Heart, let him go, for nought I do can move him.
Though me he hates, I cannot choose but love him.
The door slammed leaving Connor's shout echoing around his room. His footsteps could be heard running down the corridor and then fading.
Connor slumped onto his bed rubbing his arms thinking furiously. He thought what he'd seen over the past few days in Kevin meant something. He realised now that he was wrong.
Kevin didn't want him and his hands burned in guilt from where he'd put them where they shouldn't have been.
"Elder McKinley? Can I talk to you?" Kevin had said to him, peeking his head round his office door. Connor looked up from some paper work, catching his breath and urging himself not to blush as he saw who it was.
"Of course." Connor got up and gestured to a chair next to him.
"Thanks." Kevin fiddled with his tie nervously.
"What's the matter?"
"I've just…I've just been feeling a bit confused."
Connor's heart missed a beat. Could it be? Elder Price? He'd thought, maybe, he'd hoped, but…
"Confused?" His voice sounded weak so he repeated with more conviction, "Confused about what?"
Kevin looked up and Connor felt the edges of his heart cave in as their eyes met.
Connor moved his chair closer to Kevin and placed a hand on his shoulder. The intent was to reassure but it felt awkward. This was what district leaders were meant to do right? Then why did it feel so heightened, so intense?
"I understand." Connor watched his hand move in circles on Kevin's back but it didn't feel like he was controlling it.
"Yeah, I'm confused about a lot of things."
"I'm just confused about what I want."
"And what do you want?" Connor slipped his arm over Kevin's shoulder, down his forearm, his mind struggling to blot out how his fingertips prickled as they brushed against his skin, and onto Kevin's hand.
"I want to know where I'm going, who I am, ugh so many things." Connor's hand fell limply as Kevin took his out from under it and began soothing his temples.
Connor took the opportunity to replace his hand on Kevin's knee.
"I think I can help you."
"Anything, I'd love anything."
Connor smiled his brain now working in a rose tinted slow motion. 'Kevin wants this' his warped mind told him, 'Kevin's trying to tell you he's like you.'
Connor's hand crept further up Kevin's leg. Kevin was so involved in his own thoughts that he didn't notice it until it was dangerously too close. Connor began steadily stroking Kevin's thigh. Kevin's gaze was suddenly fixed on it, a look of alarm on his face. He looked to Connor, then back to his hand unsure of what to do.
He jumped back, the chair skidding away across the floor behind him. His hands were raised in front of him, a moment caught in suspension as Connor's eyes followed him upwards.
"What are you doing?" He stuttered.
"You thought what?"
"That you…that you were…?"
Kevin shook his head backing away from Connor, stomach churning. A quick glance to the door and back to Connor before he bolted through it.