Soli Deo gloria
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Phineas and Ferb. I like Black Friday shopping. It's FUN. :)
It was a dark early morning in Danville (if early morning could even cover it). It was barely three AM, and while most of the world were sleeping comfortably in their beds, there was a light on in the foyer of the Flynn-Fletcher house.
"Candace!" Linda called as loud as she dared. She was zipping up her jacket, putting on her mittens and picking up her purse, murmuring to herself, "Where could she be? Candace! The stores are opening in less than an hour!"
"Coming!" Candace, showing a surprising amount of energy, bounded down the stairs. She was already wearing boots and a jacket and mittens and a scarf around her neck. She had her purse and several pieces of paper that stuck up all about in her arms. She quickly passed a calender, which had the days of November crossed out, only leaving the day after Thanksgiving circled.
"There you are. Come on, we need to go pick up Stacy and Elizabeth," Linda said, opening the door to the cold-but-thankfully-not-snow-covered-after-Thanksgiving-morning. It was Black Friday, and the two had just gotten up from a few hours' of sleep.
Candace sped out of the house and over to the driveway. She was about to head into the car when she heard a noise that sounded like Buford. Frowning, she looked around, and then hurried to the backyard.
"They couldn't. It's too early even for them," Candace said to herself as she fumbled to open the gate. She managed to fling it open to reveal the backyard. In it, Phineas and Ferb, decked out in their warm jackets, mitts and hats, were busy marking things on a clipboard. Ferb, noticing the wheelbarrow, hurried over to Buford and Baljeet, who were both dressed in warm clothing as well. Baljeet was crawling on his hands away from a tipped over wheelbarrow, which Buford, grunting, was trying to turn right upside up.
"I told you to be careful, Buford," Baljeet said as Ferb helped him stand up before he went to help Buford. "Honestly, not all I say is academic. I have common sense too!"
"It's Mom's thanksgiving stuffing. Makes me foggy in the head," Buford explained matter-of-factly.
"Phineas, Ferb," Candace yelled (though not too loudly. Grandpa and Grandma were snoring in their house, visiting for the holiday, and she did not want the entire neighborhood after her). "WHAT are you doing! It's three in the morning!"
"Oh, good morning, Candace," Phineas said pleasantly. "We decided to start early on our project, seeing as we all fell asleep immediately after dinner and just woke up fifteen minutes ago. Baljeet and Buford just arrived a couple of minutes ago."
"And what is your little 'project', anyway?" Candace said, hurrying to him.
"We're going to go pumpkin chunkin," Phineas said casually. Candace turned to see what he was looking at and she realized that the tipped over wheelbarrow was full of pumpkins.
"Pumpkin chunkin? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" Candace said.
Ferb, helping Buford move the wheelbarrow right side up, explained, "It's a sport in where a trebuchet is used to fling pumpkins over many dozen yards."
"It's a lot of fun, Candace," Phineas said. "Want to watch?"
"No, because at the moment I have better things to do for once than trying to bust you guys for using pumpkins as catapult ammunition. Mom, Stacy, Dr. Hirano and I are going Black Friday shopping, see?" Candace said, and she pushed her papers into Phineas's arms. His clipboard disappeared from sight (as did his nose) as his eyes darted about, reading what she had written.
Candace smirked to herself and folded her arms. "Stacy and I made plans over the phone last night. We have to hit the mall and the Superduper Mega Superstore."
"Looks like fun," Phineas said, his head peeking out of her papers.
"It will be," Candace said, snatching her papers. "So I don't want your little THING or whatever it is to interfere with my shopping!"
"Sure thing, Candace," Phineas said with a smile.
"Okay then," Candace said.
"Candace. You need to get into the car, NOW!" Linda yelled from the car as she started it up.
"Coming!" Candace said, and she was about to leave the yard when she heard Phineas say to Ferb, "We're going to need to start on the trebuchet. We're going to need a few dozen yards of wood, six dozen screws, and a tub of wasabi."
Candace groaned to herself. Wood, screws AND wasabi? It sounded like something wonderful to bust. A trebuchet. . .
"Candace, get a hold of yourself," she said angrily to herself. "Shopping. Focus on shopping and getting Jeremy's Christmas present early this year." She sighed in contentment, and walked, her eyes closed, to the backseat where Stacy would join her. She buckled herself in with a smile. Linda looked at her strangely (though Candace couldn't see her), and said, "I worry about you, Candace."
Back at the backyard, Phineas and Ferb were filling the place with the sound of hammering. The wheelbarrow was right side up, and Baljeet was sitting on top of a very tall pile of pumpkins.
"Man, just the sight of these things makes me hungry," Buford said, leaning against the wheelbarrow.
"You just ate the biggest meal of the year on the biggest food filled holiday of the year! How can you possibly be hungry?" Baljeet said, incredulous.
Buford shrugged. "It's been more than two hours, so I need a snack. Wonder if you can eat pumpkin raw . . ."
"Oh, Buford," Baljeet said, nearly face-palming himself.
The noise of the hammering brought Lawrence out of his bed. He opened a window on the second story of the house and stuck out his head, yawning as he rubbed his eyes.
"Ah, starting out today early, I see," he said, making Phineas and Ferb look up at him. "What are you all working on today?"
"We're making a trebuchet so we can go pumpkin chunkin," Phineas explained. "Though, we need to get to a field."
"Really? Sounds absolutely fascinating. You know, Grandpa and Grandma aren't going to be up for a few hours (you know how they are). Mind if I hitch up Grandpa's old pickup and drive you out?"
"Sounds good, Dad," Phineas said.
Lawrence nodded, saying, "All right, I'll be done in a tisk, lads," and the window closed with a slight thump!
"Looks like we got ourselves a ride, Ferb," Phineas said. He shrugged, though, and said, "We could have used the remote control transporter to take us there, though." He looked about and said, his breath turning into dragon's breath in the chilly air, "Hey, where's Perry?"
Perry was sleeping, relatively undeterred, on Ferb's bed. He had opened one listless eye when the boys had gotten dressed and moved out of the bedroom, and then had fallen back asleep, his head cradled in his arms.
He was having a very nice sleep after having a busy day defeating Doofenshmirtz, and was very annoyed when suddenly he felt himself going down a fast tube. He yawned, opening his eyes to see himself passing whitish-blue walls. He pulled out his fedora, and yawned again as he crossed his arms and landed on his feet. Opening the tunnel door, he walked into headquarters. The lights were out, though, but Perry didn't feel surprised. Out of habit, in the dark, he walked to his chair. Unfortunately, it was spun the other way, and he walked into the back of it.
Turning it, he took his seat, rubbing his sore bill, and turned. He pressed a button, causing the giant screen to light up in front of him.
On the screen was a white wall, making Perry squint. He could hear, "Carl, is that coffee ready yet?"
"Good. See, this is the thing about Thanksgiving. Messes up my entire sleeping schedule."
"Coffee's ready, sir. How do you take it?"
"Black with six sugars, and hurry up, Carl! You don't have to add the packets one by one!"
"There you go, sir."
"About time," and Major Monogram appeared on the screen. He was wearing his suit, but was unshaven, and his hair was disheveled. In his hand was a steaming cup of coffee.
"Morning, Agent P," he said, making Perry wearily, but automatically, salute the major. "Sorry, long day at the in-laws. They have three cats and her mother knows that I'm allergic. Anyway, back to work, I guess. Evil never rests, especially on a national holiday. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been spotted outside of Googleplex Mall with a table full of junk and stuff." A picture appeared in the corner of the screen, revealing Doof doing exactly what the major had just said.
"We haven't been able to determine what he's been selling, but we can only summarize that it has something to do with Black Friday. It's more than likely evil, considering that it's freezing and there's no real reason to go and set up a table on Black Friday without a worthwhile intention. There on the table next to you is one of our own inators." Perry turned and noticed a gun that looked like a water pistol. "It's sort of a prototype, but Carl just finished it, and you'll probably need it. Go, and find out what he's doing, Agent P, and be careful. Those shoppers waiting for the mall to open are vicious! Don't get trampled!"
Perry nodded and he hurried to his little hover car. Major Monogram watched him leave before he said, turning to Carl, "Carl, start up the car! I have a Christmas list that I need to get finished!"
Candace giggled to herself as Linda drove them through the dark night to the Hiranos'. They stopped in front of the Hiranos' house. The lights of the porch were on, shining bright in the darkness. Stacy gave Candace a wave from the porch as Dr. Hirano, dressed in regular clothes and the appropriate outerwear, locked the door. Candace opened the car door and let Stacy into the backseat as Dr. Hirano greeted Linda.
"It's finally the day!" Candace said excitedly as the car started moving.
"Gosh, I know, right? Have everything?" Stacy asked.
"Purse, wallet, phone, candy, lipstick. Yep, everything," Candace said.
"What about the papers? The plan? If you don't have that, you're screwed."
"Oh, Stacy of little faith," Candace said, holding up her papers.
"Hey, just making sure. Remember the last couple times we've gone shopping for a present for Jeremy?"
"Yeah, that's true."
"Seriously, last Christmas was sort of disastrous. We don't want to have a déjà vu experience later on, do we?" Stacy asked as they cruised through downtown.
"No, no we don't."
"So what shops are we hitting?" Stacy said, readjusting her purple scarf.
"The shoe shop, jewelry store, food court, the sports store and the music store," Candace said. "And at Podmore's, all the clothes: five dollars or less!"
"Sounds like an awesome deal if you ask me, Miss Flynn!" Stacy said excitedly.
Candace nodded excitedly. "I just hope that at least one of those stores has what he wants."
"Which is? Come on, you need to remember, to focus on what to get Jeremy. If there's one thing you're getting today, it's Jeremy's Christmas present. Of course, if you bought mine, it would also count as a victory."
"Why can't anyone stop telling me to stay focused? Don't I look focused, Stacy?" Candace said.
Stacy frowned and admitted, "Well, you're not freaking out at all."
"See, perfectly fine!"
Stacy smirked as she leaned forward and said, "And what are your brothers doing?"
"Well, they're building something called a trebuchet and going pumpkin chunkin, BUT I am ignoring that and am staying focused," Candace said, sweeping her hands in front of her and bringing them into a praying position. "Completely focused."
"Yeah, like that'll last. Imagine how many pumpkins they were able to get. Imagine how quickly they were able to build their whatchamacallit."
"Focusing, Stacy, focusing," Candace said, putting her fingers in her ears as they drove into the Googleplex mall parking lot.
"Good luck with that," Stacy said as they began to move around the many cars. "How are we even going to find a parking space?"
"This is going to be a problem," Linda said as she moved the car about. The entire parking lot, despite it being so early, was lit up and filled to bursting with cars and loud, annoyed, ready-to-shop-shoppers.
It was so crowded that none of the Flynn-Fletchers or Hiranos noticed Perry the Platypus's hover car slowly descend behind a large tent.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Black Friday Tent!
The tent was purple and had long, black poles. The top was canvas and had Doof's name on it. Perry slipped out of his hover car and adjusting his fedora, slipping around the tables that were making a large square in the tent. Peeking over one, he noticed that they were covered with several different items, all packaged in plastic and all suspiciously looking like things from infomercials.
He looked up when he heard, "Come on, come see what I'm selling! Oh come on, the mall's not even open yet! Good grief." Perry bent down when he saw Doofenshmirtz turn, dressed in a coat with ear muffs, and say, "Now where did I put my coffee?"
That's when Perry somersaulted in front of his nemesis, ending up in a graceful stance, looking annoyed at the doctor.
"Oh, Perry the Platypus, good morning. Or night. I can't tell. It's too early," Doofenshmirtz said as he grabbed his thermos. He turned around and said, "BUT, even though I cannot properly greet you, I CAN trap you!" And he pushed a button on his thermos, and a metal box fell onto Perry the Platypus, and even though he tried to push it off and around him, it didn't budge, even when he shook on the little straps of metal that made it like a basket.
"You wonder what you're trapped in, Perry the Platypus? It's a Pet Catcher. When your pet is walking around the house at night, put this on a table or whatever and when it detects heat, it'll fall onto the floor, catching it. Quite clever, though why don't they just call it a trap? I dunno."
Perry shook his cage, looking indignantly at Doofenshmirtz, who sighed and continued, "Anyway, I don't need it, because well, you know," and he walked around, and slowly nodded. "Though, I might actually keep this one. It'll help when you're creeping around my apartment at night. But I bet you're wondering, 'Doof, what are you doing? What's with all this stuff that you got off of infomercials?' Well, let me explain."
Perry sighed and leaned with one elbow against the metal basket as Doofenshmirtz glanced over his shoulder, calling, "Brand new stuff! Come and buy it!" He turned. "Remember that time when I built that inator to store all of my stuff I bought off of infomercials? It went and got destroyed, obviously, and I still had a lot of stuff. So it dawned on me: Was there a way to sell this stuff AND rule over the Tri-State area? Yes! And I! Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz! Have figured out the way!"
Perry folded his arms and looked unimpressed. Doof frowned and said, "Oh, you doubt me once again, Perry the Platypus? Well, I'll wipe that look off your face!" He put down his coffee and amongst his merchandise, he found a device that looked like a water gun. Doofenshmirtz looked to Perry, who rolled his eyes. "Oh, Perry the Platypus, don't give me that! This is a very deadly inator! Behold!" (He held out the gun.) "I give you . . . the Buyer Beware-inator! You see, I've gone and shot all of my merchandise before I put it out. Every time someone buys something and opens it, they become a mindless minion, and believe me to be their leader! See! It's a brilliant plan!"
Doofenshmirtz folded his arms and leaned against one of the tables. "Yeah, you wish you had thought of this plan. Only I, an evil genius, could think of such a brilliant plan!"
Perry shook his head. One downfall to his plan. There was absolutely nobody buying his stuff.
THANKSGIVING IN A WEEK. YES. Thank you for reading!