A.N: So I randomly had a dream and decided to write this. I have never done drugs nor do I condone the use of them. Mature readers please due to language, violence, substance abuse, and lemons. Is a one shot but I guess if it became a popular demand thing I could turn it into a multi-chap. Please R&R. Thanks, - -melissaaax3

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, ITS PLOT, OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS.

Not Him

Paul fucked and fought. There was no deep undercurrent of emotions or distress that motivated his behaviour. Sure he had a shitty lot in life, but he became the way he was for purely selfish reasons. Anger was his driving emotion as a child but somehow he had grown to fuel his overwhelming anger on another emotion, pain. As mentioned before, Paul is a selfish creature to the very core. Others likened him to a rotten apple, rotted to the stem and Paul accepted this analogy taking it to heart. Selfish as he was, he did not thrive on his own pain. No reckless stunts, hurting himself, or attempts of suicide, but hurting others he relished. Around age 13, when he finally realized how tired he was of the anger pumping through his veins, tired of having his blood heated like lava always simmering from his rage. He was tired of having every breath and every action taken in anger. He found it ironically heated once again when he phased that first day; nevertheless, he realized something had to change. It wasn't a quick or easy transition. But Paul accepted that, he knew he would have to fundamentally build himself back up from the start.

The first time he actually noticed someone else's pain he got a feeling of power and satisfaction. He had said something nasty to a girl at school, there was always one girl or another. Each and every one romanticising his behaviour and wanting to "save him" from himself. What a load of shit. His usual method to ignore them and stomp away didn't seem to be working. So when he turned around to face the girl her expression was one of shock and hope. When he opened his mouth and showed her just how rotted he was verbally that expression crumbled and there was pain. That hurt, that beautiful look that he came to love, or as close to love as he was capable of. As a result Paul became very good at noticing the pain of others, knowing what to look for, because he was always looking. His game improved as well, his method of causing pain growing from needlessly rude insults and scathing statements into well thought out plans and mind games.

One of these plans lead him to losing his virginity, he had accepted a girl who asked him out at school. Told her he loved her, as if he knew what it meant and taken her virginity easily. He did not care to tell her it was his first time and let her believe what she wanted. That same day he had went and fucked another girl in his bed. He had arranged for his girlfriend to come over and his plan went spectacularly. Just as object number two cried his name loudly, clenching around him and he pulled out spilling on the sheets.

He turned at a pained gasp and her face is forever treasured in his memory, the look of absolute heart break. In fact Paul was almost sad when she fled his house a trail of tears in her wake, because he could no longer see her crumpled expression. He had then turned to girl number two and stated "Do you think she'll still let me fuck her, you're a shitty lay". He had been slapped but it was worth it. That is how Paul built up his reputation ad found messing with girls and often enough their boyfriends or even husbands, to be his new favorite game.

So when he joined the pack after a fight with some chicks boy friend, just how fucked up he was stopped being a secret. Paul loathed the pack mind, but he liked being a wolf, he liked the growth spurt, the strength, and even the anger. Jared was the next to join the pack, Paul's long time childhood friend and the closest thing he had to one now. The two reconnected and Paul was still the same heartless asshole, but Jared learned to ignore it. Sam had trouble at first, as Paul liked to bait him, not liking the older male simply because he was alpha. He baited him often, saying things about Leah and after an explosive fight between the two Jared talked to Sam. It was that same night that Sam imprinted on Emily and Paul first felt fear.

Imprinting scared him on a fundamental level, he knew how much Sam loved Leah, he had seen his pain. Pain doesn't lie, he seen how much pain Sam went through not being able to see Leah and then imprinting on and avoiding Emily. To be in Sam's head after the imprint made him phase back and physically get sick. Bent over naked as he was in the forest, with puke still on his face and the acrid taste of it in his mouth is how Jared found him. He threw him a pair of shorts and they sat there together. Both felt the same about imprinting Jared to a lesser degree then Paul. They feared how completely it changed Sam, every single free thought about or related to Emily. They felt a lesser degree of the pull threw him and when Sam finally accepted the imprint and left Leah heartbroken Paul took no pleasure from her pain. Paul and Jared grew closer and Sam even began to befriend the outcast, Emily having calmed him down a lot.

When the accident happened he did not feel joy at Emily's pain, physical pain had never brought him pleasure, he never wanted to be his father. Nor did he feel good about Sam's emotional pain, he felt his Alpha's pain through the pack and as a result he started to watch out for Emily. Not exactly being friendly to her, but no longer being his usual rude self. He was selfish and did not like his own pain.

After the elders finally explained what they knew of imprinting Jared and Paul both settled down, imprinting is rare and had only happened to two members of the pack before the one of their grandfathers.

When Jared imprinted Paul destroyed a forest. Jared had no qualms about accepting Kim and had even phased with Paul to try and explain it to him. Paul had been able to calm down and listen but he still hated imprinting and he feared it even more.

The pack grew as the threat of leeches persisted and Paul lived his day fucking with his brothers occasionally and returning to his normal schedule of fuck, dump, and fight. But in the back of his mind, imprinting loomed like an impending doom. When baby alpha finally joined the pack, Paul found his favorite wolf to pick on finding the happy go lucky nature of the other wolf annoying. The two were the most opposite in the pack and tended to rub each other the wrong way. Needless to say, they were not put on patrol together. When they were forced to be phased together Jake's mind was filled with Bella, if Paul could not tell the difference he almost would have thought baby alpha imprinted. Paul detested leeches and as a result he didn't have very nice opinion of the leech lover as he liked to call her.

Shit started to hit the fan when Sam had to alpha order Jake to not tell the leech lover anything and then when they saved her from the dreaded vamp. Paul's dislike for her grew, calmly talking to a vampire no fear to be seen on her face, but he could hear it in the furious racing of her heart and smell it in her blood. He didn't like that he couldn't pinpoint her fear it frustrated him and that made him even more frustrated.

How baby alpha found a way around the gag order he didn't know, but she was here and he was pissed. She was too, he could hear it, but he couldn't see it. He became incensed.

"What did you do to him?" She shouted, her eyes locked onto Sam.

Before he could answer Paul did. "We didn't do anything! What did he tell you?!" he shouted back, glaring murderously at the pale slip of a girl in front of him.

Her heart rate picked up and he could tell it was from anger and not fear by smell. A small growl escaped him just as she whipped her head in his direction. "He doesn't tell me anything because he's scared of you!" she answered hotly, Paul noticed the light shade of red dusting her cheeks in anger and felt his spine tingle.

He let out a loud chuckle surprising both Jared and Sam. Paul never laughed not even bitterly as he was now.

The little leech lover didn't seem to appreciate his condescending laugh. She charged him like a little hellcat, hauled off and slapped him.

Paul's humor stopped and he began to shake. His furious dark eyes locked onto her molten chocolate and the world melted away. Her eyes were the richest color of brown he had ever seen, with hints of light brown, dark brown and gold blending to make the most perfect color. They were framed by gorgeous long lashes and there was the cutest little birth mark next to the corner of her left eye. He noticed all of this in just seconds without tearing his gaze away from her eyes. Then time caught up to him. He could distantly feel Sam and Jared's apprehension as to why he suddenly stopped shaking. Paul had never been able to stop a phase so they were caught off guard.

He imprinted, on the fucking leech lover. If that didn't piss him off enough, the stab of pain he felt at referring to her as such did it and he phased immediately. Luckily enough or not lucky enough, his mind hissed at him, she was far enough away that he didn't catch her in his phase. It seemed she had moved back while he wasn't paying attention, this pissed him off and he got even more mad.

Then he heard baby alpha. He called for her and for the first time he seen her fear, but it wasn't for herself it was for him and he growled. Baby alpha ran towards her and Paul's wolf snarled and beat at his control "Mine!" it snarled with ferocity as she ran to Jake and he to her.

Jake noticed how pissed Paul was and leaped over Bella phasing mid air. Paul was distantly impressed before anger took over. They met in a tangle of limbs the silver of his fur clashing with the rust colored fur over his brother. Their tussle rolled them into the woods and he could distantly hear Sam sigh, order Jared to take Bella to Emily's (which he did not like), remove his clothing as he ran towards them and phase in.

They were ordered to stop and could do nothing but obey. His wolf grew uneasy as he heard the sputtering of Bella's truck in the distance. He shifted his wolf body in the direction before he even noticed and Sam was quick to realize what happened. He ordered Jacob to phase out right away and they were left a lone.

'Paul' he started hesitatingly through the mind link.

Paul snarled in reply before Sam sighed.

'Did you imprint on Bella swan?' asked the alpha wearily.

Paul said nothing but there was no need to when the mention of her name was all it took to play the whole scene in his head once more.

Sam was silent for a long moment before he sighed once more. 'Come on lets go' he stated, before phasing back.

Paul followed suit and they walked slowly to Sam's house. Finally Paul couldn't take the curiosity anymore. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked moodily.

Sam finally looked over at Paul. "I know you. You are my brother and should I try to convince you of this you will fight me. You have to learn your lesson the hard way just as I did" he answered simply, giving Paul a measuring look. "It is your choice to deal with this how you see fit" he added, before looking towards the road once more.

Maybe it was the emotional day or the pure frustration he was feeling at the moment "I'm gunna' get drunk and get laid" he stated angrily, drawing Sam's hard stare once more.

The stare didn't last long and they got to Sam's house shortly with not another word spoken.

Upon entering his eyes went to her. She was seated in a chair in Emily's kitchen with a huge blueberry muffin in her hand, looking right at home. His wolf loved it, he hated it.

Now that his eyes were free from her captivating stare he used her obliviousness to his presence to scan her thoroughly. Her waist length brown hair shone with hints of red where the light hit it, a strand was tucked delicately behind her tiny ear and the graceful curve of her neck bared to him. Her skin was so pale, unmarked and snowy like a porcelain doll. She was wearing a long sleeved shirt, the dark green color contrasting her skin in an aesthetically pleasing way. The shirt clung to her tiny frame, her small breasts jutted out and her flat stomach defined. A sliver of that enticing skin was revealed between her shirt and the start of her dark jeans. The skin on the small of her back, just visible through the chairs wooden barred back. Her jeans, a blue so dark it almost bordered black, hugged her surprisingly wide hips the flare of them like an hour glass shape from the small part of her waist. He moved on to the next visible part of her, those dark jeans stretched over sinful legs and petite sock covered feet. He drank her in as his eyes met Sam's over the top of her head where he had immediately gone to Emily upon entering.

Sam's stare was unreadable to him, but he liked to imagine there was humor in there at his expense. He knew the other wolf could smell his desire, he could smell his own lust and his heartbeat sounded like the loudest thing in the room. Jared and Jacob were nowhere to be seen.

She lifted the muffin, the huge thing dwarfing her little hands and his mind immediately went to how small those hands would look wrapped around him. How her pale skin would look so nice stretched out against him, copper and white. Then she took a tiny bite, the flash of her tongue quick and perfect little white teeth in a straight line. She chewed and swallowed then her pink tongue darted out to lick her lip and he had to suppress his moan. A subtle cough chuckle broke him out of his lusting and he knew Sam was amused the older wolf had his face buried in Emily's neck as almost unnoticeable laughs shook his huge body.

Anger coursed through him and he welcomed it. He walked by Bella purposefully, snagged a muffin and headed out the back door without a look back.

He went home, popped open a beer and it was a blur from there. A couple weeks passed without him seeing Bella and avoiding pack gatherings. Sam didn't say a single thing about it and things continued on normally. Well normal accept for the tightening of his chest, the fact that he ran patrol with Sam only and avoided being phased with the others to keep his secret. The pain increased as the days went on and Paul spent most of his monthly stipend getting drunk. The end of the third week approached and he went to a party on the rez. Some kid had shrooms and Paul decided to see how many he could take before it fucked him up.

He woke up in the woods delirious. He struggled to his feet catching himself and wondering why Jared or Sam hadn't come to look for him or found him passed out. They should be patrolling and he'd be hard to miss. He heard a noise and rolled his neck over to look. A pain bloomed in his neck and he groaned, turning and throwing up in the dirt. He heard a noise again and anxiously scanned the trees. Hoping a vampire hadn't found him. There was a loud noise and a flash of light and he threw himself to the ground, barely avoiding rolling in his own vomit. He struggled to his feet after the flash his head pounding and ears hurting.

The first thing he noticed was a large stork like bird. The thing was huge and he fell flat on his ass at the sight of the seven foot tall bird sitting calmly in a tree. "What the fuck?" he whispered feeling frightened and confused.

The bird looked at him calmly.

Paul struggled to his feet once more trying to will his body into cooperation. He kept shooting frantic looks at the bird as he inwardly cursed his traitorous body. "What the fuck" he repeated in a mantra of confused delirium.

The bird laughed then and Paul's dilated eyes grew in size. "What causes the wolf to run from a mere bird like me?" it asked humorously, and Paul noted the distinctly male voice.

"Not real, not fucking real" he mumbled as he finally got to his feet, having trouble walking while not taking his eyes off the threat.

"How offensive, I assure you I am real. Don't you remember me?" the stork asked casually and Paul balked.

He vaguely remembered a field trip when he was 11, about the time that everything went to hell. It was just after really. After his dad finally beat his mom to her death in a drunken rage and he was left orphaned. The neighbours had called the cops at the noise, Paul had been saved but it was too late for her. He had been put up in Billy Black's house for a couple days and after a week he had returned to school and gotten a permanent place with an elderly couple on the rez.

The field trip was to the zoo and he remembered as the worker calmly explained the mating habits of storks. The fascination he felt about their strong mating urge, the courting process and hatching of the babies and then the departure. He had always thought I wish my dad had been like that stuck around to make me then fucked off after I was born.

The stork interrupted his process. "I must be going soon. Mating season approaches and I need to seclude myself away" it stated.

Paul tried to process the information. "You will not mate?" he asked in confusion.

The stork blinked. "Of course not, I don't desire that kind of thing. Family is nothing but a liability and a burden" it answered, surprising Paul once again. "I suppose in that way we are both alike, too afraid of pain to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. To keep safe and distant over anything else" it added and Paul's head spun.

He was talking to a stork, it was fucking ridiculous and terrifying for his drug induced mind and he didn't like what this hallucination was saying. Hallucination, yes because what else could it be but a figment of his very fucked up imagination? "You don't know me" he answered scathingly.

"But I do, I know you because we are the same. Both scared" it replied in a cold tone.

Paul let out an angry shout."You don't know me! I'm not scared, not weak" he yelled, pushing off the tree he was leaning against.

"Weak, yes always weak" the bird answered and Paul recognized the voice at once for what it was. He turned and met the image of his father. Fear coiling in his stomach in an instant primitive way. The man smirked coldly, so much like his own, and he fought not to throw up once more. "Not weak. I am not like you" he whispered.

The man laughed freely and Paul finally drudged up enough anger to put force behind his words. "I will never be like you" he repeated, his voice controlled.

The man eyed him. "You think you can be normal? Have a family maybe? You are heartless and scared. You will never know love. You don't want a family because you will hurt them just like me".

That was all Paul let the man say as he charged him angrily. He took down a tree and searched crazily for the man.

"Like me" he heard, followed by crazed laughter then a very bird like sound. He glanced up only to see the same stork flying away its bird like laughter mocking him.

Paul woke up in the woods, struggling to get up. He looked around the clearing and got sick. He was in the same clearing there was another pile of puke across from him, the smell being the cause of his sudden bout of sickness. A demolished tree stood to the side and he didn't know what to think. His head spun as he tried to decipher real from fake.

He groaned, pushing off the tree he had braced himself on when he threw up. He stumbled west, his hallucination urging him in that direction.

It took much longer then it should have for him to reach Forks, but as he stood under her window he felt a sense of calm that he had been missing since he imprinted. He struggled to climb the tree, making way too much noise and secretly glad the police cruiser was not in the driveway.

The noise woke her and the foolish girl stumbled to the window opening it without thought. He took in her sleep frazzled sate and absent mindedly wondered what time it was. Her hair was mussed in a wild way, her cheeks taking on a pink hue from the cold wind and he could visibly see the outline of her nipples through the men's shirt she wore.

He inwardly growled at the thought of her in another mans clothes but his drug induced mind was locked on to the visual stimuli of her bare legs prickled with goose bumps.

"Paul?" she asked hesitantly, confusion littering her sleep husky voice. She rubbed at one eye with a hand and he vaguely pondered on how she knew his name before figuring Jacob mentioned him.
He simply stared at her and as she woke more from the cold he could sense how uncomfortable she was.

"A-are you okay?" it was asked quietly and he marvelled at the hidden worry in there.

He said nothing and she reached up to touch his head he tried to catch her wrist, sudden paranoia creeping up on him, but missed and flailed for hold on the tree.

Her hand was cool against his head and she sucked in a sharp breathe before hastily removing her hand."You have a really high fever. You're hotter than Jake" she said worriedly, biting her lip and eyeing his hulking form.

His drugged mind found that funny. "Of course I'm hotter then baby alpha I'm a man kitten" he answered, staring at her.

She frowned, confused before blushing. "You are really sick, I'm going to call Sam okay?" she replied, speaking to him in a gentle tone.

She turned and this time he managed to grab her wrist. The contact settles heavily with him. The physical reaction shocking him, he wondered if the drugs played a part or if it was simply the imprint. "No" he said resolutely.

She half faced him now and her face shone with concern. "What happened? You are sweating buckets and I'm really scared. Are you ok? I need Sam-"she ranted only to be cut off by a growl.

She tried to take a reflexive step back but he pulled her close. He braced himself for the rush of pleasure he got from touching her last time and it helped, but having the top half of her body flush against him with his hand curled around her wrist possessively was much more intense.

She gasped, nothing more then a quick intake of breath. "You don't need Sam. Don't say his name. All you need is me, you're mine" he explained, rubbing his nose down the graceful curve of her neck.

"I don't know what's going on Paul. But I'll stay with you okay. So let's call Sam please?" she pleaded, looking at him earnestly and worriedly.

He vaguely wondered just how much the imprint affected her. The mention of Sam had his wolf alert again. His teeth nipped her neck in reprimand and she yelped.

She was completely still in his arms. "Don't beg for him. You have me, I'm not weak" he muttered into her shoulder. He could smell her fear now. It did not please him.

"I won't hurt you" he whispered fiercely, remembering the stork and his father. "You are mine Bella, you are to me what Emily is to Sam. You are MY imprint. I can't stay away from you anymore", he added flashbacks in his head.

She took a deep breath. "What does that mean" she whispered, her voice tight with fear.

Not him. No never him. No fear. Please no fear. "I love you" he stated, it was a lie. It left a cold feeling in his stomach. The smell of fear went away and Paul was grateful, not him.

She met his eyes and his desire sky rocketed."What do you need?" she asked slowly, taking a deep breath.

"You" he answered and he knew this time it was the truth. His lips met hers then and nothing else mattered.

As she lay beneath him on her bed, her trusting eyes met his and it hurt. But he had to do this, he wasn't him. He had to. He gently removed her t-shirt, his eyes immediately going to her small breasts. She was blushing and the smell of her fear was there again as she attempted to cross her arms.

"I love you" he repeated, the lie tasting foul and she nodded, letting him pull her arms away. He kissed, licked and nipped her creamy breasts, feeling the hardness in his pants get painful. He sat up, struggling to pull his cut-offs off. She sat up too, so shy and embarrassed as she helped him. Her hands on his button had him hold his breath. He watched has her delicate, shaky little hands undid his button and unzipped his fly, moving to pull on the hem of his cut-offs. They came off easily, trapped around his thighs before he shifted kicking them off.

Her hands were on him then and it was so much better then he fantasized. He didn't let her touch much, it had been too long and she felt so good. He pinned her once more and kissed her passionately his large hand going to her small brown boy shorts and pulling. He ripped then easily and the smell of her desire increased.

The smell of her fear came back so he lied once more. He touched her gently, coaxing small moans from her throat. When they weren't enough he added his mouth, bringing her to pleasure and groaning at the taste of her in his mouth.

He met her again in a fierce kiss, this one possessive, as he lined their bodies up. The fear was very strong now. "I love you Bella" he whispered in her ear, as he finally joined them as one.

-'
When he woke the next morning his head pounded, and his neck twisted painfully. The room was too bright and he rolled over. All that disorientation faded away when he was met with bare skin.

He sucked in a quick breath his skin breaking out in goose bumps as he perused porcelain skin, dread filling his churning stomach.

Her face was angelic. Long brown waves spread around her like a halo, the red more prominent then ever in the morning sun light. Her lips were slightly curled at the corners and her sweet breath brushed the top off his hair from where he looked up at her.

Like a bomb the night came back to him. He remembered the party, drinking, taking the shrooms and the hallucination. He remembered every word said to him, and coming to her. He remembered the quiet worry and the fear. He remembered the lies. He remembered "You think you can be normal? Have a family maybe?" and most of all he remembered when he spilled his seed inside Bella so purposefully, without protection.

He bolted from the bed.