Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

A/N: I guess you could give this an emotional warning. Mentions of suicide and actual suicide. No offence intended.

Suicide is just an easy way of telling everyone that loves you, you hate them.

Dear Journal

15th of July 2012

Dear journal,

I always took advantage of it, you know. Being by her side and having her always on my arm, being in love? I thought it would be easy to keep her by my side, to have her content as long as she was with me... I guess I was wrong, huh. The feeling I get when I was always around her was a happy contentment. When we had first got together four years ago, I knew she was the one, because I didn't just lust after her, I didn't want to get straight to third base. I took my time, which is how I knew she was the one.

I'm a fool to think that such a happy relationship would last forever without its roller-coaster of events, so I was surprised when me and Sango never argued once. To know that she's now gone is slowly killing me... I'm so scared.

17th of July 2012

Dear journal,

She still hasn't came back to me, its been a month, now. I'm getting closer to the edge, my feet are 'running out of ground'.

My eyes are still sore, you know. It hurts to think about it, but the way I found her... The way she screamed in my face that she didn't love me, it truly scraped at my heart. It sounds so cliché but... I'm in love with her... I thought we'd be together forever, have kids and run a house 24/7 like the scene in my head. Why does love have to hurt so much?

I think his name was Bankotsu, the man I killed. The way he was all over Sango made me feel sick, I couldn't control my anger. Yes, if you're wondering, I'm writing in a journal in Tokyo prison. My name is Miroku Kazaana and I killed a man. I remember how Sango had looked at me with the most frightened eyes, I remember how I couldn't stand to look into her face because I had known what lengths I had gone to, I wanted to keep her all to myself... I want to die.

22nd of July 2012

Dear journal,

Hey, I was put on suicide watch today, I tried to kill myself because I can't seem to escape the images of watching me kill the man like a movie, it's etched into the skin behind my eyelids. But that's not the scariest part of it, you hear me keep whining about out because I love her; it was Sango's face, her red cheeks in contrast to her magenta eyes, her pale lips screaming at me.

The thing that actually drove me to try to kill myself was seeing her today, she admitted having an affair – several in fact – she said there were six other men, all related to that Bankotsu dude, now they wanted me dead. She said Suikotsu was the best lay, she was actually taunting me, I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide myself away... Four years of my life had been wasted, four years where I had given up my habits to keep the one girl I wanted. It just had to turn out that she never wanted me, she just liked my money. She says she's in love with her best friend's brother in law, Inuyasha.

In the end, I just ended up walking back to my cell.

Seems like I just can't rid myself of the blood on my hands.

31st of July 2012

Dear journal,

I was rushed into hospital today, Suikotsu and Ginkotsu had deliberately been sent to prison to kill me, to get their revenge. I won the fight, but that's because of my anger; my rage kept the adrenaline pumping. Sango visited me today, said she wanted to get married to Inuyasha. I said that she could do what she wants, didn't mean it didn't hurt inside. She also told me about her plan to break up Kagome and Sesshomaru, she wants both the brothers to play with. I said to her to go round every guy she wanted. I couldn't feel the heartache any more, so what difference did it make?

I guess I'm just a shell now.

I only have 8 years if I'm on good behaviour, eight years locked in the same room, staring at the same wall; thinking the same things. You'd think it would be torture, I call it bliss. It's away from the manipulation of Sango's lips.

I love her so much...

7th of September 2012

Dear journal,

I know I avoided writing for the past month, it's because I needed some thinking time without writing what I'm saying. My mom died yesterday, Lung Cancer. Her last words were that she'd send Sango to Hell. I love her, she was the torch through the fog, the Sun is reserved for Sango only, because she truly dried up all my rain.

But it's the water cycle, so it only comes round again and again... and again.

28th of February 2013

Dear journal,

Hey, long time no write, huh? This journal is starting to become more and more pointless, my feelings for Sango will never die, despite all her unfaithfulness... This is what they call true love. Too bad it hurts like a bitch when it's not reciprocated.

Another attempt at suicide failed today, I tried to hang myself with my bedsheets, now I'm in the Cooler. That's a place where it's freezing, by the way. Pretty self-explanatory, if you ask me. Perhaps, one day...

God will rid me of this world, because I hate living.

17th of April 2013

Dear journal,

This is my final entry, because I have a knife in hand, about to puncture my heart. You see, I want to say my final words in the way that I started writing down all my feelings.

It's funny how I'm going to end my life on the day I was born, because I have bad Karma, I'll probably come back as some serial killer.


I love Sango, still.

I wish I could be consumed by my rage but I wasn't granted that release.

They say suicide is the sinner or all sins. I agree.

Dad, if you're reading this, don't cry. I know you probably love me with all your heart, but I'm not worthy of it. I know you already lost Mom, but remember, she is up in Heaven on a pedestal.

Sango, I hate that I love you.

I can't help but feel remorse that I couldn't satisfy you. I guess you can call this cowardice, because I don't want to live with this numbness any more.

My name is Miroku Kazaana, I killed a man. I'm 23 years old and I'm about to commit suicide because I am in love with Sango. Yes, Sango, blame yourself for my suicide.

I died at 12:03am.

(I finished this entry two minutes before).

I know this was pretty dark and 'emo' but I was in the mood. Someone asked me to do a one-shot where Miroku is the one being cheated on and Sango is the cheater, so here it is! Just a darker take of it... ;)

Review please!