|Author's Note| Hi guys, I'm still alive, fortunately. I hope that you stayed and followed this story even if it's been written in a really crappy way (oops sorry for the foul language). Rated T for language. A lot of things will be revealed in this chapter, so you better start reading!

Dedicated to everyone who reviewed, faved, and followed Irrevocable. This will only last for about 10-15 chapters so yeah. Thank you for all the support, and I would really appreciate all the constructive criticism. 8D

Chapter Five


Walking in her most convincing strut, Anna sashayed past the lockers and found Kitsuneme staring sullenly at his stack of Math books. His hair seemed too rough and he looked like he had been mulling over something so important the previous night.

Anna took a nervous gulp of air and tapped Kitsuneme's back in the nicest- and least flirty- way ever. She opened her glossed mouth to speak. "Hey, Kitsu, um, I just wanted to ask you something."

"If it's homework, screw off. If you want me to kiss you, you're too bland. If you want to talk to me, go away for a second because I have no intention of talking to anyone right now," Kitsuneme growled under his breath, still looking at his books.

Clearly not expecting the response, Anna flinched, but continued with her soothing voice. "I- I just wanted to ask why you've been hanging out with Mikan lately."

"She's not a slut, for one," Kitsuneme drawled.

Anna stomped her foot in annoyance. "Why the sudden change? I mean, she's nothing-"

Kitsuneme shut the door of his locker so hard that it bounced right back and slightly hit Anna in the arm. "Look, Umenomiya, I have no time for this. All of the girls here in our school act petty just because of some fame meter."

He turned on his heel and left. Anna gawked and headed the other way, wondering why on Earth Kitsuneme had a picture of Mikan taped to his locker, and why he'd acted like he even cared about the brunette.


That moment when she saw a fleeting glimpse of the familiar raven hair, Mikan felt like she was palpitating.

It all came back rushing to her- the Sakura Tree, her first kiss-

And the real reason Koko left.

It felt like millennia ago when Mikan overheard Koko talking to their homeroom adviser about the fact that 'his father was moving away for a job opening' and that 'his mom wanted them to be a complete family'. Mikan was dense and clueless, but when it came to her best friend, she knew a lot of things: Koko's dad was stationed in Europe, so why would he need to transfer to a school a province away? And the odd fact was, his mom was already divorced from his dad.

When Koko went out of the room, his eyes had been eerily red, and he shot Mikan a disgusting glance without a goodbye. He looked mad, furious, teeming with hate-

Until Natsume called Mikan's name out in the corridor. The raven-haired boy scolded, "Polka, where the hell have you been?" while Koko stood there, trying to look like he was never to forgive Mikan. After a while, Koko bit his lip, ran out of the school, and disappeared from Mikan's life for fourteen months.

It was in those times that when Mikan looked at those endearingly fiery crimson eyes did she feel a sense of regret. God, she was devastatingly in love with Natsume, but with Koko, it was a different story altogether. Whereas she had been Natsume's girlfriend for months, she had been best friends with Koko for years.

Maybe it was a bit selfish of Mikan when she'd thought that ceasing from seeing Natsume's eyes would also decrease her hurt for Koko.

Maybe it was a bit selfish of her when her thought actually came true, on that seemingly ordinary day from three months ago.

Natsume smiled once more, on the sunny field in the academy, and dropped to the ground. Just like that, an ambulance came and left, flowers were offered, prayers were whispered, and tears were let loose. The leukemia that Natsume had intended to hide from Mikan bit away at his body, inch by inch. The routine resumed, until a garden was formed in Natsume's ICU room and wet handkerchiefs were tossed to the laundry.

Those little customary procedures didn't matter in the end, because the monitor had stopped beeping the same time Natsume's heart fell silent.

And Mikan was there, crying and wondering why it had happened- how it freaking hurt to lose two of the most important people in her life. Before the nurses covered Natsume's face with a white sheet, Mikan pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and whispered the one word Koko never told her.


"Mi-chan! Wanna go out for-"

Mikan quickly rubbed the edges of her tear-stained eyelids and produced a forced smile, stomach still churning at the sight of the brown-haired boy. "Oh, sorry, my eyes just got irritated. Pollution or something."

Frowning, Koko took his place on the grass and leaned on the tree with a bad posture. His leather backpack sat primly on the blades of green grass and he fished out a camera. Mikan blinked as a blinding flash of white light overcame her.

Koko scrutinized the picture. "Your lips are still red, and weirdly enough, it hasn't changed. But there is a little pimple growing on your cheek."

The boy was shoved harshly and Mikan flattened her blouse innocently. The both of them laughed and exchanged stories about their childhood, leaving out the part where Koko fell in love with Mikan and Mikan fell in love with Natsume.

Like what Koko had said, it hasn't changed.

For in moments like this, Mikan couldn't be more thankful that for at least a short duration she could pretend that never had anything gone horribly wrong in her life.

For in moments like this, Mikan could only pretend that Natsume Hyuuga was still alive, perched on the branch of a tree while she and Koko sat under it.


Sumire burst through the door to her dormitory room and dived into her marshmallow bed face-first.

Technically, it didn't really feel marshmallow-ish to her right now, because she happened to dive into a hard object stealthily hiding under her pillow. Sumire screamed in pain and swore while looking for the accursed object.

She rubbed her nose and stopped screaming, glancing at a hard-bound photo album. It wasn't that dusty, and if it ever contained memories, it was of memories that Sumire Shouda despised, because Sumire hated getting too damn emotional over an extinct relationship.

Sumire hugged her knees and flipped the first page. He had always been a great photographer, that boy. He captured their moments in amusement parks and sunsets. He captured that simple kiss on the cheek, which eventually led to another thing.

The photo album collapsed to the floor with a heavy 'thud', and Sumire cried, a bit too dainty at first, but completely soppy in the end. Those pictures in the hallways- while the boy captured Mikan's smile, the adjacent picture was Sumire's lone tear.

"We're breaking it off," warm, brown eyes stared into space, as if they had no care in the world at all. The boy raised his eyebrow at the lack of questions and turned on his heel, but Sumire took a hold of his shoulder blade.


The boy smirked and tucked Sumire's stray hair into the back of her ear. He placed lips near her side. "It's all been a game, a pretty long one. And needless to say, I have another girl on my mind."

Sumire didn't want to ask him who the girl was, because in the end she'd just be a bitch, and possibly one of the whores that Kokoro Yome screwed around because he loved playing games with real, live people instead of toys. But Sumire knew that the moment Koko walked away with that damn smirk on his face, her heart had been a broken record that still played a song.

And she realized, damn yes, she still loved Kokoro Yome, no matter how much of a bastard he was.

Because nothing could compare, not even the fucking pain he gave her, to those cozy afternoons, those photographs, those hugs and kisses, those moments which could have been stuck replaying for the rest of their lives.

Sumire Shouda would stop at nothing to get Koko back.


As much as Koko loved to play and destroy someone, he couldn't help but think back to Hotaru's words. Sure, there was enough hate in him in order to completely humiliate Mikan, but slowly he reverted back to his feelings and fell in love all at once, like the explosion of a long-overdue grenade.

Now as he looked at her, he fought the impulse to kiss her and tell her that he was sorry. They continued laughing while on the way to the dormitories, waiting for the streetlights to turn green.

Koko, too lost in his thoughts, failed to hear what Mikan said. Upon concentrating on her eyes, however, he saw that Luna, Anna, and Sumire were staring from a distance. "Uh, can we hurry up?"

"Huh?" Mikan wondered, glancing at her back to see a furious Luna. The latter didn't give a second thought as she grabbed Mikan by the hair and snarled.

"You!" Luna hissed, "first Koko, now Kitsuneme? Why, you're a lucky bitch!"

Koko pushed Luna away. "What the hell are you talking about, Koizumi?"

The girl in stilettos and thick makeup batted her eyelashes and cringed at the sight of Mikan. Luna looked at Anna, and back to Mikan, who was still wearing a naïve frown on her face. "Koko, we saw pictures of her, pinned to Kitsu's locker."

"I don't believe you," Koko laughed, and at the same time wore a disbelieving expression. "You're trying to make chaos over here, so I suggest that you go back to whatever shit you're doing."

This time, Sumire gripped Koko's collar and shoved Mikan away. "Kokoro Yome, stop telling us bullshit in lieu of a pathetic excuse. Your supposed best friend, Kitsuneme, is in love with that brunette you're also in love with."

"I'm not in love with her!"

In that instance, Luna smirked, Sumire's mouth hung open, Koko cursed, Mikan stared, and Kitsu came jogging to them, masking the slight smile on his face. Koko growled and turned on his heel, quite mad at himself for letting his intentions out-

-which left Luna towering over Mikan in her high heels. She frowned in mock pity and sighed, while Kitsuneme let out his own share of cussing and ran after Koko. Realizing that she had claimed her victory, Luna, once again, pushed Mikan to the busy highway-

-and Mikan braced herself for the impact-

-but it never came, and there echoed a sound of collision-

-in a glimpse, Mikan saw that people were crowding beside her, because there lay a green-haired girl on asphalt with her head undeniably bleeding.

That was how the entire student body found themselves swarming in the corridors outside the ICU units, and while Mikan was never hurt, she had been devastated, both by the truth that Koko wasn't in love with her, and that Sumire had a fifty percent chance of being alive.

But why would she have that tingly feeling in the bottom of her chest if she only thought of Koko as her best friend?

As Mikan trudged along the hallways, every resounding footstep haunting her of the same memory in the hospital when Natsume was still alive, she walked past the PET scanning room. Those hushed but angry whispers reminded her of the conversation she had overheard fourteen months ago, back in her old school.

She heard Hotaru's calm voice first. "Don't tell me it happened again."

Mikan took a peek through the door, trying to hide herself. "No, Mikan didn't get hit this time, and she didn't have any amnesia, thank you very much," Koko responded with a hateful undertone, and Mikan scrunched her nose up at the word amnesia.

"Look," Kitsu said, "you don't have to believe what they said-"

"It's not that which makes me so damn furious," Koko cut off, his face crumpling into his hands. "It's just the fact that I'm hurt that makes me angry at myself."

Hotaru rolled her eyes and sat on one of the cushioned seats. "I told you so."

"It's more than that, too," Koko added, a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm scared, because I can't do anything about it. And now that we're in the hospital, I have to tell you that my diagnosis has been crystal clear. I'm afraid of that, too."

Kitsu snapped from his thoughts. "Diagnosis for what?"

Mikan peered even further and noticed that Koko was on the verge of tears, which was something that she had witnessed before. Something that involved a wilting bouquet of flowers.

Koko cleared his throat and found the smallest of his willpower to speak.

"Stage IV leukemia."

The whole world had gone silent, and all Mikan could think was, Not again.

|Author's Note| umm what do you think? I'm not an evil monster, by the way haha.