Summary: No Amy, No Rory. No Ponds. Just River and The Doctor, mourning and grieving in their own ways.
A/N:Okay, I wanted to write something angsty because after watching the prequel for The Snowmen I kind of had to. Hope you all like it and tell me what you think!
Songs I listened to while writing this are: Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars, Stand by You by Carrie Underwood.
The silence fell all around, bouncing off the walls and echoing down passage ways. The whole Tardis was quiet. No Doctor jumping excitedly, no River Song flirting and smiling endearingly at her husband… and no Ponds. No Amy telling off the Doctor and rolling her eyes knowingly. No Rory spouting off sarcastic remarks and putting in check the rest of his weird family.
Today, unlike the days before, everything was quiet.
The air was filled with tension and a mourning light filtered the Tardis, as if she too was grieving.
The only Time Lord sat upon his rarely used bed in his very difficult to find and impossible to reach bedroom. He guesses it's his way of separating from reality. The Ponds were gone. He would never see them again. They were dead. He stood abruptly, grabbing a glass on his bedside table and throwing it with as much force as he could muster at the wall next to the door. His cheeks burned with the tears he had cried. He wanted to cry again, but there was none left. He had wasted them all.
Damn it. This was exactly what he was trying to prevent. Not them leaving, no, he knew it would happen. It always did. But.. He didn't want them to die. They were The Ponds.
The Doctor sat back down on the edge of the bed, putting his head on his hands in sorrow. He didn't let out a sound though.
Then, he heard a noise. It rung loudly in the silence but it would be considered quiet any other day. A knock on his door. Of course.
River Song. His wife. Melody Pond. The Daughter of Amy and Rory.
The person he least wanted to see right now.
You would think having the last piece of The Ponds with you would be considered a blessing. It would be, if you weren't the Doctor.
Everything he looks at her, all he feels is guilt. Guilt for what her life became because of him and guilt for her losing the last strand of a family she had left. And it was all his fault. Of course, she would say it wasn't. But it was. It always is.
He didn't answer her or ushered her to come in, but she did anyway. Because she was River Song.
He looked up, a glare on his eyes because he has to hide behind whatever wall he had left. One that hasn't crumpled yet. And that was anger.
"I thought I told you I wanted to be left alone." He hissed.
She didn't say anything though. She merely walked closer to him until she was inches away from him. She didn't sit down next him either, only stood there, right in front of him.
He looked at her. The Doctor noticed she had changed into a simple white nightgown, her feet were bare and her hair was in its natural wild state. Her face was clean if it weren't for the red in her eyes and the tear marks on her cheeks (that she obviously tried to hide.. But she could never truly hide from him, now could she?).
The Doctor tiredly sighed, as if he was giving up on his pretense (because he couldn't hide from her either, as much as he tried). His shoulders slumped and his eyes showed the years his face didn't. He grabbed her hand in his, squeezing gently.
"I'm sorry, dear." He said quietly, looking down in shame. (Because how dare he take it out on her. It wasn't her fault, of course it wasn't.. but he couldn't exactly take it out on the person who was actually at fault).
River shook her head slowly. She didn't smile, her whole face was composed in a calm demeanor. Only her eyes giving away how she really felt, he could see it she knew.
Her fingers lingered on his palm in a calming way, forming circles and words long forgotten by everyone but them. At that moment, he looked up. Even now she was comforting him. Even now, when she was so broken (and he knew she was) and grieving in her own way, she was putting all of it behind her and comforting him. Making him feel better.
He never did find out what he did to deserve her.
She was always too much for him.
Her love was the only thing keeping him afloat right now, and he wish his would be hers. But… he doesn't think he's shown her how much he loves her. Maybe she doesn't know.
Oh, what a horrible husband he's been.
The Doctor stands up, holding her other hand in his before pulling her in for a hug. Just a hug. Her arms circle his neck and his circle her waist. He squeezes her, wishing he could erase all of their pain like this. He breathes in her aroma as he nuzzles against her neck and hair. She doesn't smell like a Pond though. And that makes him release a choked sob.
She shushes him but he shakes his head and pulls away slightly, touching her forehead with his.
"I love you." He says and it feels like the first time because now… now he feels like he means it more.
"No.. you don't." He interrupts her, because he needs to say this and she needs to hear it. "I love you, River. All of you. Your human part and your Time Lady part. You don't have to hide the damage from me, my love. Because I love you. Even the bits that aren't perfect." He takes a deep breath, "You're Melody Pond.." His voice breaks a bit at that, "And it matters. It matters what you feel. It matters to me. You matter to me. Just, please… don't hide from me."
And in that moment, she crumbles. She breaks. He takes her in his arms, soothing her but letting her soak his shirt up with her tears. She's always there for him, now it's his turn.
His turn to show her how much he loves her.
They're going to get through this, he knows.