Author's Notes: Welcome to my side project, my beautiful, beautiful, side project... A short reprieve, and a long time coming: its main purpose is to wet my SasuSaku appetite ‒ and hopefully yours too. Yes, that innuendo was intended. I don't know if this is funny enough for the "humour" genre, but there's nothing else that really fits, so it'll do. This isn't canon. Have fun with it – I certainly did. ;)


Not So Innocent
Chapter One: Awakening.

He couldn't sleep.

He couldn't get it out of his head.

Sasuke Uchiha was the butt of his own joke.

Having ditched the rest of Taka three towns over, he took the opportunity to have some time alone. Those idiots weren't his problem right now, but Sasuke was having another issue. He'd decided to slip into a small town where there were no other ninja, and with a henge on himself, passed as an ordinary civilian. The village he'd wandered into was in the middle of some kind of festival, which was annoying enough, but then every hotel he walked into was turning him away. The vacancies were non-existent due to the influx of visitors from towns as far as the land of iron. A dingy motel and squeaky clean bed and breakfast later, he finally found a tavern with a vacancy.

There was no sign, but he assumed the innkeeper wasn't lying about having plenty of room; apparently, they could fit him, his friends, and any manner of inanimate object that took his fancy. Not that he thought those things important, let alone understood what the hell she meant by that. In hindsight, that innkeeper had been dressed a little too scantily, but Sasuke didn't notice these kinds of things about people. He grunted, paid for the night, and told the women who tried to jump him to fuck off, leaving a surprised group of glitter clad women in his wake.

But still, he didn't realise he'd walked into a whorehouse.

Women were always throwing themselves at him, what did it matter?

His room was surprisingly dazzling; vivid, rich red and black coloured the floors, the walls and ceiling, and he could only guess it was some strange local thing he'd never understand. It was a room, and his options were limited, so he showered, ignoring the tantalising scent of the toiletries supplied to him, and got ready for bed.

The moment he turned out the lights, Sasuke let out an involuntary gasp. The ceiling was mildly luminescent and he was getting the distinct impression someone was watching him. Cautiously, he checked the area for chakra signatures. When he found nothing, he shrugged it off and tried to sleep.

The first scream brought him out of his light slumber and his delicate world of denial crashed around him. He had dropped the henge protecting his identity, and in the first few moments after that scream, he feared it had something to do with the startled sound. But then it dawned on him… that hadn't been an ordinary scream. That was how he'd found himself finally figuring out where he was. And then it hit him in an instant, like one of those light bulbs hovering over a person's head in movies. And all of a sudden, he had an aching conundrum.

The problem? His "next door neighbours" were having loud, disruptive sex.

His virginity hadn't bothered him before, not really. And for years from the onset of puberty, it hadn't been a problem. It wasn't like he was suddenly growing and realising he was a man, not a boy, as he'd never fully understood what sex really was. There was this one day when Karin had tried to seduce him, talking dirty and making him want to puke. But realising it was a necessary step in his second goal, Sasuke had done some research (not confiding in Taka…). As it turned out, his body had a surplus of endorphins that were supposed to be connected to the act of having sex.

Okay, so he should've known.

He felt his face redden just thinking about it. The book he'd read had been well illustrated. Just remembering this, and the things he was supposed to do with his… well, for now he would call it his tool… Sasuke couldn't help the nerves wracking his body. He was nineteen years old, his hormones were only just now kicking in, and he was ashamed that it had taken him this long to realise he had any.

He considered himself smarter than that.

Sasuke snapped his head around as the female participant in the annoyingly loud sex screamed out words he'd only ever heard Karin utter before. It made him shiver. But then the low toned grunts from the guy, coupled by more screams from the woman (decidedly less obtuse this time) made him wonder. Could he have that too? Was he going to be just as loud, or quieter? He wasn't a noisy person by nature… did that count?

Sasuke swallowed heavily as the woman cried out again, and again the aftershock from their violent encounter was shaking the foundations of the thin wall separating them from their innocently fragile ear witness. He felt a strange throbbing in his pants and looked down.

'What the–?'

After all this time of being oblivious, why was he getting this reaction now?

He did the only thing he could think of: he undid the tie on his pants and freed his member from its restraints.

"OH FUCK!"

He almost had a heart attack. That was louder this time, and it startled him. Calming himself, Sasuke reached down and touched the end of his tool, realising it had become noticeably engorged; his touch was also slightly painful. What was he supposed to do about that? He hesitated to touch it again, but the rational part of his mind told him it wasn't going to stop hurting on its own. Still, he was in unfamiliar territory – he wanted it to go away on its own, but the aching was overloading his common sense. His hand was twitching to relieve himself from the pressure.

Also, that book had mentioned something about blood pooling and pain being a form of pleasure.

So Sasuke gripped himself firmly without adding undue pressure, clasping the engorgement with his right hand. He let out an involuntary hiss that paled in comparison to the sounds coming from next door, but found that a little easier to ignore now. He moved his hand over his length, feeling the muscle moving under his grip as he attempted to massage the pain away as he clutched at the bed sheets with his other hand in a vain attempt to stall or diffuse the pain.

After a few moments however, it wasn't so bad and he realised it actually felt quite good. He stopped trying to rip the sheets and instead, his grip became stronger, and he continued to stroke his growing bulge. He moved his free hand between his thighs and closed his eyes, his body moving with the pace he'd unconsciously set. His thoughts faded away, and he moaned softly at the sensation.

All he knew for sure was that he couldn't leave this room in this condition, and he rocked with the instinctual movements – his body was moving of its own accord and the tightening of his muscles preceded an unfamiliar but intoxicating burning sensation. He was startled out of his reverie as he came onto his hand. The liquid pooled at his navel and Sasuke shuddered, torn between sweet relief and abject horror.

What had he just done?

His mind came back down to earth and he stared at the ceiling. This feeling of satiation was overwhelming whatever common sense he had left, but he couldn't help it – that was the most amazing thing he'd ever experienced. He wondered briefly if anything else could ever compare; the sounds from next door had long disappeared and he chalked the sudden, rampage of his hormones up to some kind of latent voyeurism – it was probably genetic...

But the most important thing was for him to get out of this whorehouse, before he did something he would truly regret.

–XXX–

Sasuke abandoned Taka. He didn't know or care where they were. They were no longer his problem, if the rumours were true – Konoha had them, apparently. He was sure Jūgo had gone quietly, Suigetsu not so much. And as for that annoying redhead, well, who cared? The only thing that mattered would be how the leaf used them to find him. He didn't want to go back, he didn't want to face the shame of what he'd done, no matter how much he regretted it.

There were some things that could not be undone.

Konoha had survived his attack and Tobi was dead… he had no-one. So Sasuke had decided to hit the road, cross a few borders, and find a place where he would be left in peace. He was, for the first time in his life, looking forward to the inevitable attention he would get from the adoring girls his age as he made for familiar territory. It was an area he'd frequented a lot, but never taken Hebi to, or had dealings in that included Orochimaru, Akatsuki, or Tobi. He would be safe here, safe to settle down and start again.

The only problem was that Kami had other ideas. Was Kami also fate and destiny? That would explain a lot. They all hated him.

Not to mention the fact that, three days after stumbling into that whorehouse, he had a raging hard on… again. It had come and gone periodically since that day.

Sasuke groaned, sticking to the alleyways of the town he'd decided to hide out in before moving on – this one didn't have any brothels. He'd checked, double checked, and then triple checked, just to be on the safe side.

The leaf teams had picked up his scent (thanks to Naruto's sage technique no doubt) and the border to the land of rain was heavily guarded. Sure, he could take them all out easy, whether he killed or just maimed, but Sasuke didn't want anyone to know where he was going.

And, as he'd already stated: his tool was begging for more release. It sounded so childish, calling it that, but he wasn't comfortable with the word "penis". Just thinking it made him shudder.

More proof he didn't know what he was doing.

And his hand could only ease him for so long; Sasuke was getting more and more frustrated. He wanted, no needed a more permanent release soon, or he was just going to take some random stranger off the street. That hadn't sounded so bad in his head until he repeated it out loud, and he groaned again. He sounded like a lecher.

With a new henge on, he stayed in the shadows of buildings, and avoided crowds. It was while running away from the Konoha teams, trying to hide his chakra so he could get some time alone to do something about his most recent problem, that he saw her. That pink hair wasn't easy to miss in a crowd, no matter how multi-coloured it became. He couldn't help his first thought: 'Kami she looks good.'

His second thought – one that was closer to constructive and not remotely hormone driven ‒ was that she had always claimed to love him. An idea struck him; a simple thought with far reaching ramifications. Before his rational side could talk him out of it, he left the alcove he'd been hiding in and watched in anticipation as she made her way toward him.

He hadn't seen her for a couple of years, and when his mind drifted, she plagued him; his thoughts surrounded the days that had led to his leaving Konohagakure. She had filled out, and Sasuke wondered if his new appreciation for the body of Sakura Haruno had something to do with his recent, personal revelations. His fingers twitched, one hand moving along his pant leg, fisting the material in desperate frustration and he fought to keep his grip out of his own pants in broad daylight.

So lost in his musings over what Sakura looked like under those tight black shorts, what naughty little sounds she would make if he ever got her underneath him, naked and writhing, that he lost all control of his chakra and his newest henge dropped away inexplicably.

Startled jade eyes met heavy lidded black obsidian orbs and he let out a shuddering sigh, giving into the inevitable. He growled. "Sakura."

–XXX–

A/N: Slightly funny, but more expectant than anything. :) Can you believe I tried to distract myself from this? Note to self: candy is a sweetener not a deterrent. Love and review! ^_^