After one too many lingering butt slaps, Akashi decided to call a mandatory MiraGen meeting in his home.
"Everyone," The Teiko captain addresses, as he pours and pushes a glass of chilled lemonade into each pair of hands. "We're here to discuss a serious matter. Lately it seems we've been dubbed as The Generation of Homos—Daiki, please release Tetsuya from the headlock. Ryouta, wipe off that drool and eyes on me. Shintarou, may I request you file your nails on your own personal time?"
"I've also heard League of Extraordinary Gays." Kise pries his eyes long enough from Kuroko to volunteer helpfully.
"Yes." Akashi cuts him a wry look, but Kise just doesn't get it. "Now, I know much of this is jealously speaking, but there is truth at the bottom of each matter. And so, I think it is in our best interest that we part our separate ways after graduation in order to preserve our reputations." He has them all swear to uphold their legacy.
Kuroko quits the team shortly after Kuroko and Aomine are ordered to cease the fist-bumping. Too gay, said Akashi. What's life without fist-bumps, asked the philosopher within the Teiko 6th man.
As planned, they each go off to their chosen schools. Several months pass when Akashi gathers his former teammates to check on their progress. The Winter Cup was to take place soon and MiraGen would all be present there. They could not afford to display any lingering traces of homoeroticism.
When Akashi arrives, it becomes clear that if strides were made at all, they were made backwards. Kise had accumulated in sparkles. Midorima's lashes were so long and luscious that Akashi wanted to die. Aomine was still doing a terrible job of pretending that he liked boobs, and worse, Kuroko even thought to bring along two of his male friends. (Murasakibara was all right, though if Akashi had to nit pick, the hair needed to change.)
Lead by example, Akashi's father had always said. So what better to demonstrate how a heterosexual male is supposed to act than by attempting to stab one of Kuroko's undoubtedly homosexual friends?
He hoped the message would sink in.
The day comes when he would finally face one of his old teammates. Of course he wins, but he can't get over how luxuriously smooth Midorima's hands looked during the game. And so when Midorima approaches him after the game, hand outstretched in offering, Akashi promptly shrinks away with a scalding, "No, Shintarou, what did I tell you about the homo."
"But…no homo." The shooting-guard blinks, hurt glittering in his eyes.
"Yes homo." Akashi whispers. Very homo. We're doomed, he thinks. We're doomed.
A/N: This was not to be taken seriously in case if anyone was wondering.