A/N: I know it has been so long since I have written ANYTHING. Especially a FF for Twilight. I just randomly sat down at my computer and just opened up Open Office and let my fingers flow across the keyboard. Given that I've been in a Christmas-y kind of mood this is the resulting FF. Not that it's a cheery one.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga, or the song "Christmases When You Were Mine". All rights to SM and TSwift.
Bella stared with little emotion at the wall in front of her. Charlie had decided to decorate the house more vibrantly for Christmas than he normally would, but Bella wasn't really taking notice. Sure, she planned on getting up and helping cook a small Christmas dinner for the two of them but she didn't plan on doing anything else festive. She wasn't in the mood for that.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, she was supposed to be happy. Bella was supposed to be curled up to Edward over the Christmas Holiday's. She was supposed to be ignoring Charlie's muttering about her spending too much time with 'Edwin'. Bella was supposed to be groaning and telling the Cullen's multiple times that they shouldn't be spending a bunch of money on her. She was supposed to be spending time carefully planning what to give each one of them for Christmas. Even the ice cold Rosalie.
He left though, he left and he wasn't coming back. Not even for Christmas and to celebrate the holiday cheer. He just left her as an empty shell and took the joy out of life. Took the joy out of the holiday's that she had actually once enjoyed. Bella almost wished she had gone home to Renee for Christmas, but she couldn't stand the thought of leaving Charlie at Christmas. Most of all, she couldn't stand the thought of leaving Forks and then maybe liking it back in Florida. She had to stay here, just in case he came back for her. Maybe that would be her Christmas surprise?
"Bella?" Charlie pulled her out of her thoughts.
"What?" She asked, clearly sounding a little annoyed that she couldn't stay with her thoughts for even just a little bit longer.
"Do you want to come and decorate the tree with me. It might be nice... you know, the two of us decorating together?"
She shook her head, "I'm sure that you'll decorate it quite nicely by yourself, dad."
"Bella, I really am starting to get tired of this. I'm trying to make things as normal as I can. Please, at least try and humour me?"
"Fine, I'll come help decorate the tree dad." Bella sighed, "Maybe it'll be nice. I could always make us some hot chocolate. Is the heat on? It's kind of chilly in here."
Bella did her best to put on a fake smile for Charlie as she stood up from the couch. What can be so bad about decorating a Christmas tree? Maybe it could be good for her. Edward wanted her to stay safe and decorating a Christmas tree with her father was definitely considered safe. Though, knowing Bella it is possible that she could do something like smash a light bulb on the strand of lights and get electrocuted by it somehow.
She tried her hardest, but still it hurt her every time Edward's name even popped in to her mind. Even something as simple as decorating the tree made the memory and pain of losing him and the Cullen's even stronger. She knew that they liked to go out for a lot of things, and Christmas would definitely be one of them. Pretty ironic for vampires that were pretty sure they were damned to Hell.
"You're thinking about them again, aren't you?" Charlie asked her, concern was evident on his face.
"No." She said plainly, despite the fact it was a lie. "How would you know anyways?" Bella really was a terrible liar.
"I would know because you always get that same troubled look on that face when you think about him and his family. I know you now, Bella. I know that look. Simple things like decorating for Christmas shouldn't make you think about him!"
Finally, Bella broke for the millionth time. "Well maybe I can't help that, Charlie!" She yelled at him, and started to cry. "I still love him, and you're just going to have to accept that. I'm staying here in Forks and I will wait for the day that he comes back for me." She knew that he wasn't ever coming back, but it was only the thought of maybe seeing him again some day that kept her pushing forward. She was still in a daze but she knew that somehow if she just kept on thinking of Edward, she would get through it.
"I think I need to talk to your mother again, Bells." He grumbled, "I don't know if I can take another day of seeing this."
"I'm not leaving here, Charlie." She said through the tears, and then ran upstairs to her bedroom. She slammed her door behind her and turned on the radio.
Please take down the mistletoe cause I don't wanna think about that right now. Cause everything I want is miles away in a snow covered little town. My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me. Season's greetings, hope you're well. Well I'm doing alright if you were wondering. Lately I can never tell. I know this shouldn't be a lonely time but there were Christmases when you were mine.
Bella clenched her fists and then threw her CD Player/Radio across the room, causing a huge crash. Normally Charlie would come running but he probably figured she was just having some type of fit. He was right. She couldn't take the pain of not having him anymore, but she'd just have to live with it. There was nothing else that she could do. She was just like any other heart broken teenager out there right now. Maybe she should just embrace the sad and lonely Christmas music? No. She couldn't do that. It was too hard to even think about things like that. She'd just have to put on a smile and go to all the Christmas things she was invited too. She'd have to go down to the reservation with Charlie and try and survive a Christmas Eve party and then smile her way through Christmas dinner at the reserve the next day. Right now her main concern would be trying to convince Charlie that she was alright so she could stay in Forks. Bella didn't want to leave.
Edward, why did you have to go away and do this?
You were mine...