Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
NoDrogs created Kasy and Sheki, I've changed the origin and other things for the pair.
Set soon after The Blind Leading the Blind, between chapters 3 & 4 of A Simple Jewish Wedding. It's winter break in Kim's junior year of college. Bonnie and Ron are not a couple.
You Sometimes Hurt the One You Love
Shego woke up with a smile. It had been a long time since she was able to wake up with a smile. It felt good. She had just been placed on probation, which was infinitely preferable to a fifty year prison sentence. She had finished her BA and would attend mid-year graduation in a week. In three weeks law school began, and after that she would marry the woman who had made it all possible… Possible, the green woman grinned at the word and looked at the woman sleeping beside her. Kim had done it, given Shego back her life. The older woman had to do something to repay Kim for all she had done.
Putting Kim through hell was probably the best way to repay the redhead.
It wasn't going to be easy, and would require planning and cooperation, but Kim would thank her for it someday. Shego sincerely hoped someday came soon because, until then, Shego expected if Kim wasn't happy then wasn't nobody going to be happy.
Kim felt a bit groggy when she woke up three mornings later. The groggy feeling was too common these days. The stress of Shego's trial on top of standard college pressures and the trials of motherhood had disrupted her sleep for months. The redhead yawned, Shego was not in bed, probably downstairs having breakfast with the other residents of Casa Possible. If she hurried she might say hello to Justine before she left for her job. Kim stumbled downstairs to the kitchen. Before saying 'hi' to anyone she would pour a cup of her drug of choice to preempt the headache.
Everyone was in the kitchen. The twins were in their highchairs with Monique and Bonnie feeding them cereal. The college students remained in pajamas and bathrobes, but Zita and Justine were both dressed and ready for work. Ron stood at the stove, "Hey, KP, what do you want in your omelet?"
Shego swallowed a bite, "I recommend the feta, mushroom, and spinach. I can't believe you dumped this guy for me."
"Gimme a minute," Kim mumbled and put a packet of sweetener into a cup and filled it from the pot. She took a sip and frowned, something seemed wrong. She took another sip, something was definitely wrong. "This a new brand? It tastes different."
"It's decaf," Shego told her.
"Decaf? You're joking. Where's the coffee?"
"It isn't coffee. It's a placebo. It isn't even a placebo – it's colored water. Where's the coffee?"
Shego raised her cup, "That's what I'm drinking. That's what we're all drinking."
"Some of us are drinking milk," Ron corrected her.
"And two on formula," Bonnie added.
"Very funny," Kim muttered. Her headache had begun and she needed her caffeine. They might have lost their minds but she still possessed hers. She'd dump this swill down the sink and brew a pot of the real stuff. The grinder stood empty. "Where're the whole beans?"
"None in the house."
The headache slowly grew in intensity. It appeared fresh ground was out. She opened the cabinet under the pot and frowned. A can of decaf sat on the shelf. She knelt on the floor and pushed aside creamers, a French press, the Melitta filters, a stove top espresso maker, and two Vietnamese coffee makers. "Where's the coffee?" she demanded.
"Decaf is all we have in the house," Shego told her.
"Don't give me that, we always have coffee." Kim slammed the cabinet shut and opened the cabinet with the cups, maybe they'd hidden the coffee there.
"You won't find any there," Ron called.
The headache had definitely arrived at this point. Ron would never lie to her. So, if she wouldn't find the coffee there she'd find it somewhere else. Kim moved to the pantry, wondering why everyone hated her.
She found no coffee in the pantry. "Soda," Kim thought, "Coke, Mountain Dew…" She emerged from the pantry with a can of 7-Up in one hand and a root beer in the other. "What happened to the soda selection? This is a joke, right?"
"Denial," Monique said to Bonnie.
"Classic stage in the Kübler-Ross model of grief," the African-American woman answered.
"We're between semesters," Ron reminded her. "We don't have to think until classes start again."
"Tea," Kim thought. "I'll have tea." Kim pulled open the tea drawer and began to rummage around through the various boxes. "Lemon lift? Cozy Chamomile? Cherry zinger? Where's the tea?"
"That's tea," Bonnie told her.
"Uh, technically it's not," Ron explained. "See, tea is from the tea plant, and while that herbal stuff is brewed like-"
"I don't want a lecture," Kim screamed, "I need caffeine. Where in this house is there some caffeine?"
"Oh-oh," Monique said quietly to Bonnie, "anger."
"That another stagecoach to grief?"
"What comes next?"
"Now that is a very common misconception about Kübler-Ross. See, you don't necessarily get all five of her stages and they don't necessarily happen in the same order. And you can slip back and—"
"Caffeine," Kim shouted again. "My head hurts. I need caffeine!"
"You're scaring the babies," Bonnie scolded.
Kim took a deep breath, "Sorry."
"Kim, you've got a problem," Shego began.
"I know I've got a problem. I've got a headache and you people have hidden everything with caffeine."
"We're your friends," Monique said gently. "And we decided it was time for an intervention."
"Intervention?" Kim protested. "People with problems need intervention. I don't need no stinkeen intervention."
"You have a problem with caffeine," Shego told her.
"My only problem with caffeine is that I don't have any," Kim shot back angrily.
"Is that anger or denial?" Bonnie asked Monique.
"See, now that's what I meant about people thinking that the stages—"
Kim stamped her foot, "I am not addicted to caffeine!"'
Shego raised an eyebrow, "Really? You really think you aren't a caffeine junkie?"
"Of course not!"
"So, you don't need it at all?"
"I… I…" Kim stammered. If she said she didn't need it, Shego would ask why she was demanding it. If she admitted needing it, it would be an admission of the caffeine addiction. "I don't need caffeine; I just want some with breakfast. That's all."
"Try the decaf."
"That's just hot black water."
"You don't need coffee, remember," Shego reminded her.
"That's right, I don't," Kim agreed. Her headache was killing her. She'd have a glass of milk with breakfast to prove she didn't need caffeine, then go somewhere to get her fix.
"That was good," Kim told Ron as she finished breakfast. "Think I'll head to the library and get ahead in my reading for—"
"No," Bonnie told her.
"What do you mean, 'no'?"
"First," Ron told her, "your turn to load dishwasher and clean in the kitchen."
"I'll do it after I go to the—"
"No," Bonnie told her. "Cleaning comes first. Then you and Shego have the girls this morning. I have a rehearsal."
"I told you last week."
Kim turned to Monique, "Would you be able to—"
"Club Banana opens at ten."
"Felix and me are gonna spend the day with video games. Can't waste a minute of winter break."
"You don't want to spend the day with me and the twins?" Shego asked. The first day would be the worst and the others in the house had only agreed to Shego's plan if the green woman bore the brunt of it.
"Of course I do, I just…" Kim's eyes narrowed, "I thought you were supposed to give up the evil as part of your probation?"
"No jury in the world would convict me, Kim. This is for your own good."
It didn't feel like it was for her own good as Kim and Shego played with the twins. Her head hurt and she felt short-tempered and groggy.
"Okay, maybe I have a little problem," Kim admitted as Shego grilled cheese sandwiches at lunch and warmed mashed lima beans for Kasy and Sheki. "But it wasn't fair to spring cold turkey on me like that. I could have tapered off."
"Maybe," Shego agreed in a tone of voice that said she didn't believe Kim for a minute.
"I could have!" Kim insisted. "How about tomorrow? I won't complain if you let me start tomorrow. Just let me go out for coffee this afternoon. It's not like heroin or anything."
"Addiction is addiction."
"I don't mind you being Jewish, do you have to be Mormon too?"
"Sorry. It's just that I thought you loved me. If you loved me, you'd let me have coffee."
"It's because I love you that I'm doing this."
"You got a lousy way of saying you love me."
"It's not the way I prefer," Shego admitted, raising an eyebrow. "I can show you a better way tonight if you want me to help you relax."
"Not tonight, dear, I have headache… I'm going to keep having this headache for…" Kim's voice dropped to a purr, "Ummm, I think a can of Coke would improve my mood."
"You're offering sex for caffeine?"
"No! I'm saying I have a headache and in a lousy mood. I just suggested that if you helped me with my problem," Kim stepped closer and slowly and gently traced her finger around Shego's lips, "I'll help you with yours."
"Sure sounds like you're offering sex for caffeine. You sure as hell better not be making that offer to anyone but me."
Kim realized that was exactly what it sounded like, she stamped her foot in frustration and changed the argument again. "This is your fault. I got this coffee habit 'cause I was sleeping badly when I was worried about you and the trial. I needed that jolt to get me going in the morning. I got hooked 'cause of you."
"You got hooked because you were worried about me – so I'm helping you by getting you off the stuff."
"Your help is giving me a headache."
"If it makes you feel any better, Bonnie and I both have headaches too – not as bad as yours but we got 'em. She and I have sworn off until you're clean and sober."
"Sure," Kim scoffed. "I'll bet Bonnie stopped for coffee before her rehearsal."
Soon after the twins were put to bed that evening Kim yawned, "I'm going to bed early. I never woke up today."
"I'll go to bed too," Shego told her.
"You don't need to."
"I'm tired too – and besides, if I don't you'll sneak out the window and buy a twelve-pack of Diet Coke at Qwicky-Mart."
Kim couldn't disagree, since that had been her plan, but she didn't expect the handcuffs. Shego put one cuff on Kim's left wrist when she came out of the bathroom, then fastened to other cuff to her own right wrist.
Two in the morning, and Kim smiled as she picked the lock on the handcuffs. She planned a fast trip out the window, score a case at the twenty-four hour Qwicky Mart, stash the Coke, and then back in bed with cuff on her wrist. She dressed in the dark for fear of waking Shego.
Kim's scream brought the other residents of the house running.
"Who put the darn thumb tack in my shoe?" Kim almost swore as she limped around the room on her injured foot.
"The woman who loves you," Shego told her from the bed.
"You don't trust me."
"I trusted you to try something," the green woman told her. "Looks like I was right."
"Is this more of the anger thing?" Bonnie asked Monique.
"It's anger," Monique agreed. "But I think Kim has a legit reason." She looked at Shego, "Thumb tack in the shoe is cold."
"If she hadn't been trying to sneak out she'd have been fine. Hey, she was blaming me this afternoon for her being addicted. Is blaming a step?"
"Not sure what you mean by blame. It might have been projection, but that isn't a grief stage."
"So what grief stages are left?" Bonnie wanted to know.
Monique sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you, you don't necessarily get them all. But the other three are bargaining, depression, and acceptance."
"She did the bargaining thing this afternoon," Shego told them.
"No I didn't," Kim snapped.
"Oh, that sounds juicy," Bonnie laughed. "What did she offer?"
Shego glanced over at Kim, "Nothing. My mistake. Sorry, no bargaining."
"Now I really want to know," Bonnie insisted.
"Let it go, Bon," Ron suggested.
"If it makes you feel better," Kim told her, "I'm depressed 'cause all my friends hate me."
"We all love you, Kim," Monique assured her.
Bonnie and Monique took Kim shopping the next day. Not even a sale at Club Banana and Monique's employee discount could raise Kim's spirits. "What does it matter," Kim sighed. "Life is meaningless. We all die and in a hundred years no one remembers us."
"You're a real downer, Kim," Bonnie told her. "And eventually the sun burns out. But until then, what do you think of this one for me? Does it bring out the color of my eyes?"
Monique handed Kim a sweater. "Go try this one on. You'll look great in it at your funeral."
Friday night and the gang was at the house for poker. Kim still felt less than a hundred per cent and wanted a cup of coffee, but accepted she needed to kick the habit and didn't plan to sneak out. Kim suspected that Shego went all in early on a poor hand, however, in order to lose so she could watch her. It was an unusual night with both Shego and Will Du out early (Will's two pair would usually have taken the pot, but not when Drakken held three fives). Felix ended up as the night's winner.
Kim woke up with a smile on Saturday, the day for Shego's graduation. She didn't have a headache. She had caught up on all her lost sleep over the last few days and she felt great. She poked Shego. "Hey! Wake up! I don't need a cup of coffee!"
"I don't need a cup of coffee."
"You're just saying that so I'll say you can have coffee."
"I'm telling you the truth. I feel great. I woke up and didn't need coffee. It's a good feeling."
"I still think-"
Kim put a hand over Shego's mouth, "Hush. I feel good. If you can't congratulate me don't say anything. I'm having milk with breakfast this morning and you can't stop me."
Mid-year graduations are always small compared with the spring graduations, but they are just as joyous for those receiving degrees. Shego's parents were both there. Bonnie was a little disappointed that neither Wego was there. Will was a flirt but Ed seemed very nice and she wouldn't have minded going out with either – or maybe even both. Shego's mom insisted that she and George would hold the squirming toddlers during the ceremony because James and Anne got to see Kasy and Sheki more often.
Shego and Kim cleaned the kitchen that evening after the graduation party at Casa Possible. The redhead winked at her partner as they finished up, "So, want to go upstairs and celebrate graduation?"
"Sounds good… Want to go out for coffee first?"
"Why, you plan on being so lousy in bed you think I'll fall asleep on you?"
"No, I really think you're fine – and I wouldn't mind a cup myself."
"Tough. I'm clean and sober now and I'm not having a cup until Monday morning at the earliest – and going to be careful."
"If you can wait 'til Monday I can wait 'til Monday… So, after you celebrate graduation with me, can I celebrate your kicking the habit with you?"
"I suppose, if you've got any strength left after my celebration."
An hour and a half later Shego groaned, "Well, I've got no strength now."
"Yeah," Kim agreed. "But we'll both sleep well tonight."
"Whose idea was the third celebration, after celebrating graduation and kicking caffeine?"
Kim was almost asleep when she had a thought, "Hey, if you can unilaterally decide I've got a bad habit and force me to break it, does that mean I can do it to you if I think you've got a bad habit?"
Fear clutched Shego's heart. "No! This was a unique situation. Not a precedent, no way."
Kim smiled, "That sounded a whole lot like denial. I can't wait until we get to bargaining."