I don't know if I'll ever be fully back to normal, but I'm starting to think that I can at least have some normality in my life. Like now, for example. The guys, Charleigh, and I are at the studio where AM LA is filmed. Gustavo arranged for us to perform a new song and do an interview with Shauna White, the newest entertainment reporter. We watched her yesterday and she's pretty awesome. You know, a lot less crazy than Wendy, but still cool.
"Are you nervous?" Kendall asks me.
"A little." I admit. I fix the sleeves on my leather jacket before staring at my reflection in the vanity mirror. To be honest, I'm freaking out. I haven't been on TV in months, so I'm scared that I might embarrass myself. I know that Shauna will probably ask about my eating disorder and my suicide attempt, which I have a hard time talking about.
"If she asks you about you know what, just tell her to mind her own business." Charleigh suggests.
"I can't do that." I respond. Charleigh places a black baseball cap on my head, backwards. I breathe deeply, still watching my reflection. The sad thing is that I still have a hard time looking at myself. I know that I'm not fat, but sometimes I'm scared to look at my reflection. I'm always scared of what I might see.
"I can't believe that we're about to meet the hottest reporter on television." James says, yelping when Charleigh punches his bicep. She has been making her interest in him much more obvious lately. I wish they would just get together already. I can't say that I don't feel a bit overprotective of my sister, but I also want her to be happy. Something tells me that she'll be thrilled if she and James ever become a couple.
"Aww, you boys look so adorable." Two arms wrap around my waist. If Camille was hoping to surprise me, she didn't do a very good job at it. Considering that we're in front of a mirror, I could see her coming behind me. But I'm just happy that she's here. She recently started filming scenes for a new movie, so we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together.
"DOGS, GET YOUR BUTTS TO THE STAGE NOW!" Gustavo screams.
"I guess you better get going." Camille says, giving me a kiss. I happily return the gesture before Carlos reaches for my wrist, pulling me out the door. Alright, here goes nothing.
"Wow, Big Time Rush." Shauna says. "I am such a big fan."
"Well, we watched you yesterday and we were very impressed." Carlos says, getting closer to her.
"Sweetie, I'm twenty nine." Shauna replies. "I'm too old for you."
Since we're on live TV, I have to resist rolling my eyes. Only Carlos would have the guts to flirt with an older woman in front of millions of viewers. He can be pretty forward sometimes. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work in his favor. Sometimes he ends up with a smoothie thrown in his face.
"Anyway, let's talk about relationships." Shauna says. "Kendall, I know you've been dating Jo Taylor. By the way, you two are a lovely couple. What about the rest of you? Who is that special person in your life?"
"I'm single." Carlos sighs. "I'll probably grow old, live in a cottage with forty cats, and die alone."
"Ignoring that," James says slowly. "As of right now, I'm single too, but there is a special girl that I would love to be in a relationship with."
"And I have an awesome girlfriend." I answer. "She's actually in the audience right now."
I give Camille a wave and she blows me a kiss. Gosh, I hope I'm not blushing. The last thing I need is for the guys to tease me in front of a live TV audience. I'm already worried about talking about my stint in the hospital and, more specifically, why I was there. I don't need anything else to panic about.
"Logan, I hope you don't mind me asking about something a little more personal." Shauna says. "You were in the news quite a bit just a while back after you were taken to the hospital after a reported suicide attempt."
"Um, yeah." I reply. "I was in the hospital. I basically had a complete meltdown. I was starving myself, I was binging and purging, and it drove me insane. I finally snapped and I attempted to take my own life. Luckily, my family got me to the hospital and I got the help that I needed. I was so angry at the time, but I was able to thank them later. They saved my life."
"What about the drug rumors?"
Ugh, did she really have to ask that? The guys and I already confirmed that those rumors were completely false. Of course, I guess it would be rude of me to not answer the question. I'll give the easy answer.
"Those rumors weren't true." I reply. Okay, I answered. Now, can we finish this? I wanna go home.
"Also, when can we expect to hear about a marriage proposal from you to this wonderful girlfriend of yours?"
Okay, now she has really lost it. Camille and I have already agreed that we won't be getting married for a very long time. Now, if we could talk about something else besides meltdowns and relationships, that would be great.
"I can't believe that Shauna asked Logan if he was gonna propose to you." Lucy says.
"Neither can I." Camille says, shaking her head. "We've already decided that it's gonna be a few more years before we even consider marriage."
Yeah, but there's also the fact that I still don't like her. If she ever becomes my sister in-law, I might actually have to throw the world's biggest tantrum. I just wanna keep my attention focused on the guys, who are performing their brand new song, but now that stupid interviewer has the thought of a Logan/Camille wedding stuck in my head. I don't even wanna think about it. It makes me cringe.
"Charleigh, when are you gonna tell James how you feel about him?" Jo asks me. Shut up, Blondie. Just shut up.
"I'm not." I say tightly.
"If you like him, you should tell him." Stephanie encourages me. Okay, I'm not gonna say anything about any possible crush I have on James. Yes, I may be somewhat interested in him, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna tell him anything. As far as I know, this crush is gonna stay my secret. And if anyone says a thing about it to James, I will give them a wedgie and hang them from the hanger on some bathroom stall.
"Just shut up and watch the show." I say calmly. "Please."
"That's a wrap!"
I feel incredibly relieved that the show is over. I did have fun performing, but I wasn't that crazy about the interview part. I hated the questions Shauna asked about my meltdown. I would rather put that all behind me, but I guess that I really can't. Chances are, people will always remember the time that Logan Mitchell went completely insane.
"You boys were amazing." Mama Knight says, pulling us into a group hug.
"Logie, your voice is as beautiful as ever." Mom says sweetly, kissing my nose.
"Thanks, mama." I whisper, wrapping my arms around her. Then she pulls away and lets Charleigh step in. I smile and kiss my sister's cheek, glancing at James from the corner of my eyes. James is watching us, but mostly Charleigh. So I pull away and give her a look of encouragement.
"Go for him." I whisper, giving her hand a squeeze.
"Just go." I laugh, pushing her in James's direction. From a distance, I watch her approach James. All I want is for my loved ones to be happy. I never thought I would say this, but James and Charleigh belong together, just like Camille and I do.
It takes a few minutes, but James finally grabs Charleigh and pulls her into the most passionate and loving kiss. I've been trying to be less emotional, but I can't help tearing up a little bit. It's nice to feel happiness again. During the months that I spent battling anorexia, I was absolutely miserable. Now I'm finally happy again...and my happiness is actually genuine.
"Now we just need to get Carlitos a girlfriend." Kendall tells me.
I chuckle, glancing over at Carlos. He's having a real good time with that snack table.
"Yeah." I agree. "But let's not rush it."
"Why not? You, James, and I all have girlfriends now, while Carlos is still single. We could play matchmaker and he could have someone by Valentine's Day."
"We're not interfering in his personal life." I grin. "Now, let's get something to eat. I'm starving."
Kendall returns the smile. "It's really great to hear you say that."
"Yeah," I nod. "And it feels great too."
We join Carlos at the snack table. For the first time, I'm not afraid to eat. I can actually pick up a cookie and not wanna throw up. Yeah, I still struggle with my eating disorder, but it gets easier every day. I have so many amazing people in my life that help me through each day. Whenever I feel the temptation to return to my old ways, I remind myself that I always have someone to talk to. I'll never be alone.
Yep, this is the last chapter:( I don't really know what to say, except that I'm really glad that you all have been enjoying this. It dealt with a very serious problem and I was excited to write about it. Now, I am gonna start daily updates for Family Affairs, but I also have another story idea that I would like to start soon. I think you all will enjoy it:)
After his sister dies in a car accident, seventeen year old Logan gains custody of his six year old niece. A family moves into the apartment next door and he meets their son, James, who happens to be deaf. The two boys develop an unexpected friendship, learning some important life lessons along the way.
So...you like it? You want me to write it:D
Also, please review this chapter:)