Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me. Also, this was written for fun and no money was made (Kakuzu would call this a waste of time).
Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.


1. Going Postal

A leer and a mouth that couldn't stop to care, those were my first impressions of Hidan.

I was standing in line, a delivery notice in my hand, waiting for the little old man at the counter to finish with the gum-chewing blonde ahead of me. It was near Christmas and I was curious to know what my cousin—my cousin!—had sent me.

Neji and I hardly talk, so I had no idea what he thought would fit my interests. Did he know that I painted? That I liked to take photos of the birds out in my backyard as reference? That the red cardinal was my favourite? Probably not. Still, he had sent me something and I was itching to see what it was. Too big to get through the mail slot, in any case.

So, there I was, being the patient customer, when there was a low hum… "Now that's an ass."

Now, I've had harassing whistles and degrading comments before and I've long before decided to confront the idiots rather than ignore them. One, it gave me some spice in life, and two, whenever Neji was there and I did that, it drove him up the fucking wall. 'Don't encourage them. Ignore the trash'. Yes, well, sometimes it's just fun to heckle them back, Neji. Not that my ice cube of a cousin would ever understand that. Or me.

For today, I felt good. Even having my anatomy approved of by the rougher half of the neighbourhood wouldn't put a damper on my mood. So…

I just barely caught the frown crossing the face of the old fellow behind the counter before I rolled my eyes and turned around. "That's all you can come up with?" I asked. And then, I have to admit, I had to stop and blink.

The man behind me was white. Not like pale or powdered or cold. No, the man was white. It was his eyes that tipped me off: wine red and wicked.

People, meet Hidan. The asshole has arrived.

"Fucking deny it," he fired back, the leer widening into a full-out smirk. The albino towered over me by a good foot, but then again, most of the world seems to.

Wrenching my gaze away from his, I huffed and spun back to the front. The blonde was still there, making some kind of fuss over delivery dates. "I'm wearing a coat, you can't even see my butt."

There. Called his bluff.

Then there was a snicker. "Hey, if you're offering—Fuck yes."

"No, it's not!"

"Hey! I'm trying to talk here!" Oh great. Now the blonde wanted in on me too.

The poor man behind the counter was trying to coax the woman back to business, but she wasn't willing. Actually, she looked rather ticked. I almost took a step back, but remembered just in time of the a pervert right behind me. Who probably would enjoy me bumping into him far more than he'd ever deserve.

I raised my hands and smiled at her. Placate. Placate. "I'm sorry, we'll be—"

"Fuck you, blondie. Hurry up and get your shit sorted out." Seriously? The guy's gonna pick a fight? "No one actually wants to hear about your fucking hormonal issues." In the post office?

At that point, there's no salvaging the situation. The blonde let out this enraged shriek that should have shattered glass for miles around and dove for the guy behind me.

Right. Fuck this. "Have fun," I muttered over my shoulder and ducked out.

He gave an odd grunt, and then cackled as the woman tried to take the lids off his eyes with her bright green nails. The woman was shouting and ranting, and all the guy said was, "Yap, yap, yap, yap…"

I sighed as I noticed the old post office fellow on the phone. Probably calling security.

Neji's present could wait for another day. Out the door I went.

I had to sidestep the security guard who barrelled down the hallway five steps down.


A/N: Illegal NaNo post! XD