AN: This is my fun collaboration with my dear friend, MidnightLove87. A big thank you for the amazing Beta skills of Sunflower 3759!

This story comes from my jokes and creation of a fictional story banner I made in jest to MidnightLove. She found potential in my crazy.


Chapter 1

It was dark out at a quarter to four in the morning, but it was definitely time to get up and start the day. My trusty rooster alarm clock was crowing up a storm, gently waking me from my peaceful slumber and I needed to get my ass out of bed.

But I was a morning person and I smiled to myself as I threw back Grannie's quilt. I stumbled across the hardwood floor and the organic cotton area rug that I'd proudly made all by myself, all the way to my second favorite cock in the world, my alarm clock cock. Sylous, my real rooster, wouldn't be up and around for a few hours, and while my alarm clock cock was a handsome representation of a rooster, Sylous was just a gorgeous creature. He was also a very proud man, and didn't take shit from anyone. All the hens loved him. But I was his favorite; I knew just how he liked to be stroked while sitting in the sun, and what food he liked best. Besides that, he was an amazing judge of character and preferred to chase my two brothers around and peck at their ankles.

There were so many chores to do and a great farm could not possibly run on good intentions alone. So it was important to get around and get started. That was something my pop had taught me at an early age. I quickly pulled on my organic denim pants and tee shirt, without even showering. There was really no point in showering before milking and feeding the cows. You would just end up needing one at the end of the day anyway. I stunk up the house with the smells of the farm and I was proud of it.

As I passed by the staircase I hollered up to my older brother Emmett to come help me. "Get your lazy ass up, Piggly Wiggly!"

He was my right-hand man, especially after Dad left me Swan Organic Creamery. He was the type that would mindlessly perform tasks without question. He also worked cheap. If you could call eating the farm out of valuable profits cheap, but I loved him just the same, and we made a good team.

"Comin' sis," Em shouted back, probably waking up Jasper in the process, but I wasn't really worried. Jasper was lazier than a slug in the rain, so I wasn't really worried. Besides that, we often split the routine around here. As I was happy to be an early riser, Jasper was not. And as I preferred to dress in clothes for work, as did most people, Jasper otherwise did not. So, with this in mind, we were divided in those views. But he was in agreement that he would do nighttime chores, so he could walk around in his birthday suit. Hey, what could I say, he worked for nothing, too.

I slipped on and laced up my work boots, there was no pussy-footing around with my farm attire. I liked to be comfortable, but practical while I was busy out there.

I flicked on the lights and headed out back to the barn, the sun wouldn't be up for a few hours, but the milk in those beauties out there didn't have the patience to wait for the sun. The cows had a habit of getting loud and nasty if I left them too long. I could imagine that utters filled with milk could be highly uncomfortable. Not to mention, we had bills that needed to be paid, and the milk that they gave us was our bread and butter, no pun intended.

After sidestepping as many cow pies as I could, while making my way to the barn, I got to work. As I was hooking up the ladies to our milking machines, they began mooing and filled the air like a chorus. It was a lovely sound to hear, almost like a chorus of classical music sweeping through the old wooden barn.

While I was hunkered down on Bessy, I began talking with her, something I quite enjoyed. See, animals were perfect, they were like babies. They listened to your problems and gave you constant love and affection. But best of all, they never judged you, nope, never.

The ladies were welcoming and they nurtured me as much, if not more than my own mother had.

"Do you remember when Daddy used to do this, huh babygirl?" I asked cooing at my favorite bovine. She was getting up there in years, but I was hoping that she would be around for a while longer. I'd had enough loss in the past year to last me a lifetime. But I wasn't foolish enough to think that there wouldn't be anymore.

She nuzzled my head and I took that as a yes. Bessy was a precious creature. So sweet, tender and obviously agile, for a cow.

Charlie Swan ran a tight ship at Swan Organic Creamery, but he was still good to his animals. And Bessy, here, was one of his very favorites. He was the best damn farmer I had ever met in my life. I tried to follow his example, but some days it was hard to see that I was doing justice to his hard work.

"Do you miss him, girl?" I wondered, puffing some of my stray hair out of my face.

Again she nuzzled my head, making me nostalgic. I missed my father every day, the hardest was in the mornings when I had the animals to myself, while I waited for Emmett to jerk it, and finally make his way out to the barn. My brother needed a girlfriend or at least, some self-control, that went without saying. And I knew he had his sights set on someone already.

My dad taught me everything I knew, and he was right there while I learned how to run a farm. So, it was no realsurprise that I was the one he left it to. I mean, it was the logical decision, when his only other choices were someone who despised clothing in general, and the other who preferred physical love over...anything...well, anything other than food.

I tucked my hair back and moved down the line, sucking each specimen dry as I went.

I heard the barn door rattle and I knew without looking up that Emmett had finally made it out.

"Start at the end," I called out, not taking my eyes off of Daisy. "Are you going to be able to control yourself the rest of the morning? We have a busy day ahead of us. I don't need you expressing your self-love by the chicken coop again. You scared the hens. The eggs tasted odd. I blame you."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be fine, I swear it!" In my head I knew he was fake saluting me, and while I probably sounded like a bossy little bitch, I just knew what had to be done. We couldn't make it very far without a product to sell.

When the milking was through and my girls were feasting on their breakfast, I went around getting some of the other animals fed. Emmett and I liked to split the feeding chores. I dealt with the horses, chickens and rabbits, because he really didn't like bunnies at all. While he took care of the goats, pigs and sheep. I was tempted to make him clean the rabbit hutch for making me wait, but I didn't really have time to deal with his overgrown whining and cries.

Then I headed inside to get my breakfast. It was almost eight and I had to admit that my tummy was rumbling.

But unlike Pooh, I couldn't just grab an organic honey pot.

Instead, I reached for some of my very favorite organic coffee, ultra-pure water, and began brewing one of the finest cups o' joe there was in Vermont. I looked longingly out my window over the kitchen sink, while my coffee maker sputtered to life and began pissing out my black gold. If you had to have a vice on a farm, then coffee was the one to have. I wished those no good brothers of mine would follow suit.

The sun was now up and my cock was strutting his stuff; doing his thing to wake the neighbors, as well as the rest of the animals over our almost forty acres.

I sighed and pushed my scone into the toaster oven. I took the Swan Organic Sweet Cream Butter out of the fridge before buttering up my tasty twelve grain scone. I also added some Swan Organic Whole Milk to my perfect cup of heaven. Everything I touched was organic, because it was my fervent belief that the world was going to hell in a hand basket, due to the chemicals being pushed upon us by big business.

I sat at our humble family table that my daddy made a long time ago, while I devoured my delicious breakfast and thought about what I had to do today.

It was a must that I take Sally for a ride. She was our ornery old mare, and she preferred a wide open pasture and a stall all to herself. But because of a bad storm, and some broken fence last winter, she's been cooped up with Quentin, our chestnut Gelding. He thought he was Black Beauty with the way he pranced about and neighed at just about everything with a tail.

Sally was not pleased about that living arrangement and I could sympathize with her. I was happy to be single, because most men were just like Quentin. Trying to sow their seeds and then just leave to go and get off with the next young mare.

After taking Sally for a ride, I realized I would need to go get an inspection sticker on my car; it was that time of the year again.

I nodded proudly to myself. I just loved my little car. It was a Toyota Prius, the hybrid version, and I was so inclined to be green that I had Elmer in town fix my little baby up with the complete electric conversion. She was a one hundred percent zero emissions car, and I couldn't be happier. Not to mention that she always managed to get me from point A to B quite safely, and I appreciated that. I did miss the look of the rusty, old, red truck Pop used to drive, but that thing probably puffed out so many pollutants that it decimated Jasper's few remaining brain cells.

After washing my dishes and putting them away, I headed back outside, only to be assaulted with the familiar growl of our beastly old Ford tractor. And of course, without even looking at it, I knew who the pilot was behind the wheel.

Jasper. And after checking, to see I was right, I saw that he was stark naked, trying to herd the sheep back into their pen.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Jasper, put on some damn pants!" I screamed, trying not to gag as he gave me a small wave and a lazy smile.

Jasper yelled back, "Communing with nature, Bells, communing with nature."

Heaven help me, this was my life.