybe you should be! Young Master needs you!
Cross felt the connection end, and was left feeling empty. The happy feeling of talking to his golem, of hearing news of Allen, was gone, in its place dread over hearing Allen needed him. He couldn't go. He couldn't be there. And it killed him.
I'm sorry, Allen. I'm sorry that I can't be there like you need me to be, I like I want to be.
He wasn't worried when Timcanpy got stiff on his shoulder – it had happened before, and the golem would relax soon enough. It happened all the time when he, Cross and the golem were together, so it wasn't anything new. He smiled when he thought of happier memories, when he was with the one he loved. When he was happier. When he felt safe.
He looked at the golem again, seeing that he was once again back to normal. He seemed to be angry at something, or someone. Quickly, he dried the tears off his face as the golem faced him. He didn't want another one of Tim's bites, they were horrible and they hurt. Allen smiled as the golem nuzzled into the side of his neck.
Why aren't you here with me Master? What did I do wrong, for you to abandon me like this?
The golem's memory of Allen crying, looking so lost and alone played in his mind, affecting his heart. He wanted to be the heartless monster that he once was, chasing anything in a skirt and drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney. Actually, he still was smoking. But he gave up his booze and skirt-chasing when he realized how he felt about Allen. His idiot apprentice.
The name started out as an insult, but then became a term of affection – the only affection other then a ruffle on the head was all he gave the small child as he grew up, and when he became a teen, the only affection he gave the apprentice was the term. The Marshall sighed, not wanting to think about any of these things. Not when his Allen was hurting. Damn, I just thought of the boy as 'mine' again… This is not good! Time to move. Cross looked over the hotel room he was staying in before looking back at the moon. The moon reminded him of Allen, of the huge silver-grey eyes.
They were two days from finding each other! At last! The golem felt like it was Christmas. Young Master and Old Master would be together again. Timcanpy flew around a bit before returning to the soft grey head of hair that he was often found sitting on. This way, he could keep an eye on Allen, and all of the people he was around. He went stiff again, and connected to his Old Master.
Master, please, stay. He needs you.
No, he doesn't. He's better off without me.
You need him, then. If only to help you get out of debt.
There was a silence as Cross deliberately kept his mind blank of thoughts.
MASTER, YOUNG MASTER HAS TRIED TO HURT HIMSELF, IS MENTALLY HURTING HIMSELF!
THEN WHY AREN'T YOU STOPPING THE IDIOT?!
The connection broke. Didn't Old Master see? Young Master needed him, not a small golden golem. But he knew that Old Master would stay where he was, allow Young Master to find him, if only to put a stop to the self-harm.
"Master is near… I can feel him, Tim. He's close. He's in this town."
The golem just nuzzled down into the white-grey hair a little, knowing how Allen was feeling because the golem could feel it as well. Probably better then Allen. Timcanpy was, after all, Cross's golem. "Take me to him, Timcanpy. Take me to our Master."
He watched the golem become straighter, more rigid and start to fly towards where Cross was. He grabbed his bag and followed the golem.
It seemed like days later, when it was really only hours, when Timcanpy finally stopped in front of a decent looking hotel. Timcanpy settled down on top of his head again, probably sleeping off the effort of flying for so long. Allen took a deep breath, stealing himself for the first meeting. He mustn't show his feelings. He mustn't hug the older man. His mask must be in place.
He opened the door and walked up to the front desk, looking around as he did so. He couldn't see Cross. The man behind the desk cleared his throat and Allen turned to him with a small smile on his lips.
"I'm wondering if a Marshall Marian Cross is staying here? I'm looking for him."
A voice behind Allen spoke. It was a voice that he knew well, it was the voice he dreamed about calling his name. A voice that sent shivers down his spine, and made his pants tighten. He turned around, facing the voice.
"You've found him, idiot apprentice."
He had found Marshall Marian Cross.
"I'm wondering if a Marshall Marian Cross is staying here? I'm looking for him." He knew that voice. Allen. Allen had finally managed to find him. Before he could stop himself, he spoke, and watched Allen turn and face him.
"You've found him, idiot apprentice."
Cross was so happy to see his face light up with happiness and warmth, but then, something in his apprentices' eyes died and his faced became a polite mask.
"Master Cross." The words were polite, and the tone was indifference. This wasn't the Allen the Marshall remembered. Had he really been away from the kid that long? He nodded to Allen to grab his bag and walked back up the stairs from which he came and sighed a little. He's made a right mess of things.
He jumped a mile when the little golden golem came from atop of Allen's head and landed on his shoulder. He smiled at the contact, having missed Timcanpy a great deal when he had been separated from Allen. From the corner of his eye, he saw Allen shed a tear, and that alone made him want to grab the boy. But he refrained. Barely.
I did it! I found Cross! Allen knew that the older man was not pleased to see him, and that killed him, but now at least he could be with his master for a little while before going home and reporting that Cross was alright. He watched Cross as he walked before turning his head and shedding a tear. He so badly wanted the love and affection of this man. But it would never happen.
Cross opened a door and Allen walked through it, closing it softly behind him before putting his bag down. For once, he didn't see the telltale bottles of alcohol lying around the room, nor was there any pieces of ladies clothing around. He sighed with relief. Allen made his way to the window, unaware that Cross was watching him, and looked out at the view. The sun was setting, and the pinkish blue sky was amazing. Another tear made it down his cheek before he wiped it away and turned back to Cross.
"Master, if it is not too much trouble, I will be staying here for the night and then I will be returning in the morning. I will sleep on the sofa in the other room." He bowed to the older man, a sign of respect, before picking up his bag and walking to the adjoining room and slid the door shut behind him.
Young Master and Old Master were in the same room again! They were in the same hotel! Though, Young Master was sleeping in the longue, and Old Master was sleeping on the bed. Well, not sleeping… Just lying there, sighing and studying the ceiling. And the fact that Young Master was leaving tomorrow… The golem sighed again.
At least it was better then nothing.
Cross looked at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the kid had meant when he had stated that he would be going home tomorrow. Why bother to come all this way, stay for one night, and then leave? Cross didn't understand.
Suddenly, there was a scream coming from the longue. Allen… Cross jumped out of bed and yanked the door open and saw Allen twisted in the sheets, tears streaming down his face, his hair plastered over his forehead. It's a nightmare. And then the boy started to talk, and his heart froze.
"Master, I'm sorry! Don't leave me! I know that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough, but please, Master, I'll try harder, just don't leave me alone! Wait for me, I need you, I love you! Please, don't leave me!"
Allen was having a nightmare… about me… leaving him? Cross's heart stopped for a moment, before starting to beat again. The kid loves me? Oh, god, what have I done? Cross looked at the boy, still twisted and crying before picking him up gently, sighing when the small frame tried to get closer to him, and walked him over to the bed before placing him down lightly. Cross stared at the soft pink lips for a moment, two, three, before he finally bent a little and placed a gentle kiss on them.
"I'm not going anywhere without you, idiot apprentice. I love you too." Cross looked down at the now-peacefully sleeping male before climbing gently into the other side of the bed and pulling his apprentice close, falling into a dreamless sleep, holding the one he loved close.
-Master, I'm sorry! Don't leave me! I know that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough, but please, Master, I'll try harder, just don't leave me alone! Wait for me, I need you, I love you! Please, don't leave me!-
The body on the couch thrashed as Allen relived the nightmares of Cross leaving him once again. He was unaware that he had drawn Cross's attention, or the fact that he was speaking out loud. He felt the warmth of another body as Cross picked him up and he tried to get closer to the warmth as the body started moving. He was gently placed down on something soft, before he felt a pair of lips of his own. He woke slightly, enough to hear what his beloved Master said to him.
"I'm not going anywhere without you, idiot apprentice. I love you too." Allen felt his heart mend, and felt the happiness and relief that came with his words. He wont leave me.
The bed dipped under the weight of his Master, and then the wonderful warmth was there again, surrounding him, and finally, Allen slipped into a dreamless sleep, being held close to the one he loved.
AN: *The connection: I wanted a way to draw Cross and Allen together, and thought of using Timcanpy. From there, came the idea that because Cross created Timcanpy, they would be able to connect in someway… And that's how I got the connection. They sort of just, link minds, if you will. Anyway, I hope it made some sense.
Also, please review – I wont know how to make my writing better without feedback! Cheers, May~