A/N: Alrighty, this is an AU after season five. Sam hasn't come back, Dean is a bit destructive. Lex is all I own. The title is taken from Lana Del Rey's version of Blue Velvet. You should listen to it.
His name is Dean Winchester. He saved my life. He took me with him when I had nowhere to go. It's his fault I'm alone. I think I hate him.
Driving. We're always driving. I think we've been on this particular highway about three times. Three times in four months. That how long I've been with him. I'm still deciding whether I hate him or not. I think he thinks I'm asleep. It's dark in the Impala, the car he ever so lovingly dubbed Baby. He's nicer to the car than me. But he saved my life, and I think he needs someone around. He drinks a lot, but I think it was worse before I adopted Baby's back seat as my bed on these late night drives. There isn't a moon outside. It just adds to the darkness. Takes away from the light? One time I asked him if there are more monsters during the full moon or new moon. He didn't answer.
"Lex?" His voice is quiet, barely louder than the soft music coming from the radio. It's usually louder, but he turns it down when he thinks I'm asleep. The first time he kept it loud, I had a nightmare and woke screaming. We almost ran off a bridge. It was the first time he took me on a hunt with him. I usually stay at whatever motel he finds now. I'd just get in the way otherwise.
I ignore him.
"Lex, we're going to a motel. Next town I find." I don't know why he tells me, but I welcome the idea of a bed, as lumpy and funny smelling as it might be. As much as I've grown to love Baby, she hurts my back. I think she hurts Dean too. He would never admit it though. She's the most beautiful thing in the world to him. He likes the car better than me. Sometimes I wish he would leave me. But he never does.
Dean started singing softly. He only does that when he thinks I'm asleep. I like it when he sings. It reminds me that he's human. The song is "Dust in the Wind." Something new. I don't complain. I just curl up into a ball. Hug one of the few things I have from life before Dean. A teddy bear. Teddy bears are supposed to protect little kids the monsters in the night. I guess I'm too old to be protected. Still, it feels nice to have the bear. I start to drift away, the rare lights of a car passing us and Dean's soft voice lulling me to sleep.
Sometimes I wish we could just drive forever.
"You'll always be mine, Lexi, baby. You'll always have me with you, you can't get rid of me! You're mine! Mine! MineMineMineMineMineMine!" Grabbing, not letting go. Let go, let go, don't touch me!
I scream for Dean.
"Lex, hey, wake up, kid!"
She won't let go. I punch, I scream for Dean.
"Lex! Wake up!"
My eyes open, eyes burning with tears. My throat is raw from screaming. My heart is pounding and I can barely breathe. I don't know where I am. Not in the car anymore. Where am I? My eyes adjust to the faint light coming from a lamp on a nightstand and I see Dean's emerald eyes. He's holding my wrists. He has a red smudge on his forehead. My hand hurts. Did I punch him? He doesn't look mad though. Just tired.
I start crying.
"Shh," he says softly, pulling me into his arms. I let him. He rocks me, says soothing things. I don't hear any of it. I don't think he knows though. I keep crying, my face buried in his chest. His shirt gets wet, but he doesn't pull away. He always sleeps in his clothes. I do too, but I wear basketball shorts and PJ pants all the time. He wears jeans. Blue jeans. That must be uncomfortable, but he never complains.
"It's okay, Lex, it was just a bad dream," he says softly. He knows better than to call me Lexi. I shake my head in his chest.
"She won't leave me alone," I whimper. "Why won't she leave me alone?"
He doesn't answer. I'm afraid of the answer anyway. "It's okay, it'll be okay," he whispers. I don't believe him. I don't think he believes himself. He hums softly, rocking and rocking. I fell asleep in his arms.
I open my eyes to sunlight. I open my eyes to a white ceiling. I open my eyes more tired than when I fell asleep. I didn't have to look around to know that he was gone. He always leaves in the morning. And it'll be like last night didn't happen. Why dwell on the past? He seems to do it all the time. Hypocrite. I sit up, blinking as I glance around. His bed is unmade, like always. He knows it irks me, but he says that it's housekeeping's job anyway. There's a note on the nightstand closest to my bed.
You better be up when I get back. And start looking for a job for me.
I can barely read that chicken scratch he calls his handwriting. I can't help but wonder what kind of feedback I'd get out of it if I send it to a handwriting analysis. It scares me to even think.
I make my bed, then his. He'll make fun of me when he gets back. Or he'll ignore me. I haven't really figured him out yet. Sometimes he acts like I don't even exist, then there are times like last night. Like I'm all he has. I wonder what he'd say if I called him Dr. Pellinore Warthrop. I smile a bit as I go to his bag. He keeps the laptop there. It's old, but when I suggested a new one, he didn't talk to me for two days.
I start with making sure the motel has Wifi. It does. If it didn't then I'd have to find the nearest library. First time I didn't, Dean didn't talk to me for a few hours. The time after that, I forgot to leave a note. When I got back, he was getting ready to go find me. He had his duffel full of weapons and a deadly look in his eyes. He threw holy water on me, then didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.
I get on Pandora first. Use my headphones because Dean doesn't like when I use the computer's speakers. Something about busting them. I don't care. I have good headphones. Once I have some Lana Del Rey serenading me, I go to Reddit. I go to nosleep. Most are crap. Well written, terrifying crap, but not something I need.
The story is called "Doppelganger." The redditor has a weird unpronounceable name. It comes with a newspaper link. The article is about several murders. Bloody. The murderers are arrested, but people keep dying. Dean doesn't like shape shifters, but it'll give him something to do. Hunting makes him happy. I save it and keep looking.
Well, there you have it. Should I keep going, or is it complete crap?