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The moment I saw him; I knew.
He held himself with the utmost grace, even with his lack of age. He was respected by all, dubbed 'the Queen's guard dog'. Although the term was meant to be a taunt - a failing gloat by his enemies - he held the name with pride; allowing it to become one of his most beautiful traits. He was everything I had aspired to.
I had grown up in a poor family, yet I had known love. Love was my strength, and it drove me forward, to allow me to love others, and to try to protect them. I couldn't help but see myself in that boy. We were a looking-glass, a mirror reflection of one another, two opposites. On one side, I had chosen to push down my hatred, to allow my love for my deceased family to grow, and become love for my country, and love for those who were to come after me. On the other, he had chosen to let his love twist, to become darkness and hatred, to become the parent of revenge.
Revenge was his strength. I doubt I will ever know which one was strongest, my love or his thirst for revenge, yet I felt an almost compelling urge to save him. To allow that hatred, anger and hurt to become love once more. It was silly, and childish, a small remnant of my childhood. A glimpse of the child I once was, when I was hurt and cold and alone.
I have love; loved ones and those who love me. Yet he is blind to those who love him. So many Love him, so many trust him; his strength is their strength, and they make him strong. Yet he will not let go of the tailored, tainted darkness which clutches at his purity.
I had chosen to protect him.
Because we were the same.
I knew someone was going to die there.
The sticky sweet stench of opium and lady bran could barely disguise the deep, seeping odour of death coming from that ship.
I barely got there in time. A blade was swung by the criminal Lau, the fear on Ciel's face registering within me. I knew he couldn't die here. Too many need him, too many love him. The key to the world I was striving to create was about to die, right there, and right in front of me. A wave of anger and fear washed over me, I knew what was to happen. Someone had to die there; it was almost carved into the dark wood beneath us. I ran. The desperate, clutching run of a man who was about to lose something so precious it could never be replaced. Somehow I made it in time. Somehow I crossed that cursed wood, soaked in darkness, in time to save him.
My mind never fully registered the cold, life-sapping steel protruding from me. Not even afterwards, when the sword had been removed and I had fallen, when the world was calm and colourless, did that pain reach me. All I felt was an overbearing sense of relief. I had saved him; my beautiful world's future was secured. I felt a pang of pain and a deep sense of regret. Not for giving my life for him, I would gladly do it a million times over, not even for the gaping red wound in stark contrast to my uniform, but because I would never meet my child. My beautiful wife would continue to live, but as a widow, and grow old without me, forced to take care of our child alone.
As darkness finally began to seep into the corners of my vision, I saw him. Yet there was no hatred. No anger. No thirst for revenge. Just an overwhelming sadness and I felt fresh relief. Everything was going to be alright. There was still hope for him, for us; there was still a chance that he would defeat that lingering darkness. I hoped, wished and prayed, on the last lingering tendrils of my life, that he would find peace.
My gravelly voice grated on my eardrums, and I winced, but continued. This too important.
"Ciel, I'm glad you weren't hurt..."
"...You know, Back then, when I lost my family, I too, thought I would never be able to return, never to be able to get it back. But that's not true..."
Never give up; if you truly wish for it...
"...You can take it back... you still have a chance to take back your future..."
I believe you can do it. I know you can. Because...
"Don't forget that."
Nothing in heaven or hell could ever wish to stop you. Good luck Ciel.
There were not many times when I thought about how I would die. And it is natural for humans to fear and look at dying as the worst scenario possible. But yet, I wonder if it would be terribly morbid of me to say that as I died without fear, no physical pain present in my body; feeling only joy that my beautiful wife and child would grow up in a world with this man still in it.
would it be terribly morbid to say that I believe this death that I am choosing, is not such a terrible way to die?
Yay! Complete :)... or is it?
Thanks for reading, but please tell me, is this a little too depressing? I quite liked Fred Aberline, he seemed incredibly good and pure to me, the purest character so far. Is that weird? Well, this could be called a little tribute to him; I was incredibly depressed when he died. I didn't expect it at all :L.
Well, please review :) I don't care if you're reading this weeks or months or years after it was written, (exactly on the 20th of November, at 21:19 pm if you're interested ) it's a really special feeling, and you never know, I might write a account for Ciel for this fic in a new chapter. No promises though XD.
Thanks for reading, and as I said, please review, it means alot to me :) xxx