Trouble with Tribbles – In Verse
Author's Notes: I wrote this for my poetry class. The poem itself is a ballad, and it turns out that ballads are ruddy hard to make! The obscure, little-known tune to this ballad is "Starship Unity"/"The Captain is a Father to His Crew" by Anne Passovoy. However, to get a gist of the tune, please look up "Johnny Be Fair" by Buffy Sainte-Marie. …And on second thought, now that I've finally found it, the tune may not really be all that obscure. For a very clear version, look up the song on Youtube by The Creepy Bard. Oh, and the hyphens are added for the ease of any intrepid singers.
Edit: I apologize for the (v)'s, but I found that when nothing differentiated the verses, it was disorienting.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor do I own "Starship Unity"/"The Captain is a Father to His Crew."
The Enterprise one day received a pri-or-ty one call.
They zipped as fast as they dared go unto the caller's hall.
The man in charge was apol-getic, but his colleague had the right
To put the enti-re sec-tor on red alert that night.
The captain and first officer were far less than impressed.
They came so fast and so afeared the crew all felt quite stressed.
The captain ordered two guards down and shore leave for off work,
And mentioned to the colleague "Two's enough for grain you jerk."
Apparently, the whole shebang was caused by Sherman's planet
The grain that they were guarding was the only-it-let inhabit.
The grain would soon be brought there so the colonists could thrive
However, the Klingon e-nemy at-the-station did arrive.
The captain and commander they did posture and bar-ter.
They finally agreed to let the Klingon crew aboard.
For every Klingon on the base the captain sent two men.
Suffice to say the colleague wasn't happy with him then.
The bartender and trader were engaged in a debate.
The 'tender offered two credits but-the trader wanted eight.
Once done, the trader gave the "little lady" his best sample
A charming, trilling little fuzz ball, species name: a tribble.
The Lady was delighted with her simple, charming pet.
Cooing, it did join her when aboard her ship, she went.
Ev'ryone was delighted that the tribble was a she,
And everyone that wanted one was gifted with a baby.
Some Klingons and crewmembers had a public, freeform brawl.
Shortly-after 'twas found Klingons hated tribbles most of all.
To ev-er-yone's sorrows they found tribbles had two goals:
To reproduce, and eat and eat and never end up full.
The storerooms where the grain was held had ventilation shafts.
The tribbles crawled their way through them to saunter through spacecraft.
By the time the captain thought of this and ran down to the room,
He opened one above him, and the tribbles-rained-down like doom.
The captain clawed back to the top and noticed something bad.
Of-the-tribbles, all were overfed and close to being dead.
The grain was poisoned by a plot from-the-colleague's own assistant.
He was arrested and the Klingons ordered-to-leave this instant.
The Enterprise soon left as well, the mission a success.
When the captain asked, "No more trib-bles?" the bridge crew answered, "Yes!"
And when they had to tell him how, the poor third officer,
Just gave a small, sim-ple, "I gave 'em to, the Klingons, Sir."