Life sucks, did you know that? Okay, I thought I came up with a way to stop us from losing our souls, but it quickly backfired. I thought if we just didn't fight, then no one would get any deaths, and we would just stay there until the figure got bored of us and let us out. A plan? Yes. A good one? No. It might've worked, but the figure figured it out soon. (Heh heh, the figure figured it out. I'm hilarious.) After two minutes of us not moving, he got mad. He turned the turret at the back of the summoner's pedestal against us, it started to shoot us, and since we were level one, that wasn't good. We just barely managed to get out of the pedestal alive. Now we were all at dangerously low health. If we got anywhere near a minion, we would die instantly! I thought about waiting for a little while longer, but I had a feeling the figured wouldn't hesitate to do it again, so I headed to the bottom lane. I was cautious, I was cautious when things were normal, but now that my soul was in danger, I was overly cautious. I stuck to the bushes, and every time I heard a noise I stopped and started recalling. By the time I finally got to the battle, I found one of my turrets dead, and my minions' health quickly diminishing.
I didn't see Cho'gath, Annie, or Elise, so I thought I was safe. I ran out and started to Despair all the minions. Most of them died quickly, but they were already starting to replace themselves. I was running out of health and mana. I would be killed soon for sure. I turned to run, but I found myself face-to-face with spider Elise, which I didn't expect because Elise was a middle lane champion, not that it mattered, I was doomed. But just when I was about to die, my brain started going into overtime, I looked behind Elise, and I saw my chance. One of the minions ignored me and was walking towards my next turret, my body finally caught up to my brain and took action, Elise hit me once, but that was all, I had enough health to last one, but only one. I had levelled up while I was Despairing the minions, and I had gotten Bandage Toss. Normally I used this to finish off fleeing champions, but this time, I was using it defensively, I looked over Elise's shoulder and threw my bandage, it hit the minion just in time. I pulled with all my might and suddenly, I was there, I had pulled myself away from Elise and towards the minion. But I didn't have time to celebrate, I was in danger. Sure I had escaped Elise for now, but I was still getting attacked by the minion. I ran and didn't look behind me. Luckily, I had bought the Boots of Speed so I was faster than him, but I knew I couldn't outrun Elise. I kept going, I expected something to kill me any second, but I managed to make it back behind my turret in time. I was safe. I ran into the bushes and started to Recall. That was when things went wrong. I knew it was too good to be true, I knew Elise would've gotten me if she had been chasing me. But that was just a diversion, while I ran through the lane, she snuck through the jungle, so when I started to Recall, she rappelled on top of me. One minute I was alone in the bushes, safely Recalling, the next, there was a spider twice my size waiting to eat me. It took a split second to understand that there was no escape this time, I was cornered, I couldn't run, I couldn't Heal, I was doomed. That's when it happened, Elise struck down and killed me. I was dead. "My first kill" I thought to myself, "I wonder how the others are doing." I was in the bushes so I couldn't see a thing, I could hear the distant firing of a turret, but I knew that Elise would've been smart enough to wait for her minions to distract the turret before she got anywhere close to it. That's when S.K. came out. S.K. was the shopkeeper of this world, he had the power to replicate himself as many times as he wanted, but the only thing he can do with his clones is advertise. He always comes up to you when we're at our weakest, when we die, when we retreat back to base, or when he just wants to be annoying. Because of this, we call him Pandora.
"S'up Pandora?" I asked him through telepathy, which was the only way he could communicate. "I'm fine, but you seem to be in a pickle here," he replied in his natural way-too-cheery sort of way, "maybe you'd be better off if you bought some of my wares."
"Here comes the sales pitch." I thought, he always finds some way to direct the conversation to money or his stuff.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, clearly annoyed. Oh yeah, I can't think anything without him hearing me. I cursed myself for getting him mad, when Pandora was mad, nobody won, he would raise his prices for us and lower the prices for the other team. By the look on his face, I could tell that he was planning how much the prices would change. Finally, he remembered I was there.
"Oh, sorry, my mind was elsewhere. Anyway, here's my stuff," he grabbed the bag from his belt and dropped it in front of me, it was enchanted so that it could hold infinite copies of anything he could get his hands on. I needed to work fast, I had wasted enough time arguing with Pandora, I started searching frantically all through the bag, I needed something, anything that could help me. I always bought the boots of swiftness because it gave me the highest passive speed, but this time, I needed to be faster. I grabbed the boots of mobility instead, I grabbed my gold and thrust it into the shopkeeper's hands. I was going look through it some more to see what I wanted to get next, but before I could open the bag again, my senses started to strengthen, I could feel my heart beat, I was becoming warm, I was coming back to life. I got ready to run, as soon as my body came back to the summoner's pedestal, I ran.
I sprinted to the bottom, but as I was running, I risked a quick glance at the middle lane to see if it was al okay, and it was not. Annie and Cho'gath had ganged up on Master Yi and were pushing him back to the gate. I had to make a choice, let them take the middle, or protect the bottom. I found it likely that Elise would be waiting for me, so I decided to surprise her and not show up. I changed directions and went middle. Yi was already behind the second turret, and by the looks of how there was an army of minions attacking it with Annie and Elise behind them, it wasn't looking good. That's when I saw it happen. Annie must have been doing well, because at that moment, she summoned Tibbers. Tibbers went berserk, like he does, and killed Yi and the rest of our minions. That led a clear path from our turret to me. Elise casted Skittering Rage and her spiderlings went insane, and they quickly destroyed our turret. The entire group of enemies turned on me, so turned too. I turned, and ran. It was futile, I couldn't hold up against an army of minions, two champions and Tibbers, I figured I would die, but then I remembered how I had escaped Elise, I used my moves defensively instead of offensively, maybe I could try that again. That's when things went horribly wrong, like usual.
Cho'gath was in the jungle the whole time, and when I started running, he Ruptured the ground underneath me, that gave Annie and Elise the time they needed to catch me. Annie Incinerated me and Elise cast another Skittering Frenzy to make her spiders hungry, they tore into me like I was a new spider chew toy, the mummy ball, operators are standing by! Unfortunately, they didn't want to make the toy last more than a second. Annie's Incinerate dropped me to dangerously low health, and before I could turn to run, Elise's spiderlings quickly turned me into spider food.
"Two deaths," I thought as my body fell to the ground, lifeless, "I bet Yi and Ryze are doing much better." And of course, I was wrong, because at that point I heard a booming voice yell "ACE." We had all died, and the three champions were backed up by an army of minions all in the middle lane. There was no way we could win this round. Pandora showed up, but it was futile, I had no money to buy anything. Pandora must've sensed that, because as soon as he took one look at me, he turned and floated away. All I had to do was wait for imminent destruction. That's when I heard it again, the same voice, yell "ACE." Could Yi and Ryze have taken down all three champions? Apparently so, because through my dead eyes I saw Yi and Ryze both go up the middle lane with a group of minions backing them up. That's when they looked in my direction and saw my dead body, that seemed to put a damper on their mood, but they didn't give up, after all, they had their own souls to worry about. I finally came back to the summoner's pedestal, and I sprinted middle. My Boots of Mobility kicked in and I was racing through middle like a jet plane. I caught up to the heat of the battle in no time, and by the looks of the scene, I was none too late. Cho'gath and Elise were frantically trying to protect their turret from Yi and Ryze, who were not making it easy. Elise was in human form, so it would be easy to finish her off if she started running, but at that moment she cast Volatile Spiderling and blew up a large portion of our minions. Then she turned on Ryze and Yi, who seemed to have taken quite a bit of damage already. But then I made my move, I ran towards Elise and threw my sticky bandage. I had been watching enough minions fight to raise me to level six, so as soon as I was dragged towards Elise, I cast Curse of the Sad Mummy to freeze her and Cho'gath and finish off the their minions. Then I cast Tantrum and Despair to hurt Elise enough to finish her off, and to drop Cho'gath to half health. But I wasn't after them, I was after the turret. I started punching my dead, little heart out, and just before I could lose my last remaining health, I knocked it down with one faithful punch. Immediately after, I sprinted into the jungle, not wanting to be caught by Cho'gath. As soon as I was a safe distance from the middle lane, I ran towards some bushes and started to Recall. I was praying that nobody would find me in here. But when I was just about done, I saw Cho'gath enter my bushes, and he seemed shocked that he actually found me, but in that moment of confusion, I Recalled away. I started to heal and got Pandora to give me a Chain Vest, I had earned a lot of money from that turret kill. The moment I was done healing I ran towards the bottom lane. I figured that After that whole incident with me destroying their turret, they would expect us to push middle, so to shock them, I went around.
Naturally, my luck ran out right there. From the scene I saw, Annie and Elise had been at the bottom lane the whole time, and they had been merciless to our minions and turrets. Immediately after I left the gates, I saw the pure form of rage, and it was the face of a nine-year-old girl. Annie must've gotten mad, because Elise was dead on the floor, and Tibbers was helping her nuke anything that moved. She Jerked her head to look at me, and I could see in her eyes that she wasn't about to let me walk through and punch her nexus until it died, so I went with plan B. "Bye!" I yelled over my shoulder as I ran away with incredible speed. I should've know it wouldn't be that easy. It was still pretty early in the match, Elise would've revived quickly, and she knew that she couldn't always go middle, otherwise we would figure her out. I was in deep trouble now, Annie was clearly after me, and she obviously had no intention to stop. When she was finally out of sight, I saw Yi and Ryze running to the top lane together. Uh oh, they had formed an alliance. They would team up and help each other survive, while I was left to rot in a corner. I changed direction and went middle, I needed to prove to them that I wouldn't go down easily. I was very shocked not to see anybody there, but then I figured out why. I saw a ghostly form floating overhead in the direction of our pedestal, it was Pandora. He had looked at where we had gone and told the other team through his ghost form, Elise and Cho'gath had gone top to deal with Yi and Ryze. Perfect, I'll have a completely empty lane until Yi and Ryze die. I used Despair to quickly take out the minions, soon it was just me and minions against the second turret. The turret took out most of the minions, but I had no competition here, it didn't take long for the turret to fall under the strength of my attacks. It wasn't long before the enemy minions arrived, and when they did, it was me and two minions against their mob. My Despair and Tantrum quickly dropped them all to low health, and after another second of Despair, they were all just corpses. I waited for my minions to come back me up, but before they could, Annie and Cho'gath flanked me from either side, and I knew my luck was out. I sprinted away as fast as I could, but halfway to my nearest turret, Spider Elise jumped out of the jungle and landed on me using Rappel, and she had three spiderlings with her. "FEAST MY PETS!" She screamed as she cast Skittering Rage. They tore into me, and they weren't about to stop, I tried to flee into the jungle, but it was no use. I was going to get my third death, and there was nothing I could do. But there was something someone else could do, at that moment Master Yi jumped through jungle and used Alpha Strike with Wuju Style to knock out Elise and her spiderlings. He quickly cast highlander and sprinted up towards Cho'gath and Annie, who weren't even expecting me to survive, let alone have someone go after them. So when Master Yi came up and quickly wiped out a minion to give his Alpha Strike the cool down he needed to cast it, he dropped Annie to dangerously low health and Cho'gath wasn't doing much better. Then Ryze swooped in from the jungle with Spell Flux coupled with Immense Power to finish off Annie, and to drop Cho'gath down to low enough health that Yi could run in and finish him off with a normal attack.
"Thanks for that," I told them, meaning it, "you guys saved my butt back there."
"All in a days work, Amumu," Yi said, "now lets go make someone lose a soul." I nodded, and after a short Recall, I was at full health with Guardian Angel. I used my Boots of Mobility to run up the middle and help Ryze and Yi, but when I got there, I saw a sight that was truly terrifying. And I know terrifying, after all, I've seen my friend Gary on an enchilada overload. Worst enchilada Thursday EVER.
DISCLAIMERS: I own nothing. I don't own League of Legends, I don't own the characters from League of Legends, I don't own Gary, I don't own the term "enchilada overload" and (sadly) I don't own enchilada Thursday.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: S'up? I'm sorry I took so long to update this chapter, but hey, this was the longest chapter so far! I'm going to do more, seeing as I'm nowhere near the end of this. Also I might do a Zelda/LoL crossover. I'm going to give all of the Zelda characters LoL abilities, and it will be glorious.