Death Note: To Give His Heart To

Matt's a read head wearing a black and white striped shirt under a black shirt that had the words 'Gamer For Life' on it over a game boy design. He wore orange tinted goggles over his forehead as he did every day.

He was at his desk in one of the many classes he attended to at the high school, Fushubi High School. That always made Matt laugh. He knew the founder of the high school, not personally but through his grandparents. He knew the founder of the school was not even 1% Japanese but still chose a Japanese name like Fushubi for a high school? Seriously, the word meant failure. With a high school named after failure, who would want their kids going here? But somehow the school gets 500 new students a year, and more than half pass with A's or B's as only 20% actually flunked out.

He was currently waiting for class to begin as the teacher is once again 10 minutes late… maybe that's why the school was named failure as the teachers failed to be on time. Matt pulled out a sheet of white paper and started drawing what looks like a dragon.

The sound of a chair skidding across the classroom floor caused Matt to be distracted from his drawing. He looked to the left center of the room where the noise was. Matt saw 3 big guys, going by the names of Rod Ross, Zakk Irius, and Jack Neylon, were surrounding a blond male, Mello.

Matt's best friend.

The person Matt had deep feelings of love for.

Matt saw the guys taunt and torment his blond. He also saw the cold angry glare directed towards him from his best friend.

Matt looked down at his drawing sadly. He knew exactly why Mello is glaring at him. He had glared at him every chance he gets… which is a lot considering they had the same 4 classes at school. He also knew why the bullies, Mello's ex-friends, are tormenting him. He knew that they were connected.

Matt knew it wasn't his fault, or Mello's. That didn't mean that Matt understood why Mello blamed him.

Matt bit his lip gently before gathering his things and left the room. Matt walked to his locker and grabbed his jacket while leaving his school items locked within the small space.

He started walking towards the exit closest to the school's parking lot he parked his sport motorcycle. Before he could even get to the door, Matt was stopped by the very people who were previously harassing his friend

"Hey Matt, we just wanted to apologize for what happened to you" Rod Ross said in a sympathetic voice that made Matt shut his eyes in anger. He knew what the meaning behind that sentence meant and it had pissed him off

"Yeah, who knew that Mello would do that?" Jack said

"Especially to his best friend" Zakk said

"We can't believe we were ever friends with him" Rod Ross said in disgust, "I only could imagine what you must be thinking about this whole situation Matt"

Matt sighed out and opened his eyes

"Can I go?" Matt asked and they nodded and let him walk to the door

"Matt, I don't blame ya' for leaving. If you need to talk to anyone we're here for ya'" Rod said and Matt nodded and left before he could act out on his anger.

Once outside, Matt rolled his eyes. As if he would go to them. The only one he wants and needs is Mello, but it would be a cold day in hell if that would ever happen now.

Matt sighed when he got onto his motorcycle. He started it up and revved it slightly before taking off towards his destination. He went the opposite direction to his house. His destination

The woods

He needed a ride. And a ride through the woods is exactly what he needed.

A ride through the Treacherous Woods

They chose the name because of the folklore about a nasty dangerous 'will eat anything that crosses its path' demon that lives deep within the woods.

Despite the name and the folklore, Matt saw and felt nothing but a sort of calming aura to the woods. The sort of calming aura that could make everyone forget about their issues. Matt felt it might help with clearing his thoughts of the so called 'situation'.

That is why he is here now, to clear the raging thoughts of the night that ruined Mello's reputation at school and their friendship.

Though unlike the other times he came to the woods to clear his thoughts, the sounds of the wind and rustling of the leaves and bushes made the thoughts increase.

He desperately wanted to lose these haunting thoughts… Only if Matt stopped Mello.

Matt clenched his bike handlebars before racing home.

He just needed a hot bath. If the ride didn't ease his thoughts, maybe the stinginess of hot steamy bath water would.

Matt had set the water's heat to the hottest it would go. No, Matt is not a masochist or would hurt himself over a thing like the situation with Mello.

Matt's body was different. As anyone who touches anything hot or ice cold, it would burn.

Not Matt though.

He knew this since he accidentally touched a pot of boiling water and saw it hadn't burned him. All he felt like was a very warm tingly sensation. Same thing with very cold things

Well anyways, Matt hopped into the very hot steamy bath… of course after undressing.

Matt let his eyes slowly shut at the great feeling of warm tingliness the hot water gave him. For a moment or two, Matt was at peace. No thoughts of anything

Then all the sudden the thoughts of what happened that night came back.

Matt opened his eyes half way and let out a long dragged out sigh. His mind went to the last thing he wanted to think of


His best friend; his hot best friend

The one who didn't hate his guts,

The one who has beautiful shoulder length blond hair that flows gracefully in the wind

The one that had the most contagious, beyond beautiful, grin.

The one that had the perfect skin-tight leather pants that hugged his hips in all the right areas

Matt felt himself slowly slide his hand from his stomach to his lower stomach, crotch area. One of his finders courageously reached out and touched his member. This caused Matt to throw his head back and close his eyes thinking and wishing it was Mello doing this to him.

Matt bit his lip hard as he felt himself instantly get extremely hard. Matt let his hand venture down more and started pumping his member.

This action causes Matt to quicken his breathing. The thoughts of Mello doing this instead of himself increased which increased his pumping and groaning

"Gnngh… M-Mello" Matt groaned out deeply as his whole body shuttered

Streams of hot white shot out.

Matt gasped for air and calmed his raging breathing

"F-fuck" Matt said as he realized what he did. This caused Matt to have tears form and groan

How was he to cope with living with the only one he loves hating every fiber of his being?

Simple answer – You can't

But like hell this was going to stop Matt from trying. He would not let Mello have that sort of twisted pleasure. Matt was stronger than that.

Matt sighed as he thought more about Mello. He and Mello have been best friends since they were 5. They did everything together.

Then that all changed.

That stupid night.

Matt now couldn't help but think that maybe Mello was right to put the blame on him for this. Maybe he was the one who cause Mello, his loved one, to be in pain.

Matt snapped out of his thoughts and looked to the tub he was sitting in to see the water had the goopy white mess that he caused. Matt grabbed the drain and sighed when pulling it

'So much for a relaxing bath' Matt thought dully as he quickly showered before heading to his bedroom.

Matt glared when he took one step into his room. He officially hated his room.

More than the years upon years long wait for the continuation of the Kingdom Heart Series. More than Mario hated Bowser every time he decides to kidnap Princess Peach. More than losing to the final boss and have to start all over at the beginning.

More than all those things combined.

He despised, no loathed, his room.

Matt ran a hand through his towel dried hair and sighed out while looking to his floor. The towel he had on his waste fell to the floor as Matt moved across the room to his dresser.

He grabbed and put on a pair of Yoshi boxers

Matt decided to climb into bed and grabbed his laptop to check Facebook. To see if he could contact Mello

When he got to Mello's page, Matt's heart sank deeper in the ground than it already had.

He couldn't view the content of the page… Mello defriended him on Facebook. Matt. Matt! MATT! His best friend!

Matt with little to no hope left of ever getting Mello to even consider being his friend again, pushed his laptop to the side and laid down his side.

Matt had a tear fall and turned to look to the ceiling. Matt closed his eyes and rested his forearm/ lower wrist on his eyes.

He had no strength to force those memories away of that night


Matt looked to the clock on his phone once again. It was almost 7pm

Mello had told him that he would be at his place at 6pm.

Was it supposed to be today? By the time Matt started to doubt the correct date, there was a knock at the door. Matt walked to the door

"Mello, you're late" Matt said as he opened the door knowing it was Mello, who stumbled in

"Ssso'y (sorry)" Mello said and Matt had wide eyes at the sight of his stumbling slurring friend

"Mello… are, are you drunk?" Matt asked flabbergasted. Mello is highly against drinking

"S'whhht? (So what?)" Mello slurred

"You never drink Mels" Matt said and Mello smirked and pinned Matt against the wall shocking the red-haired male

"Wh-what are you doing?" Matt asked somewhat nervously

"Y'r s-sexxx'y wh'n y cl m th't (You're sexy when you call me that)"

Then it clicked

Yaoi on Website, ask me for it

"I-I love you Mello" Matt said and froze as what he just said defogged his brain and realization set in.

He… He had sex.

With his best friend

His drunken best friend.

And on top of that, confessed his love?

Matt nervously looked to Mello hoping he didn't hear him.

Luckily Mello didn't hear his confession as he was already asleep. Probably from all that rum and… sex

Matt feared what Mello might do in the morning though.

With his fears, Matt started to fall asleep. Not before he could hold Mello close thinking it might be his last

"I love you Mello. Please don't let this ruin anything we have" Matt muttered softly before letting sleep take him


Matt snapped his eyes open and saw up to see the one who yelled at him. Matt rubbed his neck as he saw a pissed off naked sober Mello.


Matt groaned and sighed, "Please don't yell so early in the morning. You came to my house drunk off of your mind"

"I don't drink you idiot" Mello said and Matt sighed

"But you did. Don't know why but you did. You were slurring ever word… I'm surprised that I could understand a thing you said" Matt said rubbing the back of his head sheepishly

"THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY THE FUCK I AM NAKED!" Mello yelled and Matt groaned again.

No he wasn't drunk, Mello was always really loud… too loud

"Please stop yelling. You came on to me" Matt said

"No I did not do such a thing" Mello said crossing his arms as if this was just a really horrible prank Matt was pulling off but the look in his eyes told the truth.

"You did so Mells"

"Then why didn't you stop me!"

"I tried! God knows I tried so hard. But you didn't take no for an answer" Matt said and looked to Mello directly in the eye

"I tried Mells. It was hard not to resist you. Plus you know I'm gay… it was hard" Matt said causing a tiny blush on Mello's face

"True, since your best friend is the hottest male you know" Mello said

That made Matt smile

"Please tell me you didn't top"

That smile did not last long

"Don't worry Mello. I was bottom. You don't need to worry about it. You know what? Just forget it. Forget everything we have or had" Matt said looking to the side

"You… want me to?" Mello asked

"Only if you do. I mean I don't, but I can't stop you if you do" Matt said looking down and Mello sighed and sat next to Matt and hugged him.

Matt suppressed a blush from the naked form of his friend hugging him

"Matt… I would forget what ever happened last night. I don't want to forget our friendship" Mello said and Matt smiled again

"Thank god, I was worried for nothing"

"Yeah you were. Why would you think I would forget the best friendship I had since 5 years of age?" Mello asked and Matt shrugged

"I dunno, you're straight and I'm gay" Matt said

"I don't care about that…" Mello said looking to a full body mirror and saw he had some scratches down his lower back and a deep bite wound on his shoulder

"So was I that good?" Mello asked smirking and Matt blushed

"S-sorry… you were better than good..." Matt said looking to the side and Mello laughed

"Good, now I know I still have it in me…I just hope this is not going to come out at school" Mello said and Matt knew it was because of his rep, but he couldn't help but feel a little hurt from it.

Matt laughed a fake convincing laugh, "No one but me knows anything Mells. I wouldn't ever tell anyone you don't want them to know"



But 2 days later, at school, Mello thought Matt broke his promise. There was an article in the school newspaper. About how Mello got wasted and 'raped' Matt. There were pictures for evidence too. Mello had regretted meeting Matt. He seriously believed that Matt had been at fault for everything, not even wanting to hear his side of the story.

End of memory~

The last memory of Mello talking to him was him yelling 'It was all your fucking fault. You set me up! You set me getting drunk up! You set every fucking thing up! I fucking hate you! I fucking wish I didn't meet you. Better yet, I wish you weren't even born! Go do everyone, especially me, a favor and go kill yourself!'

That thought had tears running down Matt's face.

It has been 2 almost 3 weeks since the night… and he still could remember it like it happened yesterday. Every single detail.

Matt had done some snooping of his own, because he swore he didn't even own a camera. Someone was there.

He was right

It turned out that Near, a journalist for the school newspaper, had slipped Mello a glass of strong rum for a story… and ended up being them having sex.

He was the one taking pictures. He was there that night. He was the one who…

Matt punched his wall and gritted his teeth

That fucking white haired albino bastard! How fucking dare he ruin his and Mello's life? Especially Mello's? He never did anything to him…

Matt sighed and looked to the time… it was late. Not just the time it was now, but he knew it was too late to even try to tell Mello the truth. That Near was the one who did it not him.

Mello wouldn't even be in the same room with him other than being forced to. Like class.

It killed Matt that Mello, his friend and life time love, wouldn't want to even be in the same room as him.

It killed him that he would ever be able to tell him Near was at fault. The one who fucked their lives up

Matt sighed and saw his phone was ringing and saw the contact and glared before answering it

"What the fuck do you want Near?"

'No need to be angry Matt'

"I will so be angry with you! You ruined Mello's life! He's done nothing to you!"

'He stole you from me'

"You fucking bastard. For the last fucking time I'm not yours you little albino shit headed freak!"

'No need to be mad. I did it for us'

"He's blaming me for this!" Matt yelled

'Like I said, I did it for us'

"Like I said, there is NO us! I want Mello!"

'He doesn't deserve you. I do. You belong with me. You'll be happy with me. Hopefully you'll recognize that soon' Near said handing up

"Fucking bastard" Matt said and threw his phone to the ground in anger and screamed out in frustration

"GOD DAMN IT! WHY COULDN'T I JUST STOP MELLO? WHY?" Matt yelled on the top of his lungs and sighed out.

He wished so badly that Mello found out that Near was the one at fault and not him. Better yet he wished the school could blame him for it.

Matt snapped his eyes open.

That's it!

Matt came up with a plan. A plan to keep Mello and himself safe

At school, Matt walked down the hallway and his blood started to boil.

The other side of the hallway he saw Mello being pinned to the wall by Rod Ross and his 'henchmen'. Rod Ross raised a fist to hit Mello for the first time ever.

Matt had sworn that he would keep Mello safe and now the bullies had escalated from tormenting to violence and physically hurting Mello.

Matt's protective side had came out.

Matt ran over to them and pushed Rod Ross out of the way

"If you want to hurt him, you have to come through me first!" Matt barked evilly shocking the bullies and Mello.

"But he raped you" Rod Ross said

"He didn't rape me!" Matt yelled

"But he—"

"It was me!" Matt yelled without thinking

"What?" Rod Ross asked

"I was the one! I spiked Mello's drink. Like hell he'd ever drink! I needed some and why not a drunken best friend?" Matt said

Mello could see Matt was lying through his teeth… but why?

"You fucking bastard!" Jack yelled punching Matt in the face, "You made us hate our friend!"

"You made us feel sorry for you!" Rod Ross said punching Matt in the face as well.'

Matt wiped his bloody lip and looked to see Mello was looking at him with the look that asked 'why?'

Matt smiled at him slightly and gave him the look that answered it

'Because I love you'

Matt then got punched in the gut. Matt gasped and grabbed his stomach area before calling over. Mello knew that Matt wasn't strong. He couldn't even handle a playful punch to the arm that the average guy could.

Mello wished that Rod Ross or someone would touch the goggles Matt had over his eyes

The reason was, that when and if anyone touches, let alone scratches or damages, Matt's goggles it would snap something in the redhead

He'll turn into a fighting machine and defend himself at least

But… Everyone knows to stay away from Matt's goggles. Everyone knew what happened last time. Last time someone touched them left them in 3 limb casts and a 5 day suspension on Matt's part

No one dared trigger the dormant beast inside of Matt…

So Mello knew Matt would just stand there and be punched… he won't do a thing for himself

Mello thought he had to do something when seeing the bullies roughly pulled Matt to his feet and punched him in the gut again.

Mello stepped forward in order to help Matt

Matt saw this and gave Mello a stern 'no' glare and when Mello backed down he smiled

"Fuck you Matt! DON'T SMILE! YOU RUINED MELLO'S LIFE!" Rod Ross said and punched Matt so hard in the gut that he coughed up blood. They continued to beat the crap out of Matt until the bell rang for class

Matt sat up to see that Mello was giving him the 'I feel guilty' look before he was dragged off with the people that liked him again.

Matt sighed and rubbed his cheek when laying his head down on the ground

'Not exactly as planned' Matt thought grinning, 'But at least Mello has his life back'

Matt was glad that the situation was officially blamed on him so Mello could have his rep back at school. He was planning for both of them and blame it on the person responsible: Near, but looks like destiny had other plans.

Matt had wiped his lip with the back of his hand and brought it up to see that it had a deep red color to it

But Matt didn't care.

When it came to Mello, Matt would sacrifice anything and everything he has to protect him.

He was so in love with Mello.


Matt looked up to see Near with his camera around his neck and in his little reporter's hat. Matt sighed but smiled and sat up

"Because that's what you do for the one you love. Let them be happy" Matt said

"But you aren't"

"So what? Doesn't matter if I am or not. Only Mello" Matt said standing up and dusted him off and caught Near stare at him like he was incompetent

"You're stupid" Near said and Matt smiled slightly

"Maybe so, but that's what real love does to you" Matt said and glared at Near, "Not the 'bogus' love you 'say' you feel for me" Matt said

"Bastard" Near said and Matt laughed

"You're lucky Near, don't forget this. If I didn't subconsciously say this was my fault I would have blamed it on you. Would've told them the truth" Matt said leaving

Matt sighed and got to his bike.

"Maybe I should go fix the car up some more" Matt said leaving to a spot on the outskirts of the town that Mello and Matt found a rundown old red 1970 Chevrolet Camaro SS with a sign that said 'anyone who fixes it keeps it' a few years back.

Matt decided to fix it up because this is a very cool muscle car to waste any opportunity to own it.

Matt only stayed for a little bit before returning home.

Matt had undressed to his boxers and went to the bathroom to see the damage the bullies had did to his body.

In Matt's reflection, he saw that his left cheek was already turning black and blue

Matt groaned and traced the bruises on his face and on his stomach

He didn't want to deal with this… no he wanted to for Mello… but he didn't know if he could.

Matt bit his lip and glared at his reflection

"No. I can't think like this. This is for Mells" Matt said clenching his unhurt eyes

He was glad that he was wearing his goggles over his eyes.

Anyone who was in their right mind knows not to even lay a finger on his goggles.

AND Matt was not going to deal with swollen black eyes…

Then his body started hurt causing Matt to sigh

"I have to deal with this. For Mello. He deserves to be happy" Matt said softly and determined not to give up; not to back out

Matt took a couple pain killers and went to bed. Not even an hour in his sleep, Matt woke up gasping from a dream of everyone didn't believe that he was at fault and continued hating Mello and that Mello hated him more.

He hoped and prayed that the people at school would believe that Matt was at fault and leave Mello alone and like him again.

Matt then thought back to when he was being beat by Rod Ross and his 'henchmen' today. A smile formed on Matt's face. He was happy that Mello was trying to step in and possibly stand up for him.

The smile fell at the thought of what would happen if Mello did intervene and how it could and would ruin the life he so desperately wanted him to have back

"You better not stick up for me you chocoholic blond leather wearing ass" Matt said softly before going to sleep .

Matt smiled in his sleep even though he was feeling depressed about the whole not being able to fix, save or gain his friendship back with Mello.

Matt loved Mello so much that he would give all his happiness just so Mello could have a fun happy life.

Though he thought this, deep inside Matt's heart there is this strong tiny feeling of hope that Mello would be kind to him if not tomorrow or the next day… on that day

With a sigh, Matt fell asleep

That night, Matt was thrashing a lot in his sleep

"N-no… no" Matt mumbled in his sleep as he was having a nightmare


Matt was laying in a familiar place… in a house. Matt slowly got up and saw that he was in the kitchen of some house.

Matt looked around and froze when seeing the refrigerator and its door contents.

His family pictures… his drawings as a kid…

That's why this place was familiar. This is his childhood home.

Matt walked to the darkened hallway and gently touched the wall. The touch sent shivers down his Matt's back

It… it brings back—


Matt jolted to see a figure run pass him like he wasn't even there. Was he? Was he visible?

Matt took off to where the figure ran to. He ran to the bedroom where the figure went.

The room, the lighting was fine and Matt saw two very familiar figures. Ones that made shocked Matt so much that he couldn't even speak

Him when he was five and—

"Kyle!" 5 year old Matt cried out in happiness. He was surrounded by his toys, "Come play with me"

"Sorry Matt I can't" Kyle said

'H-he looks the same…' big Matt thought watching what's happening

"Something wrong?" little Matt asked concerned for Kyle

Big Matt froze deeply…. This is the day… the day when…

"No… nothing yet. I just have to take you away from here"

"Why?" little Matt asked confused

"You're smart Matt" Kyle said and little Matt sighed and stood up

"Mom and dad are fighting again aren't they?" little Matt asked

"Yes, it's not safe here for us, ready to go?" Kyle asked

"Yes big brother" younger Matt said taking his brother's hand and started shaking, "I'm scared"

"Shh, it's ok, take these, they'll keep you safe" Kyle said taking the goggles around his neck off and gave them to his little brother… the ones Matt always loved and wanted but his brother was always being possessive of them

Tall Matt gently touched the goggles around his neck… his brother's

"A-are you sure?" little Matt asked and Kyle grinned

"Positive" Kyle said

"Thanks" Matt said smiling and his brother flashed him a warm smile

"What are brother's for?" Kyle said leading Matt out of the room

"Don't look Matt, close your eyes" Kyle said and younger Matt listened while the older one didn't

Matt couldn't keep his eyes closed. He looked to the living room he saw his younger self and his brother pass. Matt stopped and gasped deeply. The room was all covered in blood red with his mom's body sprawled in the middle

"M-mom" Matt said and turned to see his brother and younger self further down the hall. He ran to them both. He tried to stop them by trying to grab Kyle's shoulder but his arm just went through his. They got to the front door

"NO! DON'T GO OUT THERE!" Matt yelled but they couldn't hear it. They can't hear him

"We're going to Mello's place, its" Kyle said

"STOP!" Matt screamed as he saw Kyle's hand twisting the door knob

"safe there" Kyle said pushing the door open


A shot gun was fired. Kyle fell to the floor, having a hole through his head. Younger Matt screamed as he tried to wake his brother up though he knew he wouldn't be able to and started sobbing

Older Matt leaned his back up against the wall with wide eyes. He let out small shaky breaths as tears fell from his eyes. He did NOT need to see this again…

All the sudden younger Matt stopped sobbing over Kyle's dead body and glared towards older Matt

"It's your fault!" younger matt yelled

"Wh-what?" Matt asked shocked and confused

"It's your fault Kyle is dead! You couldn't even protect him! What kind of brother were you?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Matt yelled defending himself

"You didn't try to save him!"

Matt gasped as he saw his dead brother get up with blood trickling from his bullet wound

"He's right. You could've saved me. I tried to save you, but you couldn't save me. What a disappointment" Kyle said in a cold tone

Matt had tears fall, "K-Kyle… it wasn't me! I was five! How… h-how could I have known?" Matt asked hurt that his brother said that

"It was your fault" younger Matt and Kyle said in unison in the same cold tone

Soon Matt found himself surrounded by his younger self, dead Kyle, his dead mother and his father chanting the same words, 'It was your fault'


"NO!" Matt screamed sitting up in his bed. Matt bit his lip and then let out a scream.

Matt soon calmed down and sighed

"Wh-why am I dreaming this now?" Matt asked out loud… "I don't dream this… unless…" Matt said and had wide eyes


Matt looked to his phone and saw the date and groaned

"…Happy anniversary" Matt groaned out dropping his head roughly on the bed and looked to the ceiling

It was this day 11 almost 12 years ago. Matt's older brother, Kyle had been shot by their father when opening the door to try to take Matt to a safer place. Their dad had gone insane and killed his wife then oldest son.

Matt had ran outside when his father tried to shoot him. Matt stuck to the original plan his older brother had made and was running down the street towards his friend's house, taking turns so his dad didn't follow.

At Mello's place, Mello's parents had called the police.

The police arrested him for 2 counts of third degree murder and attempted murder of Matt.

Matt's dad now serves 3 life sentences and Matt still has nightmares on the night morning of the anniversary of that day.

Matt groaned again and picked his goggles up from the nightstand and gazed at them

"Kyle… what am I supposed to do if Mello…" Matt asked softly cutting off his sentence and sighed out

"Nothing… I can't do anything. Mello is free from being blamed… he is free and I would only drag him down. I can't… I won't do that" Matt said. But when he fell asleep, fear was written on his face.

Fear of what could come later that morning, during school.

In the morning, Matt's attire changed. He still had his goggles and black and white striped long sleeve shirt. But he had more gothic things on like

Black wrist warmers

Black baggy pants


Black shin length boots

Black shirt that said 'I am full of regrets'

Looking himself in the mirror, Matt sighed, "Hopefully Mello would know what today is and won't hurt me"

But Matt was smart.

He knew that to fit in, Mello wouldn't hesitate to hurt him.

Peer pressure is a horrible thing.

So is wanting to maintain a well respected school reputation. One that Matt 'destroyed'

So Mello wouldn't hesitate. He'll destroy Matt if not physically, mentally

"There is no way in hell Mello would ever give me another chance, especially when I took the blame for what happened" Matt mumbles softly and had a tear run down his face

He remembered every year on this day being tolerable because Mello was there to comfort him and distract his mind from the painful memories of losing his whole family in less than a day.

Now Matt is left alone with the painful memories on the top of the new painful memories of how Mello used to help him.

Other than the memories and the possible beatings he'll receive at school, Matt was completely alone. On the anniversary he lost his family

That lone thought had made Matt have tears form; he had completely lost everyone that made his life mean anything

Yes, he knew that before since Mello said he wanted him to kill himself for the better. But now he officially realized he had no one. No one to comfort him. No mother, brother… Mello. He had no one.

The only thing holding Matt together is the tiny bit of hope that Mello wouldn't hate and/or beat him up today

But that hope was soon crushed as when he was at school. Mello had been pressured into punching Matt as his friends were chanting 'hit him hit him!'

The punch was directed at the face and was so strong that Matt fell down

"That's what you get you raping bastard! Now you wear that type of shirt? Fuck you!" Mello yelled as the people around him cheered.

Mello glanced at the people around him and noticed the cheering was directed towards him.

Talk about feeding an already bloated ego.

Well… Shit.

Mello had the biggest assed grin you could possibly imagine. But when Mello glanced at Matt, his smile fell.

The look he saw on Matt's hurt face. Like a sad, hurt puppy

The look Matt had in his eyes… of a child being abandoned by a parent. The look of seeing your whole world cave in and collapse into millions of pieces.

Mello might have done something, but Red Ross grabbed him by the shoulders and laughed walking away with him…

After school, Matt went to his car, the Chevy Camaro, he was fixing

Matt, usually bringing tools to fix the car, brought one metal bat.

He stood staring at the car for a while.

Memories of Mello and him flooded his mind.

Like the time they found the car… It was the best moment of Matt's life.

This car had been a place that the two always gone to if they were troubled or when they had something to get off of their chest.

This spot was where Mello had promised that he would stick by Matt's side forever after Matt had confessed that he was gay.

So much forever.

Matt's normal calm attire was taken over by held in anger and pain. Matt started yelling and used the bat to hit and smash every inch of the car over and over.

Once the anger left, Matt saw the smashed up car and dropped to his knees and started sobbing.

This car was the only thing he had left… and now it's nothing but a dented shattered hunk of shit.

That's where Matt found himself in a bar, drinking away the pain of every damn mistake he had made in his life; or at least haze it up.

He ordered his fifth glass of Rum in hopes of a pain reliever

So why not get drunk off your mind?

With that thought, Matt downed the drink.

He didn't care if he got drunk, he desperately needed to lose the haunting pain and thoughts

Putting the glass down on the bar table, he concluded that his life officially sucked.

No family.

No family that had warming welcoming arms.

No friends that would stick by your side no matter what.

No Mello…

No cool car

No fucking anything.

Ordering another glass of rum and downing it, Matt let and welcomed the stinginess to go down his throat slowly.

Matt froze when hearing a familiar laugh and slowly turned to the side to see Mello on the other side of the bar…

With his friends. Laughing and having what looks like the best time of his life.

Matt glared. Mello's having fun when he knew very well what today is and that Matt's an emotionless wreck. And possibly on the verge of crossing the line to being suicidal and end his pointless life.

Matt let out a cold chuckle and shook his head. Mello really hated him… he really wanted him dead, didn't he?

Matt clenched the glass as he had a shooting pain in his heart as he heard the carefree laugh of Mello

"I need another Rum" Matt said as the bartender came around. He needed this pain to end

"Sorry sir you have had too much to drink"

"I honestly don't give a fuck… I need it" Matt said

"Sorry sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave" he said in a strict professional voice

Matt glared at him before closing his eyes and slowly got up. He's not even wanted here. The only place he is welcomed is the cold lonely walls of his place.

Why? What did he ever do…?

He practically ruined his life so that Mello could keep his… he did an unselfish act… that could mean something right?

Riiiight, only in fairytales…

The cold harsh reality is that Matt has no life without Mello in it.

Matt went to the exit and put one hand on the door to push it open, but froze when he could hear Mello speak.

"Yea, Matt is such a whore. Seriously… Who in their right mind does that shit with their friends? I'm glad I'm not his friend anymore, but got do I wish he were dead" Mello said

"Us too" one said and everyone of his friends started laughing and clinked their beer glasses together

'I hate my life' Matt thought bitterly before leaving the bar drunk off his mind.

He was so drunk that he could barely stand up, let alone walk or drive any automobile.

Unfortunately for Matt, he still felt the pain he so desperately wanted to numb… it was even worse now.

Even before he could get to his bike, the cops were on him like they were waiting to ambush someone drunk off their mind…. To catch them before they could even drive.

"Sir" one officer said as Matt got onto his bike.

Matt looked to the side to see the two officers

"What is it officer?" Matt asked and it was obvious that he was drunk. He was slurring his words, swaying and his breath smelled like a brewery.

"How much did you have to drink tonight?"

"I'dnno… arnd 6 rum…." Matt said trailing off and the police officers glanced at each other before returning their gaze at the drunken redhead

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get off your motorcycle"

"But it's my only ride home" Matt whined out and the police officers looked shocked

"Why not get a ride?" the other said

"No friends… no family… no money" Matt said knowing he was spending all his money he saved up on rum…

He brought all 250$ he had

"You're coming with us" the police officer said and Matt sighed. He got off the bike, willing to go with the police officers.

Why not? Like there isn't anything waiting for him when he got home…

But then the officer did a stupid move.

He touched the goggles around Matt's neck…

Wrong move. Especially this night of all nights

He unleashed Matt's inner beast.

Matt glared at him and grabbed the officer's arm forcefully

"Don't ever touch my goggles!" Matt yelled darkly. The other officer tasered him.

The shock from the taser made Matt release the grip he had on the arm and fell to his knees.

In that time, the officer Matt grabbed forcefully handcuffed him and pulled him to his feet

"You're under arrest" he said

Matt then had realized what he had done and looked to the side to see Mello in a group of onlookers.

Mello looked… shocked?

Matt looked down depressingly, not really paying attention to the officers as they were saying something on the lines of him being arrested for assaulting a police officer,

The morning came and sobered Matt woke up remembering what had happened the night before as he saw that he was in a holding cell in the police department.

Matt sat up and instantly regretted it as his head pounded so hard making him clench his eyes shut.

The worse aftermath of getting drunk… hangovers.

Matt groaned and put his hand on his head in pain

"Serves you right"

Matt opened his eyes and looked beyond the bars expecting Mello or the officer that arrested him. But to his surprise, he saw 2 people he never met.

One with jet black hair, and one with dark brown.

"Who the hell are you?" Matt groaned out

"The world's greatest detectives. I am L and this is my partner, Light"

Matt grew curious by the way the black haired male said that, "Partners as in?"

"Both" L said bluntly before earning a stern glare from Light

"Do you have to be so blunt about it?" Light asked

"You know before we started this relationship that I am a very blunt person. Light-Kun" L said and Light rolled his eyes and sighed.

Light turned to Matt, "Anyways, you don't recognize me?"

"Should I?" Matt asked confused

"Well, I am your half-brother" Light said and Matt had wide eyes in confusion and shock.

Hold the phone! A… brother?

A half brother?

No… Kyle was his only brother

"I could tell by the confused look on your face that you don't remember me. Well, my mom sort left my dad for yours" Light said

"I don't believe you"

"My mom's name was Hoshiko" Light said sighing… "Your older brother was born before the affair..."

Matt could tell it was the truth

"Well then why didn't you take me in after what happened?! I was a freaken five year old! I had no one! I HAVE no one! Look where I am!" Matt yelled and Light sighed

"I know… it was my dad. He didn't—"

"Didn't want me. I know. No one does" Matt said in a despondent voice

"Matt. I came all the way here from United States of America. Just to bail you out. Don't say no one wants you" Light said

Matt stayed quiet and looked to the side.

Some guy, his half-brother apparently, he didn't even know much about came to bail him out.

Not Mello. Why not Mello? He really hates him doesn't he?

"…Thanks" Matt mumbled half-heartedly. He just wanted to go home and forget everything.

After Light and L bailed him out, they were walking outside. They had walked for a mile and Matt had froze when he saw Mello and his friends walking the opposite way towards them.

"Can we go the other way?" Matt asked in a hurry as he does not want Mello to see him. He did not want to confront Mello.

Not after what happened. Last night, the whole fucked up situation between them both

Last night, if the police didn't arrest him, he was sure he would have committed suicide.

This was the first time Matt ever felt like this… he has never been this weak… this shattered

He even destroyed the car of his dreams based on this new take on this horrible emotion Matt has been feeling

And it's all Mello's fault. That is what Matt wanted to think, but he couldn't.

His heart cannot blame Mello for anything. After all, it does belong to him

"Why?" Light asked

"It's faster to your place this way, if I'm not mistaken" L said

"Please?" Matt practically begged, another first.

Matt silently cursed as he saw Mello spot him and walk up to him with a smug look

"I'm glad you're not my friend anymore Matt. Who wants a delinquent like you anyways?" Mello asked high fiving Red Ross.

Before L and Light could respond, Matt spoke up

"You're a real piece of work do you know that? After all I've done for you" Matt said getting cut off by Red Ross

"You mean rape him?" He asked smugly

Matt glared, "Believe what you want you big oaf. That picture obviously stated that he—" Matt started

"But it's your fault" Red Ross said and Matt glared

"It was not Mello, it wasn't my fault you got drunk. It was Near's. So do everyone, especially me, a favor and go kill yourself" Matt said as coldly as he could but made sure Mello saw the pain he had caused in the duration of 1 month and 1 week from his eyes

Not knowing if it wasn't working or not, Matt started to leave


Matt glanced to the street to see a car… heading directly towards him.

He couldn't move a muscle

As soon as Matt clenched his eyes in fear for the pain that was sure to come, he felt his body being pushed out of the way.

Matt opened his eyes to see that Mello was the one who pushed him out of the way and…

Took the car hit for him

"MELLO!" Matt yelled getting up and rushed over to his bloodied friend

"…M-Matt… sorry… for everything…" Mello said

"M-Mello… shh… it's ok" Matt said wiping the strands of hair from Mello's eyes, "Save your strength"

"M-Matt… n-not going to make it" Mello said feeling a jolt of pain

"N-no… don't say that… you will… please. You already hurt me… don't hurt me any more… I… please" Matt said and Mello smiled faintly

"Matt… s-s-sorry" Mello said struggling to say each word and soon fainted.

"M-Mello… no" Matt said crying softly

"Matt I got contact with an ambulance; it's on its way" Light said looking to L, who was looking at the truck to see that no one was there… they had escaped

At the hospital, Matt was waiting in the lobby with L and Light. Red Ross was there but on the opposite end from Matt.

The doctor, an hour later or so, came out with his clipboard

"Are you with a Mr. Keehl?" the doctor asked and Matt nodded

"I-Is he alright?" Matt almost begged, begging Mello to be alright

"I'm afraid not… He has too much trauma to his heart. His heart will fail if we take him off life support"

"B-but… what about a heart transplant?" Matt asked hopeful

"That's highly unlikely. We first need a willing heart donor that has the same blood type" the doctor said

Matt closed his eyes, "Me"

"What?" the doctor, L, Light and silently Red Ross

"I have the same blood type as Mello. I'm willing to give Mello my heart to save his life" Matt said

"Matt…" Light said as if he doesn't want him to go through with this

"Light" Matt said looking to him, "I can't just let him die like this. I just can't. Not when he pushed me out of the way"

Matt, turning to the doctor with confidence, said, "Use my heart to save Mello's life"

"Very well, if that is what you wish" the doctor said, "follow me to the patient's room"

Matt, L and Light followed the doctor into the room Mello was in… so was Red Ross.

They saw Matt stare at Mello…

There was practically nothing else wrong with Mello, but his damaged heart. That's ironic, Matt literally giving his heart to the man he is deeply in love with.

"I'll have the nurse set up a bed for you for the operation" the doctor said leaving to fetch a nurse

Matt smiled softly at Mello and walked closet to him

"You'll be ok Mells" Matt said and leaned down and kissed the blonde's lips gently

"I'm glad you were my first time. Though all this shit went on because of it. I'll love you forever. This way you'll be ok and my hear will belong to yours forever" Matt muttered softly on the smooth lips of his blond friend.

Light walked up to Matt when he lifted up

Matt you don't have to do this" Light said

"Light, you don't know anything about this situation. If you were in my shoes you'll see I have to go through with this" Matt said with his gaze saying 'You cannot change my mind, period"

Light looked to L as if he has to stop Matt but when L shook his head like saying there is nothing they could do, Light dropped his head.

L and Light left the room to talk to the doctor.

Red Ross walked up to Matt

"Why are you doing this?"

Matt gazed lovingly and sadly at Mello, "I love him"

"I know that's a lie. Everyone knows you're gay, yes. But who would rape the person they love?" Red Ross said and Matt sighed

"I didn't rape Mello. He got drunk. He got drunk off of tum and something Near slipped him, I swear. I was home that whole day" Matt said confusing Red Ross

"Then… why say?"

Matt looked to him with a small smile

"You would have hurt Mello. I'd do anything for him" Matt said and Red Ross smiled

"Obviously. I couldn't believe we didn't see that" Red Ross said and Matt sighed

"I had to hide it. I didn't want Mello to hate me…" Matt said and Red Ross sighed

"Well, I'll make sure he knows. It's nice knowing you Matt"

"You too. Thanks" Matt said

The nurse and doctor came in with L and Light and a bed.

Matt sat on the bed with his shirt off and gave him a shot of the stuff that knocks you out

"W-wait" Matt said taking his goggles off

"Light, give these to Mello" Matt said with a smile.

The drug kicked in as Light took the goggles from Matt's weakening grip

The last thing he say was Mello as they were heading for the operation room

'Mello… you'll be fine… my heart…. Belonged with…. You any….. ways' Matt thought before completely losing consciousness

Mello opened his eyes and blinked and groaned

'Where am I?" Mello thought looking around and them remembered what happened, 'Hospital… an I alive?'


Mello looked to the side to see Red Ross and some guy he doesn't know but knew he was with Matt.

"…What happened? Where's Matt?"

Light and Red Ross froze and looked at each other before sighing

"Mello, buddy, well" Red Ross started

"Your heart was damaged" Light said

"Who are you?" Mello asked confused

"I am Light, I know Matt" Light said and Red Ross sighed

"Mello, like he said, you heart was damaged from the truck. There was no way to save your heart. The only way to save your life was a heart transplant" Red Ross said

Mello froze. Matt had the same blood type as him… and they're talking about heart transplants… no…

"Y-you don't mean…" Mello said and Red Ross sighed

"I'm afraid so"

"Mello willing gave his heart to you" Light said and sighed, "he wanted you to have these" Light said handing Mello the goggles

Matt gave him the goggles he treasured over the past decade or so…

That means... they were right. Matt really gave him his heart

"B-but…n-no" Mello said in shock

"Buddy… there's more… He said he was in love with you and would do anything for you" Red Ross said sadly and upon hearing that Mello fainted

The shock was too great for his body to handle


Matt was standing with Mello and Mello hugged him

"Why would you give your heart to me Matt? I don't deserve it" Mello said crying and Matt smiled

"I love you Mells. I always have. I would do anything for you. Even give you my heart


Mello woke up with tears running down his face. He found the room was empty like how he was feeling now.

Mello could never forgive himself. He had hurt the only one that had been in his life forever. The one that said he loves him and gave his heart to save his life. And what for? A stupid reputation at school? How stupid could Mello be? Now he can never see the carefree redhead ever again. He could never apologize for being an idiot and all the shit that happened

'I-I can't believe he gave his heart to me' Mello cried in his mind

That echoed in his mind

Gave his heart

His heart


He gave his heart to save his life