1000 Things NOT to do in Panem

Disclaimer: the Hunger Games are not mine, neither is Peeta :( (kidding, but seriously guys, not mine)

1. Chuck bread at strange, starving girls

2. Set children on fire

3. Volunteer for the Hunger Games

- it is NOT a charitable organization

4. Accept guava juice from an orangutan, especially if it is a killer Mutt

5. Eat those mysterious berries you found over there

-especially if you're a girl with a vague resemblance to a fox

6. Name your child after bread…

7. or potatoes….

8. and definitely not Flavius

9. Attempt to give Buttercup a bath

10. Steal Effie's wig collection

11. Repeatedly poke Cato with a stick

12. Have a billion children after your husband gets blown up in a mine accident

13. Try to 'occupy the Capitol'

14. Design bombs that end up killing your sorta-kinda-not really- girlfriend's little sister

15. Name evil dictator society after 'bread and circuses'

–pumpernickel and clowns are not particularly threatening….

16. Force President Snow into a Santa Claus costume

17. Ask Seneca Crane if he's thought of making the next arena a corn maze based on his beard

18. Replace Katniss's Mockingjay outfit with a chicken costume

19. Throw pine needles at Johanna and say you 'just wanted to remind her of home'

20. Introduce Capitol Citizens to Lady Gaga, no matter how well they'd get along

21. Enroll Haymitch into Alcoholics Anonymous

22. Lobby for Cinna to be a co-host on 'What Not to Wear'

23. Address Katniss and Peeta by their awful ship name (really guys?)

24. Chase Johanna around with a spraybottle full of water

25. DIE!

-you will find this is far easier said than said than done...


A/N: So... that was interesting and random! Written with lots of help from my Worst Enemy and egoats (please check out egoats's fics so she does not kill me) Hopefully that turned out to be entertaining, probably won't really have 1000 of these, but you never know. Harry Potter and the Twist in Time readers, don't worry, I'm working on it!

If you have any ideas for other things to NOT do in Panem, please leave them in reviews and they may be used in chapter 2 (if there is one) you will be credited! Please leave some! Or be force fed Nightlock!