The rumors are true! Almost a year after Hollywood Arts' Resident Bad Girl split up with gorgeous ex boyfriend, Actor with Fabulous Hair, RBG is now ready to move on!
That's great news, gal pals! It means that you can now safely date AFH without fearing flying cups of coffee or, gasp!, dodging deadly thrusts of freshly sharpened pair of scissors.
This Author's eagle eyes had personally seen RBG cozying it up with Senior Heartthrob in a dark corner during last night's Full Moon Jam. While RBG's friend, Uber Talented Songster, and frenemy, Pretty Songbird of the great cheekbone fame, were making beautiful music together (this Author is convinced that that phrase is not only literal but figurative as well!), RBG walked to SH and, from behind, cuddled the latter's back.
A source close to RBG was heard as saying, "They're dating? I thought she just tripped and fell!" Of course, the declaration was accompanied by a maniacal giggling, so this Author does not think that the close friend was a good source of information.
Yesterday, this Author had revealed the hook up of Senior Heartthrob and Resident Bad Girl at the Full Moon Jam. Want to learn something even more delicious, Dear Readers?
It has come to the attention of this Author that SH used to date RBG's frenemy, Pretty Songbird. After getting her heart (and pride!) broken, PS sang a very public revenge song to SH and his dating life was never the same again. To make matters even more interesting, it was rumored that the arrival of PS here at Hollywood Arts marked the beginning of the end of the relationship of RBG and her ex, Actor with Fabulous Hair.
This Author thinks that SH and RBG's hookup is not a coincidence!
Ah! What is that sweet smell? I bet it is revenge!
More great news, Dear Readers!
Resident Bad Girl had not only moved on from Splitsville, she's absolutely having a blast playing the field!
Only days after she was spotted cuddling with Senior Heartthrob, RBG was recently spotted by a source in Nozu with Uber Talented Songster.
"They looked as if they're on a date," said the source, who requested anonymity. "I mean, their other friends were seated at the sushi bar. If they were just hanging out as friends, they should be sharing a table with them, right?"
To add more fuel to the fire, a Nozu waiter confirmed that RBG and UTS shared soup! If that's not a date, this Author does not know what is!
Is Resident Bad Girl seriously considering going out with Nerdy Ventriloquist?
NV was seen buying a large cup of coffee this morning, which itself is weird enough because NV is not a fan of the bittersweet brew. After paying for his cup, NV headed directly to the lunch table occupied by RBG, Actor with Fabulous Hair and their tight circle of friends.
Imagine everyone's surprise when NV set the tumbler of coffee in front of RBG. After glaring at NV for a few seconds, RBG stood up and grabbed NV by the collar. She then proceeded to kiss him full in the mouth in front of everyone!
After releasing NV from the serious kissage, the entire Asphalt Cafe was so silent one could hear a pin drop. RBG glared some more before stalking away, her lunch forgotten (or maybe she just lost her appetite, not that this Author could blame her!).
This Author had also never seen someone blush as red as NV blushed that day.
(And before one asks, yes, FWH was glaring at NV after RBG left. Surprisingly, though, he was not the only one. Bubbly Redhead, also occupying the coveted table at Asphalt Cafe, was also seen glaring at NV. But whatever could that glare mean? NV's crush on BR is no secret in Hollywood Arts, but BR is NOT, and has never been, interested in NV. So, what's up with the glarage?)
Is it just the Author, or did anyone else notice that since Resident Bad Girl had gone on a dating spree, Actor with Fabulous Hair started having unfabulous hair days?
Breaking news, everyone!
When Resident Bad Girl plays the field, she plays it fast and she plays it hard!
RBG was spotted attending a party last night sans her usual circle of friends. This Author received information (as unfortunately, this Author was not invited to the party) that the party thrower, whose parents were away for the weekend, bribed his big brother into buying a keg of booze. Needless to state that the party went wild really fast. RBG herself freely imbibed in the debauchery and gotten so drunk that this Author shuddered as to what might have happened had Senior Heartthrob not been in attendance.
SH saw that the party thrower's brother's fraternity brother had gotten hold of RBG and was dragging her into one of the house's bedrooms. SH almost came to blows with the fraternity brother when he tried to keep RBG from entering the master bedroom. Thankfully, SH's friends were successful in encouraging the fraternity brother to leave the party. After a few seconds of bickering, RBG also left the party WITH SH.
Well done, SH! There is hope left for you yet!
ERRATUM: The Author stands corrected!
A rude comment left by Urbane Puppet on this Author's TheSlap account clarified that Resident Bad Girl isn't even thinking of dating Nerdy Ventriloquist. Instead, RBG allegedly lost a bet to UP regarding the number of coconuts a certain teacher, who shall remain unnamed, could consume in ten minutes. RBG and UP supplied the coconuts, the teacher gladly humored them. The forfeit was to kiss a fool of the other's choice, which can be claimed by giving the loser a tumblr of coffee.
To reiterate, my friends, NV and RBG are NOT dating. They're just kissing (alright, it was just that one time!). This Author is sorry for any confusion the article had caused.
Things seem to be heating up for Senior Heartthrob and Resident Bad Girl!
After SH heroically saved RBG from the nefarious plans of a frat man, the two were seen hanging out after school hours.
"I think they're just serving detention together," a close friend intimated. "I don't think [RBG] is dating [SH]. That's just wrong."
Only the future would prove who is correct, correct?
This Author can neither confirm or deny the rumor that Senior Heartthrob had (officially) asked Resident Bad Girl out on a date.
This Author, in the interest of justice and fairness, tried to get a comment from the parties involved (through this Author's usual sources). Unfortunately, SH was unavailable to comment, while RBG failed to give a statement that this Author may print online, conscious that most of the readers of this article have not yet reached the age of consent. (This Author, however, almost stood up and cheered at RBG's more creative curses, even if they almost singed this Author's ears.)
It is official.
This Author can now confidently say that Resident Bad Girl and Senior Heartthrob are dating.
The two were seen at Karaoke Dokie, eating lunch together. For this Author's readers who do not go to Hollywood Arts, for this school, that is practically a declaration of undying love.
This Author sends luck to the new couple. They would need it.
It may come as no surprise, Dear Readers, that the day after this Author revealed Resident Bad Girl and Senior Heartthrob's secret affair, RBG was dragged by Meddling Friends, led by the indignant Pretty Songbird, into the janitor's closet. What is surprising is the fact that they waited this long before they staged their so-called intervention.
This Author is sorry, Dear Friends, that this Author is not able to report verbatim what had occurred inside the janitor's closet, but this Author was too shocked and appalled by what was happening that this Author totally forgot to whip out a PearPhone to record the conversation (though this Author was not shocked or appalled enough to forget to snag a drinking glass from this Author's locker, all the better to eavesdrop with).
In a nutshell, Pretty Songbird warned RBG that Senior Heartthrob would only use and discard RBG once he gets tired of her.
Meddling Friend #2, Uber Talented Songster, asked why RBG is acting up (well, in the Author's opinion, RBG is the resident bad girl. That's why she does the things she does).
Meddling Friend #3, Bubbly Redhead, in a surprisingly somber tone, asked if RBG was feeling lonely, then she segued to a story about her brother pantsing a clown once when he was feeling lonely, before she was shushed.
Meddling Friend #4, Nerdy Ventriloquist, started to enumerate the evils of alcohol based on a study he downloaded from SplashPage.
Meddling Friend #5, or maybe this Author should describe him as RBG's Ex Boyfriend, just smoldered prettily in a corner with a concerned look on his face. (Fine, this Author did not see EB smoldering nor did this Author see the concerned look. Alright! Alright! This Author did not see EB's face AT ALL! But he was silent all throughout this exchange, and this Author can only imagine the reason why.)
All throughout, RBG was snarling and snapping and groaning like the trapped wolf she was.
It had been a week since Senior Heartthrob and Resident Bad Girl started "officially" dating. This Author is surprised that they still have not shared their first (public) kiss.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that SH and RBG both vehemently denied that they're in a relationship?
Of course, the denial would have been more plausible, Dear Reader, had the two not been spotted hanging out together after classes.
For this Author's Unlucky Readers who decided to eat out for lunch, this Author asks, what are your lives?
The most exciting thing happened today at lunch time. If you haven't heard about it yet, then which rock have you been hiding under, Dear Reader?
There's a lot of different versions of What Had Happened floating around campus, though. But if you heard that Senior Heartthrob and Actor with (previously) Fabulous Hair aka Resident Bad Girl's Ex Boyfriend, had finally, finally!, come to blows, then this Author confirms that it actually happened. Fortunately, no Gorgeous Men were hurt or injured during the scene. Good thing Drama Actors, who value their pretty faces over everything else, make for bad Action Stars.
It all started in the middle of lunch period.
RBG and SH walked together during they were not holding hands, their heads were close together as what they were discussing seem very serious indeed. (Sorry, Dear Readers, even this Author's extensive network of informants could not unearth what they were talking about that time.)
Something SH said upset RBG, who tried to walk away, but SH grabbed her arm. RBG tried to shake off SH, to no avail.
And like a dashing hero from fairy tales, Actor with Fabulous Hair came galloping to the rescue. Heated words were exchanged that this Author could not print without fear of inciting the Wrath of the Powers that Be that runs Hollywood Arts.
SH pushed AFH. AFH pushed back. RBG insinuated herself in the middle of the battling hotties and pushed them apart. It was at that point that Uber Talented Songster (whom this Author believes works out daily), Nerdy Ventriloquist (who this Author confirms does not work out at all) and some other students tried to break up the fight.
Do not worry, dramatic actors are lovers not fighters, so cooler heads prevailed, Dear Readers. The two combatants were separated. SH's friends convinced him to have lunch at Nozu. AFB was dragged back to his table.
Is it telling, Dear Readers, that RBG followed AFB to their table instead of being with SH at during this trying time?
The Author is sad to announce, Dear Readers, that there is trouble in paradise. Senior Heartthrob and Resident Bad Girl are having a lovers' tiff.
RBG was seriously annoyed at the testosterone display during lunch time yesterday. She was not seen in the company of SH since.
Dear Readers, this morning, Actor with Fabulous Hair was spotted buying two cups of coffee from our own Jet Brew! Whatever could this mean? The last time he bought two cups of coffee in the morning, he was still with Resident Bad Girl.
All is well, Dear Readers.
Resident Bad Girl and Senior Heartthrob had patched their differences and had started hanging out after classes again. This Author had personally overheard how SH groveled to make RBG forgive him. RBG told him to stop being annoying. For RBG, this is practically a declaration of love!
What big ears this Author has!
This Author overheard Actor with Fabulous Hair tell Resident Bad Girl that he misses her! RBG's reply, however, was forever lost in the ether, having been drown out from eavesdroppers by the ringing of the warning bell.
Is Resident Bad Girl dating both Senior Heartthrob and Actor with Fabulous Hair at the same time?
You go, girl!
According to this Author's sources, Resident Bad Girl and Actor with Fabulous Hair are not dating.
A source close to the couple confirmed that AFH did ask out RBG, but RBG, in a surprising plot twist, said no.
Dear Readers, this Author received news that Resident Bad Girl and Senior Heartthrob went out for coffee last night in an obscure, out of the way coffee shop.
Guess who just happened to amble into the obscure and out of the way coffee shop? Guess, Dear Reader, guess!
That's right! None other than Actor with Fabulous Hair! (Although this Author was told that once again, AFH was having rather an unfabulous hair that night.)
What is going on behind AFH's bright smiles and expressive eyes, this Author really doesn't know.
This just in! Actor with Fabulous Hair once again asked out Resident Bad Girl. Once again, he's crashed and burned.
Actor with Fabulous Hair is up to something.
He was seen in a conference with Nerdy Ventriloquist, as well as Weird Kid with an Unhealthy Fascination with Teeth and Even Nerdier Kid Who Likes to Snack on Raw Vegetables.
Will it surprise come as a surprise, Dear Reader, if this Author tells you that Senior Heartthrob's dating life had improved ever since this Author revealed that he and Resident Bad Girl were dating?
Well, it has.
Senior Heartthrob's love life had been on a steady decline (or as this Author would say, dead) since Pretty Songbird sang her revenge song against him, revealing him for the user he was. Even after apologizing to to PS, his love life never recovered.
Hanging out with RBG though seemed like the sign the ladies were waiting for, declaring that it was alright to date SH again.
Once again, this Author was proven correct.
Actor with Fabulous Hair was up to something.
This morning, he was seen toting a large cardboard box containing the actual gown Tawny Walker Black wore in the movie The Scissoring.
He showed it to Resident Bad Girl and said that the gown is hers, if she agrees to go out with him.
Do you want to bet on what RBG's response was?
(She said yes, by the way.)
In a sweet, daring (or stupid. It could also be stupid) move, after RBG agreed to go out with Actor with Fabulous Hair, AFH told RBG that she could still have the gown even if she change her mind and refuse to go out with him. He said that he'd rather wait than force her to go out with him.
Then, in a move so uncharacteristic that this Author had to double check sources, AFH started babbling about how he doesn't deserve RBG, that it was his fault they broke up because they should have been fixing their relationship instead of listening to other people's opinion about it, about how he should have opened the door (this Author does not know how that is significant, but there it is) and about how Senior Heartthrob should treat RBG right.
Fortunately, RBG knew how to immediately and effectively silence AFH: with her mouth!
Breaking news: Hollywood Art's First Couple is back together. Actor with Fabulous Hair is once again (willingly) dragged around campus by Resident Bad Girl.
All is well again.
The sound of steel toed combat boots warned The Author that another person had entered the computer room.
"Are you still writing the rumor page?" the newcomer asked in surprise. "Our punishment ended days ago!"
"Are you kidding? It's TheSlap's most popular page! Why should I stop?"
"Of course, you're not still writing it because you get to manipulate the student populace of Hollywood Arts, right?"
"You have no room to complain, being one of the beneficiaries of my scheme!"
A beat of silence save for the sound of the furious tapping of the keyboard.
"I ink all the power ks getting into your head. And here, Lane thought that he is punishing us when he asked us to run a page on TheSlap to give us an outlet for our aggression."
"Yeah, he should have known that our devious minds would somehow turn this to our advantage."
"You're really not gonna stop being the Author?"
"It's this Author and no way. I'm having too much fun with it."
"Well, I wish you all the luck."
"Your obvious sincerity and genuine desire for my well-being overwhelm my little heart."
"Up yours, Daniels."
"Thanks. Love you, too, West."
AN. Inspired by Meg Cabot's Guy series and Julia Quinn's Bridgerton Series. Yeah. You know what to do. Ktnxbye!