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Chapter 10: The Apology
Three days until the show.
Carlos and I felt bad about skipping out on the kids this week, but we didn't have a choice. On Sunday we had explained to them that we couldn't come this Wednesday because of our concert and they told us to go and have fun. We promised to have fun and tell them all about it on Sunday. We had stayed a while longer than normal on Sunday though. We really loved those kids and I think Logan was starting to get attached as well. He came with us on Sunday. It was nice to see Logan happy about something, but I was still wary. I didn't know what his angle was.
School had been pretty normal today. Dak was back and it seemed he was trying to make up for lost time. Carlos and I did extra work to avoid him as much as we could. It work for most of the day, we only ran into him twice but managed to get away before anything really bad happened. We didn't get hit today, so all in all it was a good day.
After school, Carlos and I headed into the garage with James and Logan following us. Just another day of being forced to hang out with them. James had his headphones in again and was ignoring us as usual, but Logan on the other hand was just silently following us. He had been acting strange all day. Well stranger than before. Logan hadn't even ridden here with James. He had taken his own car. The strangest thing was, he had a black eye, something he hadn't had this morning or at lunch today.
Today Logan had been completely silent even when Dak, James, and Dustin tried to start something during lunch. Logan just hung back and kept his mouth shut. I wasn't sure if Dak noticed, but maybe he had and that was what had happened to Logan's eye. I was curious and I wanted to know.
I got my chance when Logan headed to the bathroom. Carlos was working on a specific part in a song. I told Carlos I was gonna get some water and he just waved me off as he looked over the paper in his hands with our lyrics on them.
I headed into the house which was empty. Dad probably took mom and Katie out to get away from the noise of Carlos and I rehearsing. They loved our music, but hearing it day after day probably got old. I didn't blame them for wanting to get out of the house.
I saw Logan coming down the hallway. He stopped when he saw me. I looked at his eye and I felt bad for him. Not much, but just a little. He was the jerk that had turned his back on me and spent everyday since tearing me down and beating me. I wasn't sure how long we stood there.
"What happened to your eye," I asked.
"Would you believe me if I said I fell," Logan asked.
"You've got to much grace to fall Logan. You took gymnastics," I said. Logan's jaw dropped. He was probably shocked that I remembered that. I never forgot anything about my friend former or present.
"Yeah," Logan said recovering from his shock.
"I looks fresh," I said. "Does it hurt?" I asked. Logan nodded his head. I grabbed his hand and pulling him into the kitchen. I made him sit down at the table. I knew he wasn't going to tell me the truth, but I could help him with the pain a bit. I got an icepack from the freezer. I wrapped it in some paper towels.
"Thanks," Logan said taking it and putting it to the bruise below his eye.
"What happened?" I asked sitting down next to him.
"Dak was mad that I didn't jump in when he was picking on you. He was really mad and yelling, so I told him where he could just stick it. Then he punched me," Logan said looking down at the table. I laughed at that. Logan looked up at me.
"You of all people should know better than to talk back to Dak like that," I said shaking my head. Logan looked at me before laughing as well.
"Yeah, well he was getting on my nerves, he always does," Logan said bitterly.
"Then why are you friends with him?" I asked. Logan looked up at me.
"Honestly?" Logan asked.
"That would be nice," I said looking at him.
"I just wanted the abuse to end," Logan sighed, "that night after Dak's offer, James and I went to his house. We argued and I told James we couldn't do that to you guys. You were our friends, no our brothers, and had been there for us since we were little. In the end James talked me into going with Dak. He told me friends come and go that it was a part of life. We'd move on and so would you guys. Besides I just think he wanted the popularity. He wanted to be part of the in crowd. He told me I had a choice to make, man up and follow Dak or be a kid and go running back to our childhood friends," Logan sighed.
"Logan," I said slowly.
"No I made the wrong choice. I sold out, I'm a fake. And all for what? So I wouldn't get bullied?" Logan asked. I sat there looking at his shocked. "I am so sorry Kendall, I let him get to me and I let him boss me around just so I wouldn't get beat up anymore. I put you and Carlos through so much and I know apologizing can't change the past or take it all back. I really am sorry though, I never realized how bad we hurt you guys. I guess in order to deal with turning my back on you guys I just blocked it all out. I didn't think about it and that made what I did easier," Logan said tears in his eyes.
I was shocked by his confession and his apology. This was unexpected. I had just wanted to know what happened with his eye. I looked at Logan not sure what to think.
"You're right words can't take back the abuse you inflicted and the pain," I said slowly. I didn't know where the words were coming from. I had wanted nothing more than to have my old friend back, but the truth was he wasn't my old friend. He never would be. We could never go back to what we once were. I looked up at Logan, who looked like I had just slapped him across the face.
"Kendall," Logan said. I held up a hand to silence him.
"You really hurt us Logan, Carlos and I fell apart. We got in deep and at one point I didn't seen any other way to end the pain other than…I don't know how we got out of that place," I said shaking my head. Somehow Carlos and I managed to get our life back together, sort of. We were lucky, not many people are able to do that.
"I know that now and I am so sorry," Logan said.
"If you want me to forgive you, you're going to have to do more than that. I'm not dumb Logan and I am not going to fall for whatever angle you're playing. I am not giving you that power over me," I said getting up from the table.
I left the kitchen and headed back to the garage. I heard a car start and leave. Logan had probably left. I wouldn't doubt it after what I said. I wasn't sure if he was being genuine or not and I wasn't going to take any chances.
I got James attention and told him he could leave. I didn't need to tell him twice. He was out the door before I could even blink. I looked up at Carlos who was looking at me confused.
"What was that about?" he asked.
"Logan apologized," I said simply.
"For what?" Carlos asked.
"For everything," I said looking down at my hands.
"What did you say? I heard him peel out of here," Carlos said.
"I told him if he wanted me to forgive him he had to do better than that," I said shaking me head. "I wasn't going to play into his trap. He's gotta be playing an angle and I am not giving him that power over me again," I added.
"What if he was being genuine?" Carlos asked.
"Then he'll have to prove it," I shrugged.
"How?" Carlos asked.
"I don't know, but I'm not playing into his game again. I am not the naïve boy I once was Carlos, I know he can be just as cold hearted as Dak and you should know it too," I said darkly. I turned and left the garage and headed up to my bedroom.
I sighed as I pulled my car up to the outlook over the town. Sherwood looked so small form up here. The sun was going down and the lights were coming on. It would be dark soon and Sherwood would look like the stars, bright and so far away.
I got out of my car and moved to sit on the hood. I sighed as I thought about what Kendall said. He thought I was playing a joke on him, and he had every right to believe that. I knew getting his trust back would be hard, but what he said had stung. He had every right to say those things though. I had hurt him so bad. I had thought getting punched in the eye for not picking on him might've helped, but it didn't.
I sighed as I looked up at the darkening sky. It wouldn't be much longer before the stars came out and made me feel small again. I mean yeah I liked looking at them, but lately all they did was make me feel so small and insignificant.
I had to get Kendall and Carlos to believe me somehow. I wasn't sure what to do. I mean just apologizing wasn't going to work obviously. I had known it was a long shot to begin with, but I had to try. I needed to come up with a new plan.
I sat there just thinking over ways to get Kendall's trust back. There were many things I could do, but I knew none of them would work. I had to do something that really made him see that I was serious about this.
I sat there staring at where Kendall had stormed off. I hadn't expected him to snap at me like that. I had thought things were getting better. I thought we were returning to the people we used to be. I thought for a second I had my fun loving friend back.
I sighed and ran my hand over my face. The garage door opened and Katie walked in. She looked confused.
"What happened? We just walked in and Kendall looked pissed did you guys get into a fight?" she asked me.
"No, not really," I said slowly. I wasn't even sure what had happened. "He told me Logan apologized and that he didn't believe him. I just suggested that Logan might really mean it and he got mad," I explained. I started turning our stuff off.
"Want me to go talk to him?" Katie asked me. I shook my head.
"I will," I said.
"Are you sure?" Katie asked.
"Yeah, you don't need him mad at you when it's Logan he's really mad at," I said. Katie thought about it before nodding her head.
Once I finished in the garage and Katie took off to watch TV I made my way up to Kendall's bedroom. I didn't knock on the door. I just opened the door and saw Kendall sitting at his desk looking out the window.
"What if he was serious?" Kendall asked.
"They he'll do anything to prove to you that he was," I said walking over to the desk and leaning against it next to him.
"What if he takes it back because I was a jerk? What if he doubles his bullying on us," Kendall asked.
"He won't," I said.
"How do you know?" Kendall asked turning to look up at me.
"Because Logan isn't like that," I said simply. Kendall looked up at me. "You said he apologized and that's something the old Logan would do. Now I'm not saying he's going to be just like he used to be, but maybe he found his heart again," I said.
"Maybe," Kendall said.
We settled into his room to talk about our show again. It seemed like no matter what we always ended up talking about our show.
I made my way home. I didn't know where Logan was, but I was sure Kendall had talked to him. I had seen them leave the room almost one after the other and they were both gone for awhile. Maybe Kendall had talked to him and Logan finally cracked and apologized. I could tell he was close to cracking and breaking down.
I'll admit hanging out with Kendall and Carlos these last few weeks has been ok. I mean the first two weeks weren't bad, but then I started to feel like we were the way we used to be and I couldn't let that happen. I started to push them away again. I saw what Dak did to anyone who turned on him. Once Dustin had questioned him and he punched him in the jaw. Just today Logan talked back and he hit him. I didn't want to get hit. I didn't want him to think I was turning my back on him.
Dak controlled our group with fear and intimidation. He was only as strong as whoever was with him. Sure he could pack a punch, but that was if he was provoked first. If he wasn't pissed he couldn't cause as much damage as he did. He used his large stature to look down on people and he used his words to slice then to bits. He knew just what to say to get you feeling worthless. I had been the victim of that tactic when I first started being "friends" with him. He knew what to say to get to me and make me do things that I'd regret.
One of the things he had talked me into doing was hurting Kendall and Carlos. At the time I had thought it was a smart move to go to Dak. I didn't realize the power he had. I thought he'd stop bullying me and Logan, the truth is he didn't. He still calls me and Logan names. He calls everyone names except for Jett. They have been friend since forever. I am sure they met like Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and I had. They met young and became friends.
Anyways at first I had been a bit hesitant to hurt Kendall and Carlos. I mean I knew I hurt them by leaving them, but I thought they'd get over it. Friends come and go it's a part of life. I thought if Logan and I just cut them out completely we'd move on and they would too, but Dak had other ideas. He wanted test our loyalty. I didn't want to go back to being beaten up everyday so I did what he asked and that was the day I lost my soul.
I arrived at my house and made my way inside still thinking about Kendall and Carlos. I knew nothing I did would ever get them to forgive me, so I wasn't bothering with it. It would only be a waste of time.
My cell phone rang scaring me. I jumped and dug it out of my pocket. I looked down at the caller ID and saw Logan's home phone number. That was odd, he never called from his home phone, even if his cell was dead. I answered it.
"Hello James," came Mrs. Mitchell's voice.
"Uh, hi Mrs. Mitchell what's up?" I asked.
"Hello James have you seen Logan, he hasn't been home yet and it's getting late, I thought you boys would've left the Knights by now," she said.
"We did a few hours ago but I went the mall for a bit, I don't know where Logan went," I said honestly.
"Oh, well he won't answer his cell phone and I'm getting worried," She said slowly.
"If I see him I'll let him know he has to get home, his cell phone just probably died," I said. It was a plausible story. He forgot to charge his phone all the time. Mrs. Mitchell seemed to buy the story and said good bye to me.
I turned right around and got back into my car. If Logan wasn't home yet then something was wrong. I may not know him like I used to know him, but I still know him enough to know when something is wrong. I knew where he goes when he's upset, I just hoped he wasn't too upset and did something crazy. He'd been acting really weird this last week and I wouldn't put anything past him right now.
I started driving up to the look out that over looked the town. When Logan needed to think and he didn't want to go home and have his mother question him that was the one place he went. I pulled up and saw Logan sitting on the hood of his car. He looked over at me and then back out to over the town. I got out of my car.
"My mom call you?" Logan asked.
"Learn to answer your phone jackass," I said.
"I don't want to talk to anyone right now," Logan said shrugging. I sent his mother a text that I had found him and he was in a mood that I'd get him to go home soon. I was glad that she knew how to text. It made things a bit easier.
We both stood there not talking. I wasn't sure what Logan was thinking either. The darkness covered his face and he was a little hard t read these last few weeks anyways.
"What's wrong?" I asked finally. I knew he wasn't going to take the first step. I had to.
"Did we do the right thing?" Logan asked without looking at me.
"What do you mean?" I asked confused. I had no idea what he meant. Logan looked over at me with a glare.
"With Kendall and Carlos," he said his glare disappearing.
"Yes," I said quickly. Logan looked shocked by my answer.
"Really? You think so," Logan said slowly.
"Yeah, I mean look at us we're not getting beat up anymore," I said.
"Right cause, I fell into Dak's fist," Logan snorted.
"You know what I mean, I mean you know better than to talk back," I snapped. "We're popular," I added getting back on track.
"Where's that gonna get us when we graduate next year?" he asked looking back over the town.
I opened my mouth but closed it when I had nothing to say. I looked down at the ground as I thought over my next words carefully.
"Nowhere, that's where," Logan said.
"What's your point," I asked annoyed.
"I think we made a mistake," Logan said sliding off his car and standing up. "I think we screw up and I am going to do everything I can to fix it, you can either help me or get the hell out of my way, got it," he said looking at me.
"You do what you think you gotta do," I said putting my hands up in surrender.
"I'd hate to lose your friendship James, but turning my back on my other two friends was a mistake and I think I care more what they think about me then what Dak thinks," Logan said opening his car door.
"Do what you gotta do, but don't expect me to follow you around like a lost puppy," I said. Logan just nodded his head and got into his car and left.
He knew I was perfectly fine with leaving Kendall and Carlos back then. I was the one who had talked him into leaving in the first place. I didn't want to go back to being Dak's punching bag. I saw what he did to Logan today and it would be ten times worse if you turned against him.
Oh yeah another chapter, I think this is turning out nicely. I really liked how this is going and I hope you guys are too. As I have said there are just a few more chapters to this.