Author's Notes: Written for the "Accio" event in l0stinl0ve's Magic Competition on the HPFC forum.
Accio: Causes an object to fly to the caster, even over quite some distance… Write from the perspective of letters being exchanged over a long distance.
I doubt very much that you will ever really receive this letter. Men have come from the Ministry of Magic, and they say that they will bring a letter to whomever we wish, but I have my doubts. It seems too good to be true, that they would allow us contact with the outside world.
But I digress.
I hope that this letter, if it does find you, finds you well. You and your husband continue to evade Azkaban, I see. I am pleased for you – you must never think that I am not. I would not wish this place upon anyone, least of all you, my dear Cissa. You would not be able to bear it, I think, and it would be desperately petty of me to wish a plae like this upon you simply so that I would not be alone.
And yet, I would be untruthful if I said that I did not miss you.
If you have not been in a place like Azkaban – which you, mercifully, have not – then you cannot begin to imagine the sort of Hell that living in it is. I believe that all four of us – myself, Rabastan, Bellatrix and the little Crouch boy – believed when we first came in that we would not have difficulty in surviving it. We expected it to be easy, and even brief. Bellatrix, most of all, was confident in her ability to endure the prison, and of course, we were expecting the Dark Lord to rise again before long. We thought that we would be free quickly, with no adverse effects.
I believe that the stay is hurting your sister the most.
She has been increasingly distressed with every passing day for some time now. Since it has, I believe become clear to her that the Dark Lord would not be coming for her, she has been worse. I have resigned myself to a life here, but she continues to hold out hope, though I think she knows that he is gone. She is deluding herself.
You must miss her, Narcissa. Does it not hurt you to know that she is destroying herself here? She screams for you near as often as she does for the Dark Lord – it would do her worlds of good to see you.
And me, Narcissa, it would do me worlds of good to see you as well. With every day that I spend here, in the presence of the Dementors, it becomes more difficult to remember you. Already, I have difficulty picturing your face sometimes.
Why are you staying so stubbornly away, Cissa? Do you not understand how I need you? And if you will not come to Azkaban for me, come for your sister. An hour, Narcissa, that is all that we would ask of you. Why do you not grant us that?
My love to you, as always,
Your letter did find me, and quickly too. The man from the Ministry was kind to deliver it for you with such speed, though I believe that he may have read its contents. No matter, of course, for you were discreet as ever.
It pained me to read this message from you, Rodolphus – that, you should know, for perhaps my answer will be at least a little softened if you know that I feel regret for it. I have cried over it, and what I am about to say tears me apart more than you can know.
I will not visit you, Rodolphus.
As surely as I do not and cannot know what it is to be in Azkaban, you should be aware that you do not and cannot know the lengths to which Lucius and I have gone and must continue to go to to keep ourselves out. We must make it abundantly clear to anyone who might wonder that we are not and never were involved with the Dark Lord. The very fact that I am receiving a letter from you – and responding – is enough to cause suspicion. To visit you or Bellatrix in prison would be enough for the Ministry to put Lucius and I both through another trial. You must know, Rodolphus, that with our son, it is even more important that he and I are not convicted than it was for you and Bellatrix and Rabastan and Crouch. We could not let our son grow up without parents.
I am sure that this sounds heartless to you, that I will not spare even a single day to visit you or even to visit my own sister. But you have to understand – you must understand, Rodolphus – that there is nothing else I can do. I have no other options.
I have no choice.
And I am sorry.