Title: Wake Up
Copyright: November 17th – 18th, 2012
Ratings: (USA) T / (UK) PG / (AUS) PG
Fandom: Lost Girl
Spoiler(s): Not really.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. I ripped off this disclaimer... so did I, but I do want to add: "Lost Girl," is on Showcase. It was created by Michelle Lovietta. It is developed and produced by Prodigy Pictures in association with CanWest.
Author's Note: I am not sure if I was directly inspired by a song in a video I saw on YouTube. It was not a Lost Girl video, it was a wedding video and the song playing underneath was called, "I want you with me," sung by Leann Rimes. While I listened to it, this came to me so I decided to write it down.
Special Thanks: To my beta, Eblane and I know my "bestie," knows I thank her as well, but just in case, thank you Becca.
I know this is unexpected. You are probably wondering why I've written you a letter, something so old fashioned and out of date; yes, I know, I am basically saying the same thing twice.
But, this feels right.
To see the words I have longed to say to you in black and white; solidifies it for me, makes it real.
I can't take these words back unless I rip this letter up or I decide never to give this to you, which would be the biggest mistake I could ever make...
And we both know I have made a few...
And do not roll your eyes Lauren.
We are not immune from making mistakes, even if we believe our actions are for the best.
And I suspect we will continue to make them, to protect the each other...
I never knew this "letter writing" stuff would or could be so hard...
I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to tell you and... I should probably get to the point, before I ramble on more and end up throwing this away...
So, it's like this: What I am trying to say in a roundabout way is this : You mean everything to me Lauren.
We have gone through so much in the short time we have known each other.
And there have been moments where we could not stand the sight of one another and we both know why.
But I would not change a thing. If I had there would be no guarantee that I, that we would be here right now.
Right now, I can turn and look over my shoulder and see you. I can watch you sleep and I know in my heart with a certainty that I have never felt before that I will always want this.
My heart races when I look into your eyes. I want to hold you so close that the thought of being away from you even for a moment is torture to me, to my soul.
You have made me a believer...
In something bigger than the both of us.
Something that makes me whole.
Something I have to hold onto with everything I have, because...
Because if I let it go, if I let it slip away...
I would not be me anymore.
I would be left an empty shell, having died slowly inside.
So, I hold on to it...
Maybe a little too tight at times.
Maybe for a little too long.
But I can't help myself.
I almost lost it before and I...
I did not like who or what I became.
But now that I have it back, I cannot tell you how much it...
How much you mean to me.
I know I have not told you, not in so many words, how I deflect what my heart begs me to tell you.
What I want to tell you once and for all...
Always and forever.
I love you Lauren Lewis.
I love you.
If you could only see the smile on my face...maybe, maybe you can hear it in these written words.
If you could feel the beating of my heart, you would know it's true.
Not: I love you... all.
Not that I don't love all of you. Well, maybe I love some parts of you more than others, but never mind that now.
Man, this letter writing thing is hard to do when your thoughts are all over the place.
But you will always be in them, surrounding me with your love, your compassion, your dedication; everything that is you.
And I am amazed how one touch…
Will stop me in my tracks...
One touch will make me want more.
You don't know how honored I am to be the one to touch you.
To hold you.
To kiss you.
You have no idea the joy you bring me or how empty I was inside...
I look at you again...
I can't help myself.
I see you smiling in your sleep and I can't help but wonder what are you dreaming about.
What has made you so happy?
You're smile has widen and I think it's because I've just whispered in your ear that I love you.
I'm shaking my head.
I can whisper it in your ear.
I can write it a million times over on paper...
It is written a million times over in my heart.
And yet, I choke when I try to speak the words to you aloud.
It's not because I don't want too.
I just, I don't want to hurt you ever again.
I need you to believe that.
We both have the power to hurt one another.
We have both felt what that pain and I know I never want to feel that pain nor be the cause of it again.
Lauren, you should hear my thoughts, they are scattered and I am telling myself to stop rambling and focus otherwise you may never get this.
Then it hits me.
I guess I made up my mind.
I am going to give this to you.
I really wasn't sure.
And now, I am.
And I wonder why it took me so long.
But now, I'm ready.
Lauren, with every part of me, I give myself wholly to you.
I can't think straight trying to put this into words that convey the depth of my emotions.
I need you to wake up so I can look into your eyes and lose myself in them before telling you what I have wanted to tell you for so long now.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I want to write those words over and over again but the words pale in the light of the emotion behind them so I will end this letter now.
I know it isn't the greatest one ever written and will never be judged by others in the future to be the consummate expression, or the ultimate heartfelt declaration of my love for you.
But, I think that's okay.
It's okay as long as you know how I feel...
That's all I need.
I hope it's all you need.
Wake up, love