Emily stood in front of the large window at the far end of her apartment. The lights were off and she was staring, just watching the cars pass by in quick blurs of orange, yellow and white. She shook her head and chuckled to herself quietly. Emily had pushed JJ away yet again. She'd let her go again. Emily had tried, but she didn't think she could do it. So she did what she always did. She ran. Emily let JJ go and ran.
However, she'd didn't realise how she'd be feeling now, a few hours after walking away from the only person she could ever see herself with. A few hours prior to that moment, she'd been so high. Emily had been happy, basking in the love JJ held for her and just enjoying the younger woman's company. But that was normal to her, the feeling of being on top of the world. It had been normal to her since she'd met JJ. But now… She felt so very low. Emily wished she was still with JJ.
Emily loved her, but now it was too late to tell her. JJ would never take her back. She'd crushed JJ's heart. All she needed to say was three simple words back to JJ, and that shouldn't have been hard because they were true, because she'd said them before. But Emily had faltered, and that was enough for JJ to doubt their relationship.
Why did I let her go?
Emily looked at the tumbler she had in her hand, absentmindedly swirling the amber liquid. She brought it to her lips and gulped the remaining bourbon in one gulp. She winced at the burn it caused in her throat. Emily then stared at the bottom of her glass, wondering why she'd said what she'd said? Why had she ran?
Emily wondered if she'd ever actually succeed in chasing down a dream and grabbing it. Her most recent one was one of JJ. They were married, happy and had kids, and Emily wanted nothing more but to have a family with the younger woman. At the time, the dream seemed to last years. It was the perfect dream and Emily regretted getting up that morning, but yet in reality, everything seemed to go so much faster. It seemed like Emily was trying to rush into things, which she knew she shouldn't have done.
Emily closed her eyes and sighed. She knew what she'd see when she closed her eyes, the same blonde beauty she saw whenever she closed her eyes. JJ. She hoped the younger woman would know why. Because Emily loved her. It was simple. But still, Emily had faltered and JJ had taken that as a bad sign, thinking Emily wasn't happy with JJ. That certainly wasn't the case.
Emily didn't want to put JJ in a bad light, but a relationship was built on trust, right? So JJ should have known Emily loved her, should have trusted that Emily loved her. Emily had called the younger woman, but the phone hadn't been picked up. So she'd left voicemails and text messages instead. Emily had apologised, explaining she'd panicked, though she didn't know why, and telling JJ how much she loved her, but she hadn't got a response.
But there was a lie there. Emily knew exactly why she had panicked. Although she enjoyed spending time with JJ, she missed being able to close people off and keep things to herself. Because she was with JJ, she felt pressured into telling JJ. If she didn't, that would be Emily deceiving JJ and Emily didn't want to do that. But Emily now knew she was being stupid. She didn't need to tell JJ everything as long as she told JJ she couldn't talk about certain things yet. Emily realised that she should have told JJ how much she loved her everyday.
Emily sat down onto the hardwood floor and crossed her legs. She folded her arms and rested them on her lap before looking up at the sky. Emily couldn't believe how hollow, how empty, her heart felt. She remembered that feeling, she'd felt it many times before… Heartache. But she also remembered how JJ managed to rid Emily of that feeling. JJ always succeeded in doing that and that was just one more thing to add onto the exceptionally long list of reasons why she loved JJ. It took years to admit to JJ her feelings and then just days until they were virtually moving in with each other.
Emily quickly pulled herself together and stood up rapidly. She had to get JJ back.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
JJ frowned, glancing briefly at the clock as she stood up to answer the door. Who'd be knocking on her door at half ten, she wasn't expecting anyway. JJ opened the door and her eyes widened once she realised who it was.
"Emily…" JJ whispered in shock.
Emily stepped into JJ's house and used her foot to kick the door shut behind her before grabbing JJ's hips. She spun JJ around and pushed her roughly against the door before attaching her lips to the blonde's. JJ moaned, despite the fact she wanted an explanation from Emily, and wrapped her arms tightly around the brunette's shoulders as she kissed her back desperately.
Emily moaned and gripped JJ's wrist, pinning them above her head against the door. She then slipped her thigh between the blonde's legs and thrust her hips forward. JJ ripped her mouth away from Emily's and moaned loudly, letting her head drop back against the door as Emily began to suck the skin along her neck.
"Emily," JJ panted, trying to get her hands free unsuccessfully. "Emily, stop!"
Emily finally pulled back, dropping her hands to her side in defeat. "I'm sorry… This was a bad idea I just…"
"No! No… It's not. I've never felt like this about anyone, Emily. I thought I knew what love was but… Then I met you," JJ smiled, her gaze growing distance as she remembered the first time she met Emily. "But why are you here?"
Emily sighed and looked up at JJ, her eyes brimming with tears. "I… I can't live without you. Every time I close my eyes, you're the only one I see, you're in my dreams and I think about you constantly. I can't get you out of my head! And I know I've been a total ass! Trust me, I know," Emily swallowed thickly. "But I need you. I want to be with you… Forever. Jennifer… I can't let you go. I can't," a single tear rolled down Emily's cheek and she wiped it away angrily.
"Emily… Baby…" JJ whispered compassionately, touched that Emily felt so strongly about her. "I love you."
Emily looked up at JJ, a smile growing on her face, a hopeful look in her eyes. "I love you too."
"Make love to me… Please?" JJ asked, begging Emily with her eyes.
"Bedroom?" Emily asked.
JJ slowly shook her head. "No… Here. I can't wait Emily," she answered quickly.
JJ took a fistful of Emily's shirt and pulled the brunette against her, moulding their bodies into one. She kissed Emily deeply, winding her hands into Emily's hair to make sure the profiler wouldn't pull away. Emily pushed herself against JJ, sliding her thigh back between the blonde's legs before she began rolling her hips. Emily's hands slid underneath JJ's shirt to palm her bra clad breasts and JJ pulled back.
"Fuck," JJ grunted, her hands moving to the hem of Emily's shirt as she pulled it off. She then deftly unhooked Emily's bra and moaned as Emily did the same.
Emily palmed JJ's naked breasts, kneading them together as he lips moved to JJ's neck where she sucked fervently. JJ hissed as Emily began to roll the younger woman's nipples between her fingers and marked JJ's flesh. JJ's nails dug into Emily's shoulder blades, but that only made Emily bite harder.
JJ's hands tugged at Emily's hair, scraping along the brunettes scalp as she forced the older woman to look at her.
"Please!" JJ begged, rolling her hips desperately. "Now."
Emily scanned JJ's features before reaching for the elastic waist of the liaison's sleeping shorts. She was quick to push them down the younger woman's legs and JJ stepped out of them, kicking them away from her feet. Emily lifted JJ's thigh and JJ got the idea as she hooked her leg around the back of Emily's thighs, pulling her impossibly closer. Their eyes locked together and everything seemed to stop for a few seconds.
JJ gently cradled Emily's face and placed her lips next to the profiler's ear. "Fuck me."
Emily let out a throaty moan before she slipped two fingers inside of JJ. She cupped one of JJ's breath with her free hand and tongued JJ deeply, swallowing the younger woman's moans and gasps. Emily was forced to pull away once breathing became an issue, but she didn't wait long before her lips latched around JJ's nipple and sucked harshly.
"Oh God!" JJ panted, her hand tangling into Emily's hair, her other hand trying to find purchase on the skin of Emily's back and no doubt leaving marks.
Emily thrust deeper, adding another finger as she tried with urgency to push JJ over the edge. She moved her thumb to JJ's clit and began to rub in tight fast circles. Emily could feel JJ's walls trying to pull her fingers deeper and she began to scissor her fingers, searching for the spot that would throw JJ over the edge. She eventually found it and JJ shivered and let out a whimper.
"Oh, fuck! Emily, again!" JJ pleaded, rolling her hips forward and into Emily.
Emily began to thrust harder, delve deeper as JJ's moans became louder and her please more urgent.
"Shit… Emily!" JJ's eyes opened as her back arched off the wall and into Emily. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as a violent shudder ran through her. Emily held her lover, kissing every piece of exposed skin her lips could reach, waiting for JJ to come back to her.
Eventually, JJ came back around and pulled Emily into a sloppy kiss. "That was…" she trailed off.
"I'm not done yet," Emily eyes bore into JJ's as she pulled her fingers out of the younger woman and into her own mouth. She moaned at the taste and then dropped to her knees in front of JJ.
JJ opened her legs wider in a silent invitation, winding her hands into Emily's hair. She stared down at Emily and Emily ran her hands along the inside of JJ's thighs before closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. She let out a long, drawled out moan as JJ's musky scent filled her nostrils. Emily ran her tongue over her lips as her mouth watered.
Emily used her thumb to open JJ's lower lips as she flattened her tongue out and ran it along the entire length from the blonde's opening to her clit and back again. JJ gasped and she closed her eyes. Her hips involuntary thrust towards Emily and her grip in Emily's hair tightened.
Emily moved her tongue to JJ's entrance where she used the tip of it to tease. JJ whimpered and Emily smiled as she pushed her tongue inside the blonde, enjoying the moans and submissive pleas that tumbled from JJ's lips. Emily let out a growl and replaced her tongue with two fingers.
Emily quickly moved her tongue to JJ's clit. She drew teasing circles around it before lashing the tiny bundle of nerves, her fingers pumping harder into JJ. The rolling of JJ's hips began to become more chaotic and needy and Emily pulled JJ's clit into her mouth. She squeezed and sucked the bud, determined to bring JJ to the most powerful orgasm she'd ever had.
"Shit, shit, oh shit!" JJ chanted, her breathing nothing more than ragged pants as small sparks of pleasure were sent shooting through her veins.
JJ's muscles clenched and trembled and she could feel another orgasm quickly approaching. Her toes curled as the feeling took over her completely and she screamed out Emily's name. Her body exploded with a mixture of screams, trembles and convulsions and Emily wrapped her arms around JJ as she carefully guided the younger woman to the floor.
"Oh my God," JJ panted a few moments later, her breathing still not under control.
Emily chuckled lowly and pulled JJ against her, holding the younger woman tenderly as she placed a gently kiss to her forehead.
"I love you and I promise… I am never, ever going to do anything to hurt you or upset you again," Emily vowed, staring into JJ's eyes once the blonde pulled back.
"Good," JJ smiled, bringing Emily's hand to her lips.
"Now should we go to the bedroom?" Emily asked teasingly.
JJ nodded with a small chuckle. "Now we should go to the bedroom."