'Tis the season to be hungry, yum yum yum yum yum, yum yum yum yum! It's Thanksgiving week over at my house, but I'm going to skip over a month and give you guys a special Christmas poem. Anyone who knows about Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, this is for you! Anyone who doesn't, go get a comic and be amazed!
Disclaimer: Idon't own JTHM or Twas the Night before Christmas
It was the night before x-mas and all through the house
No jerkface was stirring, not even a louse
Their feet were hung by the doorway with care
In hopes that Saint Nick E. Louse soon would be there
Johnny was lying unsnug in his bed
While visions of Noodle Boys danced in his head
With Nailbunny on his nail
And the Doughboys in their hats
They settled down to sleep for a short winter nap
When out in the yard there was such a clatter
Johnny sprang from his bed to see what was the matter
Away to the cellar he flew in a flash
To grab his knives in case of a hash (whatever that is!)
The moon lit up the new fallen snow
Giving the light of midday to a flock of crows
When what should his murderous eyes see clear
But a mini sleigh and 8 fat reindeer
With a big fat driver so large and unfit
He knew in a moment it was St. Nick
More rapid than eagles he pounced on the main
Then he whooped and hollered and killed them by name
"Die Dasher! Die Dancer! Die Prancer and Vixen!"
"Die Cupid! Die Comet! Die Donder and Blitzen!"
"Go to heaven or the place beneath
Before I decide to make you into wreaths!"
I didn't understand the next part, so let's just skip ahead a bit, k?
As he finished his slaughter and turned around
Down came Santa with a thud quite loud
He was dressed in skin from his dead little elves
And they were bloody from his murderous selves
A bag of toys he had on his back
And he looked like a creeper opening the pack
His eyes- they were sickening! His dimples so disgusting!
His cheeks were stomach-turning! His nose nauseating!
His cookie crusted mouth frowned quite low
And the bearded chin was to follow
The end of the pipe held tight in his teeth
The smoke encircled his head like deadly wreaths
He had a fat face and a sickeningly large belly
That shook when he charged at me with a dolly (not a doll! The thing they use for carrying boxes! I wonder where he got that…)
He was really fat like a mutant elf
And I yelled when I saw him in spite of myself
A wink of an eye and I twisted his head
And I saw on his face a look of dread
He spoke not a word as the light left his eyes
But when I had turned, I was surprised
He put a finger up to his lips
Then crawled up the chimney lickety split
He ran to his sleigh and saw the scene
And I laughed evilly at his scream
But I heard him exclaim when he ran out of sight
"I'LL KILL YOU JOHNNY ON YOUR FINAL NIGHT!"
Okay, so there's the cruddy excuse of a poem. Oh, and if anyone's wondering, this is sort of told from Nny's point of view. And another thing. I'm going to delete some stories in awhile because I have no motivation to finish them. Sorry pandas! I know you like my stories, but some have to go! :'-(