"What happened," Charlie says.
"She just wasn't strong enough," I tell him. "But she fought like a champ. She just didn't have that, I don't know, special spark, you know? It's like we needed someone more …"
"More YA," Bella/Kristen says.
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it, Rob. Darth Vader and Voldemort just happen to show up? What do they have in common, besides their evil, black hearts? They're both YA villains, dude. We need a couple of YA heroes to stop them."
"Or YA heroines," I say, a sly grin covering my face. "I know just who we need. Katniss Everdeen and Tris Prior, two of the most badass dystopian heroines ever created. They're both fearless, selfless and incredible fighters."
"Let's get 'em then," Charlie says.
An arrow zings over my shoulder, planting itself in the lair's front door. We all turn and see Katniss and Tris marching in through a cloud of blue smoke.
"Let's do this," Tris says, nodding at me.
I pound on the door with my fist. Emmett and Jasper join in, and soon the three of us are kicking it in unison. I can hear the old wood cracking when Vader's red light saber punctures the cracks. The beam slices into my forearm, but not deep enough to reach the bone.
"Move away!" Katniss yells.
She fires an arrow through the hole and I hear a thud, and then a groan.
We kick through the door to find Maleficent skewered through the neck, hanging from the wall. Vader is trying to get her down
Voldemort grins, points his wand at Katniss, and fires. But he didn't count on Tris's bravery. She dives, intercepting the flash. It strikes her shield and bounces off.
Vader joins his partner. They lock shoulders. There's an electricity in the air. A cool wind begins to blow. Lightning crackles. Vader's light saber begins to glow; Voldy's wand sparkles.
Katniss and Tris link hands, then reach out toward me. I'm confused, about to grab their hands when Bella/Kristen pushes past. The three ladies link arms and begin marching toward Voldemort and Vader.
"Put your weapons down, gentlemen, and we'll spare you pain," Tris says. "Choose to fight and you'll die grisly deaths."
Vader grumbles. Voldy laughs. They each lift their weapons in unison.
But the girls are too quick. Katniss fires off two arrows at the same time, while Tris flings a pair of throwing knives. Bella, not one to be left out, calls on her vamp skills and dashes ahead, reaching the villains just as the projectiles penetrate their thick skulls.
She leans down and whispers something in their ears as they lay on the ground side by side, both gasping for air.
"Avada Kedavra," Voldy croaks with his last, dying breath.
Vader mumbles something, and Bella/Kristen leans over to take off his mask. He's so pasty white he makes the crowd I've been hanging out with look like they just got back from a week in Cancun.
"Bella," he says. "I am your father."
She cracks up, starts laughing so hard she's doubled over, holding her belly.
Katniss and Tris come up behind her, laughing too.
"You know what, Charlie?" I say, putting my arm around the old man.
"What's that, Rob?"
"I should have known from the beginning. If you want a problem solved in today's story world, you call in the young, super-hot ladies to kick some ass."
A/N Y'all have made my first fanfic experience a great pleasure, and I thank each and every one of you for it. I expect to write some more CrackFic, as well as some stuff that will actually make sense. I hope the response I got here continues.