Oh dear God... This is the longest I've taken to update... I am so, so sorry for that... I haven't been writing much of anything lately. I REALLY wanted to finish all 8 chapters before the end of 2013... *pouty face* Ah well. I'll live. ;) Also, I'm not sure if I've said this before, but the world of Not So Innocent isn't canon–obviously, since Naruto isn't over. That means, in this fic, there are people (for example: Inoichi Yamanaka), that didn't die. Just something to know before reading this chapter. Enjoy.
Not So Innocent
Chapter Seven: Comparisons.
Boy talk: it was the backbone of teenager-dom. It was at least, according to Ino Yamanaka. She could gossip all day about celebrities, the newest, adorable yukata she just had to buy herself, or that mission to the Land of Wind where she kicked so many asses, that her team mates didn't get a single one, but boys were still her favourite pastime. And if Ino was ever robbed of the opportunity to gush and/or swoon, then heaven help the person responsible! Especially since she didn't have much time left until she wasn't a teenager anymore–less than six months. She needed to milk this for all it was worth, while she still could. Then she'd have to be an adult, and all responsible... she shuddered at the thought.
This was why how she found herself hunting down her best friend.
The pink haired Kunoichi in question was sitting on the ground, her back against one of the upturned logs in the Third Training Ground. If memory served, this was the training ground where Team Seven passed. Ino guessed this was where she would be–well, it was her third choice, but it still counted.
Putting on airs, Ino made her presence known. "Are we friends or not, forehead?"
Sakura looked up at her friend, holding a hand up to guard against the glare of the sun. "What are you talking about?"
Ino plopped down next to her unceremoniously. "I'm talking about your little soiree in the forest!"
The pinkette frowned. "You mean retrieving Sasuke?"
Ino snorted, waving her hand about haphazardly. "Crap no; everybody knows he's back. I'm talking about that girl code–you know; the mutual disclosure on all things hot and heavy rule."
It was Sakura's turn to snort. "You're so immature."
"I am not!"
"Spare me your dramatics." It was fun watching the blonde get all riled up, regardless.
Ino rolled her eyes at her friend. "I'm not being dramatic–I'm genuinely shocked and insulted here. You should've told me right away that you bumped nasties with the big-bad-Uchiha. I had to hear about it from Shika-kun!" She threw her hands in the air. "Shikamaru of all people! And he doesn't even gossip!"
"I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing," Sakura admitted. "While I'd like to know all the things he overhears–with him being the tactical advisor to the Hokage–he'd be worse than you if he, you know, started acting like you."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"The damage he could do to our economy alone..." Sakura sighed wistfully.
"What I could do with all that power," Ino bemoaned.
Sakura giggled. "At least you've always got your mind transfer jutsu."
"Yes... because I can really do that without ever being found out."
Sakura just shrugged her shoulders.
"And don't think I haven't noticed your attempt to change the subject!"
The pinkette sighed–this time with no intended sarcasm. "What do you want me to say, Ino-pig? I went on a mission to bring Sasuke back, and succeeded."
"And knocked boots with him!"
Ino smirked. "What was he like?"
"You're not seriously asking me that?"
Ino frowned. "What? It's a perfectly reasonable assumption. I tell you everything!"
"To make me want to go out and sleep around myself," Sakura reminded her. This was something Ino had actually admitted to doing.
"And you do."
"Do so–why else would you screw Sasuke the first chance you got?"
"Why did you screw him? Wait." Ino held a hand out to stop Sakura from answering. "A better question is why did he do it? Last time any of us saw him, he didn't want any girl."
"He wanted to revive his clan, Ino; of course he would eventually want a girl. No matter how much it's loved by fangirls, mpreg is not remotely possible."
"So he chose you?"
Sakura glanced over the forest, from her position, her mind going to the first time she'd laid eyes on this place. "I honestly don't know."
If Sasuke wasn't the last Uchiha, Sakura wondered how differently their lives would've turned out.
Not liking the pinkette's melancholy, Ino wracked her brains for a new topic.
"Well," she said. "It's not like he's a major step up from your last one. I mean, I've been around–" (Sakura coughed into her hand, pretending to half-choke) "–but I've never been with one of Konoha's eligible bachelors before. It's not fair, really; I mean, I'm good at what I do, you know?"
"Yes Ino, I know." 'Or so you keep telling me.'
"So why do you get all the eligible bachelors?"
"I got one," Sakura defended haughtily. "I'd only been with one guy before Sasuke, unlike you, you pig."
Ino moaned dramatically. "And what a guy!"
"If you want him so badly, go and... oh wait," Sakura added in a faux innocent tone, "you can't, he's taken!"
They glared at each other. Like every other time, they both eventually broke away at the same time, and erupted into a fit of giggles. It took them a while to settle down too.
Ino plucked at the grass absentmindedly. "Remember six months ago, when you, me, Hinata and Tenten spied on the boys at that waterfall?"
Sakura smiled. It had been on Hyuuga grounds, but private enough that the boys of the Konoha Eleven, plus Sai, had been confident enough to go skinny dipping, thinking no-one would see them. Rumours that they did this in one of the training grounds once, made even the shy Hinata want to follow them around until they knew for sure. As far as they knew, no-one had seen them watching.
It had been the final straw for Tenten–she just couldn't deny her attraction to Neji any longer. Sakura sighed. At least she'd gotten there first.
Ino giggled. "So, how does Sasuke compare?"
Ino grinned. "In size; when fully aroused."
'Oh god, Ino, shut up!' Sakura groaned, trying to block out the blonde's voice by sticking her fingers in her ears and proceeding to sing, "la-la-la!"
"You can 'la-la-la' all you want!" Ino yelled over her. "But I'll get the truth out of you eventually!" Sakura stopped singing and glared at her friend. Ino held her hands out in front of her. "Shika's this long." Her hands move to indicate a cylindrical shape. "And this wide. Now it's your turn."
By this point, Sakura's face was beet red.
Enjoying herself too much, Ino couldn't remove the grin from her face. "Do you think he'll drop his pants if I tell him it's to prove you guys did it?"
Sakura was spared from any further embarrassment–and Ino from being pummelled–when an ANBU shunshined directly in front of them.
He motioned to Sakura. "The Lady Hokage has summoned you; the hearing for Sasuke Uchiha is starting, now."
Grateful for the excuse to get away, Sakura jumped to her feet and disappeared in a flurry of pink blossoms.
"Sai?" Ino asked; she would know that body anywhere. His voice was muffled through the mask, and he was an expert and changing his voice anyway. She climbed to her feet, dusting her clothes off as she did.
Sai lifted the porcelain mask, not surprised that she'd realised it was him; she was one of the few people that knew he'd re-joined ANBU after the war (the rest of Team Kakashi included). He'd done it to help his fellow, former ROOT colleagues to adjust to the normal black ops division. "Ino," he nodded.
Ino ran her forefinger along his arm. "Why aren't you going to Sasuke's arraignment?"
"It's just for his former teammates."
She frowned. It annoyed her to no end that people down played him just because he wasn't a part of the original Team Seven. He was busy being brainwashed at that time, for Kami sake! And anyway, the rest of his former team trusted him with the same dedication she trusted hers (not to mention that it was rare for Shinobi to retain the same team for any significant period of time in their career), so she didn't see what the big deal was.
"I think the traitor is getting off easily," he said conversationally, and she nodded.
"Yep," she said mirthlessly. "The world is a small place when you're up high." She frowned. "Perhaps it's a good thing you're not heading over there, after all."
"Naruto's on the warpath." He cocked his head at her and she smirked. "Apparently, someone told him you started those rumours about him and Sasuke."
"Come in!" Tsunade called out, at the knock on her office door. The ANBU escorting Sasuke and Naruto promptly disappeared the moment the door closed behind them. "Ah good, you're here."
Sasuke glanced around the room, noting that Kakashi and the rest of Team Taka were also present. He vaguely wondered where Sakura was, but decided that asking about her would only incite Naruto or Suigetsu to tease him about her. Instead, he frowned. "What are you lot doing here?"
"It's a funny story, actually." Suigetsu said, holding up a hand to count on his fingers. "We got caught by Konoha's forces while looking for you, were offered a deal to find you and keep our heads attached, returned to Konoha to honour that deal... and you?"
"We're here to hear your punishment," Jūgo corrected him.
"To support you," Karin amended.
"Mostly, I'm here out of curiosity." Kakashi thought it funny this was being done in this room. "This has got to be a first."
"I'm here to help you, Sasuke," Naruto proclaimed.
"I wasn't asking you," Sasuke admonished sarcastically. "But now that I think about it, sure, stay as long as you like."
"That's it!" Naruto growled. "Sasuke, you're out. Suigetsu, you're in!"
Suigetsu grinned at him. "That tickles me, it really does."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto, questioningly.
"Suigetsu's my new best friend," the blonde snapped.
This did not elicit the eye twitch of jealousy he was hoping for; that twitch was infamous on anyone who worshipped the Konoha Eleven. What he got instead, was a blank expression, except for his eyes; they literally demanded a deeper explanation.
Naruto pulled a face at him. "While you were off making evil plans with Orochimaru, I realised something: I need more normal, stable people in my life."
"And a fish man is normal?"
"More normal than this conversation right now," Kakashi chimed in.
"Right," Tsunade got the hint. "Sasuke, sit on the chair." She pointed to a chair in the middle of the room.
But Sasuke was distracted by the blonde jinchuriki, who was trying to mollify him.
"Uh..." Naruto panicked. "I didn't say you couldn't be my best friend too."
"What is this, a popularity contest?" Kakashi asked.
"Sure," Suigetsu smirked. "Whoever Naruto likes best wins."
"Get in the chair," Tsunade repeated herself.
"I'll do it," Naruto offered, charging at Sasuke.
Suigetsu moved closer to the Hokage, as they fought for the hell of it, and whispered, "three hundred yen on Naruto."
Tsunade rolled her eyes at him, but agreed. "Make it four."
"If I have to tie you down, I will." Naruto declared.
Sasuke snorted. "I'd like to see you try."
He really shouldn't have said that.
"Get off of me!"
"Get into it!" Naruto shouted, trying to shove Sasuke into the chair.
Sasuke shoved him away.
"Fine, you won't go down willingly?" Naruto pulled back, formed a few hand seals, and four shadow clones promptly appeared in front of him (between him and Sasuke). "Then I'll just have to knock you out!"
Outside the door to Tsunade's office, and poised to knock, Sakura couldn't distinguish the grunting noises from the sounds of furniture breaking. Tentatively, she decided to forgo the knock; the first thing she realised upon entering, was that more than just the former members of Team Seven were waiting in Tsunade's office. The next thing was that by opening her shishou's door without warning, she was now a witness to the most asinine of masculine displays she'd ever... scratch that. There was nothing masculine about flailing arms and bite tactics.
Naruto whipped his head around in time to see Sakura step into the room, the shock on her face familiar; it would soon turn to anger. He mumbled "crap", and immediately his hands moved in a flurry of hand signs. "Harem no Jutsu!"
The smoke cleared, revealing four female clones to replace his normal ones; as one, they squealed girlishly and made a dash for Sasuke. With a seal on his chakra, Sasuke couldn't disperse them, but the main reason the naked, female versions of Naruto managed to grab him was due to pure shock. This just had to happen to him, now that he got it... the whole libido thing. Maybe Kami thought he deserved it.
The room's various occupants had varying reactions; Suigetsu snickered, Jūgo stared in shock, Tsunade sighed in frustration, Kakashi ogled blatantly, Karin was trying not to look too fascinated by the femme fatales, and Sakura summoned chakra to her fist, ready to beat Naruto into a coma.
Sasuke swayed slightly, under the weight of four, faux fangirl-y perverts, before blood started to trickle out of his nose.
That was it.
He'd had it.
He promptly fainted.
Been wanting to do that to Sasuke since my first SasuSaku fanfic, but it just never felt right until now. :) If FanFiction would let me put 3 genres on this, the 3rd would be parody, definitely. I realise it's been a few chapters since any real SasuSaku–believe me, I'm making up for that next time.
Reviews are candy, and delicious, and make me smile. ;) Just one more chapter left.