[Author's Note: Yeah, so I've been watching The Vampire Diaries a lot lately, and I've recently become obsessed with Misha Collins and I'm totally in love with Alan Alda and then Misha posted on his Twitter a photo of him and Mike Farrell, so I've become obsessed with Mike (again) now too, and then I started thinking in the shower, and….. Well, this was the product. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did in the shower…. That sounded dirty…. Heh.]

DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, nor do I own the show. This was done purely out of my own imagination.

Chapter 1

I've been a vampire for as long as I can remember.

"Give me a bag of O positive, stat!"

I've also been a doctor for as long as I can remember.

Bodies in the operating room moved quickly, ushering bodies in and out, while the surgeons and nurses worked as quick and steady as they could to accommodate all who were wounded.

It still amazes me how much the medical field has grown over the past fifty, hundred years. I have no doubt it will continue to grow.


My name is Lucy Monroe and I save lives at the M*A*S*H 4077th.

Eight hours of nonstop meatball surgery left the entire unit exhausted. Even Lucy, despite being a vampire. Everyone headed to the mess tent for a cup of hot coffee and something to eat.

Lucy had been alive for well over three hundred years, thanks to the never-ending life of being a vampire. She had seen kings and queens grow, nations rise and fall, and wars come and go. This was just another experience for her.

Walking to the mess tent, she noticed Corporal Radar O'Reily with a clipboard. A sudden thought floated through her head and she made her way across the compound towards him.

"Afternoon, Radar."

"Oh, Lieutenant! Hi! I was just about to send this list off. It's everything we need that we're running low on."

Perfect. "Radar, I was wondering if you could add something to that list for me."

Lucy had been starving herself from human blood for weeks now, and wasn't sure how much longer she would last without it. She could only take so much of animal blood for a time being. Her body was not made for animal blood—it was made for human blood. It wasn't good when she got too hungry, either.

"What's that?"

Lucy leaned down, looking Radar in the eyes. Her pupils dilated some while talking to him. "I need you to put an extra hundred bags of blood for me. Can you do that?"

A dazed look washed across Radar's face as she compelled him. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that. But what for?"

"Let's say I'm doing an experiment."

"Oh, alright." He wrote it down on his clipboard and looked back up, smiling. "Anything else, ma'am?"

"When the shipment arrives, you come straight to me, you understand?"

"Yep! No problem."

"Good. Now, if anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

"Yes, ma'am."

Lucy smiled, nodded, and shoved her hands back in her pockets, walking back to the mess tent. She grabbed a piping hot cup of joe and sat down at the usual table that held Captains BJ Hunnicut and Hawkeye Pierce, Father Mulchahy, Majors Margaret Houlihan and Charles Emerson Winchester III, Sargent Maxwell Klinger, Corporal Radar O'Reily, and Colonel Potter. And Lucy was one of them now.

"Look who decided to show up," Hawkeye quipped, nudging the Lieutenant.

She rolled her eyes at him, smiling and taking a sip from her cup.

"I had some business to take care of, Pierce."

"What, so now its Pierce? After what a splendid night we had—"

Lucy turned her head, her blue eyes piercing his. "While you might have dreamt of me coming over, I distinctly do not remember ever being seduced by you, Captain and coming with you to wherever you take nurses these days."

The entire table 'ooo'd' as Hawkeye was burned by Lucy's teasing words.

"Ouch. She told you, Hawk," BJ laughed.

Hawkeye made a face at him and then at Lucy, only grinning when she went back to her coffee. Lucy had loved to play it cool and hard to get with Hawkeye, not giving in to his seducing ways just yet. While she'd come to like him very much and they did have great times together, she was still frightened of being too attached during a war. What would happen after the war? Everyone would go their separate ways, that's what.

"I'll have you soon enough. You'll see."

"Alright, alright. Would you two just stop already and go out or something? Please, Lucy. I can't take anymore of this endless teasing between you two." Potter had whined.

"Here, here," said Charles.

Lucy only smiled lightly and shrugged, having finished her coffee. She stood and placed her hands on Hawkeye's shoulders, gripping them, and leaned in to his ear. "Maybe when you learn some new—better pick up lines, I'll think about it. Until then, you have no chance, Pierce." She made sure to say it loud enough for everyone to hear and strutted off, leaving the table in silence and Hawkeye beet red.

"Don't worry, son. She'll come around soon." Potter patted Hawkeye on the back and left the table as well.

Nighttime came and she'd skipped dinner, not hungry at all for food, but for blood. It had already gotten dark by the time everyone was in the mess tent, which served as a perfect opportunity for Lucy to sneak out and into the wilderness.

Two miles away from the compound, she saw light in the darkness and switched to stealth mode. Her footsteps became light and she moved with the shadows. Close enough to hear without turning on her super-hearing, she heard…. Chinese. So, she had found herself a couple of Chinese. Perfect. No one would miss them. Of course, she'd feel bad after, but it would soon pass.

She pulled up her dictionary of Chinese from what she'd learned over the past hundred years.

"How close are we to that hospital?"

"A mile or so? I dunno."

"How big is it?"

"Dunno, never been there."

"Think we can steal some food?"

"I dunno."

A simple conversation was going on between the two. They were just two normal Chinese, fighting for a cause they thought was right.

Lucy stepped out of the darkness with her arms folded across her chest. She spoke softly, so as to not scare them. "Two miles."

The Chinese jumped and pointed their weapons towards her. She held up her hands, showing she was unarmed.

"Do you two have families?"

They looked at each other questioningly, debating on whether or not to answer. Both shook their head, still alert. It was perfect. Neither of them had families and it seemed they were only friends to each other. Lucy smiled, eyes dilating as she was readying herself to compel them.

"Weapons down. Quiet. Not a peep. You two have lived good lives. Now is the end of the road for both of you. I'm sorry."

She jumped at them, breaking their necks and began to feed on both of them. It was all too easy for the seasoned vampire.

Back at the 4077th, Klinger was on duty that night. Seems she was gone longer than she had planned. She walked back onto the compound and looked down at her shirt, noticing she had a few blood spots. Shit, she thought. Hopefully, Klinger didn't have a mindful eye tonight.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Klinger, you know very well who I am."

"You might be a hallucination."



"I'm tired."

"So am I."

"I want to go to my tent."

"So do I."

"Just let me pass."

"What's the secret password?"

"Klinger, I don't know the damn secret password! You change it every Sunday and Wednesday and you never tell me!" She flailed her arms to make the point get across.

Klinger stood there, shifting from foot to foot—nay, heel to heel. Finally, he nodded and shrugged. "All right, fine. You can go ahead. Next time, just ask!"

She heaved a sigh and nodded. "Thank you, Klinger. I'll make sure I will. Good night."

"Good night, Lieutenant."

Lucy passed Klinger and entered her tent.

She could finally sleep soundly now that she had some more blood inside of her system.

[I plan on continuing this.]