Disclaimer: The manga and the characters belong to Hino Matsuri.
A/N: I've always believed there was some kind of feeling between Kaname and Zero and I've been nurturing my hope and patiently waiting for the day it is confirmed :-)
Summary: Chapters 32 & 33 of Vampire Knight, Kaname confessed his love to Yuuki and asked her to be his lover. While she still couldn't understand why a perfect person like him would choose a girl like her, a certain hunter was struggling to accept this fact.
Pairing: Zero x Kaname
~ THE LOVER ~
The white-painted wood door nonchalantly closed behind my back, a dry sound echoed as it failed to click into its metal lock as usual. This door was too old, and needed a big bang to be shut properly, however, I wouldn't worry much about it. I had been irritated when it first occurred, but got used to it with time and began accepting it as how it was. Sometimes I wondered if it was my character or somewhere in my life I had learned not to require things to be a hundred percent perfect or adjust them to fix my own expectations. In fact, I no longer had an expectation, life was quite unanticipated and fate usually played on its course, then why should I care?
Sun rose up pretty soon in this season, rays of light soaked a greener color on those foliages. A light breeze was rustling on the fresh grass which holding the graveled path wandering around the campus. A few white uniforms could be seen here and there. It was daytime. Sun Dorm students were in class, and Moon Dorm was supposed to be asleep. But it had become normal since last month that those Night Classers would go against their instinct to walk out in the sun, because it was an order from the Moon Dorm president, Kaname Kuran, their king, to follow and guard his lover day and night.
"I've liked Kaname-senpai for ten years. Whenever I think of him, my mind will whirl with all the thoughts of him, so much that I could lose myself. Even if he betrays me, my feelings for him will never change."
Yuuki's heart was pure, her love was pure. I couldn't blame her, but felt unfortunate that out of all the guys she had met, she fell for that pureblood. Though it was inevitable, he was her savior, he was kind to her, he took care of her, treated her gently, and couldn't not mention the fact that he was gorgeous. His looks would make any beauty, men or women, standing by his side get embarrassed. His attraction would charm any person, men or women, to volunteer to be his slave. Even I couldn't resist it. Yes, I had fallen for him. I found myself falling in love with him little by little, since Yuuki introduced him to me when he came over for a visit many years ago. I was annoyed when the silly Day Class girls got all crazy waiting to see him everyday at shift-changing time. I was more annoyed finding myself looking longingly after his back.
Of course I had never told Yuuki that I was technically her love rival, not wanting her to think I was some weird guy who could grow a tender passion for another guy, or feel betrayed that her best friend wanted to interfere in her romance. There was no point to admit my love, if from the beginning we had already known there was no future. Everyone knew I was a vampire hater, who had made a vow after Shizuka Hio destroyed my family that one day I would kill all purebloods by myself. My adopted father, chairman Cross, was a pacifist, but the blood ran in my veins was from the strongest and oldest hunter line, who believed the only way to achieve peaceful co-existence was to eliminate all purebloods in this world.
I had no expectation, because in my situation, I didn't know what to expect. Just like the path in front of me which was being divided into two, one led to my class, and the other led to the woods wrapping around the Moon Dorm. A white table sheet on that direction fluttered from a long distance, sandwiches, fresh fruit and drinks were ready, a few cushions were arranged nearby, all those gave out a hint that someone was staying under that large leaf canopy. I knew it was him, probably reading a book, patiently waiting for his girlfriend. That person wouldn't expect me to come over and say hi, even though he could easily sense my aura, as I sensed his. Or it was already a silent greeting between us, as breeze were transmitting our specific scents to each other. I inhaled a long breath and held it deeply in my lungs, savoring every tidbit of his pureblood essence, his natural fragrance mixing in the freshened odor of plants in a sunny day.
My steps turned to the left direction leading to the school as a habit, eyes also trailed off to draw another view into my vision. Nobody could see my hesitance when I was at the confluence. I had learned to control my expressions to conceal what I was truly feeling. I looked calm even if I was totally confused. I acted apathetically even if my heart was being shattered to pieces. I hadn't shed a tear when my parents passed away, though this pain had never been reduced in the bottom of my innermost. I didn't want to surrender, though I had lost everything.
Maybe some other times I wasn't the one who lost, but the one who stole from another. I stole Yuuki's trust, stole her boyfriend, stole the faithfulness, innocence of her relationship. On the day she told me Kaname had confessed to her, my heart beat as a drum. I wanted to scream through the sky, and shot each and every walking vampire to satisfy my anger. A part of me was a wild beast which had been tamed by another part which was cold-hearted and indifferent, though occasionally it still roared furiously in its desperate attempt to break free. I knew my anger was unreasonable, because Yuuki had met Kaname long before my attitude toward him started changing. He was not mine, as I was not his. We had nothing to do with each other. So I didn't protest when she dragged me with her to their appointment. She begged Kaname to tell her about her vanished past, and he pulled her into his chest.
I leaned on the wall, looking straight at the opposite wall as if having no interest in what was happening nearby. Yet I didn't miss his mourning gaze at me, it was only a few seconds, those burgundy pools seemed filled up with unspeakable agony, tears brimmed over his eyes, though I didn't believe they would really fall down. Kaname was a pureblood to cry out loud, and we- we..., the last piece of my soberness quaveringly reminded me that we were merely sex mates to enrich each other's leisure time. Kaname had told Yuuki he loved her, and it was the reason I let her lug me there. I wanted to see how he would react with my presence. It would undoubtedly not be nice.
"Would you become my lover?"
Time stood still when those words left his mouth. What a sweet voice. I had been attracted to this warm, gentle voice when hearing him speak with the others, or even the times he mocked me, words were mean, yet his tone was pleasant as a melody. I hadn't imagined how it would sound when he made his love confession, because I knew the person he confessed to wouldn't be me. But in that moment I heard it, as clearly as it was pouring into my ears.
I couldn't remember exactly when I started loving him. Maybe since I saw his slender fingers brushing on Yuuki's hair, maybe since I saw him looking back at me after passing by, maybe since he generously offered his invaluable blood. I sank in the lusciousness of his pure blood, and he indulged my desire. I didn't understand why he would allow such a thing to happen. If for the sake of Yuuki, feeding me once a month would be more than enough. But Kaname didn't reject me when I returned after two weeks, on the contrary, it seemed he was waiting. I tested his endurance by coming back more often, and he never rejected. When it was only the two of us, he let me do whatever I wanted to him. He gripped me desperately, urging me to take more from him. It kind of created a delusion in me.
Although I never admitted, I knew it would hurt when it was broken. I had no expectation, yet it could be considered a kind of expectation. I expected the pain would come one day, when I couldn't reach for him anymore. Nothing lasted forever, we didn't make any promise, and I was aware of his feelings for Yuuki. But I needed pain, because it would be the only thing I could get from this relationship, because our relationship could never be revealed to anyone. I needed pain as a part of my existence, I needed it to re-confirm that I was alive, and I held it with me as a treasure as another period of my life was marked with another great pain.
I didn't answer his question, because obviously I wasn't the person who he asked.
"Kiryu-kun, from now on I will cherish and protect Yuuki as my lover."
His statement meant to me as a break-up. I looked at him, and was sure that he couldn't see the anguish hidden in my glacial eyes. I turned around and walked away, leaving them behind to continue their private conversation.
Sunlight in the afternoon was much hotter, I sluggishly pulled the red tie on my collar loose and undid a few more buttons. Throat was so dry, my steps trailed on the familiar graveled path. Yuuki was still waiting for me in the class, but fifteen minutes later she would realize I wasn't coming back. She was going to yell at me tonight when we met again for our prefect job, yet it wasn't a surprise anymore that I skipped class. I didn't want to be tied to something boring, I didn't force myself to accept what I wasn't interested. Some people said I was undisciplined and rebellious, some others thought I was isolating myself, avoiding all activities, avoiding interaction. I didn't have any friends, except Yuuki, but all the time I was listening to her. With her easygoing attitude, she would share with me everything in her mind, then she tried to guess what I was thinking, she tried to cheer me up, though my feelings, my secret affair were not what I could say out.
They assumed I was at the stable with White Lily if I was skipping class. In fact, I hadn't come there for a while. Hot sun from the west side threw its blazing rays directly at my face, I knitted the brows as a natural reflex to limit the burning sensation which hurting my eyes, and looked down, watching my own steps. At the confluence, sun was left behind my back, the path led to the stable was on the softer-lighted side, together with my Dorm, where were only brightened by rising, healthy sun in the morning. Yet I turned back, raising a hand to shade my eyes as an attempt to get a clearer sight of the woods covering the Moon Dorm. The table which I had seen earlier with white sheet and full of food and drinks had been cleared up. Nobody was there.
Of course they had met and had lunch together, Yuuki had returned to her class and Kaname had gone back to his room for a short sleep before his day started.
My feet changed direction on their own, a few minutes later, I found myself entered the pureblood's room through the open window, and walked quietly to his bed. This window had never been closed, at least since he told me it was the best way for me to get in. Two layers of thick, heavy curtains made sure unfriendly light couldn't intrude his room, even though the window doors stayed open.
I gently touched his face, long curly lashes created two crescent moons hiding his burgundy eyes, delicate nostril, a very straight bridge of nose, brown eyebrows formed in a perfect shape, there was no single strand of hair that had grown up in disorder. It was like a masterpiece of nature which creating an indescribable sensation under my fingers. As smooth and cool as a gem, but even gem couldn't mesmerize people to hold them forever. What I felt was like a complete addiction. I bent down, laying a soft kiss on his lips. Those juicy lips looked so fragile. He was the king in the other vampires' eyes, he could order them to follow his will. He was in a different rank from me, he could be very mean to me in front of Yuuki, but in this private moment, I own those lips, I could suck them, play with them whatever and however I wanted.
Kaname groaned as my bite on his lower lip was too fierce. "Don't bite me there. I need to attend class tonight."
He was a pureblood, his wounds would be healed very fast, but feeding wounds were slower. While pureblood saliva helped to cure injuries, others' saliva reduced the healing speed of a pureblood. That's why he had never been keen on letting me bite his face or any part which was easily exposed. Sometimes I was amused seeing him during shift-changing time, his uniform was always dressed properly and perfectly, nobody would imagine if his sleeves were pulled up a little or his collar got a bit loose, dense bite marks would be revealed on his skin.
Kaname totally submitted to me in those moments. As a matter of fact, he had literally asked me to bite him in the first place. He slipped out incoherent, lustful whimpers, his body arched deliciously when I drank from him, his manhood hardened when my fangs sank casually all over his body. And also the sex part, it was himself who had invited me to enter him in our first time. Yuuki was a human, and a girl, she couldn't satisfy him. Moreover, I didn't think Kaname would have the courage to tell her what exactly he wanted to be done in bed. Settling it with me was a smart solution, I would never use it to ask him for anything in return, I would forever keep his secret my secret. Because impossible as it sounded, I had fallen for him.
My tongue chewed teasingly on one of his aroused nipples, which had become so wet and warm by my saliva. Knowing his weakness, I usually licked all over his skin before biting to make sure my marks wouldn't disappear quickly after we finished. I wanted him to think about me, wanted him to remember the great pleasure we shared.
"Aaahh... ahh" Kaname groaned and clutched my shoulders as I bit his nipple.
Blood tasted so good. I excitedly glided my tongue along the drip, feeling his firm erection stirring between our stomachs. I rose up, returning my attention to his swollen lips and lifting both of his legs up until my own arousal could thrust in his body.
No preparation. I had never prepared him or tried any other stimulating method besides driving my manhood into his hole. Why? I couldn't explain. Buying a bottle of lubricant wasn't something I would do. It's simply too embarrassing for a high schooler to buy such a thing. But an inner corner of my mind wouldn't deny that I wanted to see his painful expression. Probably because he didn't ask me to prepare him in our first time? Probably he loved pain?
I saw Kaname's tears. When they finally couldn't be hold back any longer, he turned away and silently wiped them off, but in the position we were in, he couldn't really hide it. Those tears seemed to release the wild beast inside me, speed up my movements, challenge me to invade the deepest part of his body, challenge me to dominate him. Each time we made love, I yearned to see his surrender, his submission, his acceptance. Because out of this room, out of this bed, I would never get them.
I turned his face straight to kiss those rolling tears, passionately suck those bruised lips. My gentleness relieved his anxiety, coaxing him to give in. As soon as his arms on my back tightened, and he parted his lips at ease to welcome my next assault, my fangs immediately pierced through the soft, juicy flesh, withdrawing the vital crimson liquid held inside. My manhood kept moving in his dry cavern, forcing it to open wider. His legs curled up, giving way for my invasion. He was going to bleed, every time we made love, we couldn't find pleasure and reach our climax until he bled and his precious blood lubricated where our bodies joined together.
Before that, it was only pain. Pain for him, and pain for me. He held me tightly as if his life depended on it, his pants got more and more urgent. I knew with his physical strength he could easily push me down and beat me up for hurting him, but he would never do it.
He would never reject me, just as he would never tell me he loved me.
Tonight, it would be his turn to skip class...
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