'Tis the season to be hungry, yum yum yum yum yum, yum yum yum yum! It's Thanksgiving week over at my house, but I'm going to skip over a month and give you guys a special Christmas poem. Anyone who knows about Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, this is for you! Anyone who doesn't, go get a comic and be amazed!

Disclaimer: Idon't own JTHM or Twas the Night before Christmas

It was the night before x-mas and all through the house

No jerkface was stirring, not even a louse

Their feet were hung by the doorway with care

In hopes that Saint Nick E. Louse soon would be there

Johnny was lying unsnug in his bed

While visions of Noodle Boys danced in his head

With Nailbunny on his nail

And the Doughboys in their hats

They settled down to sleep for a short winter nap

When out in the yard there was such a clatter

Johnny sprang from his bed to see what was the matter

Away to the cellar he flew in a flash

To grab his knives in case of a hash (whatever that is!)

The moon lit up the new fallen snow

Giving the light of midday to a flock of crows

When what should his murderous eyes see clear

But a mini sleigh and 8 fat reindeer

With a big fat driver so large and unfit

He knew in a moment it was St. Nick

More rapid than eagles he pounced on the main

Then he whooped and hollered and killed them by name

"Die Dasher! Die Dancer! Die Prancer and Vixen!"

"Die Cupid! Die Comet! Die Donder and Blitzen!"

"Go to heaven or the place beneath

Before I decide to make you into wreaths!"

I didn't understand the next part, so let's just skip ahead a bit, k?

As he finished his slaughter and turned around

Down came Santa with a thud quite loud

He was dressed in skin from his dead little elves

And they were bloody from his murderous selves

A bag of toys he had on his back

And he looked like a creeper opening the pack

His eyes- they were sickening! His dimples so disgusting!

His cheeks were stomach-turning! His nose nauseating!

His cookie crusted mouth frowned quite low

And the bearded chin was to follow

The end of the pipe held tight in his teeth

The smoke encircled his head like deadly wreaths

He had a fat face and a sickeningly large belly

That shook when he charged at me with a dolly (not a doll! The thing they use for carrying boxes! I wonder where he got that…)

He was really fat like a mutant elf

And I yelled when I saw him in spite of myself

A wink of an eye and I twisted his head

And I saw on his face a look of dread

He spoke not a word as the light left his eyes

But when I had turned, I was surprised

He put a finger up to his lips

Then crawled up the chimney lickety split

He ran to his sleigh and saw the scene

And I laughed evilly at his scream

But I heard him exclaim when he ran out of sight


Okay, so there's the cruddy excuse of a poem. Oh, and if anyone's wondering, this is sort of told from Nny's point of view. And another thing. I'm going to delete some stories in awhile because I have no motivation to finish them. Sorry pandas! I know you like my stories, but some have to go! :'-(