Hey, guys. I know, it was like I dropped off the end of the earth for a bit, but I'm back with something that started with a late-night Skype conversation and evolved into a beautiful…thing of weird and crazy humor. I don't know if I'll get out another prank soon, but I hope that you guys like this. This DOESN'T host the usual cast of characters, though.

NOTE: This takes place in the 'Phase' universe. There are OCs here, featuring Virginia (anna1795), Arizona (Agent Triangle), Indiana (FlygonNick), and Nevada (TunelessLyric). We hope that you guys enjoy our characters' shenanigans well. Also, this is NOT canon with the 'Phase' series. It's just a one-shot. You've been warned.

"Counselor, what are your most recent findings with the sociability of the Freelancers on board?" The Director drawled out in his Southern twang, tapping his fingers together behind his desk. "Interactions and…similar occurrences."

"Director, the agents seem to be getting along very well," the Counselor monotoned, drawing up the statistics on his ever-present notepad. "However, there are an unusual number of pairings on board the ship." He handed over his datapad to the Director, who skimmed over the results. The Director stood up suddenly and looked out the porthole of the ship.

"These Freelancers and their…shippings and their happy fun times…something needs to be done." A certain tan-armored lock-pick entered the Director's mind as a poisonous miasma, and he glinted evilly through his bright glasses as a solution came to mind.

"Call in all the male Freelancer armor models for maintenance, and I want the head of Engineering here five minutes ago."


Arizona's mind was a befuddled mess. He's gone to train as usual, focusing on his maneuverability and flexibility. The Director had called in all the guys' armor just a few days ago for 'routine maintenance' and he didn't want anything to catch him in the middle of the war. The most embarrassing way to die HAD to be an armor malfunction.

Speaking of embarrassment, his training had been shoddy to his self-appointed mentor, and the last thing that he had wanted to do in any training circumstance was disappoint the dark-haired, blue-highlighted, archery-skilled huntress that had graciously taken him under her gorgeous tan wing…Heaven forbid that the other dark-haired hacker that haunted his dreams would've been watching-

"Hey, Arizona, how's it go- why are you on the floor?"

Nevada was slightly confused. One moment, she'd been walking down the corridor and had just wanted to say hi to the taller male agent, which was business as usual. However, what was MOST unusual was that as soon as he saw her, he had gone stiff as a board and just toppled over. She rushed over to him and inspected the slightly curled body on the floor. She checked for a pulse at his neck, and found one. Slightly quicker than usual, and he felt a little warm through the undersuit, but he had a pulse, so that was a start.

"Ooh, what am I gonna do?" Nev quietly fretted as she started looking up and down Arizona's armored body. "How could he have just gone into armor lock like that?"

Nev, please stop bending over me like that, Arizona wanted to say quietly, but the armor lock prevented any words from coming out. Seriously, the way they designed this armor is very enhancing of certain details, and that makes it EXTREMELY uncomfort-

"Nev, what's going on?" A concerned yet calm voice asked, walking up quietly. Agent Virginia had just come from the gym where she'd been practicing her archery with clay targets. She hadn't changed out of her gym clothes, though, and the slim-cut t-shirt rode up her torso, exposing a well-toned body.

Oh, god damnit, Arizona lamented quietly. Why me?!

"I don't know, Virgie!" Nev exclaimed shakily. "One moment, I was saying hi; the next, he's on the ground like this! I think something went wrong with his armor lock."

"Hey guys, what's going on?" A chipper voice asked. Agent Indiana sidled up to the two women bending over Arizona's stiff body. "Geez, what happened to him? He doesn't look so good."

Just let them leave, just let them leave, Arizona quietly prayed.

"Let me call the medical technicians and see if we can get them down here to look at him," Virginia suggested, walking over to a comm. Panel on the wall.

Yes, let them get here and you girls can leave! Arizona thought desperately as Virginia made the call. So, of COURSE his luck was continuing to run on empty.

"Bad news," Virginia said while coming back. "They're a little preoccupied at the moment. Apparently, York's armor keeps seizing up whenever Carolina walks in a room. We need to get him up there ourselves."

Just leave me here to DIE! PLEASE!

"The three of us can carry him," Virginia continued, "but one of us needs to grab him by his head, one at his lower abdomen, and one at his feet."

"I call the middle!" Nev exclaimed, preparing to lift by bending down and wrapping her arms around Arizona's waist. If Arizona could've made a sound, he didn't think he could've come up with more than a whimper. His pulse continued to pound throughout his body. Virginia grabbed his head gently, while Indiana grabbed his shins.

"Remember your center of gravity, too," Virginia reminded them. "And lift with your knees. One…two…three!"

Arizona's physical torment lasted long after he'd been released from the three womens' chests and lay on a hospital bed for several hours while he waited for his armor to unlock. Apparently, both he and York had the same idea when they went after the Director for installing armor-lock whenever the guys got a boner.

We hope that you guys enjoy. Feel free to comment. I like to hear from you guys.