The Marauders were forced to spend their day in the library because Remus claimed they didn't spend enough time studying, which of course would be true. Peter was doing his best to keep up with Remus, reading over his shoulder, but wasn't doing so well, as he had to tell Remus to turn back every time so he could finish up the last few paragraphs.
In the meantime, Sirius and James were sitting at the table, no book in hand, bored out of their wits. Sirius was leaning back on a chair, it's back legs balanced precariously on their edge. James had his face buried in his arms, about to fall asleep.
At once Sirius stood up and slapped his hands onto the table, waking James up in a most abrupt manner and irritating Remus with the loud noise. Peter let out a squeak.
"What, Padfoot?" asked Remus, raising a lazy brow as if he could almost guess what the other was going to say.
"I'm going to go find a book," said Sirius, and every stared at him.
"You're joking," said James. "You aren't actually going to study, are you?"
"Why, of course not," said Sirius quite seriously. "I'm going to go get a book on baby names."
Now this surprised the three more than Sirius's declaration of picking up a book. What on earth did he need baby names for? This, of course, was what James asked him.
"Baby names?" repeated James, pushing his glasses back up on his nose as he stared at his friend incredulously. "You've got to be out of your mind. What need have you for baby names?"
"Ah, my dear Prongs, you know nothing of the type of women out there these days," scolded Sirius. "You've gotten your head wrapped up in Evans for too long. These days, most women want a man they think take having a child seriously. If I get with a girl and tell her that I've always wanted to name a kid something, she'll fall for me even more."
"That's flawed logic," said Remus, flipping through his book again and not looking up. Peter, unsure whose side to take, remained quiet. James, on the other hand, stared and his eyes glistened with eager interest.
"So you're telling me... if I just pick out a few names for a child, a girl will like me more?" he asked.
"Simply put, yes," said Sirius, giving a confident smirk. "Not so mental now, am I?"
"Quite the opposite! May I join you?" asked James.
"Of course! What else are friends for? I'll make sure you don't pick out a dumb name, too, like... like... Harry. Stupid name, that is."
"Oh..." James had always rather liked that name. He decided not to share that with Sirius, and instead stood up and went with him into the dark reaches of the library.
Once they'd reached the correct shelf, James searched low and Sirius searched high for a decent book on popular names. At last James wrenched out a small, paperback, scrubby book, called "A List of Most Marvellous Names", which seemed would either be very helpful or enjoyable at the very least. Sirius pulled James back to the table at which Remus and Peter sat, the former shifting as he attempted to ignore whatever words were about to come out of the other two's mouths.
"Alright, let us see what these so-called 'Marvellous Names' are, shall we?" said Sirius, sitting with a thump, followed by James. James handed him the book and he instantly started flipping through, practically skipping all the A names.
"Hold on, aren't there any good A names?" asked James, leaning over and trying to get a better look.
"A names are complete rubbish these days," Sirius informed him. "Need I a Knut for every Ashley, Adam, Angelina, and Arthur I come across? I think not."
"How about Q names?" suggested Peter, popping his head from behind Remus's book. "That would catch someone attention, wouldn't it?"
"Hm, good insight, Wormtail," said Sirius and flitted through to the back part of the book. His expression fell and he pursed his lips. "Or perhaps not, unless you fancy names like Qualith and Quenith."
"Qualith and what?" asked James.
"My point exactly. These names are utter bullocks... back to the top of the alphabet. Nice try, though, Wormy." Peter gave half of a smile, though he seemed rather disappointed that his suggestion had been a failure.
James took notice that Sirius had stopped, instead on the B section, but on the Es. His brow furrowed slightly, and his gaze trailed up to Sirius's face in an attempt to gauge his reaction and intention.
"E names?" he asked after a moment.
"Sure, why not?" said Sirius. "I can only think of a good few. Perhaps this book will offer some truly 'Marvellous' ones." James frowned, especially after seeing names such as Edengard and Elphias. He didn't think any girl would like those sort of names, Lily least of all. He gripped desperately to the name Harry, for whatever reason, and hoped that she, too, liked that name. He thought it was a brave, kind, loyal-
Sirius at once burst out in a howl of laughter, making James jump quite literally from his thoughts. Remus slammed his book down, a very irked expression on his face.
"What in Merlin's name is so hysterical, Sirius?" he demanded, and using his real name made James realise he was growing tired of their antics.
"Th-This name!" giggled Sirius gleefully, as though he'd just won a million galleons. "Oh, good God, this is the best!"
"What name?" asked Peter, eyes aglow with anticipation.
"El... El..." Sirius began laughing again, and it seemed as though he could get it out. James frowned and cocked his head to get a better look.
"Elvendork?" asked James, and Sirius's howls grew louder. Madam Pince shot them a very nasty look from the desk and Remus cast a Muffliato Charm around them.
"I don't see what's so bloody funny about 'Elvendork'," said Remus, folding his arms and staring at Sirius as though expecting an explanation. James and Peter were stifling their own laughs, though they supposed it was because of Sirius's actions as opposed to the name.
"No, no, you don't understand," said Sirius, still trying to calm his chuckles. "It's not the name so much as... as..."
"As what?" demanded Remus.
"As it's unisex!"
There was a moment of silence between the four, and then all of them burst out in laughs.
"Unisex?!" repeated James, practically falling out of his seat he had leaned back so far. "What does that mean, pray tell?"
"Boy or girl," answered Remus, also doing his best to not laugh as rowdily as the others.
"Not what I meant," said James. "How in the world could you honestly name a girl Elvendork?!"
"How can you name a human being Elvendork?!" asked Sirius, still roaring with laughter.
"I couldn't even name a bloody pigeon Elvendork!" said James.
After a few more minutes of laughing, the Marauders somehow managed to regain composure and their chuckles died down to exhausted sighs. James felt as though his sides had been walloped by the Whomping Willow, and his the corners of his mouth were sore from so much grinning. Sirius was holding his head as though his dog-like laughs had induced a headache, and Remus had resorted to clearing his throat since it appeared to have been run dry. Peter was just grinning, as big as could be, like if any of them spoke a word it would set him into another round of giggles.
Sirius snapped the book close, wiping his eyes.
"Never again," he said thickly, pushing the book away. "Whoever wrote this book had a bit too much Fire Whiskey, I'm telling you."
"I feel sorry for their kids," said James, and Peter dove his head into his arms to keep his laughing down.
"Let's all agree that we'll never name a child that," said Remus, attempting to find his spot in his textbook once more. Sirius pouted.
"Better idea," he smirked, and very quickly conjured four pieces of straw into his hand. "Whoever pulls the shortest straw has to name their kid Elvendork."
"What?" asked James, but Sirius held no sarcasm in his tone, nor joke in his face. "You can't be serious!"
"Actually, I am. Quite. In both ways, before you ask," he said, and thrust his fist forward. "Go on. Draw."
James rolled his eyes, but figured there was no harm. No one was actually going to name their child Elvendork, and in any case Peter always had the most rotten luck.
James drew first, followed by Remus, and lastly Peter. Sirius revealed the length of his own straw and the four compared. All eyes fell on James.
"Oh, rotten luck, Prongs!" shouted Sirius, beaming. "You're going to have to name one of your kids Elvendork!"
"Ha ha, very funny," said James, folding his arms and tossing the tiny straw away. "I'm not naming any kid that."
"You have to. That was the game, and you lost," said Sirius. "If you don't, you will not get any babyshower gifts from me."
"Oh, Merlin forbid you don't give me gifts."
"Alright, enough of that," said Remus, waving at the two dismissively. "Our N.E.W.T.s are coming up, and we really ought to study."
Years passed, and along the way James had learned that Lily was actually rather fond of the name Harry, much to his pleasure. And so, upon the birth of their first child, he was named Harry James Potter, and he was so loved. Sirius never let James live down the Elvendork bet, however, and said it was the least he could do to give it as a middle name or nickname. And so it was, they decided, that should Lily ever give birth to another child, regardless of its gender, it would be called Elvendork ever so affectionately by the Potters and their closest friends. This, sadly, would never come to pass, nor would Harry ever learn that, had his parents lived, he could very well have a sibling with such a ridiculous name.