Pairing: Bella/Carlisle

Notes/warnings: This is the first story I've ever written, and English is not my native language. Therefore I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes in the grammar. The story deals with heavy subjects such as death and illness, and the ride might get very angsty at times. So if angst is not your cup of tea, turn around now.

The story starts five years after Bella's birthday party in New Moon. She hasn't been in contact with the Cullens since they left her. The story is told by both Bella's and Carlisle's point of views. The M-rating becomes justified every now and then, although the scenes requiring the rating aren't too graphic.

I fell in love with this pairing a few years back, and there was no turning back anymore. The chemistry between these two is something that I just couldn't ignore. Some people see it, some people don't. Especially Carlisle's character is always been a huge topic of fascination for me, and I think Stephenie Meyer didn't explore the true depth of his character nearly enough.

In my story the relationship between Bella and Carlisle evolves very slowly, and hopefully in a way that is natural enough. The first few chapters are short ones, and I admit that my writing can be sometimes stiff. The chapters will get a lot longer down the road, and hopefully better :)

Disclaimer: All the canon characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I don't own them, I'm only playing with her creations.

Every night and every morn,

Some to misery are born,

Every morn and every night,

Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,

Some are born to endless night.

-William Blake-



The corridors of the building were white and unending.

My footsteps clattered against the surface of the sterile floor as I tried to make it through yet another empty day. And after the empty day would become the night, one even emptier than the day had been. Solitude and desolation seemed to be my only companions.

Had it always been this way? Had it always been an endless struggle to fulfill my duties as a doctor, as a person?

No. It had not. Everything had changed - I had changed. Not on the outside, because that was utterly impossible for a cursed creature like myself. By now I was convinced that I was just that - cursed. Why else would I find myself where I was now?

If I hadn't changed on the outside, on inside I was only a shadow of what I had used to be. If my unbeating heart had been stone cold before, it was now frozen. And I knew nothing would ever warm it up again.

My feet took me around another corner. Before my eyes, I saw another white corridor with doors on each side. The doors were all closed. The irony of the situation didn't manage to escape me. This place described my existence all too well. An empty corridor with closed doors, with lost opportunities. I could stop on my way to knock on one of those doors, but there was no one to open it up. No one would bother to answer.

Eventually I'd stop knocking. And I would continue my journey towards the end of the hallway. It would be a journey that lasted forever, and a very lonely journey at that.

The sound of my footsteps was loud in my ears as the bottoms of my shoes collided with the blank surface. Walking silently and without a sound was more natural to me. It was even profitable if you happened to be a deathly predator. But now, I didn't bother to conceal my presence as I drifted inside the sleeping hospital. My feet were too heavy for that; my heart was too heavy.

Every step was heavier than the one before, and with every step I moved farther away from the place I had come from. Farther away from the person I had used to be. The thought brought me both relief and sorrow.

Neither of those feelings was welcome.