A/N: heyy yall! lol its almost 5 in the morning right now but i was talking to a "friend" of mine and we were both writing at the same time... so basically he encouraged me to post this! lol

Disclaimer notice: i own nothing! just a WHOLE LOT of debt! =] lol

(11/15/12)

You love is like a caress…

You might miss it of your not paying attention. But when you are, it feels so good. Like a new born child and a comforting mother. It just goes hand in hand, perfectly.

But I am paying attention. And I have to admit, I'm addicted to you. The way you look at me sometimes. When the light catches your irises and you stare at me. I love it, the way it's a secret. No one knows but me and you. So intimate, so private. We created our own little bubble. But the thing I hate most about bubbles is that sometimes they burst.

And, then what?

Are we supposed to plunge into loneliness? Head back to our silent heads for fear of being judged by the people who don't understand? Don't worry baby, I do. I get you, and you get me. So why are we torturing each other? We try to tell each other to go away, to leave me be. But is that what we really want? Who in the hell are we kidding. No matter how many times I say I hate you, I can't stand to be away from you.

You are mine!

And I gladly stake that claim. No matter who you are with, you will always belong to me! Because no matter where we are, we will always have each other through our simple caresses and longing looks…

You turned away from me as I turn away from you. Only to catch each other eyes again. We both try to avoid each other like social pariahs because that is what society has done to us. Made us shameful for being who we are like we had a choice!

I look to my phone, noticing that it was loudly vibrating in my pocket. As if on cue, it's a text from you. You say you want to try again. And just like before I fall for it. I'll do anything to be back in your presence. You are addictive, a true drug. And I need my weekly dose! I quickly agree like I didn't have a choice. I'm back in your grasp, and your back in mine. The world just might be set right again…

I open my door and there you are. We never say much just get straight to the problem at hand. He came to me, only sorrow in his eyes. I knew what we were going to do was so wrong but at the same time, it couldn't feel more right. He nibbled on my neck, knowing me so well. I was weak! I closed my eyes as my arms snaked around his neck. Holding him to me, so strong not a weak point in his frame.

He growled in my ear. I can feel his frustration, the need to forget it all and get lost in me again. He needed it, and I would do anything for him. He slid the straps off my shoulder with his teeth, I didn't know y I was so addicted to the things he could do with it. I shouldn't be, but then again we were both trying to forget. He was making a smooth trail down my body, and we were still in the doorway.

I pulled him in and slammed the door shut. No need to inform the neighbors of our continuous infidelity. He didn't lose track of what he was doing. Pleasure was something he did best for me… to me. He was slow at it, but I didn't mind. It was in these agonizingly slow moments where I imagined we still had a chance…

You lifted my shirt above my head, watching as it slowly fell from your fingertips. It lightly made a pool on the floor as you stared at me with nothing but sadness and lust. I hated that look, I willed you to look away. To take notice of something other than my eyes! Which were probably staring at you in the same sad, wonder. We looked at each other clearly thinking, what the hell is wrong with us?

I close my eyes. No! This is not about that, we are pretending. I am what he needs, because I still need him too! He picked me up then carrying me to the bed room. Ever so gently stroking my thigh, making me think that all this, was worth it, that it was okay. You gently placed me on the bed, mounting my head on the mountain load of pillows. You stood there, staring at me in my half naked glory. Most people would cower under the stares, but your look empowers me. I don't have to hide or look away. You have seen me! You know me like the back of your hand. That's why at times I think this is almost too easy for you.

You reach for my stiletto boots, looking for the zipper so you can slide it off my foot. You take your sweet time as you slide it down tooth by tooth. Listening for every resounding click, as you slowly slide it down my leg and ankle. You chuck it to the side as if you were desperate to see my naked ankles. But I know that you do it to torture me as you start on my right stiletto clad foot.

When you finally feel you had enough of slowly exposing me to you, you slide off my socks. I know this routine like clockwork because I think sometimes you forget who you're doing this to. You look for every blemish and scar from my shins on down. And being a tom boy, I seem to collect a lot. But this one in particular, you really take your time to caress. It's the one on my left leg right around my ankle. Its three very pink and thick scars. I remember how I got them, I did it the night you left and didn't come back for a month and a half. I was worried, I was depressed and I cut myself for it. I put myself in harm's way because I didn't understand why you left me. You lick each scar individually. I look down at you, your tongue still hanging out of your mouth.

Sitting up, I try to pull your shirt off your body. I needed something of yours anyway. So when I wake up in the morning and you're gone, I have something to remember you by… I try to hide it, hoping you won't remember it once we're done. I need it that much, I needed you. You stripped in from of me, not even caring what I thought about your bare body, but then again, you probably already know. I know you as much as you know me… except for the new scar you have on your chest. I put all my focus on it now. I didn't do it. She did. She marked you, and you marked her. But where does that leave me? Oh yeah. Right here; only as a memory, and now a dirty little secret. It wasn't worth going back down this road of thoughts… it still wouldn't change anything, except the fact of if he was going to come through my door again…

You hooked you index finger in one of my belt loops, daring me to object to what was about to happen. But at this point, who in the hell was I to say no? You slid my baggy jeans and panties down my legs and stood back to get another good look at me.

I stepped up then, knowing if we didn't hurry this along, you would feel that pang in your chest and tell me no. I slipped you out of your pants knowing good and well you go commando. I was never wrong about you, I realized as junior sprang to life. Why was it that he was happy to see me, but you weren't?

Stop it! I'm not going through this again; the pain isn't worth it…

Then you're in me. Well my mouth anyway. It's the only thing I know you love better than sex with her. I work you while you groan and mutter senselessly. I smile around you, happy I can bring you this joy. But far too soon you let go and I have to let you recharge. We are far from done. We both know all this build-up wasn't for nothing. So in the mean time, you go back to nibbling on my neck. I know it's just filler so we don't have to talk, but I don't mind it. Oddly it makes me more relaxed. We don't need to talk… at least that's what I keep telling myself every time you walk back through my door. After three minutes my neck is laced in purple, blue, and grey and you're finally ready again.

You lay me back on the bed, you try to situate yourself where in your not crushing me, but I wish you wouldn't. The weight of you on my chest reminds me of you when I'm alone and god knows I live for those reminders…

Then you're in me again. And it's like electricity. All my nerves are open and controlled by one conductor, you.

In, out in, out.

Thrust, rub.

Moan and groan.

That's all there is to it, really, but with you when it's in, I don't want you to come out. Just hide, and stay in me. When you thrust in me I hope and wish that you would impale me hard enough, I could feel it for months at a time, instead of its usual days. And when you moan, I just wish it wasn't her you're thinking about in that head of yours! I want you to think of me, be with me, stay with me, and scream my name as you lose control.

But when it's all said and done. You will never be mine again. But I will always be yours. You're not going to last much longer, and I'm sad that when I'm done, so are you, you're going to leave again. But don't worry, in the mean time, I have no problem screaming your name as you make me lose all sense that I don't think I even collected. I have no problem substituting the sound of her name falling from your lips for mine. I have no problem remembering what it was like to have you holed up to myself to use you and your body as I please as you do the same. That was my favorite thing about us…I use you and you use me…

It's done now. It's over. We are both still. Trying to regain what little common sense we had before we both happily jumped off that cliff together. You slowly slide out of me. Our wet heat, now a cold reminder of how pathetic we both were and still are. Sweaty heaps, silent as we regain our composure. You grab your pants off the floor, not even looking at me. As I curl up in a ball, waiting to hear the door close as you slip out again. Back to her. Back to the perfect family you now have. I can feel you walking around the room, probably looking for misplaced and forgotten items in our short blind heat. That is until I feel the sheets encompass around me. You tuck me in like a small child and kiss my forehead.

"Leah-," you start, but I know if you say another word I won't be able to handle it.

"Just go Sam, Emily probably misses you anyway," I say stubbornly. I close my eyes, not being able to handle watching you walk away. When I hear the door close with a finalizing click, I grab your shirt I hid earlier and cuddle it to my chest, knowing this may be the last time. I let the tears fall and drench your shirt.

I hate this! I love it! I'm addicted to you now… and I don't have a choice…

END

A/N: thanks for reading! i hope you guys enjoyed and reviewed! =] lol im going to bed now! lol night night! muah!

SIDENOTE: if you just so happen to be reading Alternate Universe, the next update will not be until Novenmber 24. if you are reading Intercourse High School, i dont have scheduled days to post i just do it when i feel like so dont hold your breath! lol as always REVIEW! =]