Author's note: All right. First of all, don't ask me what this is because I won't be able to answer. I was thinking about all that is going on in the show right now and I found myself really mad at Jane. Like a lot. So I decided to try and write something to get it out of my system…and it worked. Kind of. Maybe? Anyway, this is it. I wasn't going to post it but then I realized that, if it made me feel better, it might have the same effect on some other people who might be mad at our dearest consultant as well.
Disclaimer: The Mentalist and its characters do not belong to me. If they did, Lisbon would have said something like this a long time ago.
to leave out; fail to include or mention
"Lorelei Martins has escaped from prison."
Teresa Lisbon had quietly stepped out of her office and joined her agents in the bullpen. She had felt the need to check herself every few steps to make sure she wasn't about to topple over. She felt herself gasping for air while she shook, becoming lightheaded.
She couldn't say that she was shocked, exactly. He had been asking around about this for a while, after all
She was angry.
Lisbon truly believed that if Patrick Jane walked by her right now, she would kill him with her bare hands. Or her gun. Yes, a shot to the head would suffice.
After a couple of seconds of silence, the boss of the Serious Crimes Unit looked at each member in turn, glaring as she went.
"Did you hear what I said?" Lisbon almost winced as she heard her own voice; it was loud, hoarse. Angry.
Grace paled, biting her lower lip as she assessed her chances of coming out of this alive if she dared to say anything. Soon realizing that her colleagues were not about to volunteer as sacrifice, the junior agent looked her boss in the eye resolutely.
"Lisbon, you don't think that…" she trailed off, hoping that the other woman would understand what she meant. Van Pelt wasn't about to bring it up herself.
"What? Do I think that Patrick Jane has something to do with this?" Cho and Rigsby stared straight ahead while Van Pelt looked to them for help. When no one answered, Lisbon raised her voice once more. "Do any of you have any doubt that he got her out himself?"
"What are we going to do, Boss?" Rigsby asked the question quietly, unable to muster enough strength to ask it more clearly.
They were all in shock. Disbelief plastered all over their faces. Lisbon didn't understand why. She had known it was only about time before he did something they truly could not forgive him for. It didn't make it hurt any less, though.
Lisbon laughed mercilessly. It sounded dangerous.
"What are we going to do? Well, I can assure you that I am not going to do anything."
"Boss?" Grace sounded uncertain, afraid. Lisbon almost apologized. She had never wanted her agents to be afraid of her or her reactions; she had never wanted to become unreachable.
Right now, though, she really couldn't care less. She was barely capable of following the conversation due to the gaping hole where she thought her heart used to be.
He had left them.
"Why should I help him, Grace? Why?" She feared that her voice had become unintelligible, that tears had started to stream down her face.
Cho spoke up for the first time. "Boss? This isn't another scheme, is it? Because, if it is- let us help you."
That did it. Lisbon had known this would come up; she had tried to prepare herself for it. Now here it was, and she couldn't control herself. Cho just had to say that, didn't he? Always blunt. To the point.
No, this was not another Jane plan.
And no- she did not want to face the fact that he had left her to go after Lorelei Martins without even letting her know where he was going or what he planned to do.
Lisbon definitely could not accept it.
Because if she did, she would have to accept that Patrick Jane didn't trust her anymore. Didn't want her help anymore.
That she was expendable.
And, apparently, he had already used her enough.
Jane didn't need her anymore.
"No, Cho! This is not a scheme. This is not a plan. I have no idea where he is. No clue whatsoever. All I know is that he left again. Without saying a word. Without telling me where he was going. So, no- this is not planned." Lisbon had shouted all of this, calling the attention of other people walking by. She didn't care anymore. "I don't know where he is. And, frankly, I couldn't care less." She lowered her voice now, tried desperately to keep her tears from falling. "Go after him if you want. Try to track his phone, try to find his car- I don't care. Just don't tell me anything. I don't want to know."
The three people before her were now looking at Lisbon as if she had grown a second head. Well, her refusal to help Patrick Jane was probably just as weird a sight. Maybe even more unexpected, too.
"Do whatever you want. You have my permission." She shook her head quickly, as if to clear it, and looked them in the eye again. "I'm done."
Teresa Lisbon then turned around, walked calmly back to her office, and locked the door. She closed the blinds quickly, methodically. After she became sheltered from the prying eyes outside, the exhausted woman collapsed on her couch, her head in her hands.
She was tired of being jerked around by Patrick Jane. Exhausted, in fact. She couldn't take it anymore.
He was always using her whenever he felt like it, always keeping information from her when he thought it was necessary.
Lisbon was starting to believe that she wasn't important to him. Not enough, anyway. And as much as her brain told her that he had proved that he did care, many times, her heart told her the opposite.
That she was just a tool.
Tears fell down her cheeks unchecked. She laid down on a pillow, hugged another one to her chest- and flinched when his faint smell reached her nostrils and registered in her brain.
Faint, because he had been too obsessed with Lorelei to spend any time with her lately.
Lisbon took a deep breath and pressed her legs more tightly to the pillow she was currently squeezing with maybe too much force.
She had things to do. She needed to nail Volker; she needed to talk to Robert Kirkland. She needed to apologize to her team.
She needed to not think of Patrick Jane for at least five minutes.
Right now, though, she was in need of some comfort. And, since the only person who generally managed to comfort her was missing (she didn't dare think gone), she had to settle for the closest thing. His smell.
Teresa Lisbon knew that there was a large chance that he would not come back this time. And, if he ever did, Jane would have to work hard to get her trust and affection back.
She deserved that, at least.
Author's note: Like I said- I needed to get it out of my system. If you were feeling like I was, please tell me. I'd like to discuss it with different people, get different points of view. Thanks for reading!