A/N- I decided that I wanted to redo my story Reunited as it did seem kind of rushed, and was not my best work. The idea has been in my head for a while, and I'm sorry that I didn't get around to it sooner. Originally, I was just going to edit the old version, but I quickly realized that it wouldn't turn out right, so I started from scratch. Hope you like it!
Saving You, Saving Me
It was an absolutely horrid set of circumstances that led me here, to what I assumed was once an apartment building, or perhaps it was a motel. I sat in the old shack's attic none the less, counting the dust motes that fell to the old, unstable floor. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around my knees, crushing them almost painfully to my chest.
It didn't matter anyway, if I was alive, or dead, or whatever it was that we were. All I knew was that I was here, hidden away in my hovel, a fitting place for a vampire. All I knew was that I was alone, that she was not, and never would be with me. I tried, desperately to find it in myself to smile at that, a feat I had not managed in nearly seven months. I should be happy for her. After all, this was what I wanted, for her (I vehemently refused to think her name) to have a normal, happy, human life. But, alas, it was physically impossible to force myself to show joy at the fact that I had gotten what I wanted.
Instead, I sat there, in the dark, rather depressing room, and my morbid face held not even a hint of a smirk. I did not move aside from my eyes; they often wondered around the old room, touching upon the outdated furniture, the bland walls and defiled floors, occasionally stopping on the rats, who had long since ignored my presence, and scurried about me.
At some point, I could see that it had grown dark outside; the bright lights of Rio looked like embers of a dying fire around me. I found myself once again wishing that I could sleep, and let my dreams take me away. Surely if could slip into unconsciousness, I would at least be able to entertain the notion that she still loved me; that she still cared after all I had done to her.
My eyes closed involuntarily, and I began to imagine her once again. Her sweet, but poisonous scent of strawberries and freesia as I buried my nose in her hair. Her pale white, porcelain skin. Her deep, chocolate eyes, that were like a window into her very soul. She was an angel, completely immaculate.
When the pain of her memory was too much to bear, my eyes snapped open. They darted around the room, trying exceedingly hard to find something to distract myself with. I could find nothing.
As the sun rose the next morning, and then set again, I slowly allowed myself to think those terrible thoughts. I imagined what my life, our life would be like, had I not left. Would we be happy, would she be happy? Would she still want forever with me after what had happened on her disastrous birthday party?
I hated this. I hated myself. I loathed everything about myself; I was a monster. I detested everything, because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that the answers to all of those questions would be no. She would hate me, as she rightfully should. I deserved nothing less.
I wondered idly if anything would change if I weren't on earth anymore. Nothing would change; my plan could go on as I wanted it to. What was the point of me sitting here, wasting space? There was no point, except to distance myself from everyone and everything; to force myself to forget about her. But somehow, I knew that regardless of her feelings for me, she wouldn't want something like that. So, I used all of my strength to continue sitting there miserably, for her.
The next day, something else occurred to me. What if she didn't want this? What if she didn't hate me for all that I had done to her? I know that it didn't seem as if she wanted this at all, in fact she seemed to have her heart set on the complete opposite, but I had built me resolve upon the fact that I believed things would change. She wouldn't be hung up on me forever. She was human, she'd find someone else. What if I was wrong? Could it be possible for her to forgive me? I was unworthy, I knew that, but I also knew that she didn't care about that.
With that thought, I was up, shaking the cobwebs from my clothes, scaring the rats away in the process. I would go back, just once, just to see if I had been right. It didn't seem likely though, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face at that.
About three hours later, I had fed, and had acquired some new clothes, as my old ones hardly seemed to count as clothing anymore. In fact, I realized belatedly, I hadn't changed my clothes since the day I left. When I was outside of Forks, I just ran, and I didn't look back. Something else occurred to me then as well. I hadn't even taken the time to say goodbye to my family, or apologize to them, as I knew that, save Rose, none of them wanted this. It seemed like I had a lot of groveling to do when I got home.
After I had purchased some new clothes, I headed straight for the airport. The woman behind the counter looked at me in a funny way as I told her, in perfect Portuguese that I wanted a flight to the United States. That was all I asked for before slapping down my credit card and looking pointedly at her. I gave her no further information, no state, or town. Her brow crinkled as she tucked a tendril of black hair behind her ear, and began typing furiously on her computer.
Her thoughts were riddled with confusion at the situation. I was alone, had no bags, and seemed to have more money than I knew what to do with. After a few moments, she told me that there was a flight departing for Denver in a little over an hour. I silently thanked God for the good fortune I knew I did not deserve.
After I had bought the ticket, I stood around waiting very impatiently for the plane to begin boarding. When the voice over the loud speaker finally announced that they would begin letting passengers on, I rushed over, taking my seat in first class. Sitting there waiting for the people to file onto the plane, and then waiting through the mandatory safety presentations the stewardesses had to give was practically torture.
When at last the plane was in the air, I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to imagine our reunion. I was knocked out of my musings when sometime later, the pilot's voice was heard telling us once in Portuguese and then in English that we would be landing shortly. I hadn't even noticed that the time had passed so quickly. The fifteen hour flight had been reduced to mere moments in my head.
I hurried off the plane as quickly as possible while avoiding human eyes, though I still caught a few looking at me, confused as to why a teenage boy was running through the airport without any bags. I paid them no mind. Thankfully, it was overcast outside. The mass of people in the town made it nearly impossible even try and run, so I took to the rooftops. I ran across the tops of buildings until they weren't any left. By that point it was easy. I only had to stick the less populated places, the small towns and the tiny patches of wilderness that were uninhabited.
Within only a few hours I had made it to Washington. At this point I was running as fast as my legs could possibly carry me. I could feel it now, the pull that I had so desperately tried to avoid. I needed her, more than I needed blood. She was everything to me.
It was midday by the time I reached Forks. For some reason, I don't know why, I found myself standing in front of our house; the house I force my family out of. Things haven't changed much. Before we left we cleaned up the mess that was made the night of her birthday. Now everything was crisp and clean, white sheets covered all the furniture and the dust had settled on top that. I could smell her scent here, almost like she'd just been here. This time, the burn in my throat was not painful, but welcome reminder.
I left the house shortly after that, heading straight towards her house. The house was just as I remembered it, and I could hear Charlie inside grumbling about work, just as it was before. But I could not hear Bella and I wondered where she was. Perhaps she was out with friends, living her life just as I wanted her to. But just moment later something stopped that notion.
Two more hikers disappeared, gosh what's next?
From his mind, I could see that there had been many disappearances in and around Forks. But it didn't seem like he had any idea what was going on.
But Bella seemed really scared; she couldn't have been making that up.
His thoughts moved to what looked like a couple of days ago. Bella had come into the house adamantly insisting that there were large dogs in the woods.
Maybe she was just shook up. She hasn't really been the same since the kid left.
Was he talking about me?
But, I don't know. Jake seems to make her happy. Maybe now she can finally move on.
Once again he was thrown into flashback. It was the middle of the night, and he was asleep, but he was woken up by a sharp scream. 'Not again.' He grumbled to himself, getting out of bed and moving to Bella's room. She was screaming, no, not just screaming, she was screaming about me.
He shuddered, and I mirrored him.
I don't know what else to do. He thought. She could be so happy with Jake, if she wanted to. She won't even let herself try and move on. At least she seems happier now. Where did she say she was going? I watched as he recalled a memory of Bella earlier that morning, she told him she was going on a picnic with Jake up by the sea cliffs. Charlie had jokingly reminded her not to fall in the water, and she stuck her tongue out at him. From his thoughts, I could tell that he wasn't really joking.
Without really thinking about it first, I turned, and headed in the direction of the beach. A few miles up the road, I remembered something. We were not allowed on the beach. My family and I were not allowed in La Push at all. I briefly wondered if it was relevant. We made that treaty with the werewolves; they weren't here anymore. With that in my head, I crossed the line as if it wasn't really there at all.
Bella's scent was also all over La Push. After a moment of deliberation, I followed the strongest one up the road. The scent stopped next to a small, red house that almost resembled a wooden barn. I had a feeling that this was Jake's house. I didn't want to dwell too much on that fact. Bella must really care about him. I left before I could truly comprehend how much that hurt me.
This time, I followed a road toward the beach. I caught a much newer scent, and followed it. With each step, the altitude grew a little more. I knew that according to Charlie, she was going to the sea cliffs, but I wondered how high she, the most klutzy person alive, was willing to go.
Finally, I spotted her truck on the side of the road near a trail head. Once again, I was left confused as to why she would ever want to do something like this. Regardless of her reasoning, I moved into the forest, desperate to find her. I needed to see her for myself now, more than ever. I was hoping that she had been able to move on, but with the way Charlie had been thinking about her, I found it hard to believe.
I moved effortlessly through the trees, following her scent until it was mixed with the smell of sea water. Maybe she should have listened to Charlie. How close did she want to get to the water? Didn't she realize that she would get hurt? Didn't she know what that would do to me? Didn't she remember what she promised me?
A thought came to me then. What if she did? What if she didn't care about that anymore? Could she be doing this just to break the promise she made to me? Maybe she was angry with me.
Those thoughts only pushed my legs to move faster.
After what seemed like forever, I silently broke through the trees. It was like a dream to be able to see her again. I knew that if I could dream, my subconscious thoughts would never stray from her.
She stood there, at the cliff edge, her toes hanging off the end. Beside her, was a pile comprised of her shoes, jacket, and jewelry. The wind was blowing furiously, throwing her hair back, and shoving her scent in my face. For the first time since I had met her, my throat did not burn for it.
After a moment it became apparent that she was speaking.
"Why?" She asked nobody in a quiet, heartbreaking voice. Even though she seemed incredibly sad, my still heart sang at the sound of her melodic voice. "You won't stay with me any other way." Now I was confused. She was alone. Who could she possibly be talking to? She seemed to be staring at something in front of her intently. "You wanted me to be human." She said, "Watch me."
As she said this, she rolled back on her heals.
"Bella!" I bellowed, running towards her. She turned to me at the last second.
"It never lasts this long." She said to herself.
"Bella, please, please, you can't do this."
I watched as her frighteningly dead eyes lit up for a moment. "What do you care?" she asked.
"Please, I love you, Bella. Believe me; I'm begging you." I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I suppose, in essence, it was. She was my world, and I had to protect her.
"That's a lie." She told me. "He never loved me. He told me that himself." This only confused me more, why was she talking about me as if I wasn't standing right in front of her?
"Of course I love you!" I tried to tell her. "I only left to protect you!"
A line formed between her brows. "I must really be losing my mind now. Even my hallucinations are lying to me."
"Bella, it's really me! I'm here, and I love you."
"See," she said. "There it goes again. I told you, he doesn't love me. He never loved me." And then, to my horror, she backed up slowly, dropping into the water backwards, watching me was she fell. From her smiling lips, a simple phrase could be heard. "I love you, Edward."
As she fell, I could not force myself to think clearly. I dove in after her, praying to whatever god bothered to listen the prayers of soulless man, asking him to allow me to save her life.
The water was ice cold, and coming at me like a thousand tiny knives. Their sharpness did not affect me, but I knew she must he been in pain. After seconds of frantic searching, I finally found her. She was motionless in the water; her body still, and no breath tried to force its way from her lips. Never the less, I could hear her heartbeat. Surprisingly, it hadn't faltered yet. Even more surprising than that, was that I could see it there on her face, as clear as day. Her lips curved up into a tiny smile. Quickly, as quickly as I could, I propelled myself over to her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and swam to the surface.
It took minimal effort to get through the thrashing waves and pelting rain. I knew that I couldn't stay in La Push, regardless of the current circumstances, so, I did the only think I could think of. I ran. I ran to the one place I knew she would be safe, out of the way of prying eyes. I ran home.
The door was locked, and I didn't have the time to look for another way in. In my haste, I broke through the window, covering the floor in glass, and freezing cold water. I couldn't bring myself to care about that. I dashed up to my room, and laid her down carefully on my leather couch.
I frantically began chest compressions. When nothing came of that, I leaned in, capturing her lips with mine, and forced air into her lungs. I cannot count how many times I imagined coming back to her, kissing her fervently when she quite unbelievably took me back. This was not at all what I pictured our first kiss in seven months to be like.
After what seemed like an eternity, she began to move, and her breath returned to a more normal pace. After a moment, I could tell that she had regained consciousness, but she refused to open her eyes. I knelt beside her with baited breath, waiting for something to happen. Her hand, which had previously been at her side, moved off the couch and touched my arm. Her hand traveled up my shoulder, pausing briefly at my neck before finally stopping to cup my face.
Her eyes still remained closed.
"I must be dead," she said to herself. A line formed between her brows once again. "No matter, I'm sure Charlie will survive." As she said this, she smiled once again, and her thumb stroked my cheek. "What an amazing way to spend eternity."
"Bella," I called after a moment. I couldn't believe that she had this absurd notion in her head that she was dead; that I would let her die. "Please, open your eyes," I begged.
"No," she said stubbornly. "If I open my eyes, then you'll disappear," Did she really still think that she was hallucinating?
"I promise you that I won't. I'll stay with you forever if you wish it," And it was true. I don't think even she could force me away now. It was the stupidest thing I had ever done; and we had both suffered the price. I would not put her through what had so obviously been an absolutely terrible experience again. She hesitated for a moment, clearly unsure if opening her eyes was the best course of action, then her resolve seemed to waver, and her eyelids fluttered, revealing her chocolate irises to me.
She looked at me for a second, her eyes calculating. After deliberating something in her head, her eyes moved down, and she sighed. "So I'm either dead, or crazy," she thought aloud.
"Bella," I sighed. "You are alive," I assured her. "And as far as I can tell, you're perfectly sane."
"That's just what a figment of my imagination would say," she mumbled.
I could not let this go on. She had to know. She had to know without a shadow of a doubt that I loved her more than anything and everything in this universe. I moved in, and kissed her gently on the lips. It started out slow, and guarded, before I did something that I had never done before; something that quite frankly, I was afraid to do before. I traced her bottom lip with my tongue. She froze at first, shocked by this new development, but it only lasted a moment, before her mouth was open, and I could taste her. I mean, really, truly taste her for the first time.
She moaned in my mouth loudly whilst she sat up, and wrapped her arms around my neck. Without thinking about it much, my arms snaked around her waist. We stayed like that for a while; I was kneeling on the floor, and she was sitting with her feet up on the couch, her body swiveled sideways towards me.
I pulled away a moment later when I could tell that she needed to breathe, and she smiled as she panted for air. "Edward," she sighed, her voice full of love and happiness.
"I told you," I said. "You're not dead, and you're not crazy. I love you."
Her eyes widened. "I love you too."
"I know." She looked down then, refusing to meet my gaze. "Why would you try and kill yourself? Did you forget what you promised me?"
She looked up then, her eyes looked slightly angry. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. And anyways, what right do you have to bring up promises? You promised that you wouldn't leave. You broke that promise. You promised that there would be no reminders. You broke that promise the second you made it. You were everywhere!"
"I'm sorry. You're right. It was wrong of me, to break my promises, to leave. You have no reason to forgive me, and I'll be grateful for the rest of time, that you could find it in your heart to love me after what I've done."
"I never stopped loving you. I don't think it would be possible to force myself to stop loving you."
"I don't know what I've done to deserve you," I told her honestly.
"I think you've got that backwards," she smiled at me.
I moved to sit next to her, and then pulled her onto my lap. "Not a chance." I buried my nose in her hair, reveling in her scent. She smelled heavily of seawater, but that meant little to me right now. "I promise," I stopped myself. I had broken too many promises for them to mean much to her anymore. "No, I swear, I'll never go anywhere without you again."
It was silent for a moment. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
I thought about that. I knew exactly what she thought I was saying. I had been against the idea of changing her for so long, but now, after everything that we had been through, I couldn't imagine myself living that way again. I was much too selfish for that. "I guess I am."
She snuggled into me, though I doubt my cold, hard skin was very inviting. "Thank you, for everything, for agreeing to change me, for saving me."
"Of course." I told her. "I would do anything for you, everything for you." I really would do anything for her, because she didn't see things clearly. I had done nothing but bring her heartache and trouble, but she had given me so much. She had given me everything I could ever ask for, and more. She had saved me.