"I don't understand..." mumbled Byakuya, eyes furrowed as he tried to make sense of the folly before him, "I'd even go as far as to say that I'm... confused..."
Rukia and Renji Exchanged glances, both as puzzled as each other.
"Nii-sama?" asked Rukia, shoving her way past Renji for a good view of the computer screen.
Renji leant in over the top of her to see better, "Captain?
"This... 'Fanfiction'" began Byakuya, the inverted commas dripping with disdain, "All of these stories, regardless of the content, they all leave out the adjective when describing me; I can't wrap my head around it, it's as though they left it blank to come back to and forgot... am I truly that hard to describe?"
The pair exchanged another look.
"Nii-sama, what do you mean?" asked the shortest of the group, raising an eyebrow at her cryptic elder bother.
"What do I mean? Rukia surely you see it," he chastised. He gave a sigh at her disappointed sigh, resigning himself to the intellects of his company, "Very well, I shall provide an example for you."
He scrolled through the numerous words, skipping paragraph after paragraph of introduction, landing right in the middle of a scene composed of him and his Lieutenant locked in a passionate embrace.
Renji blushed bright red, his face indistinguishable from his hair as he stared in disbelief at what he read. Rukia beside him blushed a light pink, eyes wide, hand itching to grab the mouse from her bother and scroll further.
Byakuya on the other hand ignored the content, far more interested in his lack of adjective; no colour brushing his porcelain skin as he began to read the sought after line:
"Byakuya's pretty face contorted as he arched his back, releasing over Renji's tanned stomach.
'God you're pretty when you make that face' Renji whispered to him."
"So you see? They aren't using any adjectives. What do they mean? My "pretty attractive face"? My "pretty ';handsome face"? My "pretty stoic face"? Despite the fact that they have no literary skill, they're even missing adjectives when describing my character."
Renji hadn't moved an inch from Byakuya's narration, eyes wide with mortification.
"Rukia!? It isn't funny!" he yelled at the short girl who was writhing in hysterics on the ground, hands clutched to her belly, "Oi! Rukia! It's not like—I mean I would never- He's my Captain! It's just- Oh my god it's just—Why're you laughing!?"
"What is this box?" wondered Byakuya. 'Type your review for this chapter here', is that so?
"Uh, Captain..." mumbled Renji, eyes averted from the screen, "when it says 'petty'... I mean it isn't... they're not missing a word out, they're just calling you pretty..."
"... yes, pretty what?"
"Captain, they're just calling you pretty, nothing else, just pretty."
"... pretty what?
"Gah? Captain! You're beautiful, cute, endearing, lovely, choose whichever goddamned word you want, they mean the same thing!" he yelled in exasperation, stiffening when he realised what he'd said, "Uh! I mean! Uh, that, uh, that THEY think you're those things... not me..." he ducked his head with chagrin when Rukia began giggling to herself from the other side of the desk where she'd relocated, eyes glued to the screen that she's turned to face her.
The Captain considered this, eyes cold as he thought about it, "you mean to say that 'pretty' is a word meaning the same as 'beautiful', and ... 'cute'?"
"Well... kind of..."
"'Kind of...'" he asked dubiously, "then why am I, a man, being described as 'pretty'?" he asked.
I think the real question is why the hell are you, A MAN, having SEX with me!? ...And why do you not care!?
"Uhh... well... actually 'pretty''s a little more... girly... y'know, less like a mature woman or a little kid, but... well, 'pretty'..."
"...So pretty is used to describe an effeminate image?" he received a nod, "Then I'm even more confused as to why it is used to describe me."
"Well I'd have to say it's because you're pretty! You have a very feminine face!" stated the redhead, humiliation dying to let some of his usual personality show, laughing at the raven haired man.
Suddenly a chill of death ran through him, fear raising the hair on his neck at the unseen danger. He met his Captain's his eyes quickly, flinching at the cold fury he found within them.
"I fail to see what features of my face appear 'girly'."
"Uh... well I mean you look like a man, but you're not... rough, or anything..." Renji explained, mind racing to think of an explanation that made sense, "Like, you look like you would use hand creams and stuff-"
Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say as the glare doubled.
"Uhhhh! That's not what I meant!" floundered the Lieutenant, "I mean you look more like a-a-a model or something, like you'd wear all fancy clothes, and pose for fancy.
Byakuya scowled at his subordinate, "Despite my disagreement, at least they don't refer to me as a fruit."
"...Why would they refer toy you as a fruit?"
"They wouldn't, which is why they don't. you on the other hand have been labelled the 'Red Pineapple'."
"RED PINEAPPLE!? What the hell kind of stupid nickname's that!?" demanded Renji indignant.
"The kind of nickname they give to idiots with pointy red hair, moron!" replied Rukia from across the desk.
"Tch, well whata' they call YOU then, huh?" he said, jabbing a finger at the girl, irate.
"Hmm..." mumbled Rukia, "they don't really have a name for me..."
"Bullshit, you liar!" he yelled, swivelling the computer screen to him again, face freezing humiliation when he saw the images his friend had been looking at.
He closed the page stiffly, shooting a dirty look at his friend before typing his question into the magic bar that gathered information at the touch of a button.
He scrolled through the websites listed, scowling when he found no nickname to speak of, "Hmph, well they all say you act like a man, so that's not any better."
Rukia bristled, her short eyebrows pulling together, "How do I act like a man!?" she demanded, reaching over the desk and grabbing a fist-full of Renji's shirt, pushing her face into his personal space.
"You're acting like a man now, Idiot!" Renji yelled back, fisting her shirt also, and pushing his forehead into hers as they glared at each other, metaphorical sparks flying.
"If you're done, stop fighting over top the computer, I'm trying to type" intoned Byakuya, his cold voice slicing through the room.
The pair let go of each other grudgingly, moving away from the computer to continue their disagreement.
Byakuya sighed at the immaturity of his companions, returning to the message he was typing in the Review Box.
To whom it may concern,
Have you an impaired ability to accurately gage the appearance of male characters? Either you have been missing each adjective as you come to describing my person, or you have been greatly misinformed of my true appearance.
By the time he had finished typing this much, with the slow and deliberate speed of a novice typer, Rukia and Renji had finished their squabble, the ultimate result being a large bump on Renji's head.
The pair peered over Byakuya's shoulder, reading his letter with interest, disbelief crossing over Rukia's face, directed at the amount her brother actually cared about his reception, while Renji made a note to find a note to find a Review Box of his own to give whoever called him fruit a piece of his mind.
What about my face seems "pretty"? Surely inhabitants of this world must have understanding of one's image, how else has humanity lasted so long? It is my opinion that if the inhabitants of this world all misjudged each other's appearance and spoke so openly of their incorrect judgements, society would turn on itself, each misjudged person falling into rage until anarchy was all that remained.
I suggest you rectify this problem immediately,
Finally Byakuya finished typing his letter, leaning back content as he clicked the send button. Suddenly he stiffened, a grimace working over his mouth, "It would seem we have been longer than intended," he informed his juniors, glancing at the time at the bottom right of the computer screen, "we must return to Seireitei."
He stood swiftly, turning his back on the friends who scrambled to catch up with him, Renji grudgingly leaving his means of communicating with the world behind.
One day he will find another computer, and when he does, the world will rue the day they ever called him "Red Pineapple".
... What even?
Sorry this took so long for me to write, basically I was in the middle of writing it when I decided that Rukia was terribly out of character... then I may have forgotten about it for a while... then when I restarted writing it I couldn't be bothered fixing her characterisation as almost all of her parts were written already.
Personally, I perceive Rukia to be a headstrong, right wing girl. She may be a little odd, contrasting with the "
right wing" part of her, but in terms of yaoi, I just don't see it, sorry guys :/ So I was going to make her really upset at the Fanfiction they found, but then I was like "...mmmmmmm... meh"
*Sigh* So I hope you enjoy this all the same, even though I think all three are out of character, and I don't think I did a particularly good job in terms of the actual writing on this chapter, I'm pretty happy with the content, so yeah, please review, I love feedback, and as always, I always reply.
Also, this will probably be my final chapter for Nicknames, I've noticed that the longer I work on something, the more I see a decrease in the quality compared to the first chapter or so... maybe I'm just imagining it, but it leaves me with little motivation to write longer or numerous chaptered stories. Even so, there's always a possibility that one day in the future I'll write another chapter, but right now, for all extents and purposes you can consider this story complete.
EDIT Except that a lovely reviewer just mentioned something about Nnoitra being called a spoon... I hadn't made that connection yet! Anyway, I'm not sure how that would work, or even if I'll write it, but if I DO write another chapter, it'll probs be about Nnoitra :)
Thanks for reading, guys! ^_^