Just as Tori wanted to knock on the door, it opened and a hand grabbed her by the wrist before pulling her into the house. Before she even could react, she was inside the house where Cat immediately shut the door behind her and turned to look at Tori.
"Are you crazy?" Cat yelled, letting go of Tori's hand.
"Are. You. Crazy? You walked all around LA last night by yourself? What has gotten into you? You could have been mugged or attacked or…" Cat began rambling, but stopped when the true possibilities of how last night could have turned out for her friend came to her mind.
"I see you talked to Jade." Tori said, her voice bland and emotionless.
"Yes, she told me that you just ran off last night. She told me that she took you to her uncle's beach house and that you ran off into the night by yourself." Cat explained.
"And she didn't tell you why?" Tori asked.
"She said you two got into an argument and that…"
"I told her about my visions." Tori interrupted, and Cat immediately went silent.
"I should have known…" Cat said, shaking her head in disbelief.
"I'm glad I left. I'm glad I took that walk." Tori admitted.
"Why?" Cat asked, looking at her friend.
"I can't tell you any details, I'm sorry." Tori said.
She saw that Cat wanted to ask her something again, and Tori readied herself to apologize again, but Cat's mouth only closed a few moments later as she sighed.
"Okay. I just hope it was worth all the risk." Cat said.
"I didn't mind the risk. I hoped that something would happen." Tori said.
"I can't take this anymore. Last night was the longest one in my life. And the end of it was the icing on the cake."
"What do you mean?" Cat asked.
"When I got home last night, I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom. It was positive." She said.
She saw Cat's confused expression before her eyes widened at the realization. She saw how Cat kept staring at her, hoping that Tori would immediately shoot down the idea that was in Cat's head. Tori didn't say anything.
"Trina…" Cat exhaled, shaking her head in disbelief. "D-Does your dad know?"
"He does. I saw him this morning. He just ran off, as always." Tori said.
Cat didn't ask any more questions as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Tori. But Tori didn't feel the calm and serenity overtake her as it usually did with Cat. She didn't let it. She didn't think she deserved it. Not after what she had done. Not after invading the personal memories of her own friends. Not after almost forcefully digging things out that they had buried for a reason.
"I won't mention anything about last night anymore, I promise." Cat said as she pulled away from the hug, but still kept her hands on Tori's arms. "Let's watch movies, listen to music, anything." Cat suggested.
"Sure." Tori said, forcing a fake smile. She knew that Cat didn't fall for it, but she was grateful that Cat wouldn't remind her of last night anymore. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to talk about it.
And yet think about it is all she did. She starred at the TV for hours while Cat's dvds were playing, and yet she starred right through it. She was sure that Cat noticed, but there was nothing she could do anyway. Tori needed to think. She needed to process everything that managed to happen just within the last 24 hours. And yet she didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be left by herself, because she wasn't sure what stupid idea could come to her if she was.
"I'll be right back." Cat said as she got up and went upstairs. Tori got up too and walked towards the kitchen to get herself something to drink. She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of coke. But as she closed the fridge she heard the front door unlocking. She turned around, and before she could even say anything, her brown eyes met green ones.
"Jade…" Tori said, not believing she would see her again this soon. There was so much she wanted to say to her now: apologies; explanations; excuses. But nothing could escape her throat. She couldn't say anything else.
"I didn't know you were here." Jade said, not looking away. But Tori did, lowering her stare to the ground. "Where's Cat?" Jade asked.
"Upstairs." Tori said, her eyes still focused on the ground.
"Jade." Tori heard Cat say. She looked towards the stairs where Cat was standing, nervously looking between them.
"Sorry for just showing up like this unannounced, but something happened and I don't want to be home." Jade said, walking into the living room and putting her bag on the table. She opened it and took out multiple bottles before she placed them on the table.
"What happened?" Cat inquired, walking down and towards Jade.
"I'll tell you later. Where can we drink?" Jade asked, picking up the bottles and looking at her best friend.
"I guess in my room. It's too cold outside." Cat said.
"Fine with me." Jade said before turning to Tori, who still hadn't moved an inch. "Bring some cola and glasses."
Tori only nodded before she heard the familiar sound of Jade's combat boots as she went upstairs. She finally looked up to see Cat's concerned stare.
"It's okay. I'll be fine." Tori said. But she was far from it. Upstairs, she was sitting on Cat's large bet, her back leaned against the standing wooden frame while Cat's laptop was on a chair placed next to the bed as a makeshift table. Tori was searching for songs to play while Jade and Cat sat at the other side of the room on the couch. Tori didn't know what they were talking about, and feeling left out like this made her feel even worse. So she drank, emptying the whiskey from her glass like it was nothing and refilling it immediately afterwards. However, it didn't have nearly the effect it had on her the last time she drank. Still, she kept drinking, her stare again becoming distant after a while. She noticed Cat looking her way a few times, but Tori knew that she couldn't just abandon Jade like that. She understood the situation Cat found herself in, and she also understood that there was no way for Cat to change what was going on right now.
She didn't know how much time passed, but Tori found her bottle empty after she emptied her glass again, not removing her eyes from the spot where she kept staring at nothing. She was in the same room with one of her best friends and a girl whose company she had enjoyed the most in the past few weeks; the only person she thought understood the predicament she was in. And yet she was lonely.
Suddenly, she felt the bed shift lightly. She looked to her left where she saw Jade sitting next to her, typing something on the laptop. Tori could only see Jade's back and left side as the Goth kept searching for something in Cat's music folder. Tori looked towards the couch, where Cat was lying, asleep and the vodka bottle lied empty on the ground next to it.
Tori's heart began beating faster. She wanted to reach out and touch Jade, to get her attention. She wanted to apologize to her again and again. She wanted another chance; a chance to make up for her mistakes. She wondered what she was supposed to do when she knew that her friends had something that hurt them. Was she supposed to just stand aside and act as if she didn't know? Was she supposed to ignore the truth and wait for something bad to happen before she was supposedly allowed to react?
She turned her eyes back towards Jade, wanting to say how sorry she was only to find Jade looking at her. Tori found her voice gone again. She found everything that she planned to say gone from her mind.
Tori waited for Jade to say something. Anything, even she was going to yell at her. But she didn't expect Jade to lean forward and wrap her arms around her. She didn't expect Jade to rest her head her shoulder.
"Jade?" Tori asked, having no idea what was going on anymore.
"I can't stay mad at you. I can't…" Jade said, tightening her grip around the other girl.
Tori hugged Jade back, not understanding why the Goth suddenly had a change of heart. But she wasn't going to ask anything either. She didn't want ruin it again.
"Don't look into my memories." Jade said, lifting her head up so she could look at Tori. "Don't. I'll tell you everything, just give me some time."
"I won't." Tori assured her. Jade smiled a weak smile. She lied down next to Tori, not letting go of the other girl. She leaned her head back on Tori's shoulder, relaxing in Tori's arms.
"That bitch my dad is dating is pregnant." Jade said. "And he's happy about it. He is going to marry her for sure now, and I can't stop him. He doesn't believe anything I tell him. He doesn't believe me when I tell him what she did to me. You saw it. You saw what she said when Beck left me." Jade said, her voice slowly getting raspier as she kept holding back her tears.
"Trina is pregnant too." Tori said. She heard a chuckle escape Jade, feeling her shake her head.
"What a fucked up situation." Jade said. "I'm glad you are alright. I was so scared after you ran off. I even drove through the city, but I couldn't find you anywhere."
"I didn't care if something could have happened to me last night. I really didn't. Nothing happened. Instead, I managed to help someone I never thought needed it." Tori admitted.
"Again you keep helping others. Why? Why do you still go after everybody's problems and issues when you are going through hell?" Jade asked.
"Because I can't ignore them. I can't just stand aside and act like I don't care. I can't stand aside and pretend like I don't know that something is wrong when I know it is. Or is that exactly what I'm supposed to do? Wait until something happens and then act surprised? Just say that I had no idea when I knew? Fuck that. If I can help, I will. If I can't, I'll try anyway. And if it doesn't work then, I'll find someone who can help. But nobody can expect me to just walk away when someone I care about needs help." Tori said.
"So that's why." Jade said. "I always wondered why you had to get involved in everything."
"I'm sorry that I looked into your memories. But I only did it because I want to help you…"
"I know… I know… But that doesn't change the fact that you are the one who needs it the most." Jade said.
"I'll survive. I survived last night. I'll survive anything." Tori said.
Tori felt Jade's hand in hers before Jade lifted Tori's arm up, as if she was looking for something.
"No. I wouldn't do anything like that." Tori said.
"Good. I would beat the crap out of you if you did." Jade said, lowering their arms, but not letting go of Tori's hand.
"What about you?" Tori asked. She heard Jade sigh, and instead of asking again, it was Tori this time who lifted their arms, but turning Jade's wrist towards them. She then saw them. The lines were even and clean. Some of them seemed old; some of them seemed almost recent.
"Every single one of them is a memory of its own." Jade said.
"When did you start?" Tori asked.
"When that whole custody war started. This one is the worst." Jade said as she pointed at a deeper scar. "When Beck and I broke up for good that day at your place… After everything that day I punched a mirror and broke it. Then I had the bright idea to use a shard instead of a razor. It took me a while to stop the bleeding." Jade explained.
"How did you hide them for so long?" Tori asked.
"Make up, wrist bands, tattoos or just long sleeves" Jade said, lifting her other arm with the star tattoo. "Beck and Cat know about it. Well, now you do too." Jade said.
"But why? Why do that to yourself?" Tori asked.
"It used to be a release. Feel anything else but sad. But now, they help me remember everything I went through; everything that happened to me. They are like tattoos. Every single scar has a meaning. When things go bad, I just take a look and remember that I've been through worse." Jade explained.
"That's a lot of scars." Tori said.
"There are a lot of memories." Jade said, letting out a sigh at the end.
"So what I saw was just…"
"The tip of the iceberg? Yes. There is much more you don't know."
"If you don't want me to know, I…"
"I told you I'll tell you everything. Just give me time. But enough talk about me." Jade said as she shifted. Suddenly, it was Tori's head leaning on Jade's shoulder. "What are we going to do about your situation?" Jade asked.
"I don't think there is anything you can do." Tori said.
"Oh, you are wrong." Jade said.
"What do you mean?" Tori asked.
"Well, first, I can make sure you don't have to stay at your place anymore. I'm staying at Cat's place for a while and I'm sure she would be glad if you joined us." Jade said. "That allows me to keep an eye on you when you drift off into that place."
"What place am I drifting off into?" Tori asked.
"Don't act dumb in front of me. I know you are not. I don't need to be able to see your memories to see when your mind goes into that dark place. I can see it. You get dumb ideas. You don't think straight. You think nobody is watching. You think nobody knows but you are wrong, Tori. I can see it easily. Your eyes drift off. You get that thousand yard stare. I know that one too well. If the eyes are the mirrors of our souls, then all your eyes have been recently is sad. And I'm going to change that." Jade said, placing her palm on Tori's cheek.
"B-But… how?" Tori asked. She saw Jade smile a small smile, as if she had just won something. Tori saw Jade lean forward and place a gentle kiss on Tori's forehead.
"I'll figure something out. Trust me. But I'm not going to watch one someone important to me fall apart if I can help it."
"You are turning my words on me." Tori said.
"Yes. And I'm enjoying it a lot." Jade said.
The few minutes passed in comfortable silence, and Tori noticed that Jade had fallen asleep, yet her arms stayed around her. Tori felt safe. She felt comfortable and for the first time since her mother had left them, she genuinely felt like things could become better again.
A/N: This took way too long, and but here is the next chapter. I don't know how many chapters are left, but the story is slowly coming to an end. Thank you for sticking with it for so long.