Summary: Because even people with important jobs must get bored at some point, right?

Author's Note: An old, plotless ficlet I once dug up for Alpha Flyer's private amusement. Now resurrected again, and continued - with Alpha Flyer's (soon-to-be-compelled) help.

. . .


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65907.15
Subject: Furlough
_

A short note to say it was lovely having you, B'Elanna and Miral in Indiana; the entirety of the extended Janeway clan even made me promise you that your brood would return to the farm whenever Voyager's next passes by Earth. I trust your father has forgiven you for not passing your whole furlough in San Francisco?

I won't say 'good luck' on your first week as XO, as I firmly believe we each make our own luck. I do, however, have every confidence you'll live up to the high standard set by Voyager's last executive officer, serving as an exemplary (if not always conventional) role model for her crew.

Also, please tell Chakotay that the bathtub in the Captain's quarters has a habit of producing ice cold water at highly inconvenient times.

Fondest affections,

K.J.


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65907.32
Subject: Re Furlough
_

You'll be happy to hear that Miral is already asking when we'll go sledding again - much to her snow-loathing mother's dismay. Oh, and I passed on the bathtub warning to Voyager's newest Captain, who responded with a grunted 'so I noticed'. Me thinks there's a story there... Perhaps I'll try to wrangle it out of Seven?

Of course you don't believe in luck. Wouldn't do for Voyager's former pool shark to admit that any cosmic force ever aided her in bilking a deplorable number of rations out of her best pilot. Hmph!

Ship and crew performing admirably. Even the new XO, who's trying his best to get used to the fact that his Captain hums... Loudly.


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65907.44
Subject: Re Furlough
_

You never noticed that Chakotay hums?

It's even louder when he's reading a report...


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65907.52
Subject: Re Furlough

Well, no. But then, my previous station allowed for a safe, four-meter distance between his lips and my presently suffering ears.

How in the hell did you manage listening to it for seven years? It's, like, not even a melody.


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65915.23
Subject: There are worse things…
_

Apologies for comm silence. I spent my week in talks with the Romulans, as well as listening to three full Admirals complain about each other (sequentially). Which brings me to your last message.

There are (much) worse things to listen to during a workday than Chakotay's odd, atonal humming. Granted, it helped that every once in awhile someone like, oh, the Kazon or the Borg would were kind enough to fire on us, causing Chakotay to temporarily stop.


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65915.47
Subject: Re There are worse things…
_

Oh, oh, oh! Which Admirals?

I know not Dad. He doesn't bitch about people, just at them, which I actually kinda respect about him now. And I don't see the ol' Russian Winter as the gossipy type.

Any hints?


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65916.2
Subject: Re There are worse things…
_

Full Admirals do not gossip. And Vice Admirals who would provide specific evidence to the contrary do not make it to Full Admiral. Follow me?

In brighter news: I heard Voyager might be escorting the Bolian Ambassador to the conference on Eran IV next month. And as it so happens, yours truly will also be in attendance.

Comm me if the stars align in our favor. In the meantime, I need to go behave like an Admiral, which means not composing personal messages at my desk...


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65930.25
Subject: Admiral-able Behavior
_

We are officially confirmed as Ambassador Shrell's diplomatic taxi service, thus prompting me to ask:

1) Which of us is bringing the Romulan Ale to Eran IV?

2) How are we going to get Chakotay bombed? (Safely away from the impressionable eyes of the crew, of course.)


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65930.47
Subject: Re Admiral-able Behavior
_

That subject line is horrid, even for your sense of humor, Thomas.

Romulan Ale? I'm sure I wouldn't know where to find such a restricted substance, certainly wouldn't have an entire case safely hidden away at the farm in Indiana, and most definitely wouldn't be crass enough to bank on lower officers being too terrified of my rank to check my luggage when loading it onto a shuttle. [Wink]

Chakotay is barely a social drinker, so good luck getting him drunk. Then again, maybe he won't hum if he's hungover and, thus, sensitive to sound?

P.S. I heard a rumor that Harry Kim's latest love interest turned out to be a Changeling. Please tell me that one of the gossip-mongers in the very long chain stretching from San Francisco to the U.S.S. Prometheus got this one wrong?


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65931.3
Subject: Re: Admiral-able Behavior
_

Ah, yes. Harry. Dear, sweet, blind Harry.

The Changeling thing? I'm afraid 'tis true. It seems that our Mr. Kim can manipulate any sensor system ever created, but he still has no idea how to read women. I blame it on his sheltered upbringing. Or maybe the Delaneys. Kind of a toss up, really.

B'Elanna has offered to fix him up twice, and he's turned her down both times. Can't say I blame him. None of B's friends are on Harry's ship, and long-distance relationships are a drag. But the wife and I do know a lot of very handsome men in San Francisco, should a certain Vice Admiral ever require a bit of arm candy.

Gotta go. Kid crying. But we're a 'Go' for Operation Tank the Captain - B'Elanna and others have signed on to help.


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65938.9
Subject: Five things
_

Five things I would rather do than sit in this absolutely pointless briefing:

1. Shave my head.
2. Drink Neelix's 'coffee substitute'.
3. Have a lovely chat with some Vidiians about my organs.
4. Swim naked with electric eels.
5. Listen to Chakotay hum.


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65938.91
Subject: Re: Five Things
_

May I add, on your behalf?

6. Listen to the Doc yammer about his new, "revolutionary" research on the medicinal uses of Andorian Ice Sloth droppings.
7. Explain to Seven of Nine that a 'three-way' isn't just a kind of power interface.


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65938.93
Subject: Re Five Things
_

Did the Doctor send you that journal manuscript, too? And here I thought I was the only lucky one! Perhaps I should be more open-minded, being a scientist, but I tend to think those pictures in his addendum were a little much.

Re 7, I do hope there isn't a story there.


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65939.0
Subject: Re Five Things
_

'Re 7'. Ha! Get it?

Yes, there is a story there, though tamer than whatever your imagination has no doubt come up with, Admiral. B'Elanna made a bit of an off-color joke when we were dining with them in their quarters the other day, and the conversation ground to halt when Seven, in genuine confusion, asked what she meant. Chakotay came back into the room just in time to save B from providing some rather, uh, sensitive education.

But we've digressed from our purpose...

8. Polish Admiral Picard's head ... Someone has to do it, now that Will Riker has his own ship.
9. Explain to dear Harry that, no, as a matter of fact, that very tall, muscular woman he met in the space station bar really isn't a woman at all. . .
10. Babysit my child after she's consumed chocolate, followed by Klingon peppers. (Happened yesterday. Can you say 'antimatter explosion'?)


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65939.05
Subject: Re Five Things
_

Alright. This has to stop.

9-10 on their own would have been enough to almost send me off into a fit of unseemly giggles, but 8 forced me to excuse myself from the briefing room so I could laugh-cry. (Jean-Luc is seated next to me in the briefing, wouldn't you know).

Remind me never to reach out to you for moral support, Commander.


From: Comm. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65939.1
Subject: Re Five Things
_

Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. See you in a few days, ma'am!


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65944.6
Subject: The Incident on Eran IV
_

Commander,

I don't know where to begin this note, having found myself at... such a complete loss for how to begin dissecting the travesty that was the conference on Eran IV.

First, I can honestly say that I've never- not even in my cadet days- had to clean up vomit while in uniform. To say nothing of having to do it in my dress whites. And who's brilliant idea was it to give Seven some of the Romulan Ale in the first place?

Between Chakotay being drunk and thus utterly useless in discretely transporting his fiance back to the ship, and you disappearing with B'Elanna to do … whatever it was that you did (I am not asking, Thomas), I am left with the very unsettling impression that after nine years and 80,000 thousand light years together, I am the only one who hasn't completely lost her sense of decorum.

What, exactly, do you have to say for yourself, Mister Paris?


From: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
To: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
Stardate: 65945.2
Subject: Re The Incident on Eran IV
_

. . . Buy you a beer when we dock at McKinley Station in two weeks?


From: Adm. Kathryn E. Janeway, SFHQ
To: Cdr. Thomas E. Paris, U.S.S. Voyager
Stardate: 65945.3
Subject: Re The Incident on Eran IV
_

DEAL.

. . . . .

TBC, in a boredom-filled galaxy near you. ;-)