Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or the song "Madness" by Muse. I'm just borrowing them.
I, I can't get these memories out of my mind,
And some kind of madness has started to evolve.
She was gone again, and this time I was sure she wasn't coming back. But even if I thought I'd come to terms with losing her, she continued to occupy all my thoughts.
"Close your eyes, InuYasha."
"Because, I've got a surprise for you."
I groaned and closed my golden eyes slowly.
"Okay, you can open your eyes now."
I opened my eyes and gasped. She stood before me, completely naked.
"Happy birthday, InuYasha."
That was our first time together…
I knew I was only torturing myself by continuing to think about times like that, but I couldn't help it. I was as if the only functions I could complete were breathing, blinking and thinking about her.
I, I tried so hard to let you go,
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah
When she told me she was leaving me, I just shrugged her off like I didn't care. But the truth was, I did. I cared about her more than anything else. And I was too stupid to realize what I had before I lost it.
Now here I was, sitting in my bedroom, staring out the window like she was going to magically appear any second, telling me how much she cared about me too…
It was almost as if I could hear her sweet voice calling my name,
I have finally seen the light,
And I have finally realized,
What you mean.
"InuYasha? Little brother? You have to eat." Sesshomaru called from the other side of my bedroom door. When I didn't answer, I heard the door open.
"I can't." I managed to whisper pathetically.
Sesshomaru sighed, and placed his hand on my head.
"I will not force you then. But have you yet to realize what she means to you?" he asked, sternly. When I didn't answer, he turned stiffly and left the room.
I had realized…
She meant the world to me…
And now, I need to know is this real love,
Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?
"InuYasha, do you love me?" she asked, as she lay against my bare chest.
"That's a dumb ass question." I replied roughly.
"I want to hear you say it."
"Fine. I love you."
"I love you too, InuYasha. Always."
Then I watched her fall asleep, hoping to God or some other deity that may or may not exist that what she had said was for real.
But it wasn't…
And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had,
Like some kind of madness
Was taking control
That last fight, the one that had sent me spiraling into insanity, had to be the dumbest one of all. She came home a little later than I liked her to and I got insecure. So I made a big deal out of it, and said horrible things to her that I have no way of taking back.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Out with Sango and Kagura. Today is Sango's birthday. I told you earlier." she said, calmly. That's what I loved about her. How she could stay calm even when I was being a total shit to her.
"I don't remember that." I lied. I did, but I didn't want to admit I was wrong. "Was Koga there?"
"Why do you always bring him up, InuYasha? I told you, I have nothing to do with Koga anymore. I love you."
"Don't say that. Answer my question. Was he there?"
"InuYasha…" she said, as tears started to form in her eyes.
"What are you crying for, huh? Unless I'm right and he was there. Did you fuck him?"
"No! InuYasha, how could you say something like that? I'd never do something like that to you. Don't you know how much I love you?"
She could never love me after that. I mean, I hated myself. Even if I acted like a total douchebag, she was still telling me she loved me. I must have been crazy to let her go. I must've been crazy to not have my ass in the car making the three hour drive to her mother's house.
And I was. I was completely insane…
And now I have finally seen the light,
And I have finally realized,
What you need.
"Kagome?" I asked, groggily.
"No. It's Sango." I pulled the covers up over my head.
"It's over there." I heard Sango shuffle to the corner of the room to pick up the last box of Kagome's stuff.
"She still loves you, you know." she said, quietly. Then I heard the door shut.
It took a while for what Sango had said to register in my pea-brain, but when it did, I sat straight up in the bed.
I thought back to the first time I'd ever said those three words she loved to hear so much…
"I'm so glad you're back. How was Hiroshima?" she asked, as she took my jacket off and hung it on the coatrack.
"It was okay. I missed you." I said, kissing her softly.
"I missed you more." she said, when I let her go.
"Don't think that's possible. You don't know how hard it was to concentrate when all I could think about was you."
"I love you, Kagome." I said, as I held her close to me. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and smiled.
"I love you too, InuYasha." She kissed me. "Always."
Always. The word kept haunting me. As if I wasn't already going insane. Always. It was all I could hear.
I was at the point of no return…
And now I have finally seen the end
(Finally seen the end)
"InuYasha? InuYasha? Unlock the door! Goddammit, InuYasha!" I heard Sesshomaru yell, faintly. I was swimming in and out of consciousness.
Blood. So much blood. Is that coming from me?
"InuYasha!" It was Miroku this time. "Sesshomaru, kick the door down."
So much blood.
"Oh my God, InuYasha!" Sesshomaru yelled.
"What the hell did he do?" Miroku asked.
Am I going to die? Not before I see her. I won't die until I tell her how much she means. I won't die until I know if she still loves me!
And I'm not expecting you to care
(Expecting you to care)
I spent the next few days in the hospital toggling between consciousness and unconsciousness. My mother came to see me. Sesshomaru was there. But every time I managed to open my eyes, the person I needed to see was never there. I didn't expect her to care really. But I was hoping she would…
But I have finally seen the light
(Finally seen the light)
I have finally realized
I think it was the fourth day of my hospital stay when my prayers were answered and I heard her sweet voice.
"InuYasha? Oh, InuYasha, I'm so sorry." she cried. I opened my eyes slowly. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you. It was stupid. Please, don't leave me."
I felt the warmth of her tears as they dripped onto my bandaged arms.
She was crying for me…
Did that mean?
I need your love…
"Kagome. Do you still love me?" I asked in a whisper.
I need your love…
"Of course I do, InuYasha! Please, please don't die! I can't live without you! I love you, InuYasha."
Come to me,
Just in a dream
Come on and rescue me.
"Always?" I asked.
"Always." she said, choking back her sobs.
Yes I know, I can be wrong
Maybe I'm too headstrong
Our love is
"I love you too, Kagome. I'm sorry." I said.
"No! NO! InuYasha!"
Her voice faded. But at least I knew for sure. She would love me forever. And I would love her too. Always…