A/N okay I know it's short but it's a sort of stream of consciousness thing, set just after Randy, Tim and Jill got the phone call from the doctor in "The Longest Day"  

Disclaimer – I don't, obviously, own so don't sue I'm currently paying vets bills for my cat, not of course that I wouldn't like to own Randy Taylor but that's a different story.

Thanks to movie-mania who heard this one first.

Hope you like!


Relief coursed through me like it was suddenly a part of my blood.

I wasn't dying

I didn't have cancer.

I was relatively healthy.


I never thought it was possible to be this happy over a negative result, then I saw mom, she's practically crying and dads elated. Hyperthyroidism is the one they hadn't been hoping for, but still they weren't losing their middle son to cancer.

  It's still sinking in I spent most of today worrying I cut class daydreamed in the classes I did attend; I don't even remember what those classes were maybe math and English lit. Man I'm shaking. Still. Mom smiled lightly at me,

 "Randy honey you okay?"

 "Yeah mom I'm great." I reassured her, smiling, the dimples will win her over, they always did before.

 Dad fixed his eyes on me. Damn. He always knows, no matter how hard I try to hide it.

 "Hun, how bout you go start dinner, we'll be up soon." Dad says to mom, she meets his eyes, and something's said between them, silent but perfectly understandable, to them.

 "Okay." She says to dad communicating right back, she turns to me. "Love you sweetie." Lightly kissing me on the cheek her hand lingers on my hair before turning away and heading upstairs. I watch her go avoiding my dad's compassionate eyes.

 "Randy?" he asks gently. Just one word.

 I turn reluctantly meeting his eyes, seeing what I knew I would all along, worry, love, and a lingering fear. And my tears escape.


His eyes are guarded. Scared and so tired. I pull him to me as the tears fall from his blue eyes. He may be fourteen, but he's still my little boy he always will be, when he's graduating Harvard I'll look at him accepting that diploma and he'll be my little boy, wide blue eyes looking up at me, enthralled with everything I say purely because I'm his dad, when he has kids, I'll look at him, a wide proud smile on his lips and I'll see the five year old I taught to ride a bike, the same pride when he got the trainer wheels taken off as he holds his own son or daughter.

 I'd never been so scared before when Jill managed to drop the bombshell my little boy might have cancer.

 Petrified doesn't cover it. I've been in life or death situations before but that's me not Randy. It should never be any of my kids, Brad, Mark or Randy. And it's my job to make sure of that, but when you're faced with the prospect of cancer, your rendered powerless, you can't help you've got to sit back and let them slip through your fingers.

 The relief has made me all shaky, Randy too I can feel him trembling.

 I hold him tighter and lightly kiss the top of his head.

"What's up kid?" I ask quietly

 He laughs shakily, "I don't know, I'm fine aren't I? But I still feel like I'm not here like I'm watching from somewhere else, and I know I should be happy but I just can't manage it." He pulls away slightly and looks up at me, I'm the dad I'm supposed to know. I'm lost. Crisis averted but still there's that feeling of a brush with tragedy, it could happen it could happen to Randy or Brad or Mark or Jill or Heidi or Al or Wilson. And what could I do about it? Nothing.

Nothing at all.

He smiles.


He's lost too, like me. I'm not sick but what if I had have been? He doesn't know how to answer that. I'll admit I am a little unsettled he's my dad, he's supposed to have all the answers, but nobody has the answer to this.

 "What do you do when someone you love gets sick or hurt?"

 There isn't an answer

He chucks me softly under the chin, " I know kiddo your just in shock you had your first brush with death."

I smile just a little tug at my lips but it's a start, " But you've got used to brushes with death huh dad?" I ask smiling.

 "Only my own kid, not yours and I don't ever want to be that scared again I might have a heart attack." He laughs shakily hugging me once more, "I'm not losing you yet, we're good right?" He whispers into my hair.

 And I start to believe it.

 You like? You hate? Please review.

Asta! Kait