I Just Don't Know: Janice's Rant

by Satin Ragdoll

He keeps on needling me, and for the life of me, I can't understand why!

Is it because I like Kirk, really like Kirk, even though I'm his yeoman? I can't help that, and I've tried to be professional. Maybe he takes it out on me because he'd feel guilty if he took it out on Chapel. I know it...bothers...him, how she feels. Is it because he thinks I'm "easy"? I've had a lot of romances on board. I'm an emotional woman, and I've always followed my heart, even if it leads me into nowhere land. Is it because of the romance novels he caught me reading? That's when it started. But if it is, it's none of his bloody business! Everybody needs a hobby. Is it all of these things? None of them?

It's gotten so that I watch him like a hawk when he's in the same room. I can't trust him not to be Mr. Snarkypants. If he says something catty, which he does often, I give him the Glare of Death. The only thing is, I swear that he likes it! He'll give me that half smiling stare down that looks for all the world like he's sucking on a piece of candy. Is that what I am to him? Emotional candy? That green-blooded ...No. I won't blow up like McCoy would. He'd get too much satisfaction from it. But I still don't understand why!

Nyota has a theory. He's a male and I'm a female responding to him in a way that doesn't require emotional closeness. I'm beginning to believe that's the case, but if it is, it pisses me off! It's so caveman, and it's beneath him! He's Vulcan! On the other hand, I've heard a little about how Vulcans actually treat their women. Extremely possessive. Huh. Imagine that.

Anyway, I've had it! The whole thing is way too much drama. My attraction to the Captain (and his attraction to me) is one thing. I can handle that. But with Spock's attitude on top of it, it's too much! I'm going to go train to be a transporter tech. I've been talking to Scotty, and he seems to think I've got the stuff for it! Being a yeoman has been okay, but I seem to be going nowhere in any case. Time for a fresh start.

But before I go, I am going to get back some of my own. Halloween's coming up, and I think that Chapel, Uhura and myself would be lovely as Vulcan women...