I really enjoy writing, although it is really hard, for this Annie/Joan family relationship that the show has going. Come on, let's try to get through the ridiculously long period of time until Covert Affairs returns...
Joan is sitting… waiting for Annie and Auggie to return from Amsterdam. When she talked to Annie on the phone and gave directions to Khalid, she had to remain calm and not seem worried. But now, knowing Annie is just a few minutes from walking into the DPD, her worries float to the front of her mind. What if Annie doesn't want what she does? Rejection is not something she handles well and the motivation not to fail is what makes her great at her job.
A ding echoes through the mess of desks and rooms, finally reaching Joan's ears in her office. Her head immediately turns towards the elevator. The nervousness she has been trying to keep tightly contained in her seems to escape and now permeates her thoughts when she sees Annie. A smile tugs at her lips when she sees Auggie not far behind Annie, keeping a grip on the operative's elbow. She stands up, catching the attention of several people through the glass. The glass sometimes is helpful but most of the time it is frustrating not being able to have privacy. This is one of those times.
Joan knows that her carefully practiced mask, the one she holds to protect herself, is in place yet when she makes eye contact (finally) with Annie, she fears it is slipping. The transparency of the glass worries her; she can't be as transparent as the walls around her office. Annie holds her gaze for only a second before ducking her head and leading Auggie to his office. Joan lets out a sigh. Her bravery that she collected during her time off is quickly fading. She can't let Annie be her weakness anymore. It has to be decided now... The thought is daunting. She has never been one to back down from a challenge, especially when she issues the challenge to herself. Her fuel comes from overcoming the struggles. But this- talking to Annie will confront a hope she has held for a very long time. She tilts her head slightly to the side after she turns to face the window and lets her thoughts engage her mind.
Annie is what she wanted for a daughter: Strong, loving and able to handle to men-ruled CIA. The fact that she has no daughter, pains her and facing Annie makes it worse. Today, Annie will decide what role Joan has in her life and if Annie rejects her, it is like her dream of having children will disappear. Joan rubs her forehead and mutters to herself about how overly dramatic she is being. She hates herself for being so weak. She doesn't want to think of Annie as her last shot at parenthood but that is certainly what it feels like.
"You? Being overly dramatic?" A voice calls out, the tone laced with worry but poorly concealed in light sarcasm. Joan's head whips quickly towards where she heard the voice, snapping out of her thoughts. A face to the voice confirms her childish fears. Annie is standing outside the door and is nervously fidgeting with her hands. Joan feels her face pale slightly but recovers and coolly walks to her desk to sit down. She knows Annie's eyes are watching her every move and it fills her with a sickening sense of power. Here she was, worried about what Annie was going to do when Annie probably is more concerned about her reaction to everything that has been going on. She has been giving Annie the cold shoulder for a while. Truth be told, it is wearing on her. To maintain a distant relationship such as she had been doing was work on her part. It took a lot to let go when she knew she couldn't. Feigning indifference is hard so that is why she is in this spot today: ready to put Annie in a 'box'.
"Please, sit." Joan doesn't make any mention of the question asked earlier and keeps her tone as neutral as she can. Annie nods and takes a seat in front of her desk. Joan smoothens the papers on the desk, a habit of hers when she is reluctant to do something. She stops herself and focuses back on Annie.
What do you think? Please let me know if it is worth continuing.