AUTHOR'S NOTE 1 Okay, so this is a stupid, pointless, but completely fun alternate ending that I wrote. Basically it's me indulging the (sometimes) horror that is self-insertion. Self-insertion isn't always bad, don't get me wrong. *grin* Just read it and enjoy!

Please ignore the Care Bears thing…it's a very long story.

DISCLAIMER I don't own anyone! Well, I own myself and my friends (yes, every Care Bear alter ego is a real person) own themselves, but that's it.

*Jeff walks onto the Quidditch Pitch*

Jeff: Congratulations.

Oliver: Did you see that?! It was like their Seeker just quit! Smart move too, Harry's the best Seeker we've ever had…

*everyone crowds Harry*

Jeff: I'm sorry to interrupt your celebration, but something is about to happen.

*everyone freezes as a man, five multi-colored bears, a blue dog, a blue bunny, and a brown monkey enter the pitch*

*all animals have symbols on their stomachs*

*a turquoise bear claps her hands and they all become human*

The Author/Wish Bear: All right Jeff, we can take it from here!

Jeff: Uh…ok…

Katius/Share Bear: Ooh! Look at the cute elephant!

Emica/Playful Heart Monkey: Uh, Katius? Who's the guy?

*she points to the lost-looking man in a loincloth*

Belle: Dumbo, isn't that Tarzan?

*Dumbo nods*

Katius/Share Bear: I dunno. I just found him wandering along the path. Can I keep him?

The Author/Wish Bear: Sure.

Jason: Whoa, whoa, what's going on?

The Author/Wish Bear: That's simple – I'm the Author and we've come to take you all home with us. That is, if you want to go.

Johnny: *shrugs* Cool.

Rachel/Swift Heart Rabbit: I want the hot one in the red shirt!

*she and Jason happily leave the pitch*

Belle: Uh, since there are no guys in your group, can I just go back to the Beast now?

The Author/Wish Bear: Yeah, go.

*Belle leaves*

Oliver: Uh, can Harry and I leave too? The Quidditch team needs us.

The Author/Wish Bear: *disappointed* Yeah…

*Meg must restrain Emica and Katius must restrain the Author from jumping Oliver as he and Harry leave*

Katius/Share Bear: Can I keep the elephant? Puh-leeeease?

The Author/Wish Bear: Yeah, but I get Stitch!

*Katius shrugs and leaves with Dumbo and Tarzan in tow*

Emily/Love-a-Lot Bear: I want a cute little hobbit thing!

The Author/Wish Bear: Ok, you can have Merry. I want Pippin!

Michelangelo: Dudes, no one's gunna want a turtle and to be honest, the only human I like is April. Can I go?

*the Author nods*

Emica/Playful Heart Monkey: Hmm. I guess I'll take Scott, but only if he agrees to wear black leather like in the movie!

Scott: Uh…sure…

Meg/Loyal Heart Dog: Can I have Aragorn? Ooh, and Wedge. I want Wedge too!

The Author/Wish Bear: Sure, cuz I'm taking Luke.

Luke: Your planet is very interesting.

Emily/Love-a-Lot Bear: How come you get three people?

Kate/Funshine Bear: Yeah, I want someone!

Legolas: Before anyone claims me, I should mention that I have a girl waiting for me in Lothlórien…

The Author/Wish Bear: Yeah, I know. You can go back to her.

*Legolas leaves*

The Author/Wish Bear: And I get three cuz I'm the author! Kate, you can have the Human Torch.

Kate/Funshine Bear: Ooh, I like the sound of that!

Margaret/Bedtime Bear: I want someone too!

Spike: How 'bout me, love?

*he leads Margaret off*

*the Author looks around*

The Author/Wish Bear: Well, looks like everyone's happy!

*she takes out a pen*

The Author/Wish Bear: I hereby declare this THE END.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2 No one got Oliver because Emica and I were fighting over him *wink* And there is also a TOTALLY shameless plug for my Lord of the Rings fics "Immortal Night" and its sequel "Beyond Morning"…that's what Legolas is referring to when he says he has a girl in Lothlórien waiting for him.

Thanks everyone for reading THE QUAFFLE MYSTERY!