1. Tony Stark
Tony Stark had a hate-hate relationship with SHIELD's New York headquarters. He loved to hate the boring white corridors and the idiot junior agents and the fact that Fury had had enough balls to hide a live but convalescing Coulson here, right under Tony's nose, for a full month. And SHIELD just plain hated Tony being there, because his mere presence in the building guaranteed that something considered safe and inconsequential, like the third floor vending machine or the coffee maker in HR's breakroom or Agent Conners' electronic pencil sharpener, was about to blow up, become weaponized, or thoroughly traumatize the newest SHIELD recruiters, in one way or another.
So, all told, everyone was pleased Tony's meeting with Dr. Phelps in R&D had finished quickly, as the scientists in the department had learned to stop arguing with "that bastard, Stark", since it meant the billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist was now heading briskly into the lobby and towards the front doors.
Only to pull up short as an angry and very attractive young woman marched past the main receptionist's desk despite the older secretary's strident protests and threats. If this chick could rile up Battle-Ax Priscilla, who had seen everything and been singularly unimpressed by Tony, he definitely wanted to meet her. Except she didn't stop. He stepped right into her path, with a smile and an outstretched hand, and she didn't so much as acknowledge him, just side-stepped around and continued relentlessly on her way.
As someone who quite literally could not pay to be ignored, Tony was dumbfounded. He stood there for a moment, frozen, vaguely aware that Priscilla was hissing furiously into her phone, while his brain tried to compute these entirely new circumstances. Then an enormous grin found its way onto his face and he spun to follow after the girl.
Her stride was confident, annoyed, and it was pretty clear from the sashay of her hips that she knew how her hourglass figure affected those she passed. Long, thick brown hair had been pulled up into a smoothed bun, but several strands had already escaped their confines to fall across her shoulders and down her back. Over the impressive curves, she wore a clingy red sweater that gave the appearance of soft comfort, and which Tony remembered fondly came down into a deep eve at the front to better display her chest. She also had on what was most likely an attempt at a business skirt, black and an a-line cut, but the hem was just barely too high and the five-inch stiletto pumps on her feet laughed in the face of the professional aesthetic. The large handbag slung over her shoulder matched the heels, and as he caught up, Tony happily took in the strong-boned face, full lips and displeased eyes behind chunky, square glasses.
Rather than trying to halt their progress, this time he walked with her and casually announced, "Hi. I'm Tony Stark."
That earned a tiny stumble in her stride, and she glanced over, considering him for a moment. "Huh. Tony Stark." Then she continued on her way, unabated.
Trying again, Tony shot her his best charmingly flirty expression. "And you are?"
The question was met with an indelicate snort and a smirk. "Way too young for you."
With a pout, Tony started to protest. She held up a hand to stop him and shot a sly side glance his way. "Besides, going by your current crush on the Star Spangled Man With a Plan, I've got the wrong parts."
And Tony, who had not simply mastered but perfected the fine art of bullshitting his way out of just about everything, paused for a full three seconds of shock before beginning to protest.
She brushed his denials aside, and cooed, "Aaaaw, you're blushing! That's adorable!"
Tony scowled, but he could feel the heat on his cheeks that confirmed her assessment. "Who are you here for, anyway?" he demanded, planning how best to make whatever agent she was looking for pay.
Finally, she stopped, turning to face him full on. Her eyes filled with tears, her lips began to tremble, and when she spoke, it was in a broken whisper. "I'm pregnant, and he keeps avoiding my calls, and my parents disowned me."
The panic that hit Tony was instinctive. He couldn't handle crying women to begin with, but facing one who was also pregnant was a kind of torture he wished on no man.
Then a familiar voice from behind him announced happily, "Don't believe a word, Stark. She's a lying, evil little brat."
The woman's entire face lit up and, in a move that defied both physics and the shoes on her feet, she went bounding forward, taking a running leap to throw herself bodily into the arms of a smiling Clint Barton.
The torrent of nauseatingly cute pet names continued until Tony's notoriously small reservoir of restraint drained entirely, and he burst out, "What the hell is going on?"
Without releasing her, Clint turned the girl in his arms, draping himself around her with bold familiarity, and said, "Tony Stark, meet my favorite human being, Darcy Lewis. Darce, this is Tony Stark."
Her responding satisfied expression was mirrored in the smug assurance, "Yeah, we've met." Then she spun on the archer and growled, "And you! Where the hell have you been? I forgave you missing my twenty-first birthday to begin with because you'd been mind-whammied by Big, Buff and Blond's psychotic baby brother, but it's been two months since then! Nat and that iPod stealing jerk you're dating are fine, Horny Green is in some kind of magical prison across an Einstein-Rosen Bridge, New York is all cleaned up and pretty again. So you have no freaking excuse for not calling! We were supposed to take a trip to Vegas, get falling-down, black-out drunk, win a fortune and lose it all again before the end of the night, and then wake up the next morning in bed wearing wedding rings, freak the hell out, and then find out the whole thing was a prank we decided to play on ourselves while trashed! But, no, you had to be off saving the world from demigods and aliens!"
She wound down with her arms crossed over that considerable bust and a terrible glower. Clint just smiled, held his arms out to his sides, and said. "Sorry. I promise next time you'll be the first person I call to let them know I'm okay. Which I am, by the way, in case you were wondering."
She held her position for a few more moments as she angrily muttered, "You mean second. You always call Agent McGrouchy-pants first."
He shrugged. "Well, yeah. Otherwise Phil'd kill me and I couldn't call you then."
Finally, the girl sighed and fell back into the assassin's arms, snuggling closer as though it was the safest place in the world.
Tony was still confused, but already had JARVIS pulling up all the available information on Darcy Lewis, and he had to admit she sounded like someone with whom he could have fun.
a/n I have no idea when I'll add to this. I just love Darcy, and having her around the Avengers is pretty much my favorite thing *ever*. If I *do* add to this, pairings will be as follows:
Clint/Coulson (who are my Avengers 'verse OTP!)