Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any characters found therein.

Author's note: Hey gang. While I've lurked anonymously for a while, I finally got inspired enough to put something I wrote up here. I hope you enjoy it! I laughed a lot at myself writing it so that's good at least :)

~Risu


A Kind of Idiot

by Kobutori Risu


Chapter One: Accidents and chalk allergies.

His head hurt, and there was a ringing in his ears. He opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. He winced at the brightness of the day and the blue sky overhead. Closing his eyes tightly again, he lay still and slowly the ringing settled and he could make out voices.

"You idiot! Are you trying to kill him?"

"Shut it, you ass, of course I'm not!"

He carefully opened his eyes again, squinting, so as not to let too much light in at once.

"Oh! Look! He's coming too, his eyes moved."

As his eyes adjusted to the light, he opened them a fraction wider. Two worried faces were bending over him – a blonde haired boy, and a brown haired boy with red tribal tattoos on his face.

"Iruka-sensei, are you okay?" The blonde boy said.

Iruka-sensei?

"Iruka-sensei?" The boy was looking directly into his eyes, and he looked a little more worried with each passing second.

Iruka-sensei… is that me?

"I…" he tried to speak, but his voice came out croaky. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I don't know. What happened?"

The brown haired boy replied, "You got caught in the blast of this idiot's Rasengan. You've been unconscious for a few minutes."

"I'm sorry Iruka-sensei! I didn't see you!" Blonde boy said miserably, his blue eyes large in his face.

"I'm sure you didn't," Iruka answered. "Don't worry, I'll be okay. Help me up."

The two boys took a hand each and pulled him to his feet, however, once on his feet the world suddenly swam, the ringing in his ears returned, and Iruka collapsed back on the ground. Dimly he heard a pair of worried voices shouting, "Iruka-sensei!"

He lay on his back with his eyes shut while the spinning and ringing settled. After a while he carefully opened them again, and looked into the eyes of the blonde boy.

"Kiba went to get help."

Kiba.

"Okay. Good plan. Ngh," he replied, and passed out.


O


There was an annoying buzzing that penetrated his unconsciousness. As he slowly came to he identified it as voices. A lower rumble had joined the two voices he was already familiar with. He opened his eyes carefully again. Now there were three faces looking down at him. A man with most of his face obscured by cloth, and pale silvery hair had joined the two boys.

What a nice colour. What's with the mask?

The man spoke, "Let's get you to the hospital, sensei"

"Mmm." He closed his eyes.

"Not good," the man said, and Iruka felt himself being lifted by strong arms. The movement made his head swim, and he blacked out again.

When he next opened his eyes, he was in a sterile white environment that could only be a hospital. Iruka looked around to see Kiba, the blonde boy, the silvery haired man and a blonde woman.

"Is he going to be okay Tsunade-baachan?" Blonde boy asked fretfully.

"Naruto! I need a chance to examine him!"

Tsunade, Naruto.

"Oh, you're awake Iruka," Tsunade said, moving to his side. She peered into his eyes and shone a light into them. He didn't enjoy that very much. Lights hurt. He winced and tried to turn his head. "Hold still, Iruka, I think you have a concussion." He held still and she was mercifully brief with the light-shining. She held her hands out over him and examined his chakra. She straightened up, and addressed the spectators, "Well, despite your best efforts, I think he's going to live."

"Yay!" Naruto exclaimed loudly. Iruka winced.

"Naruto, keep it down," Tsunade snapped, although her face softened immediately afterward. "A bit of rest and he'll be fine."

"Um," Iruka spoke up softly, "I don't mean to be a bother, but I'm not sure that that's entirely true."

Tsunade turned to him and frowned. "What do you mean, Iruka?"

Iruka paused and looked around at the four faces. "Um, well, actually… I have no idea who any of you are." Four pairs of eyes widened. "In fact, I don't remember who I am." He looked rueful. "Sorry."

Shooing the other three out, Tsunade set about a more thorough examination of Iruka, which involved far too much light and noise for Iruka's taste. She told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was staying the night in the hospital, under observation. Iruka just wanted to go back to sleep, so it didn't matter to him where he was. He got woken up occasionally for checks, and at points some unpleasantly soft-textured food was spooned into his mouth.


O


The following day Tsunade and his erstwhile visitors reappeared in his room. Tsunade once again checked Iruka over, made him answer some questions, and move around a bit. She seemed to think that he was over the worst of it, although he still didn't remember much of anything. Naruto was dancing around the room like he badly needed to go to the toilet, Kiba was trying to get Naruto to stand still and the man was perched on the windowsill ignoring them both.

"Since all your symptoms have settled, other than the memory, there's no need for you to stay under observation in the hospital anymore, Iruka. You should go home; hopefully it will help with your memory. However," and she turned to regard the three watching faces, "to be on the safe side, I don't want you to be alone."

"Letting himself get flattened by Naruto, I'm not sure he's qualified to look after himself at the best of times," the silvery haired man said.

"I'm not an idiot! I can take care of myself!" Iruka snapped at him.

What..?

"Oh god, I am so sorry!" Iruka felt his face warm. "I have no idea why I just said that. Of course it's best if I'm not alone. I don't even know where I live!"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed as she regarded Iruka. He felt the flush rising in his cheeks.

"I can stay with him Tsunade-baachan!" Naruto exclaimed.

Tsunade looked at Naruto briefly then turned to the man lurking in the window. "Kakashi, I think it's best if you look after Iruka," she said levelly.

Kakashi.

Kakashi started, "Me?"

"You," Tsunade replied evenly.

"I don't know where he lives either."

"Liar."

"My cat needs feeding…"

"You don't have a cat."

"Mr Ukki needs watering…."

"Naruto, go water Kakashi's plant."

"I'm allergic to chalk."

"Kakashi…"

"…. fine." Kakashi heaved a most put-upon sigh.

Iruka, having been watching the two argue with a startled expression on his face turned his head away and frowned in irritation.

He hates me?

"But Tsunade-baachan...," Naruto began to whine.

"Naruto," Tsunade replied, "Iruka needs an adult to keep an eye on him in case there are any problems. And to make sure he eats more than instant ramen." Naruto folded his arms and glared at her. Tsunade folded her arms under her ample bosom and glared back.

"I'll take good care of Iruka-sensei, Naruto," Kakashi said, breaking the tension. Iruka glanced at him. The silvery haired man had a cheery smile on his face. Well, he thought so anyway, since all he could see of his face was one eye, but the eye was smiling at least.

Naruto heaved his most put-upon sigh, "… fine."

"You're not to leave him alone, Kakashi. You're to stay with him until I tell you otherwise," Tsunade said sternly.

Iruka looked at her worriedly, "If I'm that bad, shouldn't I stay in the hospital?"

"No, no," she replied, turning back to face Iruka and waving her hands dismissively, "You might get a bit dizzy or groggy, or you could get a headache, but really all there is for you to do is take it easy and rest when you need to. If someone is taking care of you it'll be fine. I think you'd be better off in your own environment. Spark some memories." She paused. "But don't let Kakashi give you any trouble."

Kakashi shrugged innocently.


to be continued...