I'm purposely leaving your name out to protect your identity. Please don't question it, it is purely for your own safety. I'm making two copies of this letter, so I don't want you to be in danger if the other copy falls into the wrong hands.
First, before anything else, I want to clarify something. I am not a pedophile. I feel no attraction to children of any sort, no matter their age or gender. I've never had any desire to hurt a child until I was twenty-one, and even after that, I've only cared about one child in particular.
I guess there really is no good way to say this. I kidnapped my nephew, Bakura Touzoku, back in 1999. I've violated him countless times and kept him hidden away from the world in that duration of time, only allowing him to come into contact with a few select people. I knew it was wrong and I knew how it would damage him, and I did it anyway.
I was also involved in the abduction of Marik Ishtar in 2004, though my role in that was much more limited than with my nephew's own disappearance. I was coerced into basically stalking the poor boy in the months preceding his kidnapping, but I was not the one to abduct him. Truthfully, I never wanted him to get involved in this mess and I've never hurt him.
The two are still alive, thankfully. They're teenagers now, and they're closer than brothers. Which I suppose I'm grateful for, Bakura has someone he can trust in the world. They've had more than their share of hardships so far, but in a sense, they're already grown adults with mature, capable minds, and this makes me as proud as much as it makes me sad.
My partner, throughout all of this, has been my next-door neighbor, Mariku Nasser. He was the one to first suggest abducting my nephew as a way of submitting to our desires. He was the one who decided that he had to kidnap Marik Ishtar as well. Both the boys have been housed on his property for as long as they've been in our captivity, in his backyard shed and in his second bedroom. And he's a monster. I make this accusation as a disgraceful man and a disgusting human being. That man has no soul, no conscience. He's already on the sex offender list for molesting other children, and has been in prison several times. He's raped both the boys quite violently, and he feels no guilt as a result of this.
I know this to be fact. When this entire mess was near it's beginning, just a few months after Bakura was first taken, I was forced to confront Mariku about the physical abuse my nephew suffered at that man's hand. Mariku told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed to step in and protect my nephew when I saw reason to worry. He would continue doing whatever he liked, and wasn't above killing me or him to do just that.
Right now, I have no way of protecting those boys from him. He's almost killed Bakura and Marik a number of times over the past few years, the incidents just becoming more frequent and more alarming as time goes on. When Bakura was bit by Mariku's dog, Mariku stitched the wound up himself and allowed it to become infected. Bakura contracted pneumonia shortly after Marik's arrival, Mariku stood by until he was on the brink of death before seeking help. Last year, Mariku sodomized Bakura with a glass bottle, which shattered while still inside him. Not only did he immediately leave and left Marik to administer first aid, he argued with me when I was trying to help him and broke Marik's nose as a result of our argument. Most recently, I had to fight Mariku tooth and nail to get Marik in to see a doctor when he was sporting a temperature above 104 degrees. He claims to love them, but obviously sees them as no more than living sex dolls.
I do what I can to protect the two, but my concern isn't nearly enough. I am not strong enough to overpower Mariku, and he is certainly not the type to listen to rationality when he feels strongly about something. I can't truly protect them if Mariku is bound and determined to hurt them, I can only try to help them in the aftermath. I'm especially concerned with what would happen if I were to die and leave these boys without a caregiver.
So that is why I'm writing this note, to be perfectly honest. In the chance that something happens to me, you will open this envelope and read the contents of this letter. And you will be shocked, disgusted with me for sure. But you'll alert the police, and you know where to send them. I can be assured that, in the event of my death, those boys will still be protected. And even when I'm still here, this note is useful to me because I can use it against Mariku. I'm weak compared to him, he easily overpowers me and there's little I can do about it. This note gives me something to hold over his head, a means of protecting my boys.
[In the event that you are reading this as a result of my death, let this stand as my final will. Everything I own goes to them. Bakura and Marik. Every penny, every belonging of mine, my house. Everything. Let them split it however they want, they're more than mature enough to decide that between each other. I owe them this much, at least.]
I still stand by my original statement. I am not a pedophile. I have been attracted to one child only, and I've already damaged him beyond repair. I don't understand my attraction to him in the slightest, it's just there, and it's always been there. It's like this craving, this itch. I can just feel it there, always at the forefront of my mind, and I'm only ever satisfied when I'm raping my nephew. I can't imagine what my abuse does to him, how it must hurt him inside, but I can't stop. Sometimes I feel like stopping will make me explode. Every single time I hurt him, I vow to myself that this is the last time, that I'll never do this to him again. And then I start to itch and I can't ignore it. It just happens.
I never intended for any of this to happen. Believe me, if I had known how this would have worked out, I would have shot myself long ago to spare everyone the suffering and heartache. But I never dreamed it would have worked out the way it had. Please keep that in mind, that this outcome was never my intention, when you judge me. Not that you shouldn't still find me utterly repulsive-by all means, you should. But I regret this, I regret everything that has happened since I first drugged my nephew and dragged him into a stolen van, and I regret the fact that there is a reason this letter needs to exist. If I could, I'd take it all back in a heartbeat, but that's impossible. I know what I've done is permanent. I know I've completely destroyed two different families-one my own-in my attempt to satisfy my own selfish, disgusting desires. I can't reverse that. Those boys will never live without remembering what happened to them, what I did to them. Their families, as of right now, still live in a constant state of uncertainty, thinking their boy is dead but lacking the proof they need to heal. My own sister and niece have died with the belief that Bakura is dead, and will never know otherwise. My actions have led directly to these people's pain, and there's no way to take it away. I have done filthy, unforgiveable things and have caused incomparable suffering on the parts of people who have never done me any harm. Believe me, an hour doesn't go by where I don't think of these things. And I will never even begin to be able to forgive myself for what I've done. This, I will take to my grave.
-Akefia G. Montgomery
Okay, first thing on the agenda, don't hate me for the last names! I wanted to keep last names out of this until the last few chapters, but I figured this letter thing wouldn't work very well if Akefia didn't use last names. ('cause he could be talking about any of the millions of Marikus running around...) But seriously, it makes him look very professional and sincere. So, last names!
Mariku's last name, Nasser, is actually an Arabic boy's name which doesn't have a meaning that's important to us. I normally dislike using first names as last names (because when was the last time you've met someone with the last name Jennifer?) but Google Translate decided to be a bitch to me and wouldn't use phonetics, so Arabic baby boy names it was! As for Akefia's name...yeah, if I was smart, his name would be Touzoku, but then I remembered that Akefia would have a different last name than Bakura. Because Akefia is his mother's brother...and his mother would have taken his father's last name when they got married, and all their kids would have had their father's name. (Both the English and the Japanese traditionally have the wife take the husband's name, and Bakura is a mixed-raced British Japanese kid, so there you go) So I had to think of some name for Akefia, and I couldn't think of anything that referenced his character, so I just picked one that sounded British. Because I always forget he's British. It's only when I stop and think about it, I realize that he's technically more British than Bakura. I don't imagine him that way. 0_o I don't really like the last names, I may change them. If you have a brilliant idea, feel free to tell me!
Anyway. I thought this section would be out quick and it was not, I apologize. I was busy going on Pokemon adventures. This was also really challenging because I wasn't completely sure how I should write it. I couldn't decide if I wanted Akefia to sound refined and educated, or just like the redneck dickhead he is. I decided that Akefia would want the letter to be fairly formal and intelligent sounding. He has a fair amount of education, so that's not that hard for him. Still, I had to write several versions of this letter because every one just sounded wrong. I still don't really like this one, but it's better, at least.
Blah. I may take this down and post it as a stand alone. Don't know yet. In any case, it's five AM and I get to drive home tomorrow. So over four hours in rainy/icy conditions, and one of the roads I take is literally miles of creepy forest and no cell phone reception. I'm going to need my sleep for that, so good night.