A/N: Who else would think of such a ludicrous idea, if not me? I won't say anymore, so as not to give it away, but the idea entered my mind after watching Hellsing Ultimate. Honestly, I've tried to ignore, but after five months this damned idea won't leave me alone! It's just so damned amusing I just couldn't help myself! So now...

...onto She is my Noble Mistress!

"Hello. My name is Naruto N. Uzumaki, ex-shinobi and butler to the Heartifila family. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself. Any questions?


She is My Noble Mistress!

As ever, the port town of Hargeon was busy and bustling.

Over the years it had grown rich and vibrant with life from the sea upon which it thrived; from vendors selling their stock to the gentle lull of the ocean itself, in the harbor just beyond. Fish were plentiful, goods cheap, and its citizens happy. Indeed, the port town was thriving this year. In all aspects save one.


Unfortunately, a young lady was less than pleased in that aspect.

"There's only one magic shop in this entire town?!" she exclaimed, slamming her hands down upon the countertop. Bright blonde hair shaded a heartshaped face from which eyes of the color of caramel shone. She was young, this girl , nearly nineteen years of age, but one never would've guessed it by looking at her body; bosom straining against the white shirt she wore, hips outlined neatly within the contours of her skirt. Her name was Lucy. Lucy Heartfilia. She'd come here to Hargeon seeking something...

"Yeah. This is more of a fishing town than a magic town." The shopkeeper explained. "Not even a tenth of people here can use magic, so this shop mostly focuses on selling to travelling wizards."

...and she'd yet to find it.

"Aww, so I came all this way for nothing?" Lucy sighed.

"Now, now! Don't say that! Take a look!" The shopkeeper reassured her. "I do have all the latest goods in stock!"

"I'm looking for gate keys, actually." the blond clarified.

"Gates, huh?" The old man frowned. "That's a rare request." He reached behind the counter top and emerged with a single, silver key.

"The White Doggy!"

"That one's not powerful at all...

"That's okay! I've been looking everywhere for it!" Lucy exclaimed with glee, holding her soon-to-be possession aloft. "How much?"

"20,000 Jewel."

"How much again?"

"I said 20,000 Jewel." the shopkeeper repeated.

Stingy jiji..

Smiling, she levered herself up onto the countertop and gave the old vendor what she hoped was a seductive smile.

"How much is it really, you handsome man?"

"Ah...well...when you put it that way.

But before Lucy Heartfilia could hope to work her charms to their full effect lower the price, a faint voice reached her ears.


Lucy bristled; she knew that voice.

"What's he doing here...

Her fingernails bit down against the counter, hard enough to drive deep furrows the wood. The shopkeeper blanched, but not at the sight of his precious countertop being damaged. Just now...was that killer intent, just now? Where was it coming from? Who was it coming from? Before he could further contemplete it, a sudden chill smothered the room. Cold and quiet like death itself, he felt it creeping up upon him, crawling across his skin like dozens upon dozens of lifeless chains...

Someone was coming.


"Lucy-Ojou-sama!" The voice called again, closer this time. "Where are you? Lucy-Ojou-samaaaaa! I know you're around here, somewhere! I can sense you!" Lucy was all but quivering now, though whether with fear or fury remained to be seen. They hadn't long to wait.

Suddenly, and without warning, the door splintered inward.

"My door!" The vendor decried the sudden destruction, only to find himself struck by a piece of debris and knocked into unconciousness. A long limb-a leg?!-remained thrust through the now empty frame, lowering itself slowly now to the floor. Killer intent flooded the room as the door's destroyer stepped inside directed anywhere, everywhere sabe at her. A senseless, nameless malice that promised prompt pain to whomever roused its wrath. Despite having felt it many a time before, Lucy forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and direct her attention toward the man standing in the shadow of the doorway.

I didn't think he'd follow me this far...

"Ara," They chided softly, stealing a glance at the dazed shopkeep. "I might've overdone it."

An overly-gracious smile shined out from beneath rough blonde bangs, through which bright blue eyes shone. Though clearly distressed, the man made a sincere effort to compose himself; straightening from his stance with a thick and relieved sigh. Raising his gaze, he shook himself, pressing two fingers to the brow of his nose in an aggravated sigh. His eyes cut across Lucy like knives.

"Ojou-sama," The young man admonished. "You can't just leave me behind like that! Its not proper!"

The man was handsome, almost devilishly so, but this roguish look was tempered by the pristine garb which he wore. Black slacks and shined shoes, a white vest complemented by the coatails of his jacket. Were it not for the luggage, clutched white-knuckled in both his hands, he would've looked as if he'd just stepped out of the pages of the novel she was writing. As it were he exuded an air of humble humiluty about him, as though he would obey any order, given by anyone. He wore no weapon upon his person, but she knew from experience that he could paralyze with merely a glance.

"Na-Naruto?!" She guffawed. "Why are you here?!"

The blond shifted the baggage from one hand to the other, contemplating his answer.

"I already told you; I am obligated to follow you, Lucy-

He took one good long look at Lucy, sitting on the countertop in such a...pose and that serenity swiftly shattered. A gesyer of blood burst violently from both nostrils, jettisoning him backwards and through the adjacent wall in violent fashion. There was a silence. Then the sound of crisp footfalls reached their ears once more, promptly pursued by the butler's righteous return. His eyes blazed red behind the

"Ojou-sama?!" He exclaimed, aghast! "What the devil are you doing?!"

Lucy blanched.

"W-Wait! I can explain-

"None of that!" The man, now known as Naruto, promptly seized Lucy by scruff of her neck and began to drag her from the shop. "You're coming with me this instant! I will not tolerate this improper behavior!" Had any poor soul been present to witness the scene, they would've died from laughter; a grown man dragging a teenage girl out of a shop; the latter kicking and screaming like an petulant child. Of course, had anyone thought to remember the sight, they would've found the memory slipping between their fingers like so muc water.

"That bloody nose of yours isn't exactly proper, either!" Lucy complained as she fought to avoid being hauled outside. "At least let me grab the key!"

Naruto paused in midstride.

"Did you pay for it yet?"

"Um...no." Lucy relented under his burning blazing gaze. "It cost 20,000 jewhatareyoudoing?" The words blurred together as her fellow blond abruptly released one of the suitcases, stabbed a hand into the pouch at his side, and withdrew a small sack of coins. He tossed it onto the countertop, flicked his fingers-

-an the key, including its case, was abruptly in Lucy's hands. She didn't bother to feign surprise. Naruto knew many spells; telekinesis was merely one of them. Honestly, she sometimes wondered; why he hadn't joined a guild? Why serve the Heartfilia family when he could've easily made a name fo himself in a guild like Lamia Scale or Fairy Tail? Rumour had it he'd even turned down the title of Wizard Saint, just last year! Not

"That should about cover it." Naruto mused aloud-blissfully unaware of his master's sudden scrutiny-stealing a glance at the slumbering shopkeep. "Including the damages."

"I told you not to follow me!" Lucy hissed once they were outside. "That was an order!"

"I could not obey such an order!" The blond shook his head emphaticaly. "It was your mother Layla Heartfilia-sama's dying wish that I accompany you wherever you go!" Lucy's mouth worked wordlessly, her lips split into an oblong oval of exasperation. Once more she was stricken speechless by the reminder; the ever-present knowledge that the Heartfilia family's-her mother's-most trusted servant had abandoned his job and the estate, to follow her-a runaway!-out into the world and tend to her needs rather than his own.


"Yes," Naruto acknowledged with a slight nod, "I am indeed a baka."

"Don't agree with me!" Lucy whined! "I can't argue with you if you keep agreeing!"

"But hime-sama...I am a baka." Naruto bowed.


Lucy wanted to pull her hair out! How could she argue with someone she'd known for so long!

She'd known him ever since she was a little girl. He'd practically raised her after her mother died and her father thrust himself into the family bussiness. He'd tucked her in at night, bathed her, red her bedtimes stories, not necessarily in that order. He'd been an ear to talk to when mamma died, a shoulder to cry on as her father ignored her, someone to play with when her friends shunned her. Lucy was one of two people whom could claim to have seen what lurked behind those baby blue eyes-the other, had passed away. He was many things to Lucy. And, even now, he just wouldn't listen to her!

He'd been the one to follow her out into the world, uncaring for the hardships she thrust on his shoulders. He was her mother's-and by default Lucy's-faithful, ever-present butler...Uzumaki N. Naruto. She'd never been able to win an arguement with him before and it certainly didn't seem she'd be able to do so now. But she'd be damned if she didn't try! The moment they reached the bridge streets, she rounded on Naruto, poking her faithful butler in the chest with a manicured nail.

"Go home!"

Naruto blinked his surprise.

"Beg your pardon?"

"I said go home!"

Naruto shook his head.

"I cannot, Ojou-sama."

"I don't want anything to do with my family anymore, Naruto!" Lucy shouted at him, pausing, letting her words sink in. "That includes you! I don't need anyone babying me!" There was a silence; then the butler sighed, the patient sigh of a parent consoling a petulant child. But Lucy wasn't a child anymore. She bristled beneath his patience, seething as the buter raised both arms and hoisted her luggage still higher. For a moment, she thought he might drop it. As ever, he surprised her. Naruto smiled. It was the kindest, most gentle smile, the same she'd known since her days as a little girl.

"Lucy-sama, until you come to hate me; loathe me, despise every fiber of my being, I will continue to follow you. Until you curse me, abhor me, deny my very existence, I will always stand at your side." He cocked this head aside then, almost as an afterthought. "You do not hate me, I trust?"

Beneath her pale skin, the slow flushing of Lucy's face was like a growing forest fire. How could she hate him? Kami, how could she? Naruto might be a baka, at times, an irredeemable, violent lout at others, but she knew the butler meant well. He was like an eternal, immovabe pivot, one upon whom she'd constantly relied in her youth. Now that Lucy thought of it...had he even changed since then? She stole a glance up at him from beneath her fluttering lashes. Nope. He still looked the same now as he had ten years ago. Was that...was that even possible?


Lucy flushed as she was caught staring.

"I...do whatever you like!" She pushed back him her cheeks burnished with the lightest dusting of pink. "You'd better keep up with me, though!"

"But of course, Lucy-sama." She could feel Naruto's faint smile, stretching his lips as he spoke. She refused to let it reach her own.

"And stop calling me that!"


"Lucy." A brown iris reappeared over her shoulder as she held up a finger. "Just call me Lucy. I don't want anyone to know I'm part of the Heartfilia family anymore."

Naruto sputtered his surprise.

"S-So informal!"

Lucy sweatdropped.

"You really are a baka, aren't you?"

"Hai, but I am Ojou-sama's baka." Naruto beamed.

"I told you to stop calling me that!"


Whatever else she might've said fell by the wayside just then as a great commotion reached her ears. Below them and in the distance, a crowd had gathered in the town square; a throng of squealing women crying out in bliss and adulation. As the two blonde's wondered what it might've been, two such women raced past them, crying out in delight.

"The famous wizard is here!"

"It's Mr. Salamander!"

"Salamander?" Lucy gasped. "The wizard who can use magic you can't buy in stores?! He's in this town?!"

Naruto offered a gracious smile. He was curious to see this 'Salamander' for himself.

"Shall we go see, Ojou-sama?"


The cries grew louder as they descended from the bridge; turning more and more feverish as they approached. Before master and servant were pushing their way through the crowd as well, jostling for a position at the head of the chaotic cries swelling the air around them. Occasional bursts of fire accompanied delighted squeals from the ladies.

"Mr. Salamander!"

"You're so dreamy!"

"Please burn me!"

Finally, they beheld him. Naruto was...unimpressed.

Standing in the center of the throng was the man whom everyone kept calling Salamander. Purple hair, dark eyes, and ridiculous garb, he wasn't even remotely worthy of description. And yet every girl in the town was drooling over him like he was a piece of meat. Hearts pulsated where their eyes should've been, in lovestruck by the handsome-are you kidding me?-mage standing before them. Naruto felt the tug of magic against his own, but he pushed it away. What in the world...

"What a dreamboat!"

"He's so cool!"

Naruto sighed. He'd seen better mages back in Crocus, Fiorre's capital. Men and women who could bend the earth itself to their will, and fill the skies with thunder. This 'Salamader' fellow couldn't hold a candle to them on their worst day. Lifting the baggage once more, ignoring the bitter strain of his screaming muscles, he turned to leave. A blissful sigh rooted him in place.

"Are you satisfied, Lucy-

He guffawed as he saw the hearts in her eyes.


Not her, too!

"Eh?!" Naruto exclaimed aghast, gawping as he saw her dreamy visage. "Lucy ojou-sama?! Why're you-" His shock turned to scorn as he saw the ring on the hand of 'Salamander', glistening in the light of the afternoon sun ever so slightly. The signet ring itself bore the likeness of a heart, etched into its surface. And from the way the fire mage was waving it around...it had to be!

Charm? Naruto wondered to himself. Looks like he has a ring for Sleep, too...

So the man was using illegal magic...

Let's do something about that!

"He calls that fire magic?" Naruto scoffed to himself, lowering the baggage to free up his hands. "Ladies and gentlemen!" He clapped his palms together, drawing everyone's attention. "If I could have a moment of your time, please?" All eyes turned towards him, the effects of the Charm spell abruptly broken. "I would very much like to show you all something!" Black flames blazed within his cupped palm, spreading outward in a small semicircle as he spread his hands. "Allow me to show you...real magic!"

Abruptly he brought them down, engulfing the air itself in flames!

"Jigoku no Banken!"

Smoke erupted at either side of him, two creatures that would've been terrifying in another world. Here, they were looked upon with shock and awe. Two hounds of hell, their fur black as night, flames broiling about the length of their bodies. They were huge! Twice the size of their summoner and nearly three times as long they dwarfed the croud like giants. Naruto extended a hand to either side and began stroking the hounds, fingers brushing their thick coats, scratching their massive muzzles. Beneath such praise, each hound lowered its head, theirs tongue lolling happily from their mouths as their master scratched them.

"These are my kawai little pupies," He announced to the flabbergasted crowd. "What do you think?"

"Awww!" Someone cried!

"They're so cute!" Cooed another! "Can we pet them?"

"But of course!"

"Huh...what?" Lucy blinked as the effects of the charm spell left her, leaving her reeling as she came to. "Naruto?! Why did you summon those two?!"

"Just a little demonstration for the crowd, Ojou...erm...Lucy-san." The lie came easy to Naruto, he even said it with a smile. I couldn't have you falling for that buffoon, was what he thought. Unfortunately, he'd failed to account for one aspect of dispelling the Charm spell. With the spell broken, with the women's collective gaze taken away from Salamander...

...they were free to fall upon him like a pack of wolves.

"Neh," One of the girls asked abruptly, "Are you a fire mage, too?"

"No, not really." He was cursing himself even as the words left his lips, because their eyes bulged. "I'm more of a wind mage myself but that's only because its my favorite element. I've mastered all sorts of spells since I came to Fiorre and-oops." That was another mistake. The women crowded closer to him, eager to know more, pushing him closer to Lucy. Both blonde's flushed.

"So you're not from here?" a second woman asked eagerly.

Naruto struggled to smile, feeling Lucy's eyes on him. Not even his noble mistress knew where he was from. Only Layla had known...


"Are you single?"

"What kind of question is-

"Be my boyfriend!" Pleaded another.

"Now wait just a minute-

"No! Be mine!"

"If you'd just-

"Hey, you can't just go stealing my fans!" 'Salamander' protested, a hint of desperation pitching his tone. Naruto permitted himself a brief moment of spiteful amusement before composing himself. Clearly 'Salamander' hadn't been expecting the Charm spell to be broken so easily. Now he was left reeling, his composure shattered, desperate to reclaim what he'd lost. "I had them first!" He would have said more, had not ne of the dark hounds bared its teeth and growled at him. That changed his opinion rather swiftly."Ahaha...but you're welcome to them if you want...

The crowd abruptly thinned between the two, the women parting to allow the blonde passage.

"Am I now?" Naruto asked archy, his polite demeanor slipping from him water off a duck's back. "Ara ara, why a weak mage like yourself would even have any fans to begin with is beyond me...


"You wouldn't even amount to a genin where I'm from." He scoffed. "Why don't you just quit while you're behind?"

"Why you-

"Lucy-sama?" Naruto whispered softly, adjusting a gloved hand. "Would you be so kind as to give me the order?"


"Why, the order of course." Naruto continued, his word deadly, sinister soft. "Tell me to fight. Give me your permission to crush this man like the worm he is."

"What?!" He could feel his mistresses's shock, sense her surprise. "No! What're you talking about?!"

As though sensing his secret was about to be revealed, 'Salamander' flung his arms up, a globule of purple flame forming between his hands.

"Very well, then, butler!" He shouted, loud enough for all to hear. "I'll show you the power of Salamander!"

Naruto raised a hand; the ball of fire carromed harmlessly off his palm and straked into the sky, detonating like fireworks over their heads. Far from being terrified the crowd of onlookers cheered and cooed in awe, the butler however, remained nonplussed. The crowd might've thought that was a harmless display, but if this continued, someone might get hurt.

"The order, misstress." Naruto chimed pleasantly. "If you please."

Lucy flushed.

Naruto rarely, if ever fought. What memories she had of him doing battle were few and scarce outside the mansion; a brutal morning regiment that left the grounds scarred and pitted. She dimly recalled him asking her mother's permission for that. For many things. Simple things; permission to run an errrand to depart the grounds for an evening, to escort her out for a night on the town. He'd always asked mamma for things like that sometimes out of the blue. She clearly remembered her mother's smile each time; a glittering grin that seemed to light up her entire face. Her inability to refuse him, even the smallst of request. Yes, Naruto had always been there for her and mamma.

Never papa. Come to think of it, her father had never liked Naruto very much. Tolerated him yes, but accepted him? Never. Why was that? Was it because Naruto escorted mama and wherever she went? Because there was no one else to whom he would answer?

The only time she'd seen Papa and Naruto hem in the same room together had been when she attended mamma's funeral. Even then the two men looked ready to rip one another's throats out. But if Papa hated Naruto so much, why didn't he just fire him? Questions long since forgotten in her youth raged anew in her mind, beging answerment.

Everything had taken a turn for the worse after her mother's death. For the next ten years Naruto neglected his duties to the Heartfilia family; for the next decade, he'd devoted his days to her. Raising her. Taking care of her, playing with her, taling with her...never once asking for anything in return. Never asking for permission. Until now.


Lucy wavered, certain she was on the cusp of a great discovery. He'd never asked her for anything before.

Now, he was asking her permission to fight? She felt that if she gave it, something terrible would happen. Something awful.



Both mage and butler blinked as a pink-haired lad thrust his way into the clearing, shattering the tension. Naruto took one look at the expectant gleam in his eyes, and for a moment, he thought the boy was merely yet another victim of the Charm spell. When his visage crumpled in dissapointment, that was his cue to give 'Salamander' the other cheek. This boy had piqued his interest. And...was that a cat with him? The boy looked as though he'd just had a weight dropped on his shoulders. Who was this Igneel? A friend of his, perhaps?

"Who're you?" The boy asked 'Salamander', frowning at the man.

"Would the name "Salamander" ring a bell?" the purple-haired mage grinned. The boy scarcely even acknowledged him. Instead, he turned his gaze to Naruto and heaved a sigh.

"You're not him either...


The boy was already halfway across the street before 'Salamander' could continue. The flame-mage guffawed!

"He's gone already?!"

Lucy couldn't help but wince as the woman pounced upon him, beratting the pinkette for ignoring the men. It was almost painful.

"Now now, that's enough. He didn't mean anything by it." 'Salamander' soothed, extending his signature toward the boy. "Here's my autograph. Feel free to brag to your friends." Lucy watched Naruto's expression twist into a rictus of disgust, and for a moment, she felt dread. But then she realized "Salamander" was extending his sign to the pinkette, not her butler. Thank kami! Naruto looked as though he might've torn the man limbs from bloody limb!

Then pink-haired lad deadpanned at what he was being offered.

"No thanks."

The purple-haired mage faltered, but recovered as his fans knocked the boy into the garbage once more.

"Well, I have business at the port anyway, so I must be off." Salamander snapped his fingers together. "By the way, I'm having a party on my boat tonight. You're all invited!" And with that he was gone, vanishing in a streak of flame across the horizon. Lucy watched him go, and felt just a touch of anger as she realized why she felt so relieved. Charm! He'd tricked her into falling for him! And Naruto had broken the spell with that sly magical display earlier...

"We must be going as well," Naruto said, more to the women than Lucy. With a dejected sigh, the crowd began to disperse. No sooner had they done so than Naruto made a swift gesture with one hand. Within a plume of smoke the hounds from dispersed, vanishing into so much mist, leaving Lucy to idly wonder. After all this time with him, she still had no idea what this magic was. She blinked, realizing the butler had made a beeline for the pink-haired boy; now offering him a hand to help him up. Lucy was left to follow.

"Are you alright?" Naruto asked as he hauled the pinkette to his feet.

"Y-Yeah." The youth stuttered. "Thanks, was with those crazy women though...

Naruto chuckled.

"My name is Naruto N. Namikaze." His blue eyes twinkled as Lucy reached them. "And this is Lucy. She is my noble mistress."

"B-Baka!" Lucy admonished, her cheeks burning a grand shade of crimson. "When you say it like that people get the wrong idea!"

"But Ojou-sama...

"I told you to call me Lucy!"

"Names Natsu." The boy introduced himself, grinning. "Oh yeah and this is Happy-

"Aye!" The cate raised a paw, only to cover his mouth in awe. "Natsu! This guy...


...he's a butler, isn't he?"

Everyone facefaulted.

"Seriously?" Natsu blinked. "You're a butler.

"So? What was up with that guy?"

"Well, he charmed those girls-

A low growl interrupted them.

"Aaargh," Natsu groaned abruptly, clutching at his stomach. "Sorry...I'm just so hungry...

"I see."

Naruto turned, giving Lucy an expectant stare.



Naruto continued to stare.

"Oh, alright!" Lucy groaned. "You said your name was Natsu, right? C'mon we'll buy you lunch. My treat!"


"Yes, really!"

"Yosh!" Natsu punched at the air. "Alright!"

"Allow me to retrieve the baggage." Naruto murmurred, striding to reclaim the suitcases as the two began to chat.

Naruto watched them go, reluctantly retrieving the luggage from where he'd left it in the street. Not for the first time, he cursed the fact that he had to be ordered to attack an enemy. There was no way that man back there had been Salamander. Oooh, he was so pissed right now! Wuh-oh. Had to watch that. He couldn't very well loose himself around Lucy now, could he? After all, he'd made a promise, to her mother. Would that he could teach that fool a lesson, though!

"Natsu, hmm?" He mused aloud to himself. "He's an interesting one...

...but of course, he can't compare to my Noble Mistress."

A/N: How did Naruto become like this? Well, that will soon be seen. He is not immortal-per se; he is simply trapped at the age of twenty-five, retains his remarkable regenerative capabilites, along a host of different magics he's learned over the years, in addition to his shinobi skills. He's only subservient like this around Lucy...and very protective. Naruto's true personality is well...you'll see, in the near future. He's not some groveling prissy who cannot fend for himself; he follows Lucy for a very good reason...one that will be revealed over the coming chapters. And its not just because her mother asked him to...

Can anyone else imagine just how well Naruto and Virgo are going to get along in this story? The focus is going to be mainly on Naruto and Lucy so expect a lot of cute fluffy bits coupled with a lot of action/adventure with her loyal butler involved! This was written purely for amusement! I own nothing! NOTHING I SAY!


Ojou-sama= My lady.

Hime= Princess.

Jigoku no Banken= Hounds of Hell

Now that I've provided the translations and such, feel free to review. So, in the immortal words of Atlas...

..would you kindly review for this chapter and this preview?


"Who...Who the hell are you?!" Bora guffawed

Naruto smiled and made a sgow of adjusting his gloves.

"Hello. My name is Naruto N. Uzumaki, ex-shinobi and butler to the Heartifila family." Flames flicked at the fingerstips of his right hand; an azure sea that promised pain. "I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself who dare to touch my noble mistress. Any questions?"

"Kill him!"

Naruto brought his fist down.


"Yamato no Orochi!"

R&R! =D